
If youâre single and interested in a new relationship, first dates are inevitable. If youâre lucky enough to have friends setting you up or an experienced matchmaker on your side, you can count on some pre-filtering and quick turnaround time to make those first dates somewhat easier. But, if youâre searching for love online or on apps, you could invest countless hours getting to know someone before ever meetingâif you ever get to an actual meeting. According to a 2016 study by the Pew Research Center, nearly 1/3 of people using apps never make it to a date. For those that do schedule dates, many experience several bad dates before something relatively good pans out.
You know the drill. Anticipation and excitement grows as your first date approaches. Then, not even 20 minutes into the first date, you know thereâs no chance of a future. This anticipationâdisappointmentâoptimism cycle seems to repeat itself and, before you know it, youâve stopped dating completely.
Dating burnout is similar to job burnout: An activity that once posed a satisfying challenge is now a mundane task. If the mere mention of a date conjures up feelings of inevitable disappointment, youâre definitely in the midst of dating burnout.
Other telltale signs include:
Experiencing jealousy over your friendsâ relationships.
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. If you feel slighted by your friendâs relationship or, if youâre pulling away from the new couple, you might be internalizing feelings of frustration about your own romantic life. âI couldnât stand my coworkerâs boyfriend,â says Marie. âListening to her talk about his anniversary plans was so annoying, but I couldnât figure out why. I typically liked hearing all of her dating stories. Then, I realized that it had nothing to do with boyfriend. I was sad we werenât going to talk about our hilariously bad dates from the weekend.â
Feeling like the search is hopeless.
When quitting seems easier than fielding another bad date, youâre not heading towards dating fatigueâyouâre there. If youâre fearing boredom, rejection, or exhaustion, nixing future dates will seem like the perfect way to prevent future pain.
Willing to go for anyone who isnât terrible.
Settling for someone to stave off loneliness is a sign that youâre losing faith in yourself. Lowering your standards is the best way to find yourself in a relationship you should avoid. âThe worst relationship I ever had was actually the first woman I met after my divorce,â says Tom, 41. âI didnât know what I was doing and the thought of dating again blew my mind. Well, I learned my lesson.â
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A string of bad dates.
Nothing is more exhausting than a streak of dates without any semblance of connection. Mustering up the enthusiasmâand courageâto get yourself out there again will seem like an uphill battle.
Finding your couch more appealing than social gatherings.
Taking a break from all social activitiesânot just datingâreveals that your frustration from the lack of romantic connectivity is seeping into your other relationships. If you are closing yourself off from everyone, itâs time to evaluate your approach to dating.
So what can you do to recover from dating burnout? Consider the following to get back the good vibes:
Lower your expectations, not your standards.
Instead of focusing on if the other person likes you, flip the equation to figure out if you feel something towards the other person. This process takes time and might not lead to fireworks initially.
Keep the first date short.
Youâll know if you want moreâor notâwithin the first 20 minutes. Keeping the first date short will help you build tension for date #2 or save you from spending too much energy on a dead end. This advice is especially true if you are dating vis-a-vis apps and online.
If you know you arenât interested, donât go on a second date.
No one wants to be the bad guy, but going out again when you know itâs not there will waste your time and theirs. âI would rather sit through drinks with a guy I wasnât into than have the âIâm not into youâ conversation,â says, Molly, 37. âOf course, this only makes things harder in the end.â
Keep your dating life private until youâve narrowed it down to one person.
Save yourself the trouble of rehashing the same details of lackluster dates.
Give yourself a time out.
Youâll project your best self if youâre not forcing yourself to feel or act a certain way. If youâre juggling five people, none of whom you really like, do everyone a favor and take a break. Channel your energy and free time towards a new hobby, keeping physically active, seeing friends, etc till you are ready to date again.
Get honest with yourself.
Self awareness is the first step to making sure you arenât self sabotaging. If you donât feel anything after several dates, ask a trusted friend about what it could be. If this isnât possible, seek a dating coach âan objective third party can work wonders.
Although it can feel overwhelmingly hopeless, dating fatigue is only temporary. At Linx, weâre here to streamline your dating experience. Matchmaking isnât just about more dates; itâs about optimizing the variables for connection. If youâre feeling disconnected, we can help. Email our founder Amy at amy@linxdating.com