Putting the CON in Confidence… Part I

When Amy and I are asked to name the one quality that women find most attractive in a man, the answer is easy: CONFIDENCE. We hear it every day, and while it’s true that some guys can seem a little bit too confident, confidence is a lot like money; it’s hard to tell when you have too much of it, but it’s very, very obvious when you don’t have enough.

Confidence is absolutely essential for converting a first date into something more, and eventually ending up in a relationship; after all, if you don’t believe that a particular woman should be interested in dating you, then why should she be? And how are you ever going to convince her that you’re the right guy if you can’t even convince yourself? Given that we aren’t all 6’5” with a cleft chin, a full head of hair, and huge biceps, it can be easy to doubt yourself or be anxious on a first date. Thankfully, a little bit of confidence is something a guy can fake pretty easily (Do you hear that, ladies? You aren’t the only ones who can fake things.). And for a guy who’s low on self-esteem, even faking just a little bit of confidence can go a long way.

1. Before you pick up the phone, have a plan.

Under no circumstances should you ever call a woman for a first date and say “What would you like to do?” As a man who has spent most of his life dealing with “complicated” women, I can tell you that this is a huge mistake. To get the upper hand (and earn some respect at the very beginning of your relationship) only present her with a series of Yes or No questions. And do them in order of Day, Time, Place, and Transportation. For example:

“Are you Free on Saturday?” No? “How about Sunday?” No? “Can you be free for dinner on Friday?” Once you get a yes, IMMEDIATELY move on to times. “Does 6:30 work for you?” No? “How is 7:30?” No? “Great, I’ll make a reservation for 8pm.” Then move on to “Do you like Indian?” or “I was thinking of this Burmese place” or “I thought we could go to a bistro I like in Saratoga.” Be sure to have three or four different options picked out in advance, and once you get a Yes, MOVE ON. “May I pick you up?” No? “I’ll see you there. I’m looking forward to it. Feel free to text me if anything changes.” And then HANG UP THE PHONE.

Do not ask “What times works for you?” DO NOT do that. If you do, she will likely spend several minutes telling you why all of the other times do not work. You will feel beaten by this. You will be tired. We do not want that. And do not ask “What kind of food do you like?” Do not do that. Because most women will tell you what they don’t like instead of what they do. Even if she started with something like “I love Thai” you will end up hearing a story about food poisoning or a bad date or a cockroach that she encountered at a Vietnamese place with bad lighting on the outskirts of Boston that she mistakenly frequented during her first year of grad school. Ten years ago. And you will forget where you are in the entire date planning process. See? You probably forgot where we were in this lesson, and I only distracted you from the path for just one sentence.

It is really key that you do not open any windows into her past in this initial phone call. Remember that this woman is interested in dating a gentleman – and you might be that gentleman – so take a firm hold of the conversation, and make sure that you only open the door that leads to her future.

If you’re new to the area (or new to dating) or really want to make a great impression, Amy and I will happily give you recommendations if you ask. And we can certainly make you aware of any dietary restrictions or allergies you should consider. Make a checklist if you need to, but go into the call with clear goals and objectives, namely a day and time that work for you, a place you want to eat, and clarity on how she’ll get there. You’ll be off to a good start. And believe it or not, she’ll be glad you took the lead.

Next time, more tips on how to fake it… for when you’re actually on the date.

THE Summer VIP Search…

On July 24th and 25th, Linx will be hosting a very special 2-day screening event at a luxury hotel in San Francisco for one of our favorite bachelors. We will be holding private, in-person interviews with interested candidates, where they can ask the Linx team questions about our Silicon Valley based “international man of mystery”, and we can get to know these lovely ladies in the comfort and seclusion of a luxe suite. If you or someone you know might be the girl of his dreams, please contact us immediately. We have a limited number of interview slots available, and we expect to fill them quickly!

Our 40-year-old bachelor is a successful tech entrepreneur who founded a high profile, venture-backed technology company, and truly enjoys his current role as the CEO. When not working he has an active social life, starts every day with a long run, and looks forward to finding a loving and exceptional woman whom he can truly call “his better half.” Our handsome single guy is 6’0″, with a lean athletic body, medium brown hair, warm hazel eyes, and a broad smile. He is well educated, very family-oriented, extremely ambitious, and worldly. A life with him will be full of laughter, adventure, and surprises.

