Dating after 50

Finding Love Again After Divorce or Loss of Spouse

Shot of a mature couple drinking champagne while relaxing in deck chairs at sunset
Romance, courtship, and monogamy are wonderful blessings to strive for in life, regardless of one’s age. 2015 has been a fascinating year across multiple axes at Linx, as we have had the opportunity to work with some of the most influential men and women in the nation. What I particularly admire about many of our new clients is that they are well over 50 years old. Many of them have been married once, twice, and in some cases three times. We have even represented many widowed clients who, after having taken sufficient time for healing, introspection, prayer, and quality moments with family and friends, affirm their belief that love with someone new seems fathomable and within reach.

Why spend the rest of your life alone when you could find a companion, a love, a lover, a dancing partner, a best friend- you name it – with whom you could fall in love and experience magic again? Loss, of any kind, fuels the soul with hope and curiosity – it can be very exciting to “hit reset” and to see who’s out there in this giant world of ours. It can make you feel like you’re 16 again and feeling puppy love.

Some of our 50+ year old clients have shared that one of the major things that dissuades them from dating again, after divorce or the loss of a spouse, is worrying about what their children will think. This concern is very real and makes perfect sense on a lot of levels. Understandably, it’s not uncommon for many men and women to have very (and in some cases I have seen, extremely) poor filters when they date for the first time after divorce or losing a significant other. In most cases I see, clients were together with their spouse for 20 years on average, which means that they sort of never really dated to begin with! They got married very young, had X number of children, and never looked back.

Fast forward decades later in this era of modern dating, the social and dating landscape couldn’t be more different! A very laissez-faire attitude amongst many singles has manifested itself over the last few years and comes hand-in-hand with the rise of a million dating apps, niche dating sites, and an underlying current of complete and utter disregard for courtship and chivalry- some of the original principles upon which Linx is built. What it means to be a gentleman and what it means to be a lady. Alas, I digress.

In the multiple cases to which I have been privy about dating for the first time post divorce or loss of spouse, the stories can be gruesome to say the least. For many men, they pick someone purely based on physicality. Unfortunately after a few dates or, in some cases, an actual relationship, these men realize that the match they chose comes nowhere close to the magnitude and quality that their late spouse or even ex possessed. It is their children who regard the new flame as a poor fit for their parent and remind them that they can do a lot better.

For women, they will often chose someone who makes them feel safe, loved, and where they feel a strong emotional pull. Many of the men that these females chose on their own do not match up to them financially and lifestyle wise. In other words, they are not in the same socio-economic class but, more importantly I feel, they lack sophistication. These females are reminded by their children that the new relationship is indeed threatening, and that the new guy is simply after her money. As the saying goes, love can be blind.

So even though I have heard so many stories of dating in the wild for the first time post divorce or loss of one’s spouse and as many times as I “feel” for my clients, in many respects it is important to go through this and see what’s out there before starting Linx. I believe it makes people (my clients) appreciate the quality and caliber of our clientele even more.

So in closing, if a dear friend, colleague, or parent is sailing through the seas without a rudder as they navigate dating in 2015-2016 alone, give them the encouragement and hope that finding love is indeed possible again. Remember it’s a sensitive subject and can take time, a lot of work, moments of sheer frustration, and rejection but that they too can believe in love again and make it happen. Let them try to pilot dating on their own with some tools to start with (i.e., get online, go to singles meet-ups, etc) and once they have dated a bit and practiced, then hit them with higher stakes dating where courtship and romance is simply a click away to: amy@linxdating.com

This Week in Perspective at Linx

Ever since January 1st, I’ve been inundated with matchmaking and membership requests, trying to keep my head above water. There has been a ton of excitement and many calls from incredible folks including some major high profile people in technology, finance, and creative industries such as film or design. A lot of really cool clients have been matched – some are in the infancy stage of really exploring things and others are already coupling up. Some go on ski vacations together, others jet off to the tropics. The demand for Silicon Valley matchmaking from the 20’s crowd is as strong or even stronger than that coming from the 30+ group. We have even been getting a lot of really fantastic older men lately coming through our door. These men have typically been married before and refreshingly desire a match close to their own age (50 +)- so the demand and the supply are coming simultaneously from every age and demographic, like they rarely have before.

