Our handsome Caucasian VIP bachelor stands tall at 6’4″ with a healthy musculature and athletic physique, and is based in the heart of Silicon Valley. Born and raised in the Midwest, he is marriage-minded and values hard work, healthy living, humility, and substance.
He is a natural leader, adventurer-seeker, and dynamic self-starter. After completing his graduate studies at an Ivy League, he pursued a career abroad in finance, where he quickly rose through the ranks to hold executive management positions. After working abroad for over a decade, he returned to the states for his next adventure: building a deep tech company in Silicon Valley.
As founder and CEO of a burgeoning tech company, he is now ready to settle down and pursue the adventure of a lifetime with the right woman.
Outside of his very successful career, our VIP enjoys swimming, cycling, yoga, and reading to stay physically and mentally fit. In his spare time, he likes to build and contribute to the communities in which he’s involved: swim club, his neighborhood, veteran causes, just to name a few. He also loves spending time with friends, organizing and throwing parties, and making others smile!
He has a great sense of humor and hopes to find a woman to share laughs with. His ideal match is in her 30’s and has dated to the point where she is completely ready to settle down with her dream guy. If she is living outside of the Bay Area, she’s open to relocation and putting her roots into building an incredible life with her leading man in Silicon Valley.
His match is super cute and sporty, natural in her appearance, fit, smart, a strong communicator, social, warm hearted, humble, and has a heart of gold. Although our client leads a very comfortable nice life and is excited to provide for his family one day, the antithesis of his comfort zone are flashy labels, a life of excess, hard partying, and drama. He’s never been married, no kids, and looks forward to both.
This guy is a total catch and wants to find his dream partner in 2021. Now that Covid restrictions are lifted, what are you waiting for?
If you or anyone you know might make a beautiful match for this gem of a bachelor, please contact Amy at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Absolutely no fees for qualifying female candidates.
We are thrilled to announce a new search for a Bay Area based client. Our bachelor is an intellectually curious, philanthropically inclined 39-year old with a passion for cycling and Bay Area outdoor living. He’s 6’1″, with a lean, fit musculature, full head of salt and pepper hair, piercing blue eyes, and well-groomed facial hair.
He grew up on the East Coast and came to California for grad school, and his sense of style is understated but refined, reflecting his affinity for both coasts.
As a successful technical consultant to an established client base of energy and logistics companies, he works with a small team to develop algorithms and analytics to improve operational efficiency. This candidate has an undergraduate degree in philosophy from the University of Chicago, a masters from a top tier university, and a PhD in engineering from Berkeley.
Work-life balance is tremendously important to him, and he makes plenty of time for his hobbies. He’s currently reading Kazuo Ishiguro’s recent novel Klara and the Sun, and Patrick Sharkey’s study of the moral complexities of violence and policing, An Uneasy Peace. He also enjoys movies, cooking for friends, hiking, running, swimming, and road cycling, to name a few.
With his flexible job, he’s been known to work remotely while pursuing outdoor adventures from the Caribbean or the Mediterranean, or just spending a few weeks with his family on the East Coast. This could also give him the ability to date outside the Bay Area, for the right woman.
Post-pandemic, he’s excited to get back out and enjoy cultural offerings, whether it’s at the museum of modern art, the symphony hall, or an indie music show at the Fox Theater. He actively supports charities that work in global poverty and disease, Covid relief, animal welfare, and more.
These days he’s getting involved with an Oakland charity that prevents violence by intervening in moments of crisis. He is politically moderate and is open to matches of any political persuasion that does not divide the world into good and bad people.
A few years ago our bachelor turned to meditation and therapy to reach a new level of self-awareness and elevate himself as a human being. He finds that it has helped him a ton not only knowing more about himself, but to be open to other people’s values and experience, and to communicate effectively with honesty and emotion. That’s the aspiration, anyway — he will always be a work in progress and is excited to meet someone with a self-awareness about herself and others as well.
Our client is looking for a woman in her early 30s or late 20s who is intelligent, thoughtful, athletic, and motivated by growth, learning, and enjoyment, rather than by status and material things. He’s ready to enjoy the good life with that special someone and hopes to build a strong partnership, marriage, and family one day. 🙂
If you feel you or someone you know could be a wonderful fit for this darling guy, please email Amy at: email@example.com and as always, no fees for qualifying candidates.
I met Jon Birger seven years ago, over lunch in Palo Alto.
A Fortune Magazine writer working on his first book Date-onomics, Jon wanted to talk about Bay Area dating — specifically how the region’s rather unique oversupply of educated men impacted people’s love lives.
Published in 2015, Date-onomics argued that shifting sex ratios among the college educated are behind the rise of the hookup culture and the decline in marriage rates. In nearly every other part of the country, it’s the college-educated women who are in oversupply. Nationally, one-third more women than men have graduated college since 2000.
This might not matter so much if we were more open-minded about whom we date and marry. Thing is, college grads still like to date other college grads, and this preference leads to lopsided sex ratios in the dating pool. And lopsided sex ratios give the scarcer sex the upper hand.
For Jon, San Francisco and Santa Clara County were the exceptions that proved the rule. The Bay Area is the one well-populated region of the country where educated men outnumber educated women. Yes, we’ve still got our share of playboys. But generally speaking, the Bay Area boasts some of the highest marriage rates and lowest divorce rates in the country for college-educated women.
As you can imagine, Date-onomics generated a ton of buzz when it was published. Glamour, Time, Good Morning America, The Washington Post, National Public Radio and countless other media outlets all produced stories or segments about Jon’s first book.
