Amy Andersen

It’s 2021…Ladies Make Your Move

I met Jon Birger seven years ago, over lunch in Palo Alto.

A Fortune Magazine writer working on his first book Date-onomics, Jon wanted to talk about Bay Area dating — specifically how the region’s rather unique oversupply of educated men impacted people’s love lives.

Published in 2015, Date-onomics argued that shifting sex ratios among the college educated are behind the rise of the hookup culture and the decline in marriage rates. In nearly every other part of the country, it’s the college-educated women who are in oversupply. Nationally, one-third more women than men have graduated college since 2000.

This might not matter so much if we were more open-minded about whom we date and marry. Thing is, college grads still like to date other college grads, and this preference leads to lopsided sex ratios in the dating pool. And lopsided sex ratios give the scarcer sex the upper hand.

For Jon, San Francisco and Santa Clara County were the exceptions that proved the rule. The Bay Area is the one well-populated region of the country where educated men outnumber educated women. Yes, we’ve still got our share of playboys. But generally speaking, the Bay Area boasts some of the highest marriage rates and lowest divorce rates in the country for college-educated women.

As you can imagine, Date-onomics generated a ton of buzz when it was published. Glamour, Time, Good Morning America, The Washington Post, National Public Radio and countless other media outlets all produced stories or segments about Jon’s first book.

Now he has a new dating book coming out in February — MAKE YOUR MOVE: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge. I read an advance review copy of Make Your Move, and it’s terrific. So terrific that I asked Jon if he’d answer a few questions about it for the Linx blog. He obliged.

AMY ANDERSEN: Jon, what inspired you to write another dating book?

JON BIRGER: It had a lot to do with being on book tour with Date-onomics.

The first book was more pop science than self help. Yeah, there was a little bit of advice tucked into the final chapter, but it was only there because my editor demanded it.

My primary goal with Date-onomics was simply to explain why dating had become so hard for young, successful, college-educated women. I wanted to shed light on this strange phenomenon so many of us are familiar with — this plethora of fabulous women in their thirties and forties who cannot seem to find a decent guy.

When the first book came out, I had it in my head that women would be relieved to hear that their dating woes were not their fault. I thought the knowledge-is-power thing would be enough.

Well, you can probably guess what happened when I got out on book tour and started taking questions.

Women still wanted you to tell them how to find a husband.

Yep.

I’d give speeches to mostly female audiences or go on radio shows with mostly female callers, and they wanted advice on their love lives. They wanted me to explain why other women whom they considered no more attractive or successful didn’t have the same problems they did.

I didn’t have great answers, and that’s what prompted me to write Make Your Move. Backed by the latest research on dating, Make Your Move is all about solutions and strategies for hetero, marriage-minded women who are navigating an unfair dating market. There’s a lot of fun storytelling too. I interviewed all these amazing women with romantic stories about how they found their partners by ignoring the traditional dating rules and norms that had been holding them back.

A lot of your advice in Make Your Move involves encouraging women to make the first move, right?

That’s definitely part of it.

I don’t want to give away too much, but I do believe our culture is at an inflection point. Young women are kicking ass in education, sports, business, media, politics and so much else. So why the heck would anyone tell these women that they’ve got to wait for a man to ask them out? 

Do you think men are changing too?

I do. I think the whole culture is changing — which is why this new generation of singles needs a new dating bible!

If you think about it, nearly every best-selling dating guide written over the past forty years — from The Rules to Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy — has told women that in order to bag a man, they must commit to a very complicated game of playing hard to get. The message these books ask women to send to men boils down to “not interested means keep trying.”

I don’t think this was ever a helpful message, but in the post-#MeToo world, it’s really, really unhelpful.

Men have learned important lessons from #MeToo. Maybe we’re not learning as fast as we should, but we are learning. Nowadays if a woman indicates she’s not interested, most men will just take her at her word and move on. 

Do men actually want women to make the first move?

Most do. A woman who makes the first move takes away a man’s fear of rejection. She makes it easier for him to be himself around her. There’s less peacocking. More conversation.

I’ll give you an example from the book. It involves a 29-year-old named Becca — someone I know pretty well because she was our Saturday-night babysitter years ago. Becca is attractive, but key thing to understand about Becca is she has a huge personality. She’s a real cut-up. My kids loved her.

Of course, some men find the extrovert thing intimidating. When I mentioned the new book to her, she started telling me the story of how she and her boyfriend first got together. They met at a party. They were talking, having a good time, but it was apparent he was too nervous to do anything about it. So Becca just blurted out, “Hey, are you going to ask for my number?”

