Singles San Francisco

Recruiting Single Brainy Athletic Women Ages 24-36

Announcing a new VIP search for an extraordinary new client. Our bachelor is a handsome 6’4”, African American, Star Trek nerd in his early 30’s who commutes between Los Angeles and San Francisco.  But don’t let the Trekiness make you think he spends all of his time indoors playing World of Warcraft with the other nerds.  He’s also a former USA Men’s National athlete and is much more comfortable scuba diving with sharks or on safari in the Serengeti than he is sitting in front of his computer screen. He recently started skiing and while he won’t keep up with you in a race down the mountain, he’ll definitely compete in the race to the lodge to sit by the fire and have a hot toddy. Exercise is a necessary part of life for this guy. He works out 3-4 for times a week for 2 hours.

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It’s nearly impossible to grasp how dynamic this client is on pretty much all levels – professionally, interests wise, and personality.  He’s an individualist who has taken unusual twists and turns professionally and has confidently strided into his family’s elite business managing and growing assets.  Growing up in a family of educators where academics was always a major focus, he earned a BA from Stanford and a post graduate degree from another top school – but Stanford definitely has his heart. His father was one of the first African Americans to get a Ph.D. from Stanford and his sibling is currently an MD/Ph.D. student at the university. He considers himself to be a self-motivated type; ambitious and competitive, but you’ll also find him to be silly at times, geeky, giving, introspective, and romantic too!

His best suited match is 24-36 and African American, Caucasian, or Latin heritage. She is ideally taller- so think between 5’8″-6’1″, with athletic slender physique, and competitive like our bachelor. As sporty and active as she might be, she appreciates and enjoys being feminine. More so, she understands an entrepreneurs mentality, likes to win in life, and is driven by adventure and fun.  She’s a proud nerd at heart and thinks geeking out about space exploration over sushi in Tokyo one night followed by skydiving in the morning somewhere else in the world sounds like a dream come true.

If you or anyone you know makes a great fit for this truly world-class guy, email Amy at amy@linxdating.com.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

bigstock_Girl_Eating_Burger_4655356Advice of the day for the female readers is enjoy the ritual of breaking bread on your dates! What do I mean by that? Ladies arrive to your dates hungry and don’t be fussy when ordering.

Men are often hypersensitive to women not eating on dates. It signals to them that you might have body issues or insecurities that he probably faced in a previous relationship and likely does not find attractive. At some point in our lives, most of us have been “that girl” who orders a small side salad, skips out on the bread, and has an ice tea on her dinner date. It’s so cliche….Cher_Horowitz_Closet-022_2-376x323

Remember that classic line from one of my all time favorite movies Clueless where Cher feels out out control with her eating for the day? “I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M’s and, like, 3 pieces of licorice” Don’t come across as a high maintenance girl and announce what you ate, what you wish you ate, or how much weight you have to lose. This happens! I’ve heard it and I’ve seen it! Men think it’s sexy when a woman has an actual appetite. She’s not afraid to eat in front of him and not concerned with ordering what she actually wants to enjoy. 2014-03-18-PICKYEATING3

Linx guys expects to buy their dates dinner, so plan to actually eat dinner. Men often tell us they’re turned off by women who don’t eat. Also, you may think he’s never heard this, but saying “But I’m actually really full… this is the second dinner I’ve had today,” is not an original line. Every guy has heard that before. And no one likes hearing it.

Although my advice is to eat, drink, and be merry on your dates, the truth is many women do struggle with real eating disorders that plague their lives. I’m no expert on this topic and don’t have the knowledge to write about it but should you be someone who is reading this who does struggle with body image issues and any disorders, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help and not be afraid in doing so. The sooner you do this, the quicker you will be ready to date and date successfully….being that alluring and confident woman men love.

On a final note, try not to be too high maintenance when ordering. 😉

Sex(y) Ed…

Written by: Linx staff member Michael Norman iStock_000042703430Small

I often get asked about what women should wear on first dates, and I really have just two words to say about that:

Be Sexy.

That’s it. Be Sexy. Despite blog posts and magazine articles to the contrary, there is no uniform for first dates. In fact, sexiness is different for every woman based on her age, her confidence, and her body type. But at any number – whether you’re counting years, reporting your dress size, or looking down at a scale – your first (and really, only goal) when dressing for a date should be achieving some degree of sexiness.

I know some of you are clenching your jaws (and possibly your pearls) when you read this. I can actually hear more than a few silent diatribes about objectification, being liked for who you are, the appeal of intelligence, self-respect, dignity, modesty, propriety, being true to yourself, and leaving something to the imagination. Those points can all be valid depending on the day, but note that I didn’t ask you to wear Lucite heels and a bandage dress borrowed from a Vegas cocktail waitress; I simply asked you to be sexy.

I know it can be harder for some of us than it is for others, so let’s examine some of the feedback clients often give me when they bristle at this suggestion. If you don’t think sexiness is appropriate for a first date, there’s a chance that one or more of these points might apply to you:

I don’t like being objectified. This isn’t about sex.

Hold up. This isn’t about sex? Are you kidding me? So you just want to make a new friend, is that it? Is that what we should tell your date? That you’re just looking for something platonic? Is that why he called you, asked you out, made dinner plans, and is going to pick up the check? Just to make a new friend? You’re right that a first date isn’t about sex, but it is about sexual attraction; that’s really the point of differentiation between a date and every other interaction in your life. If you don’t invite your date to be attracted to you, he won’t be. But hey, maybe you two can just be friends!