AMY ANDERSEN: Jon, what inspired you to write another dating book?
JON BIRGER: It had a lot to do with being on book tour with Date-onomics.
The first book was more pop science than self help. Yeah, there was a little bit of advice tucked into the final chapter, but it was only there because my editor demanded it.
My primary goal with Date-onomics was simply to explain why dating had become so hard for young, successful, college-educated women. I wanted to shed light on this strange phenomenon so many of us are familiar with — this plethora of fabulous women in their thirties and forties who cannot seem to find a decent guy.
When the first book came out, I had it in my head that women would be relieved to hear that their dating woes were not their fault. I thought the knowledge-is-power thing would be enough.
Well, you can probably guess what happened when I got out on book tour and started taking questions.
Women still wanted you to tell them how to find a husband.
I’d give speeches to mostly female audiences or go on radio shows with mostly female callers, and they wanted advice on their love lives. They wanted me to explain why other women whom they considered no more attractive or successful didn’t have the same problems they did.
I didn’t have great answers, and that’s what prompted me to write Make Your Move. Backed by the latest research on dating, Make Your Move is all about solutions and strategies for hetero, marriage-minded women who are navigating an unfair dating market. There’s a lot of fun storytelling too. I interviewed all these amazing women with romantic stories about how they found their partners by ignoring the traditional dating rules and norms that had been holding them back.
A lot of your advice in Make Your Move involves encouraging women to make the first move, right?
That’s definitely part of it.
I don’t want to give away too much, but I do believe our culture is at an inflection point. Young women are kicking ass in education, sports, business, media, politics and so much else. So why the heck would anyone tell these women that they’ve got to wait for a man to ask them out?
Do you think men are changing too?
I do. I think the whole culture is changing — which is why this new generation of singles needs a new dating bible!
If you think about it, nearly every best-selling dating guide written over the past forty years — from The Rules to Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy — has told women that in order to bag a man, they must commit to a very complicated game of playing hard to get. The message these books ask women to send to men boils down to “not interested means keep trying.”
I don’t think this was ever a helpful message, but in the post-#MeToo world, it’s really, really unhelpful.
Men have learned important lessons from #MeToo. Maybe we’re not learning as fast as we should, but we are learning. Nowadays if a woman indicates she’s not interested, most men will just take her at her word and move on.
Do men actually want women to make the first move?
Most do. A woman who makes the first move takes away a man’s fear of rejection. She makes it easier for him to be himself around her. There’s less peacocking. More conversation.
I’ll give you an example from the book. It involves a 29-year-old named Becca — someone I know pretty well because she was our Saturday-night babysitter years ago. Becca is attractive, but key thing to understand about Becca is she has a huge personality. She’s a real cut-up. My kids loved her.
Of course, some men find the extrovert thing intimidating. When I mentioned the new book to her, she started telling me the story of how she and her boyfriend first got together. They met at a party. They were talking, having a good time, but it was apparent he was too nervous to do anything about it. So Becca just blurted out, “Hey, are you going to ask for my number?”
That’s how it started for them.
I know there are women out there who will never believe this, but the whole key to understanding men is that men like women who like them. Too many women have been raised on the notion that men love the chase and that a man will become less interested in her the moment she’s too interested in him.
Perhaps that was true once upon a time, but I’ve yet to meet the man who broke up with a woman he liked simply because she was too enthusiastic about him. I’ve also yet to meet a guy who enjoyed guessing which women are playing a game and which just want to be left alone. This is why assertive women willing to make a first move have such an advantage over women who sideline themselves by waiting to be courted.
Is there such a thing as too assertive?
I don’t think the first move has to be anything dramatic.
I know that the rule-followers always conjure up images of women throwing themselves at men any time someone suggests women making the first move. But that’s not at all what I’m talking about. Think about what Becca did. She didn’t grab the guy’s butt. All she did was open the door wide enough to make him feel confident about walking through.
In the book, you urge women to take a break from online dating. Why?
Just to be clear, I’m not opposed to all online dating. There are some niche dating apps that I like a lot, and I do write about them in the book. I also recognize that in COVID times, online dating may be only dating some people are comfortable with.
Still, I think many singles would be happier if they ditched the apps and tried asking out people they actually know instead. Over the past year, the dark side of online dating has really been coming into focus. According to Pew Research, 57% of women report experiencing harassment on dating apps, and 19% say they’ve been threatened with physical violence. Overall, 55% of women believe dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.
So tell me about the “Make Your Move Offline Dating Challenge.”
It’s one chapter in the book. It’s essentially a step-by-step plan for dating in the real world instead of the digital one — for finding more meaningful connections.
The reason I created the offline dating challenge is there’s too much anxiety surrounding dating right now. Online daters don’t trust each other. The whole purpose of the offline dating challenge is to make people more comfortable about dating. Less jaded. Less fearful.
When I was in my 20s, blind dates with complete strangers were pretty rare. Nowadays, most online first dates are blind dates with complete strangers. What’s so difficult about this is you have no idea what kind of person will walk through the door. Everybody who knows your online first date knows him better than you do, so you really are flying blind.
Now compare the online first date with a stranger to going out on a first date with someone you already know and like — a co-worker or a neighbor or someone from church or maybe a friend of a friend. It’s a much different experience. It’s much easier to fall in like or in love when you share common experiences or common friends — and when you’re not worried the person across the table from you could be an axe murderer.