That’s how it started for them.

I know there are women out there who will never believe this, but the whole key to understanding men is that men like women who like them. Too many women have been raised on the notion that men love the chase and that a man will become less interested in her the moment she’s too interested in him.

Perhaps that was true once upon a time, but I’ve yet to meet the man who broke up with a woman he liked simply because she was too enthusiastic about him. I’ve also yet to meet a guy who enjoyed guessing which women are playing a game and which just want to be left alone. This is why assertive women willing to make a first move have such an advantage over women who sideline themselves by waiting to be courted.

Is there such a thing as too assertive?

I don’t think the first move has to be anything dramatic.

I know that the rule-followers always conjure up images of women throwing themselves at men any time someone suggests women making the first move. But that’s not at all what I’m talking about. Think about what Becca did. She didn’t grab the guy’s butt. All she did was open the door wide enough to make him feel confident about walking through.

In the book, you urge women to take a break from online dating. Why?

Just to be clear, I’m not opposed to all online dating. There are some niche dating apps that I like a lot, and I do write about them in the book. I also recognize that in COVID times, online dating may be only dating some people are comfortable with.

Still, I think many singles would be happier if they ditched the apps and tried asking out people they actually know instead. Over the past year, the dark side of online dating has really been coming into focus. According to Pew Research, 57% of women report experiencing harassment on dating apps, and 19% say they’ve been threatened with physical violence. Overall, 55% of women believe dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.

So tell me about the “Make Your Move Offline Dating Challenge.”

It’s one chapter in the book. It’s essentially a step-by-step plan for dating in the real world instead of the digital one — for finding more meaningful connections.

The reason I created the offline dating challenge is there’s too much anxiety surrounding dating right now. Online daters don’t trust each other. The whole purpose of the offline dating challenge is to make people more comfortable about dating. Less jaded. Less fearful.

When I was in my 20s, blind dates with complete strangers were pretty rare. Nowadays, most online first dates are blind dates with complete strangers. What’s so difficult about this is you have no idea what kind of person will walk through the door. Everybody who knows your online first date knows him better than you do, so you really are flying blind.

Now compare the online first date with a stranger to going out on a first date with someone you already know and like — a co-worker or a neighbor or someone from church or maybe a friend of a friend. It’s a much different experience. It’s much easier to fall in like or in love when you share common experiences or common friends — and when you’re not worried the person across the table from you could be an axe murderer.

When I was dating up a storm from online sites in my 20’s, the biggest problem was lack of filtering. Lots of good guys but those guys were looking for only fun in the here and now. Their goal was getting laid over actually finding a compatible partner. 

Hah. That’s obviously a familiar experience for lots of women, though I have seen research showing women use apps for sex as often as men do.

I think a fundamental problem with dating apps is the anonymity fosters miscommunication and mistruths — especially on that all-important question of whether the other person is looking for a hookup or a long-term relationship. It’s just easier to behave badly with strangers than with people connected to your daily life.

A woman I interviewed for the book described online dating to me as “a doubter’s game,” and this struck me as a really interesting turn of phrase. Based on past experiences, she just assumed most men on dating apps were lying to her. She’d spend first dates trying to poke holes in their stories.

Needless to say, that didn’t lead to a lot of second dates.

Well, this woman is now engaged to a man she met through a mutual friend. Before her first date with the now-fiancée, she didn’t even bother googling him. She told me she didn’t have to because she knew her friend would never set her up with a man who was unkind or untrustworthy.

“It’s more of a believer’s game,” she said about old-fashioned dating. “I was just more inclined to find the positive. It was actually the closest thing to love at first sight I’d ever experienced.”

In the book, you cite research showing that couples who meet at work, in college, through friends, in church, etc. stay together longer than those who meet on the apps. Why do you think that is?

Human beings evolved as social animals, and we bond through shared experiences. Those shared experiences — those fun stories we like to tell and re-tell — become building blocks for deeper connections. This is why couples who know each other tend to have lower breakup rates than couples who first meet online.

What’s your opinion of professional matchmaking?

I put matchmaking into the “met through friends” category.

I have no doubt that your best clients view you as confidante and friend more than as a paid advisor. The only difference between being set up by a close friend and being set up by a good matchmaker is the matchmaker has a much longer list of single men and women to choose from. (I’m always reminded of that scene from “When Harry Met Sally,” when Carrie Fisher pulls out her rolodex during lunch and tries unsuccessfully to come up with men she can set up Meg Ryan with.)