His ideal match is tall, slender, well educated, and between the ages of 24 and 32. He is most attracted to Caucasian, mixed, and Asian women. He tends to be drawn to light hair and eyes, but is more moved by a woman’s natural beauty than he is by any skin, eye, or hair color. A generous, warm-hearted, and social personality is a great complement to his ambitious and driven nature. He appreciates women with strong family ties, a natural grace, and a healthy sense of work/life balance. It is important that any woman he meets has the time, energy, and desire to invest in a deep and committed relationship that could pay lifelong dividends.

If you or someone you know could be the right fit for this dreamy bachelor, please contact Amy immediately at amy@linxdating.com. There are absolutely No FEES associated with this opportunity! What are you waiting for? Contact us to find out more about this amazing man today!

Summer Solstice Party | June 21st

Want to meet and mingle in the heart of Silicon Valley? Quattro at the Four Seasons Palo Alto is having a Summer Solstice Party not to be missed on June 21st from 8:33pm (sunset) to 10:30pm.

The Four Seasons has created a special promo for readers of the Linx blog. Mention “Linx” when making your reservation and receive $10 off your entrance fee. For details check out this link.

To RSVP call (650) 566-1200

A Note to The Guys (from the new guy at the office)

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

For those of you who don’t know, there has actually been a guy hanging out at the Linx offices for the past few months (and that guy happens to be me). For most of the members I’ve met, I seem to be a very welcome addition; as a gay man, I know how men think, and I know what women find attractive. And as a Stanford graduate(twice over, with engineering degrees, no less) who has heteronormative values, I know how difficult it is to be a single person with high standards who is hoping to find someone passionate, compassionate, and compatible who is willing to put in the work required to nurture the kind of relationship that leads to lasting love.

Unlike a lot of gay men I know, I also grew up with (and still have) very close straight male friends, so I really do understand what straight guys find sexy. And that’s why I have to tell you that Amy and I spent last Wednesday interviewing six incredibly different women (ages 24-50), who all really had their act together, and were all – consistently but uniquely – very hot.

In no particular order, we had:

-A petite 50-year-old brunette with a voice for radio but a face for film. A Bay area native, she now spends her time helping people focus their energies on positive outcomes, improved health, and personal growth, and she’s looking to focus her own energy on building a future with one great guy. If you like beautiful women with tight bodies, sultry voices, very little baggage, and a great sense of style, you might want to ask Amy for an introduction.

-A tall 24-year-old blonde with great legs and a surprising maturity. Some people really do have old souls, but hers was certainly still young at heart. She’s not looking to settle, but she would like to settle down, and if you think sweet, 5’9”, fit and easy-going is out of your league, then you should have seen the way that her face lit up when we asked how she’d feel about dating a thirty-something geek.

-An extremely polished 39-year-old mother of three with a gorgeous foreign accent and dangerous curves. Professionally, she is at the top of her game, but she still needs someone to help her celebrate life’s victories. For her, being sexy is about being emotionally aware and present; she doesn’t need your money, but she might like a piece of your heart. In case you’re wondering, this standout blonde has no height requirement, and thinks true love is colorblind.

-A smart and sensual 35-year-old chef and author with an Ivy League education who is deeply curious about the motivations of people, the roots of cultures, and the ties that bind us all together. She had long brown hair, a natural femininity that was complemented by a love of the outdoors, and some considerable… assets. She needs a smart and sensual man with a playful sense of humor who will happily eat her food; granola has never looked so delicious.

-A 27-year-old blonde with Colorado roots but a touch of Southern charm who is as mature as she is feminine. California seems to suit her well, and the ideal suitor for this avid tennis player and occasional marathoner with the face of a one-time supermodel is tall, dark, and handsome, with a good heart, great character, and conservative values that mirror her own. If you don’t already go to church, she’ll gladly take you; she’d be a very good reason to give thanks.