When I was dating up a storm from online sites in my 20’s, the biggest problem was lack of filtering. Lots of good guys but those guys were looking for only fun in the here and now. Their goal was getting laid over actually finding a compatible partner.
Hah. That’s obviously a familiar experience for lots of women, though I have seen research showing women use apps for sex as often as men do.
I think a fundamental problem with dating apps is the anonymity fosters miscommunication and mistruths — especially on that all-important question of whether the other person is looking for a hookup or a long-term relationship. It’s just easier to behave badly with strangers than with people connected to your daily life.
A woman I interviewed for the book described online dating to me as “a doubter’s game,” and this struck me as a really interesting turn of phrase. Based on past experiences, she just assumed most men on dating apps were lying to her. She’d spend first dates trying to poke holes in their stories.
Needless to say, that didn’t lead to a lot of second dates.
Well, this woman is now engaged to a man she met through a mutual friend. Before her first date with the now-fiancée, she didn’t even bother googling him. She told me she didn’t have to because she knew her friend would never set her up with a man who was unkind or untrustworthy.
“It’s more of a believer’s game,” she said about old-fashioned dating. “I was just more inclined to find the positive. It was actually the closest thing to love at first sight I’d ever experienced.”
In the book, you cite research showing that couples who meet at work, in college, through friends, in church, etc. stay together longer than those who meet on the apps. Why do you think that is?
Human beings evolved as social animals, and we bond through shared experiences. Those shared experiences — those fun stories we like to tell and re-tell — become building blocks for deeper connections. This is why couples who know each other tend to have lower breakup rates than couples who first meet online.
What’s your opinion of professional matchmaking?
I put matchmaking into the “met through friends” category.
I have no doubt that your best clients view you as confidante and friend more than as a paid advisor. The only difference between being set up by a close friend and being set up by a good matchmaker is the matchmaker has a much longer list of single men and women to choose from. (I’m always reminded of that scene from “When Harry Met Sally,” when Carrie Fisher pulls out her rolodex during lunch and tries unsuccessfully to come up with men she can set up Meg Ryan with.)
That being said, not everybody who’ll read Make Your Move can afford to spend five figures on a high-end matchmaker like Linx. Most can’t. But I still want them to know that there are other, better ways to date than swiping on Tinder.
2020 was a challenging year for everybody, but finding your dream partner can make even the darkest times seem brighter. Have you seen anything that should give people hope in 2021, at least when it comes to love and romance?
Absolutely. Maybe it’s all those “How it began … how it’s going” memes floating around social media, but I see plenty of reasons for optimism. I love all the videos of women proposing to their boyfriends, for instance. I love the then-and-now photos of couples who started out as friends — and not as Tinder matches! — and are now celebrating anniversaries.
Those are the kind of things that gives me hope.
When does Make Your Move go on sale? Where can people buy it?
FYI, I’m usually willing to meet virtually with book clubs that buy and read one of my books. For info on the book-club Q&A’s — or on anything else related to Make Your Move or Date-onomics — folks can reach out to me via my author website, jonbirger.com.
As California is approaching nearly 2 months of shelter-in-place, Linx has transitioned to the reality of quarantine with mostly reasonable ease and we have been grateful at the number of people not holding back on signing up for memberships during COVID-19.
While clients are very much wanting to meet each other in person, they know that this is not the time for that and have accepted the new normal of virtual dates – and some very creative ones at that.
Approximately 75% of our premium clients are wanting to keep their searches going and try to continue to meet people during quarantine, while the remaining 25% are waiting for this to pass and “freezing” their memberships in the meantime. Many are very open to long-distance dating, especially during this stage, and finding it such an easy way to explore chemistry without the hassle and expense of having to hop on a plane for an in-person date.
Virtual dating is proving to be a very quick way to determine if there are some sparks, all while in the convenience of your own home.
We are seeing a small handful of our clients venture outside to gardens and parks for their first and second dates. Our couples are being safe by placing a large blanket down and sitting at least 6-feet from one another and bringing their own drink and food to enjoy. While this is not the same of getting to dine at a fabulous restaurant with crisp table linens and a well-trained staff, this is our new normal – at last for the time being. Furthermore, there is something old-fashioned and quite romantic about setting up a picnic and slowing down from our days to enjoy fresh air and conversation at a distance.
I’m getting a lot of clients and members of Linx asking advice on how to be successful at their virtual dating. My general advice for virtual dates is to treat them just like any regular date. Always put your best foot forward and remember that just because you are on Zoom or FaceTime, the age old expression “first impressions are lasting ones” does play a very important role during quarantine.
Some more specific advice when planning your virtual dates… Wear a pop of color (forget wearing white) and for women, do some tasteful makeup. Guys – clean yourself up and put on a dress shirt, or frankly anything but a sloppy t-shirt and shorts. Most of us feel our best when we are freshly showered and dressed for the occasion. Imagine you are going to an upscale lounge or restaurant for a meal….you wouldn’t wear a t-shirt and flip flops so the same principles apply when dating during quarantine – especially in the early stages as you’re getting to know one another.
Once you are dressed and looking fresh and vibrant, set the stage for potential romance and create the right ambiance. I have one client who keeps doing his virtual dates at his office. This is a buzz kill for his dates. Why? He is not separating work from pleasure and also not taking the virtual dates seriously. You need to separate your work and work environment from your dating life. So find a location in your home that is appropriate for this – and that definitely doesn’t mean your bedroom either. Think living room, dining room, or family room/den.