We’ve also been getting a lot of requests for our date coaching by professionals from all around the Bay Area. I cannot express HOW transformational this really is. You do not need to be a client to hire us for our coaching. With the help of a customized date guide prepared expressly for the client and two hours of in-person intensive coaching, those that hire us go from doubting themselves to Cheshire cats beaming with confidence. All it takes is two hours and our techniques are groundbreaking – there is nothing like it anywhere. Email me for more info!

This week we have client interviews and are hosting a sold out mini meet-and-greet series of interviews for women who are looking to qualify to meet the VIPs. Due to such high demand, we have blocked out an additional date for March 28th for another day of one-on-one mini meet-and-greets for qualifying applicants.

As we approach March and the brink of Spring, I ask you all to cast a wide net. Don’t focus so much on his swagger and exterior; focus more on his soul. Stop worrying about what others think and look within. Ask yourself if are you happy with where you are in your life. What do you need in order to be happy? I can tell you this much- confidence is the #1 rule of attraction. Men and women both love a mate who finds confidence from deep within – a super-confident (but NOT arrogant) person carries (him) herself in that certain way that emits the right pheromones. We all know it when we encounter it.

If he doesn’t call, move on. If she doesn’t wow you after two dates, give her the courtesy of closing the loop. Don’t lose sight of your New Year’s resolutions. Keep a steady head, be clear, stay focused on your goals and remember to have fun. Finally, the next time you are on a date, be a little carefree – don’t worry about trying to be perfect. Laugh out loud if you feel like it. Chances are (s)he will like that quality about you. And, at the end of the date, ask yourself DO I LIKE HIM/HER, not does (s)he like me. Digging deep and looking into your soul builds strength and that is one of the best confidence boosters out there. Have a great week and I hope you enjoy the new layout of the Linx Line blog. XO

Searching for a Princess for our VIP| Are You His Match?

The question on the mind of most guys and gals as they embark on a first (blind) date is some form of “What’s he/she really like?” It’s certainly on my mind as I go to meet a woman for the first time, knowing only a few facts about her. So what am I really like?

I could tell you that I’m a pilot, a photographer and a lawyer, but that doesn’t tell you much about what I’m like. I could be a terrible pilot, an even worse photographer and a mean or incompetent lawyer. I could give you my basic demographics – 6ft, 195lbs, early 50’s, Caucasian male, no police record, born and raised a Texan. Fills in a couple blanks, I realize, but doesn’t say much about my personality. I could also provide you the usual laundry list of fun and fabulous activities in which I, like most other guys, regularly engage in the hopes of attracting attention — such as bungee jumping from a crop-duster, lion taming with a swizzle stick, or karaoke at Carnegie Hall. But as impressive as those activities are, they don’t convey much about my personality or my ability to be a good first date (let alone a good second or third date).

Perhaps if I told you what kind of princess charming I am searching for, that would tell you something about what I’m like. So, I could list all the fine and fantastic qualities I hope my princess charming will have – she is smart, sassy, self-assured, sensitive, single, sporty, spontaneous, sure-footed, sensible, and somewhere early 30’s to early 40’s. But really, what would that say about me? Nothing much except that I have laughably high expectations and a fondness for alliteration. And in any event, making such a list sounds a lot like writing out a shopping list and I don’t like shopping lists, even when I’m headed to Safeway or Costco. I guess that’s why I always forget at least one thing and have to make a second trip. But I drive a non-Prius electric car (I keep a spare just in case), so making multiple trips to the store doesn’t really contribute to global warming, except the utility company may have to pollute the environment to make the electricity for my car, so I guess I’m partly to blame for that, but I usually remember 3 or 4 new things to get on the second trip so it’s not really a wasted trip, and there’s always a need to go to Petco because my dogs consume so much food, but alas I digress. Now back to the subject at hand.

So instead of all that, let me offer for the next woman who happens to be thinking about meeting me on a first date some accurate information that might be useful to her in answering the aforementioned question. I will list a few principles which I use as a general guide on how I approach people and life, something similar to “Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy”, only not as demented.

