San Francisco Dating

Not interested in going out again with your date? How to reject with class. 👏🏻

                                            July_2010_Sand.jpg
I had a client email me this week inquiring about how to reject the idea of another date if she is genuinely not interested in a future with her match.
She asked, “How/when should I let me date know if I’m not interested? I never want to disappoint them after the date, so I don’t always say exactly what I feel. And sometimes I need some time to think it over. I feel bad when I have to text that I’m not interested because I don’t think it’s the best way. How should I go about being honest with them in the moment?”
I told her a good rule of thumb is to either call or text about mid day the next day. I would wait till after the date and both parties go home. If he texts right after the date and you know you definitely do not want another date, just wait till the next day to respond.
Saying in person at the end of the date is off-putting and painful to hear. So sudden! So soon! No time to reflect and digest. Ouch! It’s like a giant slap in the face. So instead, wait till the next day to gently let your date know you’re not interested. This is a bit more elegant and mature approach to modern dating.
If you are not comfortable calling, in the early stages of dating, a text is fine. If you have had multiple dates with someone, it is best to get together in person to explain you’re just not feeling it or a phone call is acceptable.
A good “template” to follow involves starting the conversation with compliments and praise. Random examples are:
-Thank you for finding such a cool dinner spot last night. I had never even heard of that restaurant and I am so glad you introduced me to such unusual tapas. 
-Thank you for being a gentleman and so kind. It is honestly rare that men open doors anymore and to treat me as well was a welcome surprise! 
– I loved your creative sense of style and the fact that you sewed your own dress by hand is beyond cool. Very unique- especially when everyone seems to go to find easy solutions to buy clothes with online purchases. I’ve never met anyone that knows how to sew and do it with such precision. 😉 
-I was blown-away when you mentioned you completed your Ph.D. program in 3 years on top of full-time work.  That’s truly impressive and no small feat. 
-I loved your story last night of how you decided to start volunteering on the weekends. Finding someone as compassionate and empathetic as you are is frankly rare! 
It then segues to you having taken the necessary time to digest the date and subsequently reflect. Upon your reflection, you feel the long-term chemistry isn’t fully there to warrant another date. (I like people to volley back with a question after this statement such as, and perhaps you agree with me?)
Pay another compliment to the effect of how you have no doubt that he/she will find the love of their life in due time.
This is an extremely kind and tasteful way to gently let your date down and pay it forward with compliments good modern dating behavior. It is so much nicer than ghosting or getting into a texting dialogue, thus leading the other person on- especially if you have no intension of going out again with him/her.
Standout from everyone else by handling the more difficult conversations with elegance when you’re out there dating. You will not only make your date feel better about themselves but in-turn, you will feel great about taking the high road.

 

Just in….client testimonial ❤️

“I am writing to tell you that (name omitted) and I are in a committed, exclusive relationship! She is the love of my life! I am as smitten today as I was on our first date in January. Only now I know that much more about her and have fallen in love with this spectacular woman! She is adding so much to my life!

I have met her children and am off to a good start with them. We just returned from a fabulous one-week vacation and enjoyed every minute of our time together! She has invited me to join her later this month, with her family and friends, at her treasured vacation home. And we have a long list of things to share into the future.

We have agreed that we are perfect for each other – always comfortable together, discussing everything openly (including the hard stuff) and supporting each other during these times of change.

She is such a caring person, empathetic, listens so well, is flexible and accommodating. Yet she is also strong and voices her feelings and opinions to me. She is a hard worker devoted to her family, career development and charitable interests. So fun to be around such a motivated, interesting woman!

I want to thank you again for introducing me to her. You certainly saved your best client for me! Amy, thanks again for your very caring and professional support on this journey! I am very grateful to have her in my life!” 

Recruiting HIGHLY educated 27-34 year old women!

Linx is recruiting female “rock stars” 💫ages 27-34- think highly educated, dynamic, awesome career…serious WOW factor! 🚀

We are representing a handful of marriage-minded Founder/CEO bachelors VIPs who are looking for their needle-in-a-haystack match.

Absolutely NO FEES for qualifying candidates. Please email me directly: amy@linxdating.com

Thank you so much!  

