5 Easy Ways to Get Him to Approach You…and Ask You Out

If you’re not getting approached, you might wonder, ‘What are these men looking for?’ or ‘What is wrong with me?’ To answer the question, it’s important to note the difference between desirability and approachability. We all have traits that make us desirable, but unless we look available and willing to engage in conversation, our best qualities will stay a secret. In other words, YOU are not the problem, but there might be something wrong with the SIGNALS you send.

When it comes to approaching an interesting stranger, men and women are quite similar. We all have egos to protect. To make sure they don’t end up embarrassed or rejected, men look for any clue that reason to initiate conversation. If you want him to make the first move, try these five tips.

1. Choose your group wisely.

Women tend to go out in packs, adding extra pressure on someone deciding when and how to approach. When he knows he will not only have to impress you, but also your friends, you’re making it easier for him to bow out.

Men are also sensitive to other males. It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother or gay best friend. He’s not paying attention to the context, just the chromosomes.

Pro Tip: If the group is large, stand to the side so you can be approached without forcing him to engage the group. If you’re not interested, you can easily segue back into the group setting.

 

2. Cultivate an inviting vibe.

Your facial expression and body language matter. Smile at him and the people around you to put out the ‘I’m friendly and won’t be standoff-ish’ vibe. To escalate the moment, catch his gaze for sustained eye contact. All nonverbal communication has meaning, so consider what your posture and demeanor are saying.

Pro Tip: Always scan your surroundings to see if someone is trying to communicate with you via nonverbal cues. If you’re fixated on the conversation, you’ll miss opportunities to reciprocate interest.

 

3. Give him something to say.

For men, the hardest part of the approach is knowing what to say. You can grease the wheels by inadvertently supplying the topic via clothing or behavior. You might wear a sports jersey to give him an invitation to talk about the team or the upcoming game. Or, you could peruse the menu at length to give him an invitation to talk about what he ordered.

Pro Tips: Bring a prop. If you’re at the coffee shop, leave the book you’re reading on the table. It will give him the perfect springboard into conversation.

You might also consider wearing an unusual pendant when you’re out and about. The pendant doesn’t need to be expensive, but it needs to stand out to be a great ice breaker. As you’re sitting in the café, run your fingers along the chain while “reading” your book and glance up, locking gaze with an attractive male. You’re signaling interest without saying a word and inviting him to talk to you.

A pendant with a great story will help you gain even more traction. Maybe it’s an unusual crystal you had cast in silver from a hike you took in the Dolomites or a coin from your great grandmother. Sharing an interesting story about yourself is a great way to keep his attention and reveal your sense of adventure. And who doesn’t love being entertained by an interesting, worldly woman?

 

4. Remember: Location, Location, Location.

Proximity is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the approach. If you’re moving around, you’ll be a lot harder to catch. Try to stay in the same place to give him an opportunity to make a move.

Pro Tip: Settle in a place that is central to the room. If you are in a corner, not only are you harder to access, but you’ve raised the stakes by making it harder for him (and you) to move along if there’s no conversation.

 

5. Give him a reason to contact you.

Getting him to approach you is only the first step. You can escalate the conversation by bringing up topics that segue into plans. Upcoming events make for perfect conversation, even if you don’t end up attending the event together. In the conversation, you might ask about an extra ticket, but days later you might find yourselves circling back to talk about how the event was.

Pro Tip: Have personal calling cards with you at all times. Whereas business cards reveal too much personal information (like your last name) and tend to set the stage for business, a personal calling card is a smart dating tool that gives him all the information he needs to get in touch. Think first name, personal email, and mobile. Simple, classic, and elegant is best.

Ultimately, all of your actions should be inviting and reassuring to help your partner escalate the interaction into a more romantic situation. Smiling and encouraging the conversation to flow will make you more attractive to interested strangers.

 

 

The Fur Ball | Humane Society Silicon Valley

On April 23rd, my husband and I were invited to attend The Fur Ball supporting the Humane Society of Silicon Valley and sit at the President’s table. What made this evening so special was that our furry pup, Marshall, was invited too! 

