The #1 matchmaker globally is going to CDMX!! Linx will be visiting Mexico City, Mexico, from April 16-21st. We are looking for dynamic, eligible men and women who are single and searching for the love of their life! There are no fees to meet and no fees for qualifying candidates to be added to the passive Linx database. We represent clients globally, and you never know, you might make the perfect match for one of our VIPs! If you are ready to start finding love today, email email@example.com to see if you qualify for an in-person candidate screening!
The Nob Hill Gazette’s April 2022 Issue (p. 49) features another Amy Andersen success story from the Bay Area based Peggy and Douglas who found one another through Linx and the help of Andersen. Linx caters to all ages (20’s to 70’s) and is dedicated to the endless possibilities of love and romance that can happen at any age. The article in its entirety is included below.
It’s Never too Late for Love
Written by Katie Sweeney from The Nob Hill Gazette
Love can happen any time in life. Take the modern love story of Douglas Spreng and Peggy Lucchesi. Spreng, a retired 77-year-old executive, decided to try online dating in 2020.” I dated through the pandemic,” he says. He used Our Time, a website and app geared toward adults over 50. “There were peaks and valleys. I was dating the whole time and I probably dated 20 women in a year.’ Tired of striking out, Spreng contacted a fellow Harvard alumnus who started a boutique matchmaking service in San Francisco. “People usually reach out to me,’ says Shannon Lundgren, the founder of Shannon’s Circle, “and I get to know them and find out, can I help them?”
Any person can sign up to be in her database of singles, but paying clients get the benefit from being set up on dates and finding a potential match. “When Douglas came to me, I did a lot of getting to know him,” Lundgren recalls. “The most common qualities that people tell me they’re looking for is someone intellectual curious and kind.” Lundgren set him up on several Zoom dates, but no Sparks Flew. Having combed through the possible candidates in Shannon’s circle, Lundgren called Amy Andersen, another local matchmaker, to see if anyone in her database might be a good fit for Spreng.
Enter Peggy Lucchesi. When Lucchesi moved from New Jersey to the Bay Area in 2014 to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren, she met with Andersen founder of Linx Dating. “I got a call from Amy Andersen after about five years,” Lucchesi recounts. “She said, “I think there’s somebody you might be interested in. Do you want me to send you his profile?”
Spreng and Lucchesi agreed to an online date. It was supposed to last 45 minutes but extended for hours. She invited him to join her for lunch and a swim at the house she shared with her daughter’s family – and the rest is history. “Just imagine a couple of 70-somethings in their bathing suits, jumping around the pool,” Spreng says enthusiastically. “We didn’t kiss on the first date. That would’ve been premature. But there was something about her that made me feel special and relaxed.”
Their relationship progressed rapidly from there. Was it love at first sight? Not quite, but almost. Now the couple lives together, and although they have yet to celebrate their first anniversary, they haven’t ruled out a proposal. What’s their advice to older people looking for love? Don’t let yourself go, stay in good shape, pursue hobbies and be social. But most important: “Accept the idea that it’s possible,” Lucchesi says. “You can find the love of your life at this stage of life.”
After nearly 18 years in business, we are arguably one of the most seasoned matchmakers in the industry and are regularly spoken of as the top global matchmaker worldwide. Thousands of interviews later, we can confidently say that experience matters when hiring a tier one matchmaker. We offer in-depth knowledge and expertise, as well as unparalleled reach via our network, for our clients.
When doing your due diligence researching matchmaking firms, look for a company where the primary matchmaker working on your search is an industry veteran – someone who has sat through thousands of meetings, made countless matches, and who understands human behavior… someone with strong, deeply honed intuition and pattern recognition vs. a green matchmaker who’s been in the business for only a few years!
One of the greatest appeals of Linx is that our clients will work directly with Amy Andersen, the founder and CEO, throughout the search. Clients are not “farmed off” to junior matchmakers or individuals with little or no vested interest in the well-being of the client.
Privacy and Reputation Matter
Keeping our client and prospect information private is a hallmark of the Linx philosophy and we maintain a sterling reputation in the industry, in this regard.