Introducing our Handsome and Magnetic Race Car Driving Silicon Valley Bachelor

 

image.pngWe are pleased to announce a new VIP search. Our client is a notably handsome and alpha 34-year old Caucasian who stands 5’11” with an athletic and muscular physique accompanied by striking blue eyes and medium length dark brown hair. He lives a healthy lifestyle in Silicon Valley and keeps fit through CrossFit, weight training, cycling, running, and hiking.

Our bachelor is never boring and enjoys an adventurous and adrenaline packed lifestyle which includes racing cars, physical endurance challenges (GORUCK), Spartan racing, and traveling.

Contrary, to the typical engineers uniform of hoodies and jeans, our client pays attention to how he looks, with a keen sense of style favoring designers like John Varvatos. He’s equally comfortable breaking out his cowboy boots and hat at a rodeo, as he is donning a dapper suit and heading to the symphony.

He’s very well-educated from two notable tier one universities and has worked as a rocket scientist for Lockheed Martin Space systems, designed electric cars for Tesla, and now works as a senior mechanical engineer developing self-driving cars for Waymo. He’s a lover of all things motorized with a deep passion for cars.

Our client grew up in an entrepreneurial family, so it’s no surprise that outside of his automotive engineering career by day, he’s the owner of a high-end enthusiast car dealership that has exploded with growth.

You will find our bachelor to be a rare combination of self-awareness, confidence, passion for life, drive to excel, and strong values. He’s articulate, genuine, warm-hearted, funny, and magnetic.

He’s extremely close to his family- parents residing in New York and his brother and sister-in-law live in Washington, DC. He’s fundamentally a pragmatist and generally follows a more moderate/right political point of view.

Although he’s only 34, he feels more than ready to find a serious relationship and one day build a family. If you’re a fan of The Bachelor- don’t worry….he’s no Arie Luyendyk Jr.- our client leads his life with integrity!

He responds very well to a confident and smart woman with an unstoppable ambition like he has yet tempered with femininity and a deep appreciation of a masculine partner.

He’s most drawn to women who are 24-34 years old, Caucasian, Mixed heritage, strong/athletic physique, and strikingly beautiful. His match has a keen sense of adventure, good values, and confident in who she is.

His match needs to appreciate cars- and fast ones at that! Our client spends so much of his down time either building them or at the track, so you must be cool with this adrenaline rich lifestyle.

If you or anyone you know might make a great match for this unbelievably dynamic bachelor, please email Amy at: amy@linxdating.com. No fees for qualifying women.

Do women find men sexier when they’re taken? Here’s what the research says

jealous girl at party.jpg

Does it feel like you’re getting more attention now that you’re in a relationship? If so, there’s a scientific explanation behind your new popularity.

When women prefer a man they know to be taken over a single counterpart, they are engaging in a phenomenon scientists call mate-choice copying. Specifically, the phenomenon describes what happens when a woman “observes a romantic or sexual interaction between a male and another female (referred to as the model female) and preferentially chooses that male as a mate” (Pruett-Jones, 1992). In other words, the woman on your arm or the the wedding band on your finger are letting other women know that you’ve been pre-screened.

Finding a compatible partner isn’t easy—and the equation becomes even more stressful with a biological clock ticking in the background. To help filter worthy candidates, women look for clues. They evaluate men for the usual trademarks of great genes: height (Sheppard & Strathman, 1989), facial hair (Waynforth, Delwadia, & Camm, 2005), and facial symmetry (Little, Jones, & DeBruine, 2011). Women are also analyzing contextual clues; they rated men with status symbols like expensive cars (Dunn & Searle, 2010) and expensive clothes (Townsend & Levy, 1990) more desirable.

But, what about the other factors? Like temperament, passion, or sociability?

Personality does count but, unlike evaluating external cues, getting to know someone requires a substantial time investment. Instead of running her own due diligence, a single woman might take a shortcut with mate-choice copying. If a man is with a girlfriend, the single woman will use the girlfriend’s judgment to determine that the man would make a good partner.

So, I should only leave the house with a woman from now on?

It’s a bit more complicated than that. For a single woman to value the girlfriend’s judgment, the girlfriend must be as attractive if not more attractive than the single woman. To understand how much the girlfriend’s attractiveness matters, scientists gave participants pictures of potential mates alone and also pictured as part of a couple. Each potential mate was pictured with a “girlfriend” who was either unattractive, moderately attractive, or very attractive.