If case you’re wondering what kind of bred Marsh is, he’s a mix of German Shepherd, chow, wheaten terrier, and pekingese. *phew!* Yes, we did a DNA test after we rescued him back in 2012. We are in Silicon Valley after all. 😉

Not surprisingly the Fur Ball was sold out and extremely well attended with hundreds of loving supporters, many of whom brought their dogs big and small. Some of the dogs were decked out in “bling” such as fancy studded collars, while others had costumes on, including Marsh in his bow tie and cuff links. Besides seeing all the adorable dogs, we got to meet some really interesting and dynamic people who’ve been supporters of the HSSV for many years.

Some wacky patrons like myself shamelessly hit the dance floor with our four-legged friends.  How many of you can say you’ve danced with your dog before?

While we walked around the silent auction tables and mingled with new and old friends, it made me realize what a great event this is for eligible men and women to patronize in 2017.

Photo with HSSV President…

To find commonality with other like-minded people around the theme of animal welfare and charity. Imagine while you’re clinking glasses with someone you just met, your dogs can be checking one another out as well.

Did you even think your four-legged buddy could help you find the relationship you’ve been waiting for? Your pet can also be a tremendous help letting you know if he/she is getting a good vibe from someone you just met. How is your pet reacting to that new person? For those that want to learn exactly about involving your pet in your love life (keep swiping…woof woof!), Author Sheryl Matthys wrote a book called “Leashes and Lovers– What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness.”

Marsh meeting a new friend donning a mini top hat!

If large events are not your thing, you can always donate to The Humane Society Silicon Valley or volunteer your time. In fact, they have wonderful ways to get involved with that are wide ranging and might make the perfect match for you!

 

 

 

Summer’s Newest Linx VIP!

Our boyishly handsome Caucasian bachelor is a very successful, active, and intelligent man in his early 50s whose easy charm and laid-back demeanor offer a counterpoint to his professional role as a partner in a prominent local law firm where he focuses on high-profile, high-stakes litigation. At 6’0″ tall with short salt-and-pepper hair, warm brown eyes, and an easy smile, this thoughtful man possesses all of the quiet strength and chivalric charm that you’d hope to find in someone with his deep Southern roots.

Away from the office and the courtroom, you can often find him with a camera in hand as he travels around the country, and beyond. He loves to travel, and makes a point to do it regularly, often making the most of his weekends by visiting Carmel, Tahoe, Napa, Santa Barbara, Sonoma, and plenty of other quaint and cozy spots that allow him to hike and bike through beautiful scenery, and then spend the evening at a great restaurant or resort. He’s worked very hard to get to this point in his life, and being able to share it with the right woman would feel like a much-deserved reward.

At home, he likes to cook and loves to entertain. He’s definitely a dog guy (he has two at home) and enjoys summer trips and holiday visits with his college-aged son. With the right woman he’s open to the possibility of more children (and would, of course, welcome any kids who are already part of her life) but would also be very excited by a future just for two that centered entirely around grown-up fun!

Are you a match?

Our bachelor would like to meet an athletic and beautiful Caucasian woman between the ages of 35 and 48 who is on the taller side (5’4”+) with medium to long hair (of any color) who has a satisfying career and a well established life, but is still interested in building a fantastic future with the right man. He responds best to warmth, sensuality, femininity, intelligence, stability, and enthusiasm. A sense of adventure, an active mind, and a desire for fun are absolutely necessary for connecting with this gentleman. (You must be willing to work up a sweat during the day, climbing hills or biking through Napa, but then still have the energy and grace to sit down to a great conversation and a white tablecloth meal that night.) Kids and pets of your own are certainly welcome, and you also need to be willing to enthusiastically embrace his. An appreciation for wit, sarcasm, and old movies would be a definite bonus.

Please contact Amy directly at amy@linxdating if you’re interested in meeting this exceptional gentleman. We will be screening candidates privately on his behalf at a five-star hotel on August 20th and 21st. There are absolutely no fees for this opportunity, so contact Amy today to see if you qualify.

A Note to The Guys (from the new guy at the office)

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

For those of you who don’t know, there has actually been a guy hanging out at the Linx offices for the past few months (and that guy happens to be me). For most of the members I’ve met, I seem to be a very welcome addition; as a gay man, I know how men think, and I know what women find attractive. And as a Stanford graduate(twice over, with engineering degrees, no less) who has heteronormative values, I know how difficult it is to be a single person with high standards who is hoping to find someone passionate, compassionate, and compatible who is willing to put in the work required to nurture the kind of relationship that leads to lasting love.

