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How Much Sex Should We Be Having Anyway?

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Whether you’re enjoying the newness of a fresh relationship or comfortable after years together, you can count on your sex life changing. What is hot and heavy at first may calm to sporadic bedroom sessions. Or, maybe that initially awkward and mediocre sex (that perhaps you don’t want very often) can evolve to gratifying, explosive orgasms (that you’d enjoy twice daily). With such a wide spectrum, is there a baseline amount of sex we should be having?

 

According to the Kinsey Institute for research in Sex, Reproduction and Gender, the best predictor of sexual frequency is age—not marital status. Researchers found that, on average, people between 18-29 have 112 sex sessions a year; people between 30-39 have 86 sex sessions a year; and people between 40-49 have 69 sex sessions a year.

 

Wondering about the 50+ crowd? After surveying over 8000 participants over the age of 50, the The Normal Bar found that 31 percent enjoy sex multiple times a week; 28 percent enjoy sex a few times a month; and 8 percent have sex once a month. Nearly a third of respondents rarely have sex at all.

 

Worried about your sex life losing steam? There is an upside: Although the quantity of sex may decrease with age, the quality gets better. In one study, researchers attributed the higher levels of sexual satisfaction in menopausal and post menopausal women to their confidence, managed expectations, and ability to prioritize their sexual needs.

 

We’re below average! Is there a problem?

 

Not necessarily. In one study led by Amy Muise of The University of Toronto-Mississauga, researchers found that couples who have sex every night are just as happy as the couples who have sex once a week. In another study, researchers asked half of the 64 married couples participating to double the amount of sex they typically have. When comparing happiness levels from the cohort having more sex to the cohort sticking to their usual sex amounts, researchers found no increase in happiness. Instead, the couples with the doubled sex requirement reported lower energy levels and sexual dissatisfaction.

 

The findings show that real satisfaction doesn’t stem from the amount of sex, but rather from the quality of sexual experience. Sex is a vehicle for connectivity; some couples need to have sex to be connected and others can achieve connectivity other ways. In other words, as long as you and your partner feel connected, the amount of sex is secondary. “It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” said Muise.

 

Is there a such thing as too little sex?

 

Technically, couples who have sex less than ten times a year are considered “sexless”. For older couples, the declining amount of sex is perfectly acceptable. But, for other couples, a mismatched libido can pose problems. If you haven’t been in the mood, take a closer look at your medications—especially antidepressants and antihistamines—and get your hormone levels checked. If you’ve ruled out physical causes, consider a fake-it-till-you-make-it approach; having sexual experiences can actually produce hormones that trigger higher levels of desire. If sex isn’t on the table, engaging in foreplay can also help fuel the flames of desire. Touching, holding, kissing, and other forms of physical contact stimulates oxytocin—a chemical that gives you feelings of closeness and connectedness with your partner.

 

What if we’re having too much sex?

 

Lucky you–literally! According to sex therapists and medical professionals, there is no such as too much sex; however, if your desire for sex is interfering with your job or relationships, you should consider chatting with a therapist.

 

 

 

Announcing our San Francisco Restaurant Entrepreneur Client Search….

Young couple in their kitchen

We are thrilled to announce a new search for a dynamic and marriage minded client. Our bachelor is a highly successful, passionate 39 year-old Caucasian restaurant entrepreneur. He’s 6’1” with a slender and athletic build. He works out regularly, has short brown hair, hazel eyes and an infectious smile.

Our client is passionate about food and fitness, and loves to travel. He attended UCLA for undergraduate and business school, and has lived abroad extensively in Spain, Japan and Italy and speaks all three languages! He is an avid golfer, and enjoys weekend trips to Napa, and even spontaneous trips to Hawaii to relax and take a break from his busy lifestyle.

Social and family oriented, he has a strong ability to put others at ease through humor and his compassionate nature. You will also find our bachelor to be introspective and with depth. He meditates regularly and is grateful for all that he has in life.

Ever dream of a man who knows how to cook? Look no further! This bachelor loves to cook all different types of food, checking out new restaurants in the Bay Area and all over the world when able. He is intelligent, caring and kind and has a great sense of humor.