-A stunning 31-year-old scientist with green eyes, a smattering of freckles, and light brown hair whose recent move to the Bay area must have left a void of hotness in at least one part of LA. Tall, shapely, smart, and grounded, this woman was genuinely down to earth, and she’s an exceptional catch for any masculine but emotionally open guy who can appreciate the texture of her blue collar roots and ivory tower education. Secure and confident, she doesn’t need a man to be happy, but we suspect that the one with whom she falls in love will be one very happy (and lucky) guy.

Don’t forget that there are truly thousands of women in the Linx database, so don’t fret if you didn’t find yourself drooling over one of these. In fact, these were just the women that we met in ONE DAY and the office. In just ONE day.

Amy and I conduct interviews all the time, and we are flattered, amazed, and excited by the quality of the people we regularly see at Linx. As the days get longer and the weather continues to heat up, we expect to see more and more exceptional men and women come through the door. For those of you who read the blog but have never actually walked through the door, I have one simple question for you: If we know hundreds of women like these at Linx, what, exactly, have you been waiting for?

We encourage you to reach out to Amy today to learn more about how Linx can match you to the girl of your dreams. These women want to meet you! Most all of these women we interviewed (per the description above) are NOT ONLINE as they are private and place their trust in Linx Dating to match them to good, genuine guys. We are your conduit to a new pool of carefully vetted single women in the Bay Area and beyond. Why wait? Email amy@linxdating.com

Searching for a Princess for our VIP| Are You His Match?

The question on the mind of most guys and gals as they embark on a first (blind) date is some form of “What’s he/she really like?” It’s certainly on my mind as I go to meet a woman for the first time, knowing only a few facts about her. So what am I really like?

I could tell you that I’m a pilot, a photographer and a lawyer, but that doesn’t tell you much about what I’m like. I could be a terrible pilot, an even worse photographer and a mean or incompetent lawyer. I could give you my basic demographics – 6ft, 195lbs, early 50’s, Caucasian male, no police record, born and raised a Texan. Fills in a couple blanks, I realize, but doesn’t say much about my personality. I could also provide you the usual laundry list of fun and fabulous activities in which I, like most other guys, regularly engage in the hopes of attracting attention — such as bungee jumping from a crop-duster, lion taming with a swizzle stick, or karaoke at Carnegie Hall. But as impressive as those activities are, they don’t convey much about my personality or my ability to be a good first date (let alone a good second or third date).

Perhaps if I told you what kind of princess charming I am searching for, that would tell you something about what I’m like. So, I could list all the fine and fantastic qualities I hope my princess charming will have – she is smart, sassy, self-assured, sensitive, single, sporty, spontaneous, sure-footed, sensible, and somewhere early 30’s to early 40’s. But really, what would that say about me? Nothing much except that I have laughably high expectations and a fondness for alliteration. And in any event, making such a list sounds a lot like writing out a shopping list and I don’t like shopping lists, even when I’m headed to Safeway or Costco. I guess that’s why I always forget at least one thing and have to make a second trip. But I drive a non-Prius electric car (I keep a spare just in case), so making multiple trips to the store doesn’t really contribute to global warming, except the utility company may have to pollute the environment to make the electricity for my car, so I guess I’m partly to blame for that, but I usually remember 3 or 4 new things to get on the second trip so it’s not really a wasted trip, and there’s always a need to go to Petco because my dogs consume so much food, but alas I digress. Now back to the subject at hand.

So instead of all that, let me offer for the next woman who happens to be thinking about meeting me on a first date some accurate information that might be useful to her in answering the aforementioned question. I will list a few principles which I use as a general guide on how I approach people and life, something similar to “Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy”, only not as demented.

Perhaps this may provide some help in answering the “What’s he really like?” or “Is this the kind of guy I want to be stuck with over a two hour dinner?” question. Perhaps we already have some common ground. So here it is . . . .

