Palo Alto dating

Going the distance: How feasible is long-distance love?

 

iStock-1027701870 copy.jpgMaybe you met someone abroad. Maybe someone from abroad met you. Either way, you’re wondering if those romantic feelings can lead anywhere at all because of the distance. Of course distance can pose some unique challenges compared to dating a local single, but you might be surprised to learn those extra miles could be the fastest track into your next serious relationship.

Does distance make the heart grow fonder? The short answer: Yes.

 Two scientists, Crystal Jiang, City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey Hancock, Cornell University, compared intimacy levels among couples in LDRs and local relationships. Surprisingly, the distance couples reported much higher levels of intimacy.

Researchers attributed the additional closeness to two unique characteristics. Firstly, the people in the LDR disclose more about themselves—more details, more vulnerability—that promote a higher rating of closeness versus the everyday chit chat from couples who live together. Secondly, distance couples tend to idealize their partners. Without opportunities to see their partner’s off days, people in LDR’s can hold on to that idealized version of their love interest longer.

In theory, my heart might grow fonder, but in reality won’t there be communication issues?

Ironically, couples communicating across distance enjoyed a greater sense of closeness than local couples. In one study published in the Journal of Communication, researchers found that although couples in LDRs weren’t always in constant communication, the overall quality of the communication was rated highly. After analyzing the diaries, texts, calls, and video chats, researchers learned that couples in long distance relationships shared more personal details.

Additionally, The Journal of Communication reports that the communication style between distance couples was rated less “problematic” than couples living closer—probably attributed to the fact that distance forces time between an emotional response and a reaction.

So, how much does the distance really matter?

Apparently, not that much. One study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy reported that couples living apart were just as happy as couples living in the same city. Even before the realities of distance set in, distance couples “perceived a lower likelihood of breaking up with their partner” when researchers wanted to measure commitment compared to locally-based relationships.

Ultimately, when these same participants were polled four months later about their relationship status, the break up rates between distance and local couples were the same.

Perhaps, we’re spending too much time wondering how the distance will make things harder rather than how it can help us get more intentional about connecting. If the chances of making love last are the same, why not see where those loving feelings take you?

 

FOR SINGLE WOMEN AGES 40-60

Our client is 57, but looks 47, 6’5”, 225, mesomorph without a workout fetish. He’s follically evolved, has kind green eyes, and a dazzling smile behind his Italian lips that masks the PTSD he experienced as a child with an army of metal wires in his mouth. Midwestern to the core, he still lives and dies home state sports and travels back regularly for games and to visit family. A man’s man, he always counseled his sisters never to trust an American who didn’t like football or a European who didn’t like football (the real kind).

He is overeducated. B.A (yes A) Mathematics, MS and PhD with a four-syllable major from Stanford. Tenured at a very prestigious university in the Bay Area. His motto is “Those that can do, those that can’t teach, and those that can’t do either become administrators”. He has compensated for his faculty salary (he told us “it’s good for the soul”), by founding successful startups and advising major corporations in technical intellectual property.  He’s also stepped in same, advising VC’s and Hedge Funds for over two decades.  Currently he is advising/BOD member of 4 startups in series A and B rounds.  La ti da.

But that’s not all. He plays jazz piano (and actually gets paid to do it) at venues in the Bay Area. He received his music education from a well-known music conservatory in the last century and often waxes poetic about the past (he’s truly an old soul). He also is an accomplished ballroom dancer, having won dance contests in dive bars over the years.  And there’s more yet. He also played D1 sports in college. His passion now is golf, holding a 3 handicap. However, don’t worry, he only plays about once or twice a week. He’s almost always the life-of-the-party and can regale you with life experiences such as searching for buried treasure on three continents.

He’s a grateful empty nester. He was married for 14 years, and is devoted to his son who is a college sophomore in southern California focused on baseball, study and girls (but not necessarily in that order).  He’s anticipating the next stage of his life and would love to find his muse. He’s looking for someone who is a yin to his yang. His ideal woman would be 40-60 years old, have humor, kindness, and be down-to-earth. She’s honest, adoring, fun, compassionate, and has sex appeal–perhaps a cross between Madeline Kahn and Sofia Vergara.

If you or anyone you know might make an exceptional match for our dynamic client, please email founder/CEO Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

Thank you and have a great holiday weekend! ❤️✈️😘✨

2 Chainz and Wale Meet the ‘Cupid of Silicon Valley’ aka ‘Shorty’ ;-)

My 2 Chainz Most Expensivest episode is finally here! 2 Chainz has his own thoughts about the service, aiming a suggestion at the viewers who might be on the lookout:

“If you ugly and got low self esteem, you better get you some money. There ain’t no ugly billionaires. Billionaires is cute […] Get yourself some money and for the low price of half a million dollars, you too can buy yourself a wife.”    