Trustworthiness goes hand in hand with how we conduct our work, and we adhere to the highest standards of integrity to ensure that we protect the identities of our clients and members. This means that we will not reveal any identifiable candidate information until a match is made and we certainly do not gossip about “whom” we work with around town as we live our daily lives.
Founder and CEO Amy Andersen has emerged as the “Cupid of Silicon Valley” having matched many of Silicon Valley’s high profile tech elite, Hollywood, founder & CEOs, and more. Due to the private nature of many of Linx’s high profile clients, we operate meetings in our private offices, gardens, and also offer house visits.
Linx Dating does not cater to the masses – we represent high-caliber clientele who seek our niche, highly reputable approach to matchmaking. There are numerous other services that claim to be “exclusive” and to be working with “elite clients,” but the reality is, they broadcast their services in airline magazines and do not maintain the same standard of quality as Linx.
Linx is the only upscale matchmaking firm that does not publicly advertise its services. We do not need to, as our client base has been built via nearly two decades of word-of-mouth referrals from happy clients and our extended social and professional networks.
Linx is also the only firm to cherry-pick clients whom we know we can genuinely help. We don’t work with everyone who applies and have been coined the “Stanford or Harvard University” of matchmakers. In being selective, we maintain our exclusivity and do not dilute our brand by taking on more business than we can handle.
That said, even if we feel we cannot effectively help someone after our preliminary meet-and-greet, we always provide prospects with options and never leave them rudderless.
The Network Matters
It goes without saying, in hiring a tier-one firm, that you want an incredible network of passive members and premium clients, from whom to draw in sourcing potential matches. In other words, the network is everything! Without such a serious social network and trusted connections, a matchmaker has little to go on.
To center in on a network, you want a highly developed local network. Though Linx has historically specialized in the San Francisco Bay Area / Silicon Valley and continues to do so, it has also accumulated a substantial network in Southern California. As they say with real estate, location, location, location! Linx is wedged in the heart of Silicon Valley and is here to stay! Moreover, though heavily anchored in California, Linx attracts members from all over the US and the globe including Seattle, New York, Texas, the Middle East, Europe, and Asia.
We know how important marketing is when it comes to our VIP client searches. With the right presentation, we can significantly optimize your positioning when it comes to attracting the ideal match.
We are the only global firm that specializes in leveraging our trusted brand to market select VIP searches through use of social media, our blog, and website. We are consistently applauded for our content and writing. We have a very trusted team dedicated to graphic design, wordsmithing, and photography to make our VIP client descriptions shine, such that they ultimately attract the right candidates to apply to meet the client.
We are proud to share that our method is a proven one. Time and time again, VIP searches that were listed on the Linx Dating website attracted an exact “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs. After scrupulous vetting, we matched the client to the prospect and, well, the rest is history.
Timing and Preparation Matter
We are experts in carefully helping prospects transition to dating, often after having not dated for a significant period of time, e.g. after the loss of a loved one, separation, breakup, or divorce. We know how vital it is, before you “go on the market” again to get prepared and to go to market with success and gusto. From providing the new client with nuggets of dating wisdom, to strategic thinking around the type of match they need for a healthy and long-term thriving relationship, and countless preparation techniques (wardrobe, coaching, concierge, etc.) we have you covered!
We have trusted partnerships and deep resources when it comes to specialists in various fields. At Linx we know where our core expertise lies and are careful not to dilute our matchmaking efforts. As such, we leverage our trusted connections, as needed, to provide a full suite of offerings to clients. These include wardrobe styling, hair, make-up, photography, date coaching, fitness, nutrition, concierge services, and access to other elite matchmaking firms with whom we might collaborate on certain searches, so as to cast an even wider net.
While most traditional matchmaking firms do not seek to represent women as actual paying clients, Linx is extremely proud to do so – we represent many such educated and dynamic females who are bright, sophisticated, and possess stellar academic backgrounds.