1) Find the humor in any situation or person, no matter how grim or dull

2) Take your work, but not yourself, seriously

3) Be grateful for what you have, and thankful for what you do not

4) Treat everyone with sincerity and respect, but don’t take you-know-what from anybody

5) Be curious about all things, large medium and small and never stop learning something new

6) Everyone is trying to stay “one step ahead” – better to be three or four instead

7) Find compromise and pick your battles wisely, or you’ll end up fighting all your life

8) Avoid the extremes in all things, too much of anything is not a good thing (there are one or two exceptions we can discuss)

9) You learn about people by listening to them, you don’t learn when you’re talking

10) If you want the finer things in life, then work hard so you can afford them, but leave yourself plenty of time to enjoy them

And above all,

Make time to search out the great places in this Great Big World, places such as (these are photographs taken from our VIP)…The Grand Canyon at sunset, a changing symphony of light and shadows and color

Haleakala at sunrise, from the Pacific’s Mt. Olympus, above the clouds and the entire world

Monument Valley shrouded in clouds, appearing as it did millions of years ago

A hot air balloon festival, an endless colorful parade taking flight in the crisp morning air to the cheers of thousands

Cloud surfing on an ethereal blanket that scarcely conceals the earth below

Sunrise on the Dardanelles, floating between two continents, each rich with its own history and culture

If you have read this and you are wondering if you might qualify as a match for our VIP, email me: amy@linxdating.com. I have personally spent considerable time with our client and can attest to the fact that he is a genuinely warm, funny, quick witted, man who is truly a gentleman through and through. He’s masculine, chivalrous, successful, upbeat, and has made a nice home for himself in the Bay Area. The missing piece is the right match. Are you that girl? Email me if we’ve sparked your curiosity!

Meet the Love of Your Life in 2014

As a “curator” of Silicon Valley’s and San Francisco’s most desirable eligibles, clients often ask me what they should do, in conjunction with Linx, to meet people. First of all, I love this question because it shows me that a new client, for example, is being super proactive about putting (him)herself out there.

In running Linx for over a decade now, my philosophy has always remained simple and to the point. In order to find the love of your life, you must pursue multiple channels simultaneously to maximize the likelihood of meeting a pool of like-minded potential matches from whom you might then find “the one”. I am astounded by close-minded matchmakers around town who claim that they are the “only” good resource to meet people or that their clients don’t need to work hard in order to meet the love of their life. This is completely bogus.

Creating your own luck is an art. My mantra is that everyone is a work in progress and many times this means working on oneself through coaching, strict fitness regimens, etc. and it also means putting yourself out there intelligently. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

The intelligent client of Linx knows that in order to substantially increase his or her odds of locating that so called “needle in a haystack match” you must utilize numerous approaches and that goes far beyond working with one, two, or sometimes even three various matchmakers.

So it is 2014… a great way to feel connected is through a common hobby or interest – this has always been one dimension of the Linx methodology. Many clients love to learn and to push themselves intellectually and/or physically and are always taking some sort of class outside of the scope of work. It could be anything – one client recently took a mixology class in the Mission district in San Francisco with other aspiring mixologists who mingle, shake, stir, and sip their new creations. Taking a class like this can be a fantastic way to meet dynamic types and what an easy way to “break the ice” – over homemade cocktails.

A hot spot for a girl looking to meet a potentially active and athletic Silicon Valley guy could be rock climbing gyms. This is how a lot of men burn stress and do something that improves their state mentally and physically as a serious challenge. In fact, if I were a single girl on the market, I would get my tuchus into a boxing or rock climbing gym hasta pronto! I’d make sure to wear nice workout clothing, be groomed, and have a great “can do” fun attitude.

I’m a big believer in disrupting your current lifestyle if you are not seeing the results you desire in your personal life. Get out there. Start a co-ed book club if you enjoy reading and want to increase your odds of chatting with the person next to you that happens to be eligible and a life-long learner. A match could be made! There should be ZERO excuses to meet people. There are thousands, frankly hundreds of thousands of eligible men and women in the Bay Area. Everywhere you look can be a potential opportunity.

I know you can make 2014 the best year of your life for finding your match. You can start by emailing me today amy@linxdating.com and learning more about Linx and allowing our niche dating and social network to help you in more ways than one. Not only do we represent countless extremely high caliber men and women of all ages (20’s to late 60’s typically) but we go far beyond our core competency of pure matchmaking. We offer tons of preparation techniques for our clients (wardrobe consultation, fitness training, revolutionary techniques with private date coaching), on top of a long list of luxe concierge services, to complement your journey with Linx. We are the only firm out there that is ultra-personalized.