Unlike a lot of gay men I know, I also grew up with (and still have) very close straight male friends, so I really do understand what straight guys find sexy. And that’s why I have to tell you that Amy and I spent last Wednesday interviewing six incredibly different women (ages 24-50), who all really had their act together, and were all – consistently but uniquely – very hot.

In no particular order, we had:

-A petite 50-year-old brunette with a voice for radio but a face for film. A Bay area native, she now spends her time helping people focus their energies on positive outcomes, improved health, and personal growth, and she’s looking to focus her own energy on building a future with one great guy. If you like beautiful women with tight bodies, sultry voices, very little baggage, and a great sense of style, you might want to ask Amy for an introduction.

-A tall 24-year-old blonde with great legs and a surprising maturity. Some people really do have old souls, but hers was certainly still young at heart. She’s not looking to settle, but she would like to settle down, and if you think sweet, 5’9”, fit and easy-going is out of your league, then you should have seen the way that her face lit up when we asked how she’d feel about dating a thirty-something geek.

-An extremely polished 39-year-old mother of three with a gorgeous foreign accent and dangerous curves. Professionally, she is at the top of her game, but she still needs someone to help her celebrate life’s victories. For her, being sexy is about being emotionally aware and present; she doesn’t need your money, but she might like a piece of your heart. In case you’re wondering, this standout blonde has no height requirement, and thinks true love is colorblind.

-A smart and sensual 35-year-old chef and author with an Ivy League education who is deeply curious about the motivations of people, the roots of cultures, and the ties that bind us all together. She had long brown hair, a natural femininity that was complemented by a love of the outdoors, and some considerable… assets. She needs a smart and sensual man with a playful sense of humor who will happily eat her food; granola has never looked so delicious.

-A 27-year-old blonde with Colorado roots but a touch of Southern charm who is as mature as she is feminine. California seems to suit her well, and the ideal suitor for this avid tennis player and occasional marathoner with the face of a one-time supermodel is tall, dark, and handsome, with a good heart, great character, and conservative values that mirror her own. If you don’t already go to church, she’ll gladly take you; she’d be a very good reason to give thanks.

-A stunning 31-year-old scientist with green eyes, a smattering of freckles, and light brown hair whose recent move to the Bay area must have left a void of hotness in at least one part of LA. Tall, shapely, smart, and grounded, this woman was genuinely down to earth, and she’s an exceptional catch for any masculine but emotionally open guy who can appreciate the texture of her blue collar roots and ivory tower education. Secure and confident, she doesn’t need a man to be happy, but we suspect that the one with whom she falls in love will be one very happy (and lucky) guy.

Don’t forget that there are truly thousands of women in the Linx database, so don’t fret if you didn’t find yourself drooling over one of these. In fact, these were just the women that we met in ONE DAY and the office. In just ONE day.

Amy and I conduct interviews all the time, and we are flattered, amazed, and excited by the quality of the people we regularly see at Linx. As the days get longer and the weather continues to heat up, we expect to see more and more exceptional men and women come through the door. For those of you who read the blog but have never actually walked through the door, I have one simple question for you: If we know hundreds of women like these at Linx, what, exactly, have you been waiting for?

We encourage you to reach out to Amy today to learn more about how Linx can match you to the girl of your dreams. These women want to meet you! Most all of these women we interviewed (per the description above) are NOT ONLINE as they are private and place their trust in Linx Dating to match them to good, genuine guys. We are your conduit to a new pool of carefully vetted single women in the Bay Area and beyond. Why wait? Email amy@linxdating.com

Dating Advice for Men and Women

We get many questions surrounding early stage dating and how to successfully get from date one, to date two, and beyond.

Simple advice for men: Keep it simple guys. Remember that chivalry is not dead. Women love when men are confident and have manners. I always tell guys who suffer some pre-date nerves to head to the restaurant ahead of time- this could mean even the day prior to your date to familiarize yourself with the setting, the menu, wine list, and start visualizing success. Here we see a Linx client confidently walking into the restaurant ahead of time to scope it out.

