Silicon Valley expert

Putting the CON in Confidence… Part I

I love my coffee

When Amy and I are asked to name the one quality that women find most attractive in a man, the answer is easy: CONFIDENCE. We hear it every day, and while it’s true that some guys can seem a little bit too confident, confidence is a lot like money; it’s hard to tell when you have too much of it, but it’s very, very obvious when you don’t have enough.

Confidence is absolutely essential for converting a first date into something more, and eventually ending up in a relationship; after all, if you don’t believe that a particular woman should be interested in dating you, then why should she be? And how are you ever going to convince her that you’re the right guy if you can’t even convince yourself? Given that we aren’t all 6’5” with a cleft chin, a full head of hair, and huge biceps, it can be easy to doubt yourself or be anxious on a first date. Thankfully, a little bit of confidence is something a guy can fake pretty easily (Do you hear that, ladies? You aren’t the only ones who can fake things.). And for a guy who’s low on self-esteem, even faking just a little bit of confidence can go a long way.

1. Before you pick up the phone, have a plan.

Under no circumstances should you ever call a woman for a first date and say “What would you like to do?” As a man who has spent most of his life dealing with “complicated” women, I can tell you that this is a huge mistake. To get the upper hand (and earn some respect at the very beginning of your relationship) only present her with a series of Yes or No questions. And do them in order of Day, Time, Place, and Transportation. For example:

“Are you Free on Saturday?” No? “How about Sunday?” No? “Can you be free for dinner on Friday?” Once you get a yes, IMMEDIATELY move on to times. “Does 6:30 work for you?” No? “How is 7:30?” No? “Great, I’ll make a reservation for 8pm.” Then move on to “Do you like Indian?” or “I was thinking of this Burmese place” or “I thought we could go to a bistro I like in Saratoga.” Be sure to have three or four different options picked out in advance, and once you get a Yes, MOVE ON. “May I pick you up?” No? “I’ll see you there. I’m looking forward to it. Feel free to text me if anything changes.” And then HANG UP THE PHONE.

Do not ask “What times works for you?” DO NOT do that. If you do, she will likely spend several minutes telling you why all of the other times do not work. You will feel beaten by this. You will be tired. We do not want that. And do not ask “What kind of food do you like?” Do not do that. Because most women will tell you what they don’t like instead of what they do. Even if she started with something like “I love Thai” you will end up hearing a story about food poisoning or a bad date or a cockroach that she encountered at a Vietnamese place with bad lighting on the outskirts of Boston that she mistakenly frequented during her first year of grad school. Ten years ago. And you will forget where you are in the entire date planning process. See? You probably forgot where we were in this lesson, and I only distracted you from the path for just one sentence.

It is really key that you do not open any windows into her past in this initial phone call. Remember that this woman is interested in dating a gentleman – and you might be that gentleman – so take a firm hold of the conversation, and make sure that you only open the door that leads to her future.

If you’re new to the area (or new to dating) or really want to make a great impression, Amy and I will happily give you recommendations if you ask. And we can certainly make you aware of any dietary restrictions or allergies you should consider. Make a checklist if you need to, but go into the call with clear goals and objectives, namely a day and time that work for you, a place you want to eat, and clarity on how she’ll get there. You’ll be off to a good start. And believe it or not, she’ll be glad you took the lead.

Next time, more tips on how to fake it… for when you’re actually on the date.

The Great Love Debate

The-Great-Love-Debate-2014-Tour
Hello Linx Line Lovers!

Team Linx has been invited to participate as panelists and local experts on the San Jose stop of The Great Love Debate, a national tour discussing societal shifts in courtship, the dynamics of sexual politics, and the future of romance in a lively and spirited discussion titled “Why is Everyone Still Single?”

100 Silicon Valley bachelors and 100 local single ladies will come at us (and each other) with questions about dating, mating, and more in this Town Hall-style event on Friday, June 27th at 8:00pm at the Tabard Theatre in downtown San Jose.

The tour has been described as “groundbreaking,” “brilliant,” and “hilarious,” and we would love for you to be part of it!