I can proudly share that I have personally interviewed EVERY client of mine in 10 years (with exception of one due to being ill) and spend considerable time getting to know everyone. Linx clients know they can call me at most hours of the day (or night) on my personal mobile and with the click of a button I am always here for them over email. Catch-up coffees, breakfasts, or dinners are par for the course with our clients as these are such ultra personal relationships that go far beyond that of matchmaker and client. Many of my clients have truly become my friends and, for that, I am extremely thankful. So what are you waiting for?

New Year Q & A with CEO of Linx Dating

New Years is right around the corner. Make 2014 YOUR Year to find the love of your life. I spend a lot of my days talking with prospects about Linx and answering questions about the business. Since there are so many inquiries coming in with 2014 on the horizon, I thought it would be helpful to post a basic Q & A about the Linx network.

Q: It sounds like you work mostly with men who need help dating, true? Can you generalize about your clientele and what they are looking for—long-term relationship, or something more casual?

A: Linx is an offline dating and social network created for the commitment-minded… professionals looking for a hookup or a quick fix are not our target and we have an extensive screening process for all candidates that weeds out those who are not “in it for the long haul.”

Though we do a lot of date coaching work with some of our clients to help them be successful in the early stages of dating (getting past date one, to date two, three, and so on), we are doing this to nurture budding relationships that, projecting ahead, could be perfect matches and ultimately marriage.

Of course, not all Linx clients are on exactly the same timeline, but all of them are seeking, and comfortable with, commitment.

Linx is one of the few matchmaking networks that represents BOTH men and women as clients and, depending on the type of membership, either or both will pay fees.

For example, we represent many females who are struggling as they try to locate a match for marriage. This typical female client is healthy inside and out, feminine, very well-educated (often Ivy League caliber), over-achieving, and has an impressive career. The dating background on such a candidate is usually binary – either (1) she has dated too many eligible, yet emotionally unavailable men, who cannot commit to her and has been repeatedly burned, so now it’s GAME ON, like RIGHT NOW; or (2) on the other extreme, she has not dated that much at all, is not really sure where to turn as she refuses to do online dating (or is highly skeptical of it), has zero interest in dating colleagues from work, and has severe time constraints. We work with all ages of women and represent many women who have been married before and have children (often children in their teens and even out of the house).

And, just like the women, my male clients also have it all going on! When people think Silicon Valley, they think all the men are like young Bill Gates clones running around with “coke bottle glasses” and pocket protectors….sort of like out of Revenge of the Nerds. My clients are anything but socially inept. Like any other guys out there, they have dated in varying degrees.

My typical male client has a graduate degree, a great job, exudes confidence, and now it’s all about finding the right woman. It’s like a light goes off in his head and there is no stopping him. This type of guy settles down and game playing is simply not in his DNA. Even if I gave him a guide to be a player like the schools for PUA (pick up artist), he wouldn’t know how to do it. Many of our male clients are very presentable, polished, and are perfectly social. We represent a lot of male clients at companies such as: GOOG, CSCO, FB, ORCL, Palantir, Box, AAPL, LNKD, eBAY (including lots of hot smaller VC backed start-ups) in the tech space and countless VCs on Sand Hill Road and savvy angel investors who remain pretty off the grid and are pretty private sorts of guys.

One common thread I see, from both my male and female clients, is that they have extraordinarily high standards in what they seek, and they absolutely should, when they come to a service such as Linx. No one is telling them to “settle.” But there is a difference between being discriminating and being picky – the latter connotes an attitude of being unproductively critical and not ever quite being satisfied.

More often than not, when clients first approach me, it is a “needle in a haystack” match that they want in terms of endless objective characteristics. I really work hard to determine what is MOST important to them and to go after those characteristics. For example, what if a woman says she won’t date a guy shorter than 6 feet tall and I manage to locate a man with every other important quality she wants and he is 5’ 10”? She is likely eliminating a huge portion of the population by not being flexible with that…

Not surprisingly, in Silicon Valley, my highly educated and analytical clientele often apply the same methodology to their dating that made them successful in their careers, and that does not always work because here we are dealing with matters of the heart.