Light a candle, order a “ring light” on Amazon for optimal warm, ambient lighting or if you don’t have the budget for that, read what Tom Ford suggests for looking good on Zoom. Timing is everything. Do the Zoom date when the house is quiet (if you have kids, they are snoozing or in another room doing their homework ;-)) so you’re not distracted. If you drink, pour a cocktail or glass of wine, and if you don’t drink, pour a bubbly water with some citrus fruit or fresh mint leaves to feel festive and start your virtual date! Smile and keep the energy of the virtual date upbeat, happy, and chill.
What if the first virtual date goes well and you’re wanting to get a little more creative for the next series of virtual dates? For out-of-the-box date ideas, I am sharing the following ideas with my clients including:
1) Be a chef. Open your kitchen, show him/her a favorite recipe you like to make and vice versa. Do this using your favorite tech platform.
2. Be romantic. Flex your brain muscles and read him/her poetry or a chapter from a book you’re reading, or share your screen with some of your favorite YouTube tv or movie clips or music (make sure to select “share computer audio” when you share your screen.) Use it as a launchpad for further conversation. You’re showing him/her a new dimension of what makes you incredibly unique.
3. Be an artist. Even if you’re not going to be the next da Vinci, become your own individual artist! Each buy an inexpensive paint set online, schedule the date for when your respective sets arrive at your homes, set up your Zoom and have a painting date. Use it as an opportunity to giggle at one another’s art work, once canvases are complete.
It is also interesting to me that many clients are immediately removing the superficial layer of first dates and delving very deep in the virtual dates by asking one another intense questions. One recommendation is accessing the The New York Times “36 Questions on the Way to Love” interactive quiz and quickly sizing up if there are long-term foundational values in alignment or not. It’s proving to be a powerful way to determine if there is enough in common to keep virtually dating or rather to move on. This is yet another approach to incorporate.
With the curiosity and excitement of virtual dating, you might be wondering the risks and downsides. I think one of the major drawbacks is that some people just feel plain awkward dating virtually. It feels weird for them and simply not natural. Also, many people want to see what someone looks like in the flesh, smell their perfume, see the glistening of the gloss of their lips as the sun hits them a certain way, hug them, maybe kiss at the end of the date to test that important chemistry. Clearly you can’t do this with virtual dating, so this is a significant downside.
That said, the upshot I keep telling my clients is to keep exploring the virtual connections and when restrictions are lifted, to be able to imagine how exciting it will be to finally see their love interest in person. I think the potential of how magnetic the chemistry could be at that moment could be life-changing.
COVID-19 has placed each and every one of us in a vulnerable place and sharing that vulnerability with someone else could not only forever bond that couple but catapult them into a love that can be tested through time.
With that said, though, it is important not to force the transition to meeting in person – we are all (including our government) trying to figure the right time and pace to begin re-introducing social contact, and it will probably come down to each person’s comfort and tolerance for different types of risk. Please be tolerant as we each are dealing with this in our own way and in the meantime keep staying healthy and safe.
If you are on Instagram, I do daily simple inspirational posts to which many folks have responded very positively. If you would like to follow me, please do so at “Ms.LinxDating.” Thank you so much!
First, our hearts go out to everyone who has been impacted by the CV climate. Like you, we are safely bunkered down in our homes and home offices. Although not making daily human contact in person (and gosh I miss that so much), we are extremely connected with our prospects and clients alike via brilliant technology created here in Silicon Valley.
I wanted to share with you some useful notes from a recent Goldman Sachs conference call with 1,500 companies dialed in. Given the tremendous amount of uncertainty swirling out there around the corona virus, the financial markets and our lives generally, I hope this can give at least one perspective.
THE KEY ECONOMIC TAKEAWAYS WERE:
-50% of Americans will contract the virus (150m people) as it’s very communicable. This is on a par with the common cold (Rhinovirus) of which there are about 200 strains and which the majority of Americans will get 2-4 per year.
-70% of Germany will contract it (58M people). This is the next most relevant industrial economy to be effected.
-Peak-virus is expected over the next eight weeks, declining thereafter.
-The virus appears to be concentrated in a band between 30-50 degrees north latitude, meaning that like the common cold and flu, it prefers cold weather. The coming summer in the northern hemisphere should help. This is to say that the virus is likely seasonal.
-Of those impacted 80% will be early-stage, 15% mid-stage and 5% critical-stage. Early-stage symptoms are like the common cold and mid-stage symptoms are like the flu; these are stay at home for two weeks and rest. 5% will be critical and highly weighted towards the elderly.
-Mortality rate on average of up to 2%, heavily weighted towards the elderly and immunocompromised; meaning up to 3m people (150m*.02). In the US about 3m/yr die mostly due to old age and disease, those two being highly correlated (as a percent very few from accidents). There will be significant overlap, so this does not mean 3m new deaths from the virus, it means elderly people dying sooner due to respiratory issues. This may however stress the healthcare system.
-There is a debate as to how to address the virus pre-vaccine. The US is tending towards quarantine. The UK is tending towards allowing it to spread so that the population can develop a natural immunity. Quarantine is likely to be ineffective and result in significant economic damage but will slow the rate of transmission giving the healthcare system more time to deal with the case load.
-China’s economy has been largely impacted which has affected raw materials and the global supply chain. It may take up to six months for it to recover.
-Global GDP growth rate will be the lowest in 30 years at around 2%.
-S&P 500 will see a negative growth rate of -15% to -20% for 2020 overall.