That being said, not everybody who’ll read Make Your Move can afford to spend five figures on a high-end matchmaker like Linx. Most can’t. But I still want them to know that there are other, better ways to date than swiping on Tinder.

2020 was a challenging year for everybody, but finding your dream partner can make even the darkest times seem brighter. Have you seen anything that should give people hope in 2021, at least when it comes to love and romance?

Absolutely. Maybe it’s all those “How it began … how it’s going” memes floating around social media, but I see plenty of reasons for optimism. I love all the videos of women proposing to their boyfriends, for instance. I love the then-and-now photos of couples who started out as friends — and not as Tinder matches! — and are now celebrating anniversaries.

Those are the kind of things that gives me hope.

When does Make Your Move go on sale? Where can people buy it?

Make Your Move comes out Feb. 2, but it’s available for pre-order now from all the major retailers and independent booksellers — AmazonBarnes & NobleWal-MartBooks-a-MillionIndieboundIndigo. There’s an audiobook version too.

FYI, I’m usually willing to meet virtually with book clubs that buy and read one of my books. For info on the book-club Q&A’s — or on anything else related to Make Your Move or Date-onomics — folks can reach out to me via my author website, jonbirger.com.

Linx Featured in Modern Luxury’s Dynamic Women Issue

Announcing a new VIP search for one of Silicon Valley’s most dynamic technologists turned investor.

Our client is a 41-year-old intellectual and dynamic gentleman of Russian heritage. He stands 5’9” with inviting blue eyes, a fair, clean-shaven complexion, and slender, yet strong build. His looks range from stylish to nerdy, favoring eyewear and leather jackets with eclectic designs. Growing up in St. Petersburg, he has been shaped by the endless trips to museums with historic paintings, biking, fishing, disassembling electronics, and fixing things for classmates.

Though the first few rubles he earned were from selling strawberries at the market with his grandfather, our client is a software engineer by trade. He spent half of his life building startups and co-founding one of the major technology companies, and he always strives to do well in his work. His projects have led to incredible experiences such as the creation of virtual reality worlds, stepping in and being the first to perceive them in breathtaking ways not conceivable before, celebrating public product launch with a small team of friends, and collaborating with the legends of the software industry.

In recent years, he has developed a growing passion for biosciences and investing. He sees aging and frailty as some of the starkest causes of human suffering, but he finds hope in the emergence of technologies aimed at improving these facets of humanity. He feels strongly that this is one of the most impactful and challenging problems facing humanity, so he spends much of his time running a fund focused on extending the human health and life span.

A relentless brainiac, he’s inherently curious and enjoys intellectual discussions. From reading scientific papers, attending startup incubator gatherings and AI conferences, or taking it up a notch and crossing the ocean to explore the Tanzanian wilderness of the Ngorongoro crater, he takes every opportunity to learn and grow. Though he values strong and reasoned opinions, he is happy to consider different sides, understanding that life is rarely black and white and there is always room to grow. He’d love an open-minded partner who is willing to approach life in the same way.

On weekends, he enjoys exploring new trails, loving the crumbling pebbles under his feet and the scent of fresh air. Upon arrival, you can expect him to unroll the blanket, give you a long hug, and settle in with a good book to enjoy with the peaceful view of the oceanside behind the hills. On other days, he enjoys being social, which might look like checking out a comedy show or simply grabbing lunch or a drink with friends. Looking forward to the day we resume normalcy, he’d love to take you blues dancing or to a salsa club. He is also up for biking, skiing, yoga, jogging barefoot on the beach… all in all, combining an active lifestyle with downtime for oneself through reflection, note-taking, and meditation.

His dream match is brains and beauty personified, but not necessarily in the conventional sense. She is 25-33 years old, between 5’3”-5’8”, feminine, active and physically fit, and embraces her own unique sense of style. Her heritage might be European, American, or Mixed race. Physically, our VIP will be drawn to her natural beauty and warm smile. 

Rather than the “partying” type in college, his dream girl was occasionally social, spending most university nights coding, learning bridge, or putting in extra hours in the lab. Colleagues would describe her as determined, sharp, creative, and always curious. Her contemporaries would describe her as warm and engaging, happy, humble, secure, independent, and open-minded. Her empathy and intellect enables her to inspire her team at work to push the cutting edge in her field and attract the brightest minds from across the world.