For a lady, chivalry means walking on the outside of the sidewalk, opening doors, paying for her dinner date (especially if the man is the one who asked her out), giving a genuine compliment, and actively listening. This is a perfect example of what a guy should do on a date. Our client is walking on the outside of the sidewalk- he is protecting his date from traffic and making her feel safe. The Linx team also loves how both our client and his date have dressed for the occasion. He looks dapper and well put-together and she is wearing a sexy maxi dress, paired with leather jacket, hair down….effortless and revealing *just* the right amount of skin.

When you sit down for your date, start with a little liquid courage. It’s fun to shake things up and order a cool cocktail instead of a standard glass of wine. If you both are feeling some sparks already, why not suggest your date has a sip of yours and vice versa? Now what to do if your date is a teetotaler? That is unfortunate for you. Kidding! Our advice if you or your date abstains from booze is to not make a big deal about it because that is a personal choice. If you want a glass of wine, order a drink but limit it to 2- especially if your date doesn’t drink. If you don’t drink as a result of sobriety, we have helped a handful of individuals develop techniques to combat anxiety and prepare themselves.

On your date, engage in the senses on your date- specifically touch. Body language is everything- from leaning in towards your date while you are deep in conversation, to even being in the moment and scooting chairs closer together. Our client felt that sitting across from one another would feel too formal and stuffy for this date. He responded quickly to being seated at a table for 4 and instead knew it could increase affinity if seated next to his date (while respecting personal boundaries). Definitely a smart move! Note this is a staged date and she is not a client of Linx. .

This couple also understands good body language and maintaining eye contact.

On the date, focus on your date! Don’t be Mr. “ADD” looking around the room or having shifty “crazy eyes.” Slow down, be in the moment, and block out all distractions around you (including distractions in your head about ‘what to do now’, ‘what to say’, ‘does she think I’m funny’, ‘does she find me attractive’ …) Try to stop that tape running in your mind- at least for now!

This couple is great at using body language to not be stiff…more so an example of her in this particular photo.

Express yourself, use arm gestures, laugh, smile, and most important have fun on your dates. Remember that the goal of the first date is not to get into a relationship. Instead it is to get to date two. Date two is to get to date three. If you apply this way of thinking you will immediately remove pressure on yourself.

Remember that your next date will be unpredictable- as is life! As much as you want the perfect outcome (if perfect really exists) there are inevitably going to be variables out of your control. What do I mean by this? Examples include: the waiter takes forever to take your order, it is noisier than you prefer, your date is not laughing at your jokes, the water you just sipped went down the wrong pipe and now you’re coughing like a maniac, you tripped on the way up the stairs to the table, your credit card just got declined even though there is plenty of cash in the reserve, your date is all of a sudden not hungry, your dish came out cold, you ran into an ex, your boss is seated next to you, your date just insulted you with profanity,…the list is frankly endless of hiccups that can happen and WILL happen!

Gain mastery over dating by being prepared (dating is a skill, repeat that over and over), being natural, being in the moment, and trying not to stress yourself out by the random invariables out of your control. The more you analyze things on your date, the higher probability of short circuiting the entire date!

Don’t be too quick to judge your date (maybe he/she has a bad work day). If you are stressed, you will come across as a stress-case and ‘Serious Sam’ or total ‘Debbie Downer.’

You gotta riff, embrace spontaneity, let the proverbial hair down so to speak, and STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU. If you “let go” and “go with the flow”, chances are you have just increased your chances of a next date. Case in point, our couple snapped on camera locked arm-in-arm leaving Nola’s last night!

Weekend Humor…

Meet the Love of Your Life in 2014

As a “curator” of Silicon Valley’s and San Francisco’s most desirable eligibles, clients often ask me what they should do, in conjunction with Linx, to meet people. First of all, I love this question because it shows me that a new client, for example, is being super proactive about putting (him)herself out there.

In running Linx for over a decade now, my philosophy has always remained simple and to the point. In order to find the love of your life, you must pursue multiple channels simultaneously to maximize the likelihood of meeting a pool of like-minded potential matches from whom you might then find “the one”. I am astounded by close-minded matchmakers around town who claim that they are the “only” good resource to meet people or that their clients don’t need to work hard in order to meet the love of their life. This is completely bogus.