The producers in parnership with Match.com have provided Linx with a special code of “LINX10” which is good for a $10 discount on admission. The event is expected to sell out quickly, and each ticket includes admission to the post-show “Meet, Greet, Mix, Mingle, & Match” party, where you’ll have the chance to get to know all of the other attendees as well as the panelists. With 200 eligible singles and 6 relationship experts all in the same room, we can almost guarantee that lightning will strike. You definitely do not want to miss out on this incredibly entertaining (and promise-filled) evening!

Tickets may be purchased here (don’t forget LINX10 for your discount at checkout)

More information about the tour is provided here

And check it out on Facebook to see who else might be going, and to get a head start on the debate. 1395855019000-great-love-debate

We hope you decide to be part of the fun, and would love to see you there in person!

XO,

Amy & Michael

8 Outdoor Dates for June in the Bay Area

Even San Francisco fog can’t fully disguise the extended daylight hours of the next several weeks, so do yourself a favor and get outside for a date or two as Summer displaces Spring. From a Japantown food tour to ultimate Frisbee to a nighttime walkabout through important parts of SF history, the month of June promises to let the intrepid among us sample a little bit of everything.iStock_000026905060Small

Two Valleys for the Price of One…

Daily during the summer – If you want to cross Yosemite off of your bucket list but don’t like to drive, hop on a tour bus that takes you from San Francisco all the way to Yosemite Valley and back, with a stop in the agriculturally vital Central Valley along the way. Be sure to take your camera. And sunscreen. And bug spray.

East Meets West…

June 6-8th – Head to AT&T Park this coming weekend to see the SF Giants take on the NY Mets. If watching the national pastime in a stadium with ocean views isn’t enough for you, Saturday tickets include free Sergio Romo Superhero Socks, and Sunday tickets entitle you to your very own Hello Kitty Giants Plush. Peanuts and Cracker Jacks are available for purchase.

Ready Oar Not…

June 9-13th, Daily – See how well your date can bond with your fur-covered best friend as all of you set out on a Russian River paddle-canoe raft! Canine (and human, of course) children are welcome on these relaxed and refreshing outdoor adventures where you can see if your pet really knows how to doggy paddle.

Tune in, Tokyo…

June 13th — If you like your seafood raw and your furniture small and colorful, this Japantown walking tour of outstanding eateries might be just right for you. Stops change regularly, but the focus is neighborly rather than culinary, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself in DOSA Fillmore or Crown & Crumpet. Sushi aside, it might help to know exactly how you like to take your tea.

Who You Gonna Call…?

June 14th – If you manage to survive Friday the 13th, step out the next night for a viewing of Ghostbusters with thousands of other SF locals. There’s no better excuse for spooning in public than watching an outdoor movie at night, but you might want to bring a couple of blankets and pack a picnic as well; just breathing the air in Dolores Park has been known to conjure all sorts of appetites.

A Little Bit of History Repeating…

June 18th – If you’ve ever been curious about the seedier side of San Francisco’s history, try a walking tour of the old Barbary Coast. A local crime expert and noted historian will guide you out of the present and into the past as you visit the birthplace of the gold rush, explore the sites of some notorious brothels, and (probably) find out how the City by the Bay came to be famous for booms, busts, and bourbon-based cocktails.

Join a Biker Gang…

June 20-22nd – Arrange a double date or invite some friends to meet the minimum requirement of four riders in order to form a personal peleton for crossing the Golden Gate Bridge on motorized bicycles. Cruise into foggy Sausalito for lunch, and then take the ferry back to urbanity. No one needs to know you had a little help maintaining your cruising speed; just tell your friends that the entire experience was… electric.

Duck, Duck… Oops!

June 28th – Revisit your college days (and try to avoid getting hit) as you watch perfectly nice guys with great educations chase flying saucers across a grassy field by taking in a game of Professional Ultimate Disc! The SF FlameThrowers are a franchise team in this fledging sport, and – just like in college – these guys are still trying very hard to get attention.