His dream match would be between the ages of 26 and 32 years old, passionate about food, fitness and travel. She could see herself spending a month or two in Europe each year with her leading man! He is attracted most to Caucasian and European women who are slender and fit, feminine and classy, with a warm and compassionate heart. Our client is looking for someone who is excited to travel the world with him and also enjoy each day at home, ultimately with a family and a dog. 🙂

Deal breakers include: she doesn’t like traveling, hates dogs, has kids, doesn’t want kids, vegetarian (he enjoys meat), not compassionate,

If you or anyone you know thinks you might be a good match, please don’t hesitate to email founder and matchmaker Amy at: amy@linxdating.com.

Meet the Love of Your Life in 2014

As a “curator” of Silicon Valley’s and San Francisco’s most desirable eligibles, clients often ask me what they should do, in conjunction with Linx, to meet people. First of all, I love this question because it shows me that a new client, for example, is being super proactive about putting (him)herself out there.

In running Linx for over a decade now, my philosophy has always remained simple and to the point. In order to find the love of your life, you must pursue multiple channels simultaneously to maximize the likelihood of meeting a pool of like-minded potential matches from whom you might then find “the one”. I am astounded by close-minded matchmakers around town who claim that they are the “only” good resource to meet people or that their clients don’t need to work hard in order to meet the love of their life. This is completely bogus.

Creating your own luck is an art. My mantra is that everyone is a work in progress and many times this means working on oneself through coaching, strict fitness regimens, etc. and it also means putting yourself out there intelligently. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

The intelligent client of Linx knows that in order to substantially increase his or her odds of locating that so called “needle in a haystack match” you must utilize numerous approaches and that goes far beyond working with one, two, or sometimes even three various matchmakers.

So it is 2014… a great way to feel connected is through a common hobby or interest – this has always been one dimension of the Linx methodology. Many clients love to learn and to push themselves intellectually and/or physically and are always taking some sort of class outside of the scope of work. It could be anything – one client recently took a mixology class in the Mission district in San Francisco with other aspiring mixologists who mingle, shake, stir, and sip their new creations. Taking a class like this can be a fantastic way to meet dynamic types and what an easy way to “break the ice” – over homemade cocktails.

A hot spot for a girl looking to meet a potentially active and athletic Silicon Valley guy could be rock climbing gyms. This is how a lot of men burn stress and do something that improves their state mentally and physically as a serious challenge. In fact, if I were a single girl on the market, I would get my tuchus into a boxing or rock climbing gym hasta pronto! I’d make sure to wear nice workout clothing, be groomed, and have a great “can do” fun attitude.

I’m a big believer in disrupting your current lifestyle if you are not seeing the results you desire in your personal life. Get out there. Start a co-ed book club if you enjoy reading and want to increase your odds of chatting with the person next to you that happens to be eligible and a life-long learner. A match could be made! There should be ZERO excuses to meet people. There are thousands, frankly hundreds of thousands of eligible men and women in the Bay Area. Everywhere you look can be a potential opportunity.

I know you can make 2014 the best year of your life for finding your match. You can start by emailing me today amy@linxdating.com and learning more about Linx and allowing our niche dating and social network to help you in more ways than one. Not only do we represent countless extremely high caliber men and women of all ages (20’s to late 60’s typically) but we go far beyond our core competency of pure matchmaking. We offer tons of preparation techniques for our clients (wardrobe consultation, fitness training, revolutionary techniques with private date coaching), on top of a long list of luxe concierge services, to complement your journey with Linx. We are the only firm out there that is ultra-personalized.

I can proudly share that I have personally interviewed EVERY client of mine in 10 years (with exception of one due to being ill) and spend considerable time getting to know everyone. Linx clients know they can call me at most hours of the day (or night) on my personal mobile and with the click of a button I am always here for them over email. Catch-up coffees, breakfasts, or dinners are par for the course with our clients as these are such ultra personal relationships that go far beyond that of matchmaker and client. Many of my clients have truly become my friends and, for that, I am extremely thankful. So what are you waiting for?