The desirability of the man was directly correlated to the attractiveness of his female partner. Participants rated men with attractive “girlfriends” much more desirable than the same men photographed alone. But, if the man is holding company with an unattractive partner, he’s actually rated as less desirable.

Mate-choice copying might sound like a conniving dating strategy specific to some morally questionable single ladies, but scientists assert that it’s more benign. It’s less about a single woman trying to steal another woman’s mate; instead, it’s probably just a single woman adapting her opinion to mirror that of a peer. We use other people’s opinions to help shape our own. If a woman sees a man who has been highly rated previously, it’s likely she will do the same.

Digital Dating Detox

Dear faithful readers,
I’m re-posting a blog entry from a talented friend who’s a writer, editor, and digital consultant living in New York City named Micaela English. Micaela is a spectacular individual and just launched a website and journal (blog.) Rather than sending editors writing clips when pitching stories, she needed a one stop shop to show the work she’s most proud of. She also has so many stories that don’t get picked up and feels passionately about sharing her work with the world which you can find in her “journal” (a fancier💎 way of saying blog.) Her first story she published? …. “Why Silicon Valley’s top matchmaker (Linx Dating + Amy Alex Andersen) told me to go on a digital dating detox last summer, and how it led me to meet the loveliest human being.” So enjoy and please consider following my dating advice and perhaps you too will meet the love of your life next. XO- Amy  iStock-635698096 copy.jpg

The Best Piece of Advice Silicon Valley’s Top Matchmaker Gave Me? Stop Dating

Last year, I was totally and completely burnt out from dating and relationships. I had that Charlotte from SATC moment,“I’ve been dating since I was 15. I am exhausted. Where is HE?” After my last relationship with someone I was sure I had long term potential with abruptly ended, I reached a breaking point. In a desperate move, I asked for help. I wrote an email to a matchmaker I had interviewed in the past for an article, and had really clicked with. Her name is Amy Andersen of Linx Dating. Amy is not only the top matchmaker in Silicon Valley (think entrepreneurs, CEOS, and the like) but she is also insanely smart, contagiously funny, and warm. She not only responded to my e-mail right away but she also gave me the best dating advice of my life. In the spirit of SPRING FEVER, and people coming out of their winter cocoons, ready to get our there again, I want to share her advice with you no matter what stage or status you are in on your relationship journey. To the broken hearted, there is light at the end of the tunnel, take some time to celebrate and date YOU!

So what did Amy say to me when I told her I had just about had enough of the swipes, dates, pseudo-relationships, and breakups? She said I needed a complete and total digital dating detox. A digital dating detox? What is that? Amy explained in tech terms, “It’s about getting off the spinning hamster wheel going nowhere and removing the digital noise and distractions from your life. It’s a “reboot” of yourself and a defragmentation of your internal hard drive. Or in Silicon Valley lingo, it’s a CTRL + SHIFT + ESC. Like a computer that’s a few years old and running slow, you might not feel as if you are mentally as agile and optimistic as you used to be. With a computer, it’s likely that you have stored cache, installed apps by accident, have a million old e-mail downloads that are hogging memory, and have a ton of junk on your desktop. My digital dating detox is a personal “clean up” program created to empower anyone who has experienced dating fatigue. The goal is to make you stop feeling burned out and give yourself a necessary break and reboot.” Does that click with you? Keep reading.

1. Invest in yourself and Delete.The.Apps.

First things first. Delete the apps. Amy told me to delete every single one of them for a few months, which I did. To be honest, I was super anxious about it, they were my security blankets to getting dates, but not having alerts and “homework” swiping as part of my daily routine was truly one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done. Amy’s philosophy? “Invest in “YOU time” until you can look forward to it again. My most important advice is to take a well-deserved break and get off all apps, online, and just focus on making a personal investment in yourself. Get in the best mindset and health, and do things that make you genuinely happy.”

2. Surround yourself with like-minded, positive people who are doing cool things in their lives.

As Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I truly believe this. Living in New York City, there are so many choices, invitations, and “we need to catch ups.” In order to stay overall positive and healthy during my experiment I chose to spend my time with people that genuinely felt good to hang out with, inspired, and supported me. It was as simple as that. I still truly believe this, I love seeing people, I’m sure you do too.