Maybe she spends her days in biotech, tech, medicine, business, or the sciences. Regardless, she is incessantly analytical, but also has an animated creative side. She loves reading new books, working on DIY projects, appreciating the great outdoors, pushing herself through a healthy lifestyle. On her slow, lazy days, she loves playing or listening to music, or calming her ever-agile brain with yoga or meditation. 

Although our client has not been married before and does not currently have any children, he envisions both in his future and plans to take this role very seriously. 

If you or anyone you know might make the perfect match for this VIP, please submit your information. There are NO fees for qualified candidates to meet our client.

As cliche as it might sound….our newest VIP is truly the whole package and then some!

Our client is 52-years old, Caucasian, and clean cut with a full head of dark hair. He stands 6’2” and has a solid athletic build, largely owed to his long-standing track record of participating in competitive sports (during which he has won multiple accolades!). Born in San Francisco, this gentleman was raised in a modest, North Bay country town where he spent time on the ranch, learned the value of perseverance, and developed his confidence and entrepreneurial attitude. Carrying these virtues throughout his life, he now resides in an elegant, gated golf course community in the San Francisco Bay Area.

By day, he is an accomplished plastic surgeon and has founded one of the finest medical centers in the country – here, in his own hospital, he cares for patients and sees clients from all over the world. He is also an angel investor and strategic advisor, and companies in his field frequently seek his expertise and help in business development and commercialization of new medical devices. He also serves as a C-level executive for a public company in the aesthetic industry, where he is able to creatively further his passions – from dreaming up new technologies to developing them, testing for FDA approval, and even launching, our client is a man who is able to wear many hats. In fact, he also serves as the Chair of the Board for an organization that is working to provide a local athletic program for underprivileged youth, which he finds very personally fulfilling.  

Despite a packed professional schedule, our client has nights, weekends, and holidays off (except for the occasional business dinner or social/professional event). Making sure to protect his personal time, he starts the weekend at noon on Fridays by hopping in his plane and jetting off for a weekend adventure! Frequent destinations include his vacation homes in Lake Tahoe and the Coachella Valley, but air trips anywhere are often spontaneous: Sedona, Bend, Vegas, Seattle, Scottsdale, SoCal, the world is your oyster! He is also a fantastic cook and loves to host holiday gatherings with family and friends. Did we mention that he also makes Napa wine? 

For him, family is a priority – both yours and his. Though he unfortunately lost his father who was an influential figure in his life, he is still very close with his mom. Nowadays, he is an empty nester with two kids in college (20 and 18 years old), though he spent many years coaching his kids’ sports teams and loved to be the “cool dad” who hosted massive slumber parties (often with more than 25 kids at a time!).  

Our client is stable, dependable, and driven. He has faced significant adversity in his life and has always taken it as an opportunity to better himself – he is a rock and has a rather grounding presence. He is affectionate, easygoing, and loves to tease and laugh. He is also highly intellectual, practical, well-read, and quite the expert on a variety of topics, with outstanding focus, determination, and off-the-chart efficiency. He has traditional values, a strong central core, and considers himself deeply spiritual, though he is not religious. In this vein, he realizes that we are one and that the future is bright, despite the challenging circumstances of our current reality.  

His ideal match is 28-48 years old, well-educated, accomplished, and has demonstrated excellence in some capacity. Ideally, she is Caucasian, European, or Latina, and like him, she doesn’t sweat the small stuff and would rather share a good laugh than act combative. She is warm, affectionate, and fun! She prefers to be present and fully enjoy amazing activities together, rather than being wrapped up in documenting it for other people. She is elegant, poised, and always classy, naturally inspiring envy in others at professional and more sophisticated events. She is dignified and respectable with few regrets. She is fit, slender, and stunning with classic, natural beauty: polished but not overdone, all-American, drop-dead gorgeous girl-next- door, perhaps a bit exotic or unique.

Most of all, she is secure and confident in herself. She also has traditional values and rejects entitlement in life, understanding that the more you generously give, the more you get. She is adaptable and not pretentious; like our client, she enjoys sophistication as much as down-to-earth activities like sporting events, family get-togethers, outdoor BBQs, and just hanging out by the pool. She is grounded, stable, leads a clean life, and is not easily distracted by negative external influences. She recognizes that life has a way of throwing out challenges when you least expect it, but she values that he will always have her back, as she does his. In a partner, she is looking for a strong, traditional, and caring alpha, rather than a more modern, disorganized, man-child pajama boy.