A Note to The Guys (from the new guy at the office)

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

For those of you who don’t know, there has actually been a guy hanging out at the Linx offices for the past few months (and that guy happens to be me). For most of the members I’ve met, I seem to be a very welcome addition; as a gay man, I know how men think, and I know what women find attractive. And as a Stanford graduate(twice over, with engineering degrees, no less) who has heteronormative values, I know how difficult it is to be a single person with high standards who is hoping to find someone passionate, compassionate, and compatible who is willing to put in the work required to nurture the kind of relationship that leads to lasting love. beautiful girl looking out the balcony of a farmhouse

Unlike a lot of gay men I know, I also grew up with (and still have) very close straight male friends, so I really do understand what straight guys find sexy. And that’s why I have to tell you that Amy and I spent last Wednesday interviewing six incredibly different women (ages 24-50), who all really had their act together, and were all – consistently but uniquely – very hot.

In no particular order, we had:

-A petite 50-year-old brunette with a voice for radio but a face for film. A Bay area native, she now spends her time helping people focus their energies on positive outcomes, improved health, and personal growth, and she’s looking to focus her own energy on building a future with one great guy. If you like beautiful women with tight bodies, sultry voices, very little baggage, and a great sense of style, you might want to ask Amy for an introduction.

-A tall 24-year-old blonde with great legs and a surprising maturity. Some people really do have old souls, but hers was certainly still young at heart. She’s not looking to settle, but she would like to settle down, and if you think sweet, 5’9”, fit and easy-going is out of your league, then you should have seen the way that her face lit up when we asked how she’d feel about dating a thirty-something geek. Match_Feb_2010_Anna

-An extremely polished 39-year-old mother of three with a gorgeous foreign accent and dangerous curves. Professionally, she is at the top of her game, but she still needs someone to help her celebrate life’s victories. For her, being sexy is about being emotionally aware and present; she doesn’t need your money, but she might like a piece of your heart. In case you’re wondering, this standout blonde has no height requirement, and thinks true love is colorblind.

-A smart and sensual 35-year-old chef and author with an Ivy League education who is deeply curious about the motivations of people, the roots of cultures, and the ties that bind us all together. She had long brown hair, a natural femininity that was complemented by a love of the outdoors, and some considerable… assets. She needs a smart and sensual man with a playful sense of humor who will happily eat her food; granola has never looked so delicious.Sasha_Match_Running

-A 27-year-old blonde with Colorado roots but a touch of Southern charm who is as mature as she is feminine. California seems to suit her well, and the ideal suitor for this avid tennis player and occasional marathoner with the face of a one-time supermodel is tall, dark, and handsome, with a good heart, great character, and conservative values that mirror her own. If you don’t already go to church, she’ll gladly take you; she’d be a very good reason to give thanks.

-A stunning 31-year-old scientist with green eyes, a smattering of freckles, and light brown hair whose recent move to the Bay area must have left a void of hotness in at least one part of LA. Tall, shapely, smart, and grounded, this woman was genuinely down to earth, and she’s an exceptional catch for any masculine but emotionally open guy who can appreciate the texture of her blue collar roots and ivory tower education. Secure and confident, she doesn’t need a man to be happy, but we suspect that the one with whom she falls in love will be one very happy (and lucky) guy.

Don’t forget that there are truly thousands of women in the Linx database, so don’t fret if you didn’t find yourself drooling over one of these. In fact, these were just the women that we met in ONE DAY and the office. In just ONE day.

Amy and I conduct interviews all the time, and we are flattered, amazed, and excited by the quality of the people we regularly see at Linx. As the days get longer and the weather continues to heat up, we expect to see more and more exceptional men and women come through the door. For those of you who read the blog but have never actually walked through the door, I have one simple question for you: If we know hundreds of women like these at Linx, what, exactly, have you been waiting for? young man in grass

We encourage you to reach out to Amy today to learn more about how Linx can match you to the girl of your dreams. These women want to meet you! Most all of these women we interviewed (per the description above) are NOT ONLINE as they are private and place their trust in Linx Dating to match them to good, genuine guys. We are your conduit to a new pool of carefully vetted single women in the Bay Area and beyond. Why wait? Email amy@linxdating.com

Five Great Ways to Feed a (Spring) Fever…

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

Winter didn’t spend much time in the Bay Area this year, which means that Spring Fever has set in early, and with a vengeance. With summer wedding season ahead and spring BBQs and baseball games just around the corner, we have our hands full at Linx with eligible singles looking for their own “plus one” to attend all of life’s big (and small) events. At Linx, we believe that setting the tone for a good first date is one of the most important steps in developing a great relationship. Along with being open, positive, and confident when meeting someone for the first time, it can also be useful to step outside of your comfort zone, even if just a little bit.