Q: A lot of employers like Google strive to give their employees everything they need—food, entertainment, even massages—mostly so they’ll be happy working all the time and never leave. Does that make it more difficult for some to go out with a stranger and work for something—a kiss (or more) and maybe a second date? Since people work all the time, office romances are not unheard of. This happens in other businesses too, obviously, from Washington to Wall Street, but are there particular dangers, or advantages to the office romance here in Silicon Valley?

A: Well, with the kinds of perks that Google or Facebook or Palantir, for example, offer to employees, it is easy to see why an employee, on the margin, might stay at work rather than venture out. Google really started this trend a decade ago as the first startup company that tried to preserve a startup culture – like a fun, innovation playground – as the company grew, and that has become more of an expectation now amongst typical young talent qualified to work at these companies.

If you think about it, the culture at these companies for 20 and even early 30-somethings is not unalike the dorm experience at a top university – project teams bond over what they do all day… it’s more about living to work than it is about working to live, and so you do everything together. The movie “The Internship” might have been fiction and was probably a bit exaggerated but it was pretty much on target. With that in mind, it is not surprising that this culture (like college dorms) would lead to inter-office dating. When you have lots of smart, eligible people around that can empathize on each other’s current life mission, it is very attractive, casual, and convenient. At Facebook, for example, it is known to be very common.

All of that said, most companies, of course, frown upon their employees dating one another. And many of my women clients (and some men, too) tell me that they do not want to do this primarily because it could jeopardize how hard they have worked to get to where they have gotten at such young ages and thus harm their reputations – it often is not worth it. Others have even said “you have one shot” if you do this and it had better be “the one.” This statement is very akin to the clients we have at Stanford University GSB. Otherwise, you could get a reputation that sticks with you.

Reputation is everything and only you can control this. Once you start dipping the pen in the ink at work, the problem can be that people talk, gossip, and the spotlight can be on the person you’re dating and not what you are really meant to be focused on – which is work. So it can be a calculated risk.

Announcing New Search | 27-Year Old Attractive Female in Palo Alto

Our client is a beautiful, funny, and sweet 27 year old who is Caucasian, 5’9″, athletic and feminine. She is a true California girl with bright blond hair, blue eyes, a fair, clear complexion, long legs, and is busty.

She is stylish, very feminine, and active- sharing with us that 2014 is her year to get serious with her yoga practice. She enjoys walks, the occasion hike, spin class, and cardio to keep active and healthy.

Our client moved from San Francisco to Palo Alto to be near her work in high-tech investments. She works for a top-tier firm in the Silicon Valley and finds great fulfillment in her work. She is well educated, hard working, responsible, and very smart.

Although she is only 27 years old, she is ready to get serious when it comes to finding love. She’s had a couple of serious relationships although has never been married and would consider herself to be marriage minded. She’s excellent with children and would embrace the opportunity to have a family of her own one day! In fact, she is pretty traditional and would like to raise a family adhering to more traditional gender roles.

She is down-to-earth, loyal, balanced, sensitive (yet strong-willed), an independent thinker, compassionate, and loving. Her hobbies outside of the scope of work are: her close friendships, family (who are local to the Bay Area), cooking (she’s a skilled cook), volunteering, snowboarding, and travel. She has continued her education through various classes Stanford University and would love to learn calligraphy this year.

Her best suited match is hands down a guy who will make her laugh! He is between the ages of 28-40 years old. He is Caucasian or Asian American (yet tall). Height is important to make this match work. You are between the range of 5’10”-sky is the limit. Personality is key. Did we mention you are funny (maybe with a humorous yet slightly cynical view of the world)?

You are social, masculine, intelligent, family centric (ideally you have a great relationship with your family), responsible, and full of integrity. In terms of career- you’re a professional who is ambitious and well-liked by your colleagues.

If you are eligible or know anyone who might make a great match for this young client of ours, please email Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

There are NO FEES with this opportunity to potentially find the love of your life.