3. Start spending your time doing things that YOU want to do instead of what others want you to do or what society says you should do.

This one really resonated with me. My calendar was so often filled with things “I needed to do”. Dates were scheduled like workouts. It was exhausting. I decided to throw that all out the window. If everyone was going away for Memorial Day weekend and there were invites to travel, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t. I spent it going to the spa and doing things that felt good for me. I listened to my mind and body and took my emotional temperature of what I was open to doing, one day at a time.

4. Try and do new things out of your comfort zone.

Amy suggested that I “Think about the “types” of people you would like to meet and center yourself in those environments. If you have always wanted to learn rock climbing and find men who do this to be incredibly attractive now is your time to take indoor rock climbing lessons after work .” Doing these new things will also prove to yourself that you are constantly growing and doing new things. It’s a win/win!

5. Stay open. Stay kind.

This point really hit home with me. I used to feel frustrated after an unsuccessful date and like it was a waste of time but Amy made a really good point to me. “You never know whom you are going to meet. Even if he/she is not the one for you , he/she might have a friend who ends up being your match. Be kind and compassionate to your date with the goal of sending out positive energy and good karma. Although you and your date might agree that there is not chemistry between you, maybe he/she will extend an invite to a BBQ to meet some of his single friends. It is precisely at this even that you could meet the true love of your life. Lesson, don’t burn bridges or play games. Remember any single person is in the same boat as you and probably doesn’t actually enjoy dating just for the sake of dating- much like you!” Be kind, it will never hurt you in the long run.

6. Ask people around you if they know anyone for you?

The good old friends of friends approach. Amy says to, “Tell your trusted network of friends and family that you are taking a 2-6 month digital detox and are going to “old school” it for the time being. That you are excited at the possibilities and put it out there that you’d love to be considered for any set-ups if they have a single friend in mind. Have a sound bite ready for your approach with anyone you are talking to….”I came out of a relationship a few months ago and I’ve checked out some of the dating apps but truthfully it’s challenging from a time and lack of vetting perspective. That’s why I was hoping to get out there and just meet people a little more organically, like you.”

6. STAY POSITIVE and don’t overthink all of this.

And Amy’s most important advice of all, “The energy you radiate is what’s given back to you.” Hell yes. “Additionally, you have to enjoy being in the moment and letting go of concerns or any negative messages or doubts. When you are literally having fun and carrying on with a giant smile and a “I don’t really give a flying f*ck” attitude because I am happy THAT is exactly the energy people want to be around. You’ve reached a much more enlightened point and have shifted your energy from tired and frustrated to “light, easy, and breezy.” You’re radiating a confidence and certain je ne sais quoi that many people wish they had.”

So what happened to me, after my digital dating detox? I fell in love with myself again. And with being in love with myself, I felt this magical aura around me once I “got back out there” I went on my first Hinge date after no dating for a few months and there he was, the healthy partner I manifested while taking time to be the healthiest version of myself.

For more information on Amy Andersen, linxdating.com

Spring is here! April updates and Linx testimonials

0505-Linx-180412.jpg

Last week, I hosted my first Link & Drink cocktail party in nearly 4 years and what a night it was! For those of you who have attended Link & Drinks in past years, you might recall they really exploded with popularity. Picture 500+ guests mingling, meeting, networking, and sparks flying for quite a few guests.

Despite the national and international attention my events received- especially after Vanity Fair featured Link & Drink, I realized they needed to evolve into something exclusive and intimate. As such, instead of blasting my database and letting guests invite a gaggle of their friends, I decided to limit my next mixer to 50 and have it be 100% private- including keeping the location on the DL, off social media, and no last names of guests given to any attendees for privacy.

I curated an elite list of Silicon Valley who’s who- from female entrepreneurs, financiers, techies, CEOs, etc. Some of my guests flew in from Southern California, Texas, and Washington DC and arrived with an open-mind, open-heart, and approachable disposition. Everyone wore cocktail attire- the women looked beyond spectacular in satin dresses and heels and the men looked dashing in sport coats and slacks.