We all have the tendency to want to impress others with things we already know and places we’ve already been, but diving into a new experience together can be very rewarding… and revealing. Not only does it put the two of you on equal footing, but it also removes the need to worry about how he or she responds to your favorite places and favorite foods. Building a relationship is about finding things that work for both of you, not just trying to fit another person into the already-existing patterns of your life. So for your next first date, try a new neighborhood, a new restaurant, a new cuisine… or get really crazy and try all three!

To give you some ideas, here are five great places in five different peninsula towns where you can get Linxed with good food and great company!

Iberia, Menlo Park
Step out of the Bay Area and into Barcelona with a trip to Iberia in Menlo Park. We recommend the coziness of the bar, where the tall and intimate booths make it easy to focus on getting to know your date. No matter what sort of mood you’re in, the extensive tapas menu is almost guaranteed to have something that suits your appetite. Amy loves sending people into the bar area near the fireplace to sit in the comfy club chairs and get into relaxation mode with a pitcher of Iberia’s delicious sangria and bite-size tapas.

Iberia also offers some fabulous sounding Spring cooking classes such as learning how to make paella while enjoying tapas, sangria, cooking, eating, and lively discussions with your fellow students. These classes really sound great! Sign up…educate yourself, break away from the daily grind, and mingle with the attendees. You just never know who you’ll meet while cooking hands-on and embracing everything about Andalucia Spanish cuisine (Andalucia is the southernmost region of Spain and where Iberia Chef Jose Luis was born.)

1026 Alma St, Menlo Park, CA 94025 Tel. (650) 325-8981sangria-and-tapas-1

La Bodeguita del Medio, Palo Alto
Take a break from University and visit California Avenue to spice up your dining options in Palo Alto. While new establishments are popping up all over the place on this street, La Bodeguita has been a mainstay for many years, serving Cuban inspired cuisine since 1997. It may also be the only restaurant in town that actually encourages you to finish off your evening with a cigar.

463 S. California Ave, Palo Alto, CA 94306 Tel. (650) 326-7762 home_image2


Los Altos Grill
, Los Altos
You may be a little bit shocked the first time you walk into this suburban staple; it’s all log cabin from the outside, but the inside includes live music, an even livelier bar scene, and a 30+ crowd that’s typically dressed for a good time. The raised seating and spacious booths make it easy to focus on your date, but the crowd will give the two of you plenty to talk about.

We recommend kicking the night off with their delicious “dip duo” which is a great appetizer for two (a generous scoop of guacamole, side of cheese dip with pimentos sandwiched between warm torilla chips), the macho salad (warm roasted chicken mixed with goat cheese, homemade cornbread croutons, dates, avocado, with a tangy vinaigrette) and “the best” homemade Oreo cookie ice cream dessert- frankly the banana pie is amazing- ok everything is really good. Hungry yet? 😉 For those who don’t have a date- no worries at Los Altos Grill. This place is packed with an attractive set of eligible men and women eating and drinking solo at the bar. Find a bar stool and wedge yourself into a hoppin’ and friendly bar scene.

233 Third St, Los Altos, CA 94022 Tel. (650) 948-3524losaltosgrill

Rangoon Ruby, San Carlos
You may already be familiar with their Palo Alto location, but get adventurous and take a drive to San Carlos for a night of Burmese food at Rangoon Ruby. If you haven’t been, downtown San Carlos is a delightful surprise on spring and summer evenings, with plenty of restaurants offering seating on the extra wide sidewalks, and a Thursday night farmers’ market that holds its own on the local scene.