-There will be economic damage from the virus itself, but the real damage is driven mostly by market psychology. Viruses have been with us forever. Stock markets should fully recover in the 2nd half of the year.
-In the past week there has been a conflating of the impact of the virus with the developing oil price war between Saudi Arabia and Russia. While reduced energy prices are generally good for industrial economies, the US is now a large energy exporter, so there has been a negative impact on the valuation of the domestic energy sector.
-This will continue for some time as the Russians are attempting to economically squeeze the American shale producers and the Saudis are caught in the middle and do not want to further cede market share to Russia or the US.
-Technically the market generally has been looking for a reason to reset after the longest bull market in history.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
-There is really NO systemic risk. No one is even talking about that. Governments are intervening in the markets to stabilize them, and the private banking sector is very well capitalized.
-In particular, for the U.S., even though quarantines and shut downs can certainly do recessionary damage stateside, thank God we live where we do – the US Govt is extraordinarily well-equipped / well-capitalized to respond with monetary and fiscal policy to bridge us through this…
-In sum, this feels more like a 9/11 shock than it does like a 2008 parting of the earth.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR LINX AND YOU?
-I am offering prospect meet and greets, as well as new client meetings for the next few weeks via Zoom!
– Zoom is super easy to download, free, and user friendly (trust me – I am a total dinosaur with technology). We can easily discuss working together and how the Linx ladies can get started on your search to “build your dating pipeline” now.
-In my opinion, this is THE time to allow us to get started with our recruitment, exploration of prospects and clients in our database, and research on your behalf.
–I am finding that people are even more eager to want to find LOVE NOW and meet their dream partner – especially once this current “shock” is past us.
-Linx contracts are 24 months, which is standard with any membership. 24 months allows you sufficient time to slowly date each candidate, not to rush, and to see if there is long-term merit.
-Once you’re on-boarded, no matter what climate we are in, it takes time for my staff to begin to develop your pipeline of introductions. This is not about rushing the process, but rather about carefully curated matchmaking that adheres to the philosophy of quality over quantity.
-Once we start lining up candidates for you to meet, you can get the ball rolling and meet matches via tech like Zoom or FaceTime. This is what making dating a PRIORITY means.
– This is seizing the moment, not letting your fears swallow you up, and not hitting pause on finding your match.
– You’re being smart and executing a dating strategy, even during a pandemic, that will pay dividends in the future.
– I wish everyone good health and comfort during these challenging times. Remember to laugh and love. We will get through this together. Stay connected and remember love is not on lockdown!
This week has been another super busy one taking many meetings with mostly men who qualify to meet some of our female VIP clients (interestingly, all the men we met this week are from Europe!) We’ve even been doing house appointments to ensure complete discretion and privacy for some uber high profile VIP clients and prospects. In fact, last Saturday the Linx ladies arrived to a very high profile gentleman’s home in Silicon Valley to chat about matchmaking. We hear time and time again Linx Dating is the only matchmaker that well-educated, high caliber individuals would hire. Why? Due to our A+ reputation, scrupulous screening process, esteemed private network, and tireless dedication to our craft to name a few!
As the scope of our VIP client projects are vast and detailed, I’m hiring a highly skilled individual I’ve known for years to help with recruitment. She will leverage her existing networks and help source eligible individuals for us to add to our existing database and importantly, find people who could be that perfect “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs. Following the Linx process, she will screen all candidates in person and cherry pick the best, weeding out the rest.
We protect our male and female clients all day long and serve as a giant filter for them. In the era of dating apps and dating “in the wild” on your own where you simply don’t know “who” you are dealing with, one can’t place a premium on the value we bring to our trusted clients.
We are also in the midst of planning a fabulous private Spring soiree in Silicon Valley. Linx events are always well attended and in high demand. Stay tuned for more on any upcoming events….
Next week is another very busy week with lots of matchmaking, appointments, and media projects. We are so grateful to our wonderful clients, match candidates in our database, and friends who provide such on-going support and love of Linx.
My dating advice for your upcoming dates this weekend is to always remember to be genuine! The worst thing you can do on a date is misrepresent yourself. Don’t pretend to be interested in things that truly bore you. Don’t bring up topics you don’t want to discuss. Don’t be silent about your own likes and dislikes because you don’t want to be judged.
Remember that, at heart, all Linx members are looking for the same thing – real and lasting human connections. So if you find yourself sitting across from a first date and neither of you knows what to say, start with the question that most single people would like to be asked more often; smile, take a deep breath, and open with “How was your day? ❤️
HIGH-END MATCHMAKERS ARE DOING A BRISK BUSINESS PAIRING LOVELORN L.A. LADIES WITH SILICON VALLEY CEOS. Beauty and the Geeks Story for Los Angeles Magazine written by Sean Elder.
Did you hear the one about the actress who caught her boyfriend in bed with another woman? “Tom!” she cried. “What are you doing?” “Well, I got a speaking part in the new Spider-Man,” he replied, “and an American Express ad. …” Mona (not her real name) is a 45-year-old former movie actress who’d had it with fickle Hollywood types. “In my 20s I would only date guys in entertainment: actors, musicians, producers, directors. I needed the excitement. And then you have some experiences, and you get a little wiser.”
She dated businessmen and other professionals and fared no better until she started seeing a shrink who made her realize that she was dating the same kind of men and expecting different results. “The men that I was attracted to had narcissistic tendencies,” she says. “These guys were all successful and also very self-focused and pleased with themselves, perhaps a little too much.” That’s when she sought out a matchmaker.