Perhaps this may provide some help in answering the “What’s he really like?” or “Is this the kind of guy I want to be stuck with over a two hour dinner?” question. Perhaps we already have some common ground. So here it is . . . .

1) Find the humor in any situation or person, no matter how grim or dull

2) Take your work, but not yourself, seriously

3) Be grateful for what you have, and thankful for what you do not

4) Treat everyone with sincerity and respect, but don’t take you-know-what from anybody

5) Be curious about all things, large medium and small and never stop learning something new

6) Everyone is trying to stay “one step ahead” – better to be three or four instead

7) Find compromise and pick your battles wisely, or you’ll end up fighting all your life

8) Avoid the extremes in all things, too much of anything is not a good thing (there are one or two exceptions we can discuss)

9) You learn about people by listening to them, you don’t learn when you’re talking

10) If you want the finer things in life, then work hard so you can afford them, but leave yourself plenty of time to enjoy them

And above all,

Make time to search out the great places in this Great Big World, places such as (these are photographs taken from our VIP)…grandcanyonThe Grand Canyon at sunset, a changing symphony of light and shadows and color

HaleakalaHaleakala at sunrise, from the Pacific’s Mt. Olympus, above the clouds and the entire world

MValleyMonument Valley shrouded in clouds, appearing as it did millions of years ago

ABQA hot air balloon festival, an endless colorful parade taking flight in the crisp morning air to the cheers of thousands

FlyingCloud surfing on an ethereal blanket that scarcely conceals the earth below

TurkeySunrise on the Dardanelles, floating between two continents, each rich with its own history and culture

If you have read this and you are wondering if you might qualify as a match for our VIP, email me: amy@linxdating.com. I have personally spent considerable time with our client and can attest to the fact that he is a genuinely warm, funny, quick witted, man who is truly a gentleman through and through. He’s masculine, chivalrous, successful, upbeat, and has made a nice home for himself in the Bay Area. The missing piece is the right match. Are you that girl? Email me if we’ve sparked your curiosity!

Silicon Valley Dating

We just interviewed a very impressive 50-something scientist and entrepreneur in the Silicon Valley. A true pioneer in his field professionally, loving father, and all around reinassance man. Tall, commanding, intellectual, and romantic! He’s also very kind, easy to talk to, and sincere.

Even the most confident and sexy man welcomes our subtle dating advice about strengthening one’s dating game. During his interview this week, we picked up on that he is SO passionate about his work. We worried that talk of work might dominate the conversation on a date and as a direct result could feel much more like a business meeting than a hot date for both parties.

Get to the bedroom, not the boardroom I interjected. He smiled and nodded his head. My assistant gave him some solid advice about dialing back the talk of work and playing up discussions of some of his hobbies, as well as, not forgetting to ask her questions! Dale Carnegie 101! Show a genuine interest in other people. This same principle carries over to the dating game. Ask without feeling interview-like. Be sincere and genuine.

Today I received an email from him sharing, “I was impressed by your thorough evaluation (and appreciated the tip about “keeping it light” and flirtatious; ie. avoiding too much talk about science.)” 

We love our clients and give them the necessarily tools in order to succeed. Today I guided another client when she asked the simple (yet important) question of what to wear on her first date. Since I know each and every client and their preferences, I gave her the necessary insights into him. He likes his dream woman to be confident, slightly understated, natural, and with a philosophy of less is more.

Thus, I told her wear a conservative monochromatic dress, closed toe pumps, very simple jewelry, and light natural make-up. Stay away from wild prints, cleavage exposed at all, and anything too flashy. A 2013 Jackie-O look! cn5685881This sort of classic sheath from Banana Republic is ideal for her date. Feminine sweetheart neckline, pretty, and elegant. I’d accent this with a cute trench for rainy nights and colorful pashmina, some classic stud earrings, and a necklace like Banana Republic’s ‘Deco tassle necklace’ for under $30. cn5353636

It is impossible to get these insights from other forms of dating. Online sites could never share these highly personalized preferences and most other matchmakers never really get to know their clients (so many these days simply interview “meet” their clients over Skype and never in person!)