If you or anyone you know might make the perfect match for this VIP, please submit your information here. There are NO fees for qualified candidates to meet our client.

10 Ways to Feel Happy in 5 Minutes…

My good friend, Michelle Pender, over at Compass, who is a top real estate broker in San Francisco, sent me this email which I think is terrific- especially during the pandemic. Michelle shares….

Stress is a constant factor for many people. However, with the right tools, those who feel stressed can create a better mentality in just a few minutes. While five minutes may seem like an insignificant amount of time to reduce stress, these activities can positively impact mental health.

  • Crank the tunes. Take a brain break and blast your favorite feel-good song as you walk or go for a drive.
  • Go outside. A few minutes of fresh air can help clear your head and give you a new perspective. 
  • Try something new. Shake up your routine; this can be as simple as walking down a different street, anything to get your mind off autopilot, and be present.
  • Spend money. According to Harvard professor Mike Norton, the trick is you have to spend it on someone else to get the ‘feel good’ perks. (My Favorite)
  • Text a friend. Reaching out to someone and telling them how awesome they are will make you feel fabulous. 
  • Make plans. Having something to look forward to, like dinner with a friend, can make a person giddy. Remember, anticipation is a secret weapon of happiness. 
  • Help someone. A quick way to pick yourself up is to do something kind for someone else. It’s a bonus when it’s random and not expected of you.
  • Do something. Whether it’s sending an email or clearing out the clutter, getting one thing off your to-do list gives you a huge mental sigh of relief.
  • Say, “thank you.” A small act of gratitude goes a long way and will boost your positivity. 
  • Think positive thoughts. No matter how bad things may seem, always be grateful. Warm water on a cold day? Amazing! Coldwater on a sunny day? Incredible! You are fortunate when you get right down to it. 

These ten quick methods can help bring positivity to a person in a relatively short time. Try one or more to recharge and lift your spirits the next time you feel overwhelmed or sad.

For anyone who is looking for a new, happy home in San Francisco, Michelle Pender is your resource! Not only is she incredibly personable and friendly but she is a Bay Area native. She knows the city beyond well and especially caters to the quaint neighborhood of Noe Valley. Her Instagram is wonderful and she does these unique videos sent to her followers on Fridays with tailored tips for first time home buyers and insider ideas about the real estate market in general. Her Instagram can be found here.

Mastering the Art of Sleep!

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Mastering the art of sleeping is not always easy. The first step is living within the natural 24-hour cycle from light to dark.

Why is that important? And what does that mean?

Our hormones are based on Mother Nature’s cycle and respond to the rhythm of the day accordingly.

We are meant to rise with the sun (or as close to sunrise as possible), as our cortisol is highest at that time. As the day goes on, our cortisol lowers and our body prepares for rest.

This is the sleep cycle nature intended. No one is “naturally” a night owl.

If a person feels that they function best at night, they are more than likely experiencing hormonal dysregulation, and changes should be made to shift back into the natural cycle for better health and better sleep. page10image20965504

Steps Towards Getting Better Sleep

  • Wake naturally without an alarm clock. If this is tough at first, set your alarm for a quiet “easing” into wakefulness by using a chime, gong or even a sunlight clock until you naturally wake on your own.

  • Make sure you are getting your most pressing tasks done in the morning ‒ the things that require more energy than others, like exercising, stressful projects, etc.

  • Eat on a schedule and eat real, clean food. Eliminate all processed refined sugars, grains and anything that comes in a box. Breakfast should not taste like a sweet treat. If you’re like me, you might feel better doing intermittent fasting. I normally just have some water and coffee in the morning. I push through with my morning run and then might have a few bites of lunch to carry me over, and then slowly eat my lunch starting around 12:00 p.m. onward.

  • Expose your eyes and skin to sunlight (vitamin D) for at least 15-20 minutes per day. Absorbing sunlight is best done with bare arms and legs. Walk barefoot outside; feel the earth beneath your feet. If it’s not the season to be bare, get a natural vitamin D light for your home and talk to your doctor about supplementing.

  • Daily exercise is critical. This might mean a brisk walk, using weights at home, a jog, a swim ‒ anything to get the blood flowing and body feeling balanced.

  • As the day winds down, shut your blinds and lower the lights. Light a few candles, turn on relaxing music and take a warm bath with lavender essential oil.