Creating your own luck is an art. My mantra is that everyone is a work in progress and many times this means working on oneself through coaching, strict fitness regimens, etc. and it also means putting yourself out there intelligently. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

The intelligent client of Linx knows that in order to substantially increase his or her odds of locating that so called “needle in a haystack match” you must utilize numerous approaches and that goes far beyond working with one, two, or sometimes even three various matchmakers.

So it is 2014… a great way to feel connected is through a common hobby or interest – this has always been one dimension of the Linx methodology. Many clients love to learn and to push themselves intellectually and/or physically and are always taking some sort of class outside of the scope of work. It could be anything – one client recently took a mixology class in the Mission district in San Francisco with other aspiring mixologists who mingle, shake, stir, and sip their new creations. Taking a class like this can be a fantastic way to meet dynamic types and what an easy way to “break the ice” – over homemade cocktails.

A hot spot for a girl looking to meet a potentially active and athletic Silicon Valley guy could be rock climbing gyms. This is how a lot of men burn stress and do something that improves their state mentally and physically as a serious challenge. In fact, if I were a single girl on the market, I would get my tuchus into a boxing or rock climbing gym hasta pronto! I’d make sure to wear nice workout clothing, be groomed, and have a great “can do” fun attitude.

I’m a big believer in disrupting your current lifestyle if you are not seeing the results you desire in your personal life. Get out there. Start a co-ed book club if you enjoy reading and want to increase your odds of chatting with the person next to you that happens to be eligible and a life-long learner. A match could be made! There should be ZERO excuses to meet people. There are thousands, frankly hundreds of thousands of eligible men and women in the Bay Area. Everywhere you look can be a potential opportunity.

I know you can make 2014 the best year of your life for finding your match. You can start by emailing me today amy@linxdating.com and learning more about Linx and allowing our niche dating and social network to help you in more ways than one. Not only do we represent countless extremely high caliber men and women of all ages (20’s to late 60’s typically) but we go far beyond our core competency of pure matchmaking. We offer tons of preparation techniques for our clients (wardrobe consultation, fitness training, revolutionary techniques with private date coaching), on top of a long list of luxe concierge services, to complement your journey with Linx. We are the only firm out there that is ultra-personalized.

I can proudly share that I have personally interviewed EVERY client of mine in 10 years (with exception of one due to being ill) and spend considerable time getting to know everyone. Linx clients know they can call me at most hours of the day (or night) on my personal mobile and with the click of a button I am always here for them over email. Catch-up coffees, breakfasts, or dinners are par for the course with our clients as these are such ultra personal relationships that go far beyond that of matchmaker and client. Many of my clients have truly become my friends and, for that, I am extremely thankful. So what are you waiting for?

Linx Testimonial from 50-something Male

50-SOMETHING YEAR OLD MALE, BAY AREA BASED, PRESIDENT OF FIRM, PASSIONATE ABOUT CARS

“Amy has considerably exceeded my expectations – and that is rare.

Contacting Amy, I was interested in meeting someone special to have a family with. Until then, my dating life was active and enjoyable, yet seldom in a relationship likely to lead to marriage and children.

Before becoming a client, I recall discussing the “leap of faith” new clients make – having never worked with a matchmaker before. I vividly recall all concerns about becoming a client evaporating as soon as I met the first match.

Through Amy, I met accomplished, attractive, vivacious women I would not have met on my own.

Matchmaking is an art, not a science. If it was science, combining 50 handsome men and 50 beautiful women would create 50 adorable couples. As a matchmaker, Amy is a very talented artist.

Amy is conscientious. She personally knows me as well as the woman she is introducing me to – so it’s more like meeting someone through a mutual friend. We both know each other’s backgrounds, interests and aspirations. So the first date doesn’t seem like a first date. Our first conversation is much more interesting about what matters to both of us, on a deeper more intellectual level.

Amy is encouraging and insightful. Encouraging when there is future potential in a match and insightful when there isn’t, allowing me to better understand what I’m looking for in a person.

If you are accomplished, selective and interested in meeting someone special, I suggest meeting with Amy. Expect to be surprised by her capabilities and quality of match she may have for you.

Amy greatly exceeded my expectations. She might exceed yours, too…”