680 Laurel St, San Carlos, CA 94070 Tel. (650) 592-1852628x471 Palata appetizer at Rangoon Ruby

Vesta, Redwood City
Redwood City continues to develop as a destination for good restaurants and solid ambiance, and remains the only local downtown to support a (national) movie theater chain. With sleek decor, a healthy wine list, and a collection of small plates and inventive wood-fired pizzas, it’s a great place to raise a toast and break the ice on a first date.

2022 Broadway, Redwood City, CA 94063 Tel. (650) 362-5052vesta Handcrafted wood-fired Vesta pizza…delicious!

Date Coaching Testimonial

We recently had the pleasure of doing a third coaching session with a fantastic 30-something female in Silicon Valley. She bravely contacted me last summer and we have been working together to get her ready for the dating world. In this last session we all had a sort of “a ha” moment because it was so obvious in this last interactive session she “gets” all of the techniques we’ve been preaching. Before we all had that revelation of sorts, our client had simply not “activated” that part of her mind on. She gets how to flirt. She understands how to attract a man. She is a great conversationalist. With around 7 total hours of coaching, that ember is ignited in her core being and she’s ready to tackle dating on her own. Like we encourage our students to do…we hope she’ll report back on how she’s doing in a few months. Here’s what she said about working with Linx…

“Amy is a true joy to work with – she is truly passionate about what she does and it shows! She is extremely knowledgeable and intuitive, which made it seem like she had known me for years when we first met. I contacted Amy due to my shyness and struggles with dating. My dating perspective began to turn towards viewing it as a fun process to get to know myself and what I as a person have to offer in addition to getting excited about making connections with other people. Working with Amy is an opportunity for personal growth, not just matchmaking, and I would highly recommend her to anyone from all walks of life!” – Anonymous

Announcing New Search | 35 Year Old Male | A Blend of East Coast, West Coast, blue collar, academic, and NPR host

We are excited to announce a new search for one of our clients. Here is his statement in a few words…

“I like to tell people I am just an average guy, but my life is pretty awesome. I have built a very successful career for myself in the Bay Area and while I love my job I have reached a place that I can let up on myself a bit. When I’m not working, I am not one of those guys who is into fire dancing or Faberge egg volleyball or some other obscure hobby. I’m usually cooking with/or for friends, studying either a foreign language or history, attempting to keep my self in a shape other than round, collecting too much art, and reading either the Economist and random non-fiction.

I also raise chickens for the eggs, and if that doesn’t work out I can get them to grow to 6 feet tall and pull me around in a chariot through the city. image Chickens in my backyard! foto What’chu lookin’ at? …I’m a chicken in my posh coop…city living at its best.

I can talk about almost anything and I have a broad set of interests outside of my field, and it would be nice to be with someone who shared similar qualities. People often comment that I do not have a mean bone in my body, and I tend to be rather generous. I would like to find a partner that could reciprocate in the same way.

I tend to get along with women who are more East Coast than West Coast, more introverted than extroverted, and have a certain dark/ironic sense of humor. I would like to be with someone who is an adult, in every sense of the word, and we would want to be equals in everything. And, well, I’m looking for something serious that would lead to a lifelong commitment and a family of our own. If you are a bit of an intellectual (I reached the pinnacle of nerd merit badges by completing my Ph.D. in EE) with an unfiltered mouth at times and have a heart of gold at the same time, I think we could be a good fit for one another!

I’m 35 years old, athletic/average build (about 180 pounds) and 5’11”. I love my life in San Francisco and prefer locals but am flexible on meeting a match who is anywhere in the Bay Area.

My ideal match would be between 28-35, height and weight proportionate and wildly intelligent.

I am ready to build a life and a family with the woman of my dreams, or at least not from one of those nightmares you have when you drink coffee too late in the evening. Let’s travel, cook, take in art, play, and be the best of friends…true partners in every sense of the word. Physically- you are keeping active and are sexy in your own way. Confidence always gets me…as do brunettes. image copy My trip to Venice, October 2013

Email Amy: amy@linxdating.com if you might make a match for me.”