  • Eat before 6:30 p.m. and make your meal lighter than your lunch or breakfast. Eat a small protein/fat/carb snack before bed to stop the surge of adrenaline and cortisol that often happens in the night when blood sugar is off if you still struggle with wakefulness. As enjoyable as it is to unwind with alcohol, try to avoid this altogether. If that is not an option for your lifestyle, cut back and try one glass at dinner before it gets too late. Too much alcohol can keep your body and mind going well past bedtime.

  • Turn off ALL electronics by 8:00 p.m.

  • Take ten minutes to handwrite your thoughts and “To Do’s” for the next day. Once it is down on paper, you release it from your energy and your mind and free yourself to rest.

  • If you still struggle with stressful thoughts, work on calming your anxieties during the day with a stress-reducing app on your phone.

  • Place lavender calming oil on your temples and breathe deeply from your chest. Do some relaxing stretching before bed and when in bed, read. Definitely no browsing your news feed on your phone or scrolling Instagram! The goal is to be in bed asleep by 10:30pm at the latest.

  • Remove ALL sources of light from the bedroom (including televisions, phones, alarm clock lights and light that filters through windows, etc). If this is not possible, wear an eye mask for total darkness.

  • Hopefully with these tips you will be well on your way to a fabulous nights sleep!

Sweet Dreams……XX Amy 

 

Dating a man in his 40’s: 4 things he wants you to know

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Dating a man in his 40s is an exciting experience. He wants to provide for a companion and has the means to do so—unlike many younger men, he’s usually established in his career and rather self-assured about his place in the world. In fact, studies like this one from the Atlantic show that a man’s desirability typically peaks around their 40s and 50s.

On the other side of the coin, there’s also a higher likelihood that he’s been married and/or has children. Though this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it may be daunting for some women.

So, what are the top 4 essential things to know about dating a man in his 40s?

(1) He likes clarity and honesty

A man in his 40s is more discerning and direct about his dating life—and expects you to be the same. 

Playing games like intentionally delaying messaging back for a few days, playing hard to get, or talking about other men to entice jealousy doesn’t sit well—for a man in his 40s, this behavior is more likely to be interpreted as a lack of commitment, and he may simply assume that you’re disinterested. 

He’ll appreciate you clearly expressing your interest, and he’ll also appreciate an honest and direct conversation if you’re not interested. With life experience behind him, he’ll more than graciously accept a thoughtful rejection, rather than a slow, time-wasting denouement. 

(2) He needs his space

A man in his 40s is serious about keeping up with his responsibilities. You’ll have to respect that he may be preoccupied during the day and may not always message back immediately, or that he might want to get to bed early in order to wake up early. 

The good news is that you’ll have more time to focus on yourself, especially when you have your own business, friends, and hobbies. 

(3) He may want a family

While every situation is different, it would be wrong to assume that every man in his 40s wouldn’t be interested in starting a family with you simply because he is divorced or has kids already.

If he has kids already, it is also important to understand that he may take his time to introduce you to them—this is normal as he’ll want to be assured things are serious before he takes that step in intertwining your lives. Again, give him the space to do this at his own pace.

(4) He’s not a fixer-upper

Lastly, studies like this one by Costa and McRae have shown that personality traits remain relatively stable in adults after 30. This explains why it is incredibly challenging—or nearly impossible—to fundamentally change a 40-year-old’s personality, and it is important to recognize that trying to do so will most likely only lead to frustration for both of you.

So, for example, if he’s consistently not interested in an outdoor hike on your favorite trail, then chances are slim that he’ll ever be.

A man in his 40s has been shaped by his life experiences, both good and bad, and he’ll have a much stronger sense of self for it. The major benefit for you—if you have the chance to be with someone who truly knows himself—is that this illuminates a clearer path to connection.

If you find yourself searching for love but not knowing where to begin, don’t hesitate to get in touch—I’m here to help. 

Wishing you love and good health,

Amy

Linx Featured in Haute Living~ Love in the Time of Covid~

Linx is absolutely thrilled to be featured in the July and August 2020 issue of Haute Living!

Knight in shining armor, athlete, kid at heart seeks his Belle from Beauty and the Beast…..

Our client is 55 years young, 6’1”, an athletic Caucasian gentleman of Scots-Irish descent currently living on Mercer Island in the Seattle, Washington region.  He has been a pediatrician all of his adult life and taught at multiple universities, worked for a Christian non-profit, and traveled to Haiti and Honduras on missions. Originally from Pennsylvania, our client moved to the Pacific Northwest to be closer to family, teach, and enjoy the great outdoors and unparalleled rowing culture.