Although we are steeped in old school traditional methodology and human intuition when it comes to matchmaking, we do not operate in the stone age.
Our team regularly utilizes proprietary data science techniques, as appropriate, to cull candidates in executive search/recruiting style “out of network” searches for VIP clients.
Healthy Clients Matter
We work with individuals who are balanced and healthy – mentally and physically – and are in the right place to get serious about finding the loves of their lives!
Our clients typically lead active lifestyles and enjoy the creature comforts with some moderation. Linx is also the only matchmaking firm that chooses not to work with smokers.
Personalization and Passion Matter
As Linx only accepts a select number of clients annually, all of whom work directly with founder/CEO Amy Andersen, our services are highly personalized, narrowly tailored to the needs of the client, and built around regular and direct access to Amy, who built the business from scratch and is deeply passionate about what she does.
Our handsome Caucasian VIP bachelor stands tall at 6’4″ with a healthy musculature and athletic physique, and is based in the heart of Silicon Valley. Born and raised in the Midwest, he is marriage-minded and values hard work, healthy living, humility, and substance.
He is a natural leader, adventurer-seeker, and dynamic self-starter. After completing his graduate studies at an Ivy League, he pursued a career abroad in finance, where he quickly rose through the ranks to hold executive management positions. After working abroad for over a decade, he returned to the states for his next adventure: building a deep tech company in Silicon Valley.
As founder and CEO of a burgeoning tech company, he is now ready to settle down and pursue the adventure of a lifetime with the right woman.
Outside of his very successful career, our VIP enjoys swimming, cycling, yoga, and reading to stay physically and mentally fit. In his spare time, he likes to build and contribute to the communities in which he’s involved: swim club, his neighborhood, veteran causes, just to name a few. He also loves spending time with friends, organizing and throwing parties, and making others smile!
He has a great sense of humor and hopes to find a woman to share laughs with. His ideal match is in her 30’s and has dated to the point where she is completely ready to settle down with her dream guy. If she is living outside of the Bay Area, she’s open to relocation and putting her roots into building an incredible life with her leading man in Silicon Valley.
His match is super cute and sporty, natural in her appearance, fit, smart, a strong communicator, social, warm hearted, humble, and has a heart of gold. Although our client leads a very comfortable nice life and is excited to provide for his family one day, the antithesis of his comfort zone are flashy labels, a life of excess, hard partying, and drama. He’s never been married, no kids, and looks forward to both.
This guy is a total catch and wants to find his dream partner in 2021. Now that Covid restrictions are lifted, what are you waiting for?
If you or anyone you know might make a beautiful match for this gem of a bachelor, please contact Amy at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Absolutely no fees for qualifying female candidates.
This week has been another super busy one taking many meetings with mostly men who qualify to meet some of our female VIP clients (interestingly, all the men we met this week are from Europe!) We’ve even been doing house appointments to ensure complete discretion and privacy for some uber high profile VIP clients and prospects. In fact, last Saturday the Linx ladies arrived to a very high profile gentleman’s home in Silicon Valley to chat about matchmaking. We hear time and time again Linx Dating is the only matchmaker that well-educated, high caliber individuals would hire. Why? Due to our A+ reputation, scrupulous screening process, esteemed private network, and tireless dedication to our craft to name a few!
As the scope of our VIP client projects are vast and detailed, I’m hiring a highly skilled individual I’ve known for years to help with recruitment. She will leverage her existing networks and help source eligible individuals for us to add to our existing database and importantly, find people who could be that perfect “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs. Following the Linx process, she will screen all candidates in person and cherry pick the best, weeding out the rest.
We protect our male and female clients all day long and serve as a giant filter for them. In the era of dating apps and dating “in the wild” on your own where you simply don’t know “who” you are dealing with, one can’t place a premium on the value we bring to our trusted clients.
We are also in the midst of planning a fabulous private Spring soiree in Silicon Valley. Linx events are always well attended and in high demand. Stay tuned for more on any upcoming events….
Next week is another very busy week with lots of matchmaking, appointments, and media projects. We are so grateful to our wonderful clients, match candidates in our database, and friends who provide such on-going support and love of Linx.