For years any time one of her girlfriends became single, the others would say, “Head up to the San Francisco Bay Area.” “When I was younger, I probably would have never thought about dating a Silicon Valley guy,” says Mona. But according to Amy Andersen, the San Francisco-based matchmaker who worked with Mona to find the right man, the trend is bigger than her and her girlfriends. “About two and a half years ago, I started getting a ton of pings and inquiries from women living down in Los Angeles trying to find a good, like-minded man,” Andersen says.
As fate, or some algorithm, would have it, the tech world is rife with men with similar complaints. Some are modern masters of the universe. They work for companies and, in some cases, have created or developed products that changed the world and made them and many other people millions. But that does not mean that they can find the right woman Saturday night.
Take Jay, a pseudonym for a San Francisco investment mogul in his early 50s who, like most people in this story, didn’t want to be identified. Jay was married for 17 years before divorcing amicably. He missed the rise of online dating, though he made up for lost time a year after his divorce. “I was mainly immersing myself for the first time in dating sites and found it to be a very significant waste of time,” he says. “I developed empathy for my children in understanding the way these sites are set up to make you addicted to them and keep spinning faces to look for somebody.”
After spinning through a lot of faces, and going on a lot of dates, Jay decided to seek professional help. “I began interviewing a few matchmaking firms—actually I had my assistant do that—and then I got it down to a few, and I met them,” he says. After hear- ing what he was looking for in a woman, “they all told me you’re not likely to find that person in the San Francisco Bay Area.”
Andersen founded her company, Linx Dating, in part to find women for the men of Silicon Valley, who can be peculiar, to say the least. She grew up in nearby Marin County but got into a serious relationship with a “quintessential Silicon Valley geek,” to whom she is now married. “I witnessed that there was a huge surplus of eligible men and a dearth of women,” she says. The statistics back her up. According to a recent article in The Washington Post, there are 40 percent more men than women just in Palo Alto (home to SAP, Tesla, and Hewlett-Packard). Bear in 2018 women held only 20 jobs in tech.
The line you’ll hear from women about dating in Silicon Valley is: “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” Chances are that a genius coder or engineer spent his college years in his dorm room hunched over his laptop, while his less talented roommate was practicing pickup lines at parties. Those “odds” who went on to make their fortunes
didn’t do it by settling…..
Jay is wealthy enough to pay for a VIP, customized matchmaking experience. The woman he sought would be beautiful, yes, but older, preferably with kids—and into having more. “I’m looking for truly external and internal beauty,” he says. “And the external beauty factor in the Bay Area doesn’t seem to get divorced. I’ve now talked to five of these firms in depth for the last 20 months, and they all say the same thing, and no one has an explanation. There are just not many. There’s one: my ex. There are coyotes all over her.”
Jay says he has met some beautiful, intelligent, divorced women in the Bay Area. But he has complaints. “They have not taken care of themselves like these women that are in more vanity oriented cities,” he says. “Mainly skin care my friend. The sun does bad things. Yes, there are women in great shape in the Bay Area who do all this outdoor activity, but their skin shows their age.”
He says New York and L.A. have the best “supply side of women,” but the pool of eligible bachelorettes in their late 30s to 40s is greater in Los Angeles. “There are enormous numbers of women that either never got married, and now they’re 38 or had long-term relationships that didn’t work out, or they’re divorced,” he says. “And they’ve taken good care of themselves. There’s so many of them that want to get married to a monogamous partner, and the guys in L.A. are not capable of it.”
“The upside of Los Angeles is that arguably the most beautiful people in the country, if not the world, live there,” says Mona. “And then the downside of that is that it’s like a candy store for men.”
Through Andersen, Jay met a woman in Orange County who fit his bill. She owned a fitness business and had two kids in grade school—a plus for him. And if a fit, fun, smart woman of a certain age (presumably with great skin) was a novelty for Jay, you can imagine how he looked to his new girlfriend. “I feel like I’m a unicorn down there,” he says. “Like, you want to get married again? You actually are open to having children?” But after introducing her to his family and touring Europe with her on his yacht, Jay decided that his dream date still had issues she needed to sort out with her ex, and at press time they were on hiatus.
Unlike online dating, matchmakers are expensive. Andersen recruits eligible women to be part of her database and then tries to pair them with the right bachelor. Some women compensate the matchmaker if the pairing is successful, paying a bonus if they get married or engaged. But generally it’s the men who pay.
“People on the VIP level want us to exercise all options and not limit our search to an existing database,” says Andersen. “They want strategic searching, very akin to a professional headhunter looking for the perfect CEO for a tech company.”
Take Jack, a Silicon Valley pioneer in his 40s who worked for one of the biggest names in tech before moving on to help develop another brand-name technology. He also found dating apps a waste of time, though he partly blames himself for that. “I try to think of myself as a very kind person; I like to think of everyone as an amazing person that I could learn stuff from,” he says. “So I wouldn’t meet someone and go, ‘You’re not the right person for me’ and then cut it short. I’d end up spending three hours with them.”
And what wasn’t he finding in Silicon Valley? “A lot of the women were not as feminine as what I was used to in my upbringing,” he says, adding that his parents are “European.” “Even the women that are working in marketing jobs in tech companies, they’re just not as feminine as what I had acquired as a standard.” In a place where even the saleswomen don’t necessarily wear makeup, what’s a boy to do?