This gentleman is a unique and eclectic mix of knight in shining armor, athlete, adventurer, world traveler, kid at heart, curious academic and educator with a techie bent, part MacGyver, part naïve idealist, lover of good times, laughter, good food, old fashioned romance, all children, and especially Jesus.  He’s all about having fun, laughing, crying, living life to the fullest and cherishing each and every day.  You will find that he will also be your biggest supporter, advocate, lover, defender, protector and giver of amazing bear hugs and snuggles.

Hobbies and passions outside of his career take shape in the form of fitness and faith. He is a rower, triathlete, skier, hiker, and appreciates most forms of athletics- including his well-equipped home gym. He’s well-traveled and loves New Zealand, Canada, Iceland, and Scotland best so far,  but has yet to explore places like Africa, the Holy Land, South America, and Japan that at the top of his list.  You will find him to be well-read and appreciative of a wide range of genres. Beyond books, our client is fond of podcasts from Tim Keller, Ravi Zacharias, and Francis Chan. 

Our client lives out his faith every day by his actions and life choices, not by extremes and pushing his beliefs on others.  He is loyal, faithful, honest and sincere to a fault – caring and serving others by using all of the skills and talents with which he has been blessed, is one of his biggest life goals.  

Our client is best suited for a match between 31 and 45 years old, Caucasian preferably of Scots-Irish, New Zealand, Scandinavian, or Canadian descent who loves children and would like to have one or two of her own.  You have your own more natural beauty and don’t feel the need to wear much make up or to dress up unless the occasion calls for it.  Freckles are definitely a bonus.  You are athletic in build and enjoy most sports.

You are your own unique eclectic mix of whom God has made you to be, comfortable in who you are, how you look, what you do at home and work and play.  Athletic and spunky, ready for adventures and to try new things and challenges.  Intellectually curious, romantic, lover of surprises, lover of children and possessing a child like wonder of all the world has to offer.  You have a good sense of humor and humility, and are energetic, nurturing and kind with a wonderful and natural way with children and everyone.  Preferably a mix of Éowyn from Lord of the Rings, Merida from the Disney Film Brave, Ellie from the film Up, and Belle from Beauty and the Beast.  More comfortable in stylish, but functional athletic and outdoor wear or casual clothes, but comfortable occasionally dressing up for more formal occasions.   With a strong sense of who you are as a Christian and who you are called to be. Does this sound like you? 

The right person will make the perfect match for our client. Together, you will be a dynamic, fun-loving, adventuresome Christian team that can do your best to dream up new and wonderful ways to help others and make the world a better place.  Best friends, passionate lovers, belly laughers, mutual educators, nurturers, and supporters.  You make each other the best that you can be and at the end we can both truly say when honors or accolades are sent your way that the two of you couldn’t have done it without one other and without your faith, the Lord and your family.  

Our client shares, “If we are blessed with children we show them the unconditional Love between us and love them unconditionally as well.  We are role models for them to feel comfortable emulating as they grow and develop.  We truly Love God with all our hearts, souls and minds and Love our neighbors as ourselves.”  

If you or anyone you know might make a match for this extraordinary client of ours, please email Amy directly amy@linxdating.com

There are zero fees for qualifying female candidates. Thank you!

Virtual Dating Tips and Guidance during COVID-19

As California is approaching nearly 2 months of shelter-in-place, Linx has transitioned to the reality of quarantine with mostly reasonable ease and we have been grateful at the number of people not holding back on signing up for memberships during COVID-19. 

While clients are very much wanting to meet each other in person, they know that this is not the time for that and have accepted the new normal of virtual dates – and some very creative ones at that. 

Approximately 75% of our premium clients are wanting to keep their searches going and try to continue to meet people during quarantine, while the remaining 25% are waiting for this to pass and “freezing” their memberships in the meantime.  Many are very open to long-distance dating, especially during this stage, and finding it such an easy way to explore chemistry without the hassle and expense of having to hop on a plane for an in-person date.   

Virtual dating is proving to be a very quick way to determine if there are some sparks, all while in the convenience of your own home.  


We are seeing a small handful of our clients venture outside to gardens and parks for their first and second dates. Our couples are being safe by placing a large blanket down and sitting at least 6-feet from one another and bringing their own drink and food to enjoy. While this is not the same of getting to dine at a fabulous restaurant with crisp table linens and a well-trained staff, this is our new normal – at last for the time being. Furthermore, there is something old-fashioned and quite romantic about setting up a picnic and slowing down from our days to enjoy fresh air and conversation at a distance.