My dating advice for your upcoming dates this weekend is to always remember to be genuine! The worst thing you can do on a date is misrepresent yourself. Don’t pretend to be interested in things that truly bore you. Don’t bring up topics you don’t want to discuss. Don’t be silent about your own likes and dislikes because you don’t want to be judged.
Remember that, at heart, all Linx members are looking for the same thing – real and lasting human connections. So if you find yourself sitting across from a first date and neither of you knows what to say, start with the question that most single people would like to be asked more often; smile, take a deep breath, and open with “How was your day? ❤️
Have a great weekend ahead!
There is no doubt that the most fulfilling thing about my business is that I get to try to help people, on a daily basis, with matters of the heart. When it comes to love, there are few fixed rules, and relationships are often quite complicated… so each time that I can put two people together and help give them a chance to find happiness, it reminds me why I really do what I do.
Every once in awhile, I like to share a specific story of one of my couples. In this case, I just attended their wedding yesterday in wine country and was reminded how unique their story is and why it can be a lesson to all of us in how special true love can be.
The groom had been referred to me by a family member 8+ years ago after he had sustained a very bad life threatening injury that had left him incapacitated
for a period of time. His sports injury had left him with long term damage to his eye sight in one eye, as well as, deafness in one ear.
While incapacitated recovering, his wife at the time took very bad advantage of his state and burned through a bunch of their investments, divorced him, and left him without any financial resources. Basically, it seemed like it was all over for him. From a foundational perspective, this man is extremely lucky to even be alive.
Against all odds, this incredible man persevered.
I met him, agreed to work with him with open arms, and fell in love with his spirit, optimism, and fighter mentality. I immediately could see that he was loyal beyond compare and one of the most down-to-earth, no pretenses about him kind of guy. No wonder why my relative referred him!
Though my new client feared that Linx would only work with high net worth women looking for high net worth men, I allayed his fears and found him a San Francisco based woman who was a total sweetheart – with a heart of gold, compassion, and integrity. She never saw his injuries as reason to not date him or having to start over financially as a cause to reject. She had met her soul mate and that’s all that mattered.
It was his third Linx match and her second Linx match that resulted in their dreamy magical chemistry. I even helped plan his proposal at Cavallo Point in Marin years ago.
The two had a long 5-year engagement. The five years brought them even closer as they moved from San Francisco to Michigan so that he could complete his graduate degree to start a new career and she could be closer to home and also evolve her career. They have recently begun their new life in the San Diego area and love the healthy lifestyle So Cal offers and warm sand in their toes only minutes away.
They finally had the wine country wedding of their dreams this Labor Day weekend… 4pm on Sunday – a perfectly intimate setting at a beautiful property, shaded with trees overlooking vineyards. There was a gentle breeze setting in magically at the most needed time on a blazing hot day in the sun where highs were 100+ degrees in the direct sun.
The Linx couple exchanged heartfelt vows under a Chuppah, followed by outdoor cocktails and seated dinner and then barn dancing with a live band followed. Seeing his complete adoration for her and her pure love for him brings such joy to my heart. The happy couple is now somewhere up high in the skies en route to their beach honeymoon and for some much needed R & R. Mazel Tov!
Relationships end for a variety of reasons—some we can control, others we cannot. Before your next relationship, consider asking yourself if any of these issues are sabotaging your efforts at finding a deep, committed relationship.
- Your ex is STILL coming up
We all have a past, but when the past becomes the fodder of our present, you are creating a rift between you and your partner’s ability to connect. Talk of past relationships not only reveals that you’re not moving forward, it also jeopardizes your chances of a future. If you find yourself beginning sentences with “My ex and I…” or “When I dated X…” consider taking some time away from dating to understand why you’re still telling these stories.
- You couldn’t trust
It’s no surprise that trust is the crux of all healthy relationships; without the bond of trust, a couple will miss an opportunity to experience true intimacy. Aside from cheating, trust issues can also indicate jealousy, game playing, and possessiveness.