Enter Marie, who is in her late 30s and runs a successful entertainment company in L.A. “I never had any problems meeting men or [them] even wanting to pursue more serious relationships with me,” she says. Andersen introduced the couple over the phone more than a year ago; within a few months of meeting, Jack had bought a house in West L.A. not far from Marie. He proposed, and she accepted—but that relationship, too, has gone the way of all flesh. Jack decided he wanted to keep his options open, according to Andersen. “He can’t face the reality that relationships take work,” she says.
Mona was the itinerant partner in her relationship. She met her boyfriend through Andersen a few months ago, and they dated quite chastely. They went on eight dates before they kissed and waited three months before they slept together. He’s 60, a divorced dad, and a recognizable name in the tech world. “His experience was similar in that, when he went to Andersen, he said, ‘I’m looking for the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with,’” she says.
The early signs were good. Despite her career as an actress in the world’s vainest city, Mona had resisted the pressure to get Botox. Miraculously her new Silicon Valley boyfriend told her he found the age lines around her eyes “beautiful.” Now they are moving in together, and he even bought them a second home on the beach in Malibu so she can stay close to her L.A. network. They’re talking about a wedding, and while they may not have settled on where to have the ceremony, they want the matchmaker to marry them.
When I look back at my modest beginnings—matching friends locally who were completely exhausted and disenchanted with dating—to growing a world class matchmaking business for clients around the world, I realize I couldn’t do it all without a little help from the universe.
The law of attraction is the single most powerful law in the universe. It states that you will attract that which you give. So, for example, if you stay positive, excited, and appreciative, you will send out this positive energy and will, in return, attract the same type of energy.
We are all responsible for our own destiny and, with the Law of Attraction, we can encourage our goals and desires to manifest.
Where did the Law of Attraction come from?
Despite seeming like a new age trend, the Law of Attraction speaks to a philosophy that’s appeared in countless religious texts. You can find it in the Book of Proverbs, chapter 23, verse 7, which states “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”. Buddha also captures the sentiment when he said, “All that we are is a result of what we have thought.”
The phrase ‘Law of Attraction’ was formally coined in the late 1800’s by Helena Blavatsky in her book Isis Unveiled. Although studied by various authors in the 1900’s, the 20th Century marked a resurgence in popularity, with best selling book, The Power of Positive Thinkingand Blockbuster film, The Secret.
How do I get the Law of Attraction to work for me?
Ask for what you want. Get specific.
Get intentional about how you communicate with the universe. To do this, start envisioning what your future will look like if you get what you want. Will you be doing the same things during the day? Who will you spend time with? What will you feel when you receive what you want?
The universe wants to know what you want. How it will come to be, however, may not be the path or timeline you expected.
“I want to feel peace in my relationship–unconditionally loved by my partner.”
“I want to feel valued for my work contributions and proud of my work.”
“I want to build a home that allows me to host loved ones and feel self-expressed.”
Believe that you’ll get what you ask for, and then start moving towards the goal.
Maintaining positive energy about your goal and the certainty that you will accomplish it will propel you into action. Understand that forces beyond you are now working on your behalf. If it is love that you want, becoming more loving and generous will help you attract people who operate on this wave-length.
If “I want to feel peace in my relationship–unconditionally loved by my partner” is your intention, propel yourself into action by:
Remembering that you can choose the type of relationship you want.
Welcoming opportunities to meet people who may turn out to be just one you had in mind.
Allowing yourself to be present for your partner’s vulnerable side.
Showing your own vulnerabilities and appreciating your partner’s support.
Become the “vibrational match” for what you ask.
Maintaining positive energy is not always easy—especially after a string of bad dates. It takes practice and, many times, a new perspective. Having trouble focusing on the good, the happiness, or the wins in your life? Focus on gratitude. Several dates fell apart? The person you liked didn’t feel the same? Thank the universe for taking these people who aren’t the right fit out of your life quickly.
After a bad date, try thinking: “This experience helped me realize that I need a partner who’s less arrogant. Meeting the ones who aren’t for me will make it that much easier to see the ones who are special.”
After a break up: “Though painful, I’m grateful that I won’t have to convince someone to be with me. I now have time to meet someone who sees a future together.”
Who else believes in the Law of Attraction?
Lady Gaga: “It happened around 5 years ago but it’s sort of like a mantra. You repeat it to yourself every day. “Music is my life. Music is my life. The fame is inside of me. I’m going to make a number one record and the number one hit.” And it’s not yet, it’s a lie. You’re saying a lie over and over and over again but then one day, the lie is true.”
Eckhart Tolle: “Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world. Whatever you think people are withholding from you – praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on – give it to them.”
Will Smith: “I believe that I can create whatever I want to create. If I can put my head on it right, study it, learn the patterns, and — it’s hard to put into words, it’s real metaphysical, esoteric nonsense, but I feel very strongly that we are who we choose to be.”
Having the opportunity to share my passion has paid dividends. Following my unique path and letting the universe help me reach people on their path has been such a rewarding experience. I’ve met so many beautiful people on their search for love. Together, we’ve figured out exactly what kind of partner would be the best fit while, I, in the background, work on making quality introductions until both my client and the match are head over heels.
With over a decade of experience, I understand the romantic landscape—not just in the Bay Area, but worldwide. I’ve worked with clients from abroad and right here at home in Silicon Valley. I’ve had the privilege of attending weddings, anniversaries, and even baby showers for clients who’ve benefitted from Linx matchmaking.
I’ve manifested my best life, and, now, it’s time for me to help others manifest theirs.