Love how Chainz called me ‘Shorty’- I think my business card needs a new title! And yes Wale, I think there needs to be an HBO special about this too!

 

Not interested in going out again with your date? How to reject with class. 👏🏻

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I had a client email me this week inquiring about how to reject the idea of another date if she is genuinely not interested in a future with her match.
She asked, “How/when should I let me date know if I’m not interested? I never want to disappoint them after the date, so I don’t always say exactly what I feel. And sometimes I need some time to think it over. I feel bad when I have to text that I’m not interested because I don’t think it’s the best way. How should I go about being honest with them in the moment?”
I told her a good rule of thumb is to either call or text about mid day the next day. I would wait till after the date and both parties go home. If he texts right after the date and you know you definitely do not want another date, just wait till the next day to respond.
Saying in person at the end of the date is off-putting and painful to hear. So sudden! So soon! No time to reflect and digest. Ouch! It’s like a giant slap in the face. So instead, wait till the next day to gently let your date know you’re not interested. This is a bit more elegant and mature approach to modern dating.
If you are not comfortable calling, in the early stages of dating, a text is fine. If you have had multiple dates with someone, it is best to get together in person to explain you’re just not feeling it or a phone call is acceptable.
A good “template” to follow involves starting the conversation with compliments and praise. Random examples are:
-Thank you for finding such a cool dinner spot last night. I had never even heard of that restaurant and I am so glad you introduced me to such unusual tapas. 
-Thank you for being a gentleman and so kind. It is honestly rare that men open doors anymore and to treat me as well was a welcome surprise! 
– I loved your creative sense of style and the fact that you sewed your own dress by hand is beyond cool. Very unique- especially when everyone seems to go to find easy solutions to buy clothes with online purchases. I’ve never met anyone that knows how to sew and do it with such precision. 😉 
-I was blown-away when you mentioned you completed your Ph.D. program in 3 years on top of full-time work.  That’s truly impressive and no small feat. 
-I loved your story last night of how you decided to start volunteering on the weekends. Finding someone as compassionate and empathetic as you are is frankly rare! 
It then segues to you having taken the necessary time to digest the date and subsequently reflect. Upon your reflection, you feel the long-term chemistry isn’t fully there to warrant another date. (I like people to volley back with a question after this statement such as, and perhaps you agree with me?)
Pay another compliment to the effect of how you have no doubt that he/she will find the love of their life in due time.
This is an extremely kind and tasteful way to gently let your date down and pay it forward with compliments good modern dating behavior. It is so much nicer than ghosting or getting into a texting dialogue, thus leading the other person on- especially if you have no intension of going out again with him/her.
Standout from everyone else by handling the more difficult conversations with elegance when you’re out there dating. You will not only make your date feel better about themselves but in-turn, you will feel great about taking the high road.

 

Just in….client testimonial ❤️

“I am writing to tell you that (name omitted) and I are in a committed, exclusive relationship! She is the love of my life! I am as smitten today as I was on our first date in January. Only now I know that much more about her and have fallen in love with this spectacular woman! She is adding so much to my life!

I have met her children and am off to a good start with them. We just returned from a fabulous one-week vacation and enjoyed every minute of our time together! She has invited me to join her later this month, with her family and friends, at her treasured vacation home. And we have a long list of things to share into the future.

We have agreed that we are perfect for each other – always comfortable together, discussing everything openly (including the hard stuff) and supporting each other during these times of change.

She is such a caring person, empathetic, listens so well, is flexible and accommodating. Yet she is also strong and voices her feelings and opinions to me. She is a hard worker devoted to her family, career development and charitable interests. So fun to be around such a motivated, interesting woman!

I want to thank you again for introducing me to her. You certainly saved your best client for me! Amy, thanks again for your very caring and professional support on this journey! I am very grateful to have her in my life!” 

Recruiting HIGHLY educated 27-34 year old women!

Linx is recruiting female “rock stars” 💫ages 27-34- think highly educated, dynamic, awesome career…serious WOW factor! 🚀

We are representing a handful of marriage-minded Founder/CEO bachelors VIPs who are looking for their needle-in-a-haystack match.

Absolutely NO FEES for qualifying candidates. Please email me directly: amy@linxdating.com

Thank you so much!