If relationships have ended because you couldn’t trust, ask yourself if it was because of actual events (i.e. your partner lied to you, broke promises, hacked into your phone) or if you are feeling unable to trust without cause (i.e. you feel jealous even though your partner has never strayed). Being able to differentiate feelings that stem from actual events versus unsubstantiated paranoia will help you uncover barriers to intimacy.
- You were Mr./Mrs. Right Now, not Mr./Mrs. Right
The relationship is guaranteed to fail if you find yourself on either side of this equation. Not all relationships are built to last—and that doesn’t make them any less important to our growth—but if you are looking for a life partner, meeting someone who is open to the same is crucial for long-term success.
If you are with someone until you land your dream job, move, lose weight, or meet someone better, you are wasting your time and your partner’s time. If your partner is not your priority, you aren’t ready for an enduring long-term relationship. If you’re wondering if you’re the top priority—you’re not.
- You harbor contempt
Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert on couples’ studies, concluded that the single, best predictor of divorce is contempt. Contempt, a toxic combo of anger, disgust and frustration, stems from a superiority complex. When we are unable to see our partner’s point of view because we believe they are less intelligent, sensitive, or competent than we are, we are making it impossible to communicate about the things that bother us.
In addition to contempt, there were three other closely related patterns of toxic communication: criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (shutting down, no eye contact, etc.)
- You were emotionally dependent
If you are unable to make yourself happy, you will always seek someone who can distract you from the uncomfortable feelings you have towards yourself. Not only is it unfair to expect your partner to keep you afloat, it’s dangerous to allow someone else to hold the keys to your happiness. Codependent people usually don’t keep high standards when it comes to how others treat them, so it’s more likely that they end up with a partner who doesn’t treat them well. There are many ways to heal from codependency, but they all start with a belief that you—and you alone—can make yourself happy.
- You stopped appreciating your partner
A lack of appreciation comes in many forms. Perhaps you’ve stopped making an effort—to make fun plans, to keep up your appearance, to remind your partner how special they are. Taking someone for granted is a quick way to kill the romance and up the apathy.
When someone is asking what is best for “us”, compromise ensues. If you stop appreciating your partner’s efforts, it’s easy to stop asking “What is best for us?” and replacing it with “What is best for me?”
Of course not all reasons our relationships end are because we are at fault. Without the right timing, otherwise compatible people won’t be able to connect for reasons outside of their control. Age, seemingly just a number, will start to matter if he’s 28 finishing grad school and she’s 34 looking forward to starting a family. Life situations can also affect our chances of connection. If he’s ready to move things forward while she’s healing post divorce, the couple will not be able to connect on the same level. Situations can change, broken hearts can heal, and different phases can pass, but if the timing is going to be ‘off’ for more than a few months, it is better to make a clean break and revisit at another time.
If you’re not getting approached, you might wonder, ‘What are these men looking for?’ or ‘What is wrong with me?’ To answer the question, it’s important to note the difference between desirability and approachability. We all have traits that make us desirable, but unless we look available and willing to engage in conversation, our best qualities will stay a secret. In other words, YOU are not the problem, but there might be something wrong with the SIGNALS you send.
When it comes to approaching an interesting stranger, men and women are quite similar. We all have egos to protect. To make sure they don’t end up embarrassed or rejected, men look for any clue that reason to initiate conversation. If you want him to make the first move, try these five tips.
- Choose your group wisely.
Women tend to go out in packs, adding extra pressure on someone deciding when and how to approach. When he knows he will not only have to impress you, but also your friends, you’re making it easier for him to bow out.
Men are also sensitive to other males. It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother or gay best friend. He’s not paying attention to the context, just the chromosomes.
Pro Tip: If the group is large, stand to the side so you can be approached without forcing him to engage the group. If you’re not interested, you can easily segue back into the group setting.
- Cultivate an inviting vibe.
Your facial expression and body language matter. Smile at him and the people around you to put out the ‘I’m friendly and won’t be standoff-ish’ vibe. To escalate the moment, catch his gaze for sustained eye contact. All nonverbal communication has meaning, so consider what your posture and demeanor are saying.