Guests sipped exquisite cocktails, fine wines (Neyers chardonnay and Faust cabernet), French champagnes, and enjoy passed hors d’oeuvres after work and felt relaxed.  This was no “Millionaire Matchmaker” episode in the works with forced connections and a plethora of awkward, dramatic moments.  After the event ended, around 20 of us went to a restaurant next door for more bites, cocktails, and conversation. Laughter filled the room and new and old friends continued to have fun till nearly 11pm. Some guests

A handful of my guests shared the most lovely feedback and follow-ups on my mixer…

“I attended one of Linx Dating’s “Link and Drink” events and had a fantastic time. The venue, food and drinks were all great, and I had fascinating conversations with several really interesting people (men and women alike). The event was in a pretty small space, so it was very intimate, and the crowd seemed to be everything that Linx promises — beautiful, successful and jet setting (I met two people who had flown in just for the party). Amy is an amazing host who flittered around the party making introductions and making everyone feel comfortable and welcome….my only complaint is that they don’t happen more frequently!”

“Linx Dating is the crème-de-la-crème of matchmaking.  Amy goes above and beyond to make sure that every client and event is nothing short of exceptional. She thinks through every detail and is truly passionate about helping people find love. I’ve seen this first hand.  I appreciate Amy’s sincerity, but more importantly — honesty.  In an arena that is not so easy to navigate– especially in the digital age, Amy has this intuition that I can’t quite explain. A decade ago, I use to work for Amy; since then, I have been a fan of hers ever since.  It is heartening to see her bring together countless couples to find their happily ever after.” 

“I attended Amy’s recent Link and Drink event and had an amazing time. It was at a beautiful venue in San Francisco and was so tastefully put together. I drank sparkling rosé while mingling with other guests. Amy is particular about the clients she represents and is very well connected in the Silicon Valley. She is extremely professional and great at what she does. She’s told me about various success stories of her clients and you can tell that she’s so passionate about what she does, which is an important trait to have as a match maker. While I’m sure the business of matchmaking can be done in all different ways, Linx is extremely classy and tactful. I’d absolutely recommend Linx to anyone looking to get into the dating scene. You won’t be disappointed!”

 

“THANKS SO MUCH AMY!!!! So awesome seeing you. Super super appreciate the invite!!! Such awesome people. Was telling my sister about the event haha she says she’s down to be set up! And me too :))) Happy to help you source, have a ton of awesome single friends!! Thanks again! Met some cool people – grabbing drinks with (name removed for privacy) tomorrow.”

 

“The recent Link & Drink mixer Amy organized was a blast! I had such a great time! Amy did an amazing job. Venue was very cool. Participants were so different, but Amy helped to break the ice. Awesome networking, great connections! It was such a pleasure to be a part of it!”

 

“Great fun last night Amy, you put on a really lovely event.  Interesting group of people and fantastic venue. I did get (name removed for privacy) number and will keep you posted on progress with her.”

 

“Great seeing you on Thursday, and thanks again for inviting me to your event!  I had a good time meeting a bunch of folks there.  You surround yourself with a great network of people.”

 

“I’m the one who owes you another round of hearty thanks. Kudos for organizing a lovely event! I really enjoyed myself and so appreciated the opportunity to take part in the fun.”

 

“I met some really nice people who were surprisingly open about their love lives. In a good way — not a bad way. I am a believer in the idea of allowing love and chemistry to build, but I know not everyone feels that way.”

 

“Thank you so much for a fabulous evening on Thursday, I think it was a great event with lots of interaction going on:).  I personally enjoyed meeting different men and chatted with few that appeared quite interested.  I have cards from 5 men!”

 

“It was a fantastic evening….Please do let me know if you find yourself in Washington DC.”

 

“You always throw such a tasteful event. Sorry I couldn’t stay longer.  The drawbacks of being the boss….”

 

“I thought your event was super, the people classy, and it seemed that everyone enjoyed themselves, so that is success in itself. You are the master at introductions…you must have a memory of a steel trap:)”

 

If you would like to be considered as a guest at our summer cocktail soiree in the San Francisco Bay Area please send an inquiry to Amy Andersen at: amy@linxdating.com and tell her a bit about yourself. Happy Spring to all!