With the holidays just around the corner, this can be a great time to meet someone new. Here are some ideas for getting through the holiday season in good cheer, and maybe even building some relationships (romantic or otherwise) along the way.
Host a “Misfit” Thanksgiving…
If you don’t already have plans for the holiday, ask around in your circle of friends or even post to Facebook; you’ll probably find that you’re not alone. If you’re not a great cook, you have plenty of options that could still make you a great host or hostess. Plenty of restaurants and grocers (like Draeger’s and Whole Foods) offer complete or a la carte solutions for Thanksgiving dinner. You may find that one or more of your guests is a great home chef, so give them the opportunity to bring dishes (or just encourage them to bring wine or desserts) and fill your home with new friends and holiday cheer. Speaking from personal experience, this can be a truly wonderful way to spend a holiday, and can be much more intimate and fulfilling than you might expect.
Take Yourself Out to Dinner…
If spending the day alone is inevitable, and you know you know that staying inside all day isn’t good for you, make a reservation for yourself at one of the many, many SF restaurants that will be serving dinner this Thanksgiving. Some of the restaurants promising to give you reasons to be thankful this year include Spruce, Epic Roasthouse, Campton Place, and One Market, so odds are that you’ll be experiencing plain pilgrim fare taken to an entirely new level. You might also want to stop into a great bar or lounge for an after dinner drink and some great conversation; you won’t be the only person spending the day without family, and you definitely won’t be the only person open to connecting with someone new.
Lend a Helping Hand…
For some people, volunteering on Thanksgiving is a tradition unto itself, and the Bay area is full of opportunities for helping out. At Linx, we always think that volunteering is a great way to meet someone (who doesn’t like dating a man or woman with a heart of gold?) and the single person you’d meet volunteering on Thanksgiving will be just as impressed with you as you are with her or him. Even if scoring a date isn’t the first thing on your mind that day, it’s not a bad consolation prize for being a good citizen. 😉
You could also contact your local church or food bank or even a retirement center for more ideas; lots of people would love company this holiday season, and not all of them have the option of leaving their homes.
Relax and Reflect…
There’s nothing wrong with just taking the day to yourself and doing nothing at all. You don’t have to leave the house. You don’t have to eat turkey. You certainly don’t have to eat pumpkin pie. Eat sushi like me! You could stay in, do laundry, sort piles of receipts, and downshift from everything going on in your life.
You could take the day to really think about your life, and examine all of the reasons you have to be thankful. It would be very easy to focus on being alone, and to fixate on what you consider the missing pieces in your life, but it’s so much more valuable to take an inventory of what’s right in your world.
Most of us are drawn to positive, optimistic people, and the best way to be positive is to really be aware of the gifts in your life; you probably have many. And you probably know what most of them are. Don’t be afraid to make a list, and check it twice. Christmas, after all, is just around the corner. 😉
You’ve poured your life into building your business. Long hours, lack of sleep, endless meetings have been your priority and, now, your time and dedication has paid off—your company is going public.
And, just like that, your social presence grows overnight. You’re inundated with speaking requests. You’re also inundated with a lot of romantic interest.
I’ve met several executives eager to re-prioritize their personal goals in the wake of an IPO. I’ve seen them struggle to find the right person—or even just a legitimate date—after coming into wealth and extra publicity. Ironically, for these clients, I’ve seen the dating space morph into a minefield of sorts.
How do you know if your next date is dating you for the right reasons?
How can you be sure that your private dating life stays private?
How will you know where to find the most eligible singles?
Just as you would hire a personal trainer to get fit or an accountant to organize your finances, I’ve been hired countless times to help extremely discerning clientele find their next partner.
To help my clients understand what they want in their next relationship and how to get it, I compare the process for finding the right partner to building a business.
What problem are you trying to solve?
Perhaps you’re trying to remedy loneliness or are interested in building partnership. Maybe you’d like to “feel alive” with no strings attached, or you’re finally thinking it’s time to start a family. Most successful products and businesses are created to solve a specific problem—what’s yours?
Not sure where to start?
Envision your future. In five years, what kind of life do you envision? Where are you living? What are you doing? What would your mother say about you? How would your best friend describe you? Write it down.
Set realistic expectations about the process.
What steps will you take in the short term to help meet your goals? Clients tend to be clear on their goals, but they can get a little lost on the game plan.
Some questions to ask yourself:
How much time do you plan to carve out per week to devote to your dating life?
How will you meet new people?
How will you date? Casual introductions over wine? Grand romantic gestures?
The qualities you look for may change during the dating process. Be open to the process and be prepared to adjust your ideas accordingly. Whereas it’s perfectly natural to have preferences (don’t we all?), you might find that your more urgent needs are satisfied by someone without the specific packaging.
Tip: Compromise on the packaging, never the standards.
Hire your Weaknesses.
The demands of growing an empire may have distracted you from fine tuning your dating skills. Constant travel and other obligations may have limited your interactions to people in your professional network. Instead of trying to solve every problem at once, heed the words of billionaire Spanx founder Sara Blakely and “hire your weaknesses.”
Find the person you can trust; the person who has demonstrated enough experience in the realm of long-term relationships to help you make the best decision of your life. In the wake of money, media attention, and limited time, an extra pair of eyes, ears, and vetting could pay a lifetime of dividends.
With over a decades’ worth of experience serving high-profile clientele, I’m privy to the unique demands and sensitivities involved in the search for partnership. If you’re ready to hand off the reins to Silicon Valley’s leading matchmaker, get in touch.