Pro Tip: Always scan your surroundings to see if someone is trying to communicate with you via nonverbal cues. If you’re fixated on the conversation, you’ll miss opportunities to reciprocate interest.
- Give him something to say.
For men, the hardest part of the approach is knowing what to say. You can grease the wheels by inadvertently supplying the topic via clothing or behavior. You might wear a sports jersey to give him an invitation to talk about the team or the upcoming game. Or, you could peruse the menu at length to give him an invitation to talk about what he ordered.
Pro Tips: Bring a prop. If you’re at the coffee shop, leave the book you’re reading on the table. It will give him the perfect springboard into conversation.
You might also consider wearing an unusual pendant when you’re out and about. The pendant doesn’t need to be expensive, but it needs to stand out to be a great ice breaker. As you’re sitting in the café, run your fingers along the chain while “reading” your book and glance up, locking gaze with an attractive male. You’re signaling interest without saying a word and inviting him to talk to you.
A pendant with a great story will help you gain even more traction. Maybe it’s an unusual crystal you had cast in silver from a hike you took in the Dolomites or a coin from your great grandmother. Sharing an interesting story about yourself is a great way to keep his attention and reveal your sense of adventure. And who doesn’t love being entertained by an interesting, worldly woman?
- Remember: Location, Location, Location.
Proximity is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the approach. If you’re moving around, you’ll be a lot harder to catch. Try to stay in the same place to give him an opportunity to make a move.
Pro Tip: Settle in a place that is central to the room. If you are in a corner, not only are you harder to access, but you’ve raised the stakes by making it harder for him (and you) to move along if there’s no conversation.
- Give him a reason to contact you.
Getting him to approach you is only the first step. You can escalate the conversation by bringing up topics that segue into plans. Upcoming events make for perfect conversation, even if you don’t end up attending the event together. In the conversation, you might ask about an extra ticket, but days later you might find yourselves circling back to talk about how the event was.
Pro Tip: Have personal calling cards with you at all times. Whereas business cards reveal too much personal information (like your last name) and tend to set the stage for business, a personal calling card is a smart dating tool that gives him all the information he needs to get in touch. Think first name, personal email, and mobile. Simple, classic, and elegant is best.
Ultimately, all of your actions should be inviting and reassuring to help your partner escalate the interaction into a more romantic situation. Smiling and encouraging the conversation to flow will make you more attractive to interested strangers.
If you’re a single mom or single dad looking for a relationship, you’ve realized the process is different with kids in tow. Below, we’re simplifying some of the most commonly asked questions from our single parent daters.
Where Can I Meet People?
Problem: “I’ve aged out of—and lost all interest in—the bar scene. I spend time at the office, my backyard, and PTA meetings…not exactly great places to meet eligible singles. Where can I meet people without sacrificing quality time with my kids?”
Solution: Instead of kid-centered locales—like playgrounds—opt for kid-friendly spots like farmer’s markets and parks that will give you a chance to meet new adults. Also, with limited time, consider outsourcing your introductions to someone you can trust. Your friend network is a great place to start and so are the professional matchmakers in your area.
When Should You Reveal You Have Kids?
Problem: “I am meeting people at parties and online. I feel comfortable starting the conversation, but I am anxious to bring up my kids because I don’t want to scare anyone away or share this personal information too soon. When do I bring it up?”
Solution: There is no use skirting the issue: Your kids are going to be a part of any long-term relationship you pursue. With that said, you should weave in this detail sooner rather than later. Once you acknowledge that you have a child, keep the conversation about you. As much as you’d like to talk about your kid’s cutest moments, you need to remember that people want to know who you are first.
How Do I Talk to My Kids About My Dating?
Problem: “I’m ready to move forward with dating, but I don’t know what to tell my kids—if anything at all. Should I tell my children that I’m seeing new people or just wait until I meet someone to have the conversation?”