I’m getting a lot of clients and members of Linx asking advice on how to be successful at their virtual dating. My general advice for virtual dates is to treat them just like any regular date. Always put your best foot forward and remember that just because you are on Zoom or FaceTime, the age old expression “first impressions are lasting ones” does play a very important role during quarantine.  

Some more specific advice when planning your virtual dates… Wear a pop of color (forget wearing white) and for women, do some tasteful makeup.  Guys – clean yourself up and put on a dress shirt, or frankly anything but a sloppy t-shirt and shorts.  Most of us feel our best when we are freshly showered and dressed for the occasion. Imagine you are going to an upscale lounge or restaurant for a meal….you wouldn’t wear a t-shirt and flip flops so the same principles apply when dating during quarantine – especially in the early stages as you’re getting to know one another. 

Once you are dressed and looking fresh and vibrant, set the stage for potential romance and create the right ambiance. I have one client who keeps doing his virtual dates at his office. This is a buzz kill for his dates. Why? He is not separating work from pleasure and also not taking the virtual dates seriously. You need to separate your work and work environment from your dating life. So find a location in your home that is appropriate for this – and that definitely doesn’t mean your bedroom either. Think living room, dining room, or family room/den. 

Light a candle, order a “ring light” on Amazon for optimal warm, ambient lighting or if you don’t have the budget for that, read what Tom Ford suggests for looking good on Zoom. Timing is everything. Do the Zoom date when the house is quiet (if you have kids, they are snoozing or in another room doing their homework ;-)) so you’re not distracted. If you drink, pour a cocktail or glass of wine, and if you don’t drink, pour a bubbly water with some citrus fruit or fresh mint leaves to feel festive and start your virtual date! Smile and keep the energy of the virtual date upbeat, happy, and chill. 

What if the first virtual date goes well and you’re wanting to get a little more creative for the next series of virtual dates? For out-of-the-box date ideas, I am sharing the following ideas with my clients including:

1) Be a chef. Open your kitchen, show him/her a favorite recipe you like to make and vice versa. Do this using your favorite tech platform.

2. Be romantic. Flex your brain muscles and read him/her poetry or a chapter from a book you’re reading, or share your screen with some of your favorite YouTube tv or movie clips or music (make sure to select “share computer audio” when you share your screen.) Use it as a launchpad for further conversation. You’re showing him/her a new dimension of what makes you incredibly unique.

3. Be an artist. Even if you’re not going to be the next da Vinci, become your own individual artist! Each buy an inexpensive paint set online, schedule the date for when your respective sets arrive at your homes, set up your Zoom and have a painting date. Use it as an opportunity to giggle at one another’s art work, once canvases are complete.

It is also interesting to me that many clients are immediately removing the superficial layer of first dates and delving very deep in the virtual dates by asking one another intense questions. One recommendation is accessing the The New York Times “36 Questions on the Way to Love” interactive quiz and quickly sizing up if there are long-term foundational values in alignment or not. It’s proving to be a powerful way to determine if there is enough in common to keep virtually dating or rather to move on.  This is yet another approach to incorporate.

With the curiosity and excitement of virtual dating, you might be wondering the risks and downsides. I think one of the major drawbacks is that some people just feel plain awkward dating virtually. It feels weird for them and simply not natural. Also, many people want to see what someone looks like in the flesh, smell their perfume, see the glistening of the gloss of their lips as the sun hits them a certain way, hug them, maybe kiss at the end of the date to test that important chemistry. Clearly you can’t do this with virtual dating, so this is a significant downside.

That said, the upshot I keep telling my clients is to keep exploring the virtual connections and when restrictions are lifted, to be able to imagine how exciting it will be to finally see their love interest in person. I think the potential of how magnetic the chemistry could be at that moment could be life-changing. 

COVID-19 has placed each and every one of us in a vulnerable place and sharing that vulnerability with someone else could not only forever bond that couple but catapult them into a love that can be tested through time.  

With that said, though, it is important not to force the transition to meeting in person – we are all (including our government) trying to figure the right time and pace to begin re-introducing social contact, and it will probably come down to each person’s comfort and tolerance for different types of risk.   Please be tolerant as we each are dealing with this in our own way and in the meantime keep staying healthy and safe. 

If you are on Instagram, I do daily simple inspirational posts to which many folks have responded very positively. If you would like to follow me, please do so at “Ms.LinxDating.” Thank you so much!