Solution: This is a situation where less is more. A very simple, “I’m heading out tonight to meet someone new” should be sufficient. If you’re getting pressed for more details, keep the sharing to a minimum and change the subject.
When Do I Introduce the Kids?
Problem: “I’ve been seeing someone for a couple months, and I’d like to introduce them to my kids before we get more serious. Is this the right time?”
Solution: Since children can attach easily, be diligent about bringing someone new into their life. If a new person disappears after your child attaches, it can challenge and stress their emotional ecosystem. Postpone any meetings between your children and your latest partner until your relationship is serious and stable.
Do I Have to Introduce My Ex to the New Person in My Life?
Problem: “When I’m doing the kid hand-off with my ex wife, I don’t know whether or not to introduce my new partner. How long do I wait to make the introduction?”
Solution: New characters only need to be formally introduced if there is a serious future in store. Until that point, there is no need to complicate your pre-existing child rearing arrangements—or your ex’s life. When you are ready to make the introductions, make sure all parties are prepared and you have the goal of the meeting outlined: A cordial relationship between the women in your life that will ultimately spare your kids future tension.
Dating after divorce isn’t easy but, with nearly half of all marriages ending in separation, it’s not unusual. However, for some women who haven’t been married before, your divorce can pose some challenges. Many daters associate divorced people with excess baggage. Being upfront and willing to talk openly about your past can clear up these misconceptions and help your date clear up any doubts that are getting in the way of a potential relationship.
Knowing what to reveal about your divorce is half the battle; you also need to know how to talk about your experience.
Here are the top 5 questions women ask themselves when dating a divorced man and tips on how to answer them effectively:
- Does he have a crazy ex wife?
Your date is trying to figure out how your ex wife will affect the relationship you share. She might wonder, “Will his ex be a source of perpetual drama?” or “Is the ex wife vindictive?” Whether or not your ex has handled the divorce maturely is irrelevant; your date just needs to know that you are able to handle any backlash from your past. Although tempting, you should never throw your ex wife under the bus. Not only is it unattractive, it reveals underlying anger on your part that can be perceived as a red flag.
How to discuss: “We were both ready for those divorce papers and once everything was finalized, we both moved on to better things.”
- Is he in a rush to get married right away?
To make up for a failed marriage, some men are overly eager to get it right the second time. This question has a way of answering itself, but it’s best to avoid talk of marriage early in the courtship.
How to discuss: “After being married X years, I know myself better and have a clear picture of the kind of woman I’d like to share my life with. I also know that being in a rush to make that happen would ruin the fun.”
- Is he afraid of getting married again?
A painful divorce could deter anyone from round two, so it’s important to convey that you are open—but not rushing—to marriage. She wants to know that you won’t let a bad experience get in the way of a future with her.
How to discuss: “Marriage didn’t work out the first time around, but I’m excited to figure it out again and share my life with the right person.”
- Why did they get divorced?
In the early stages of dating, you can answer this question sufficiently without going into much detail. Even if you made some serious mistakes during your marriage, you can address them later once the relationship has progressed. In the meantime, stick to a message that reveals how much you learned and evolved from your first marriage.
How to discuss: “Marriage for us wasn’t right in so many ways—it’s hard to pick just one reason why it fell apart. I’m glad I went through it because I’ll make a better partner next time around.”
- If kids are in the picture, what does that picture look like?
If you have children, absolutely mention them early in the relationship; they should never come as a surprise to your date. She will want to know about the relationship you have with your kids and the role they will play in your courtship.
How to discuss: “I have two kids from my first marriage, and I share custody with my ex wife. I’ve got the kids on weekends, and I love being involved in their lives. I try to give them as much stability as possible, so I generally keep my relationships and kids separate in the beginning. Would love for you to meet them one day when the time is right for both of us.”
Remember, your divorce is not a deal breaker, it’s just a part of your story. Being open about your failed relationship and framing it the right way will help your partner realize that although your first marriage was broken, it gave you an opportunity to be a better partner in your next relationship.
The best first dates, start with you being you. Read tips on being the best version of yourself on a date here.