I don’t like dressing “that way.” I like to leave something to the imagination.

Again, I’m not telling you how to dress, but I am telling you how to feel. And so much of your mood – in all aspects of your life – can be dictated by clothing choices. Would you wear yoga pants to an important business meeting? Are you going to wear a skirt to SoulCycle? A bathing suit to a doctor’s appointment? (Actually, I did see a woman do that once. Please don’t.) If you want to be kissed, wooed, desired, wanted, you have to dress the part. Even the most conservative among you can spice things up a bit by undoing a button, letting your hair down, or adjusting a hem length. Invite the attention you want; if you don’t want a man to think about you sexually, I’m not sure why you’re going on dates in the first place.

I don’t like my body. You’re asking too much of me.

It can sometimes seem hard to accept, but we all have issues with our bodies. (Personally, I have about 56 inches of scars from 20 different surgeries, so I know of what I speak.) But if you don’t let yourself like your own body, how can you expect someone else to love it? Whether you realize it or not, you do love some parts of your physical self. If you have trouble starting at the top with a list of parts you like, go ahead and start at the bottom. List the things you dislike most and work in reverse. When you get to the top, you’ll know exactly where to focus with your clothing choices; draw attention to the parts of you that you like most (or dislike least), but always be sure to draw attention to yourself. If you don’t, you’re signaling to your date that some other woman in the room is more worthy of his gaze than you are.

I’m only interested in a guy who’s into more than just the superficial.

Yeah. We all are. Note the “more” in that statement. I get that you want him to be into your brain, but you also want him to be into your body. At least, I hope you do. It’s really enlightening to know that our clients who most often stress the importance of a physical connection are among the eldest. People who’ve had forty or fifty years of relationship experience know a lot more than the rest of us do. One of my favorite clients has often said, “There’s absolutely nothing more important than the way a man looks at me.” She’s right. So learn from your elders. (She, by the way, could teach all of us many, many things about the benefits of great tailoring and wearing slightly tight sweaters that have the perfect neckline. She’s also a successful retired attorney who can talk about almost any subject with a twinkle in her eye, a light laugh, and a smile.)

It’s 2014. The idea that guys are visual creatures seems really unevolved to me.

You’re right. It is unevolved. Because men are not particularly evolved when it comes to matter of the, uh, heart. How many generations do you think it takes to change the hardwiring of attraction? And what, exactly, would be the impetus? If anything, the practices of society – and the human body itself – adapt to feed our visually stimulated sexual appetites. You do, realize, right, that makeup is just a way to mimic the physiological signs of arousal? That every time you put on lipstick or blush or eyeliner you’re telling the men around you that you’re… interested? And your body… if you don’t want to attract the male gaze, your body is the biggest traitor of them all. More than one school of evolutionary thought proposes that enlarged female breasts (practically unheard of elsewhere in the animal kingdom) developed as a response to learning to walk upright; apparently human males need some form of cleavage to be not too far from eye level, and we don’t really care if it’s on the back or the front.

So let yourself be sexy. Admit that you’re looking for a connection that’s both physical and cerebral. Embrace the opportunity to advertise your interests. (Please, please don’t wear something that your friends called “cute.”) Learn to love the parts of your body that you already like, and to like the parts of your physique that you think you’ll never love. It’s ok to show some skin, to wear bright colors, to make choices that make it hard for a man to not look at you. It’s ok to want to be the center of attention on your date. In fact, it’s human nature. 😉 iStock_000039223286Small

Putting the CON in Confidence… Part II

Amy often points out that the skills of dating are themselves like a muscle, and unless regularly exercised, they tend to atrophy. This is true of people both in and out of relationships, and though it is a huge mistake to think that your “dating life” is over just because you’ve found a boyfriend or girlfriend (happy long term couples actively “date” each other throughout their marriage) this can be a particularly hard problem for those of us who are single; if the dating muscles have atrophied and a new date is on the horizon, how can we pretend to have any dating strengths?Happy couple in the city

Given that we charge our male clients with the responsibility of planning, arranging, and paying for a date, it makes sense to offer the more skittish guys some advice on how to make sure everything at the restaurant goes smoothly. Assuming you survived Part I of this series, and successfully navigated a phone call that has led to a first date, here are some things to keep in mind that can help provide the boost of confidence you might need to convert a first date into a second.

1. Scout the location.

As a guy, it’s really important to have some sense of mastery of your surroundings, especially if you’ve invited a woman to a place she’s never been. While we certainly recommend picking somewhere totally new to both of you if you’re a more practiced or adventuresome dater, go with someplace familiar if first dates are generally hard or stressful for you; we want you to be excited about this, not anxious.

So show up a little bit early, especially if you haven’t been there in awhile. Make sure you check in with the hostess, and maybe try to request a booth or corner table that has low lighting. Or ask to sit outside if the weather is right and you don’t think it will get too cool too quickly (women love dining al fresco, even if they’re rarely properly dressed for it). Make sure you know the answer to the inevitable “Do you know where they hide the ladies’ room?” query that you’ll get at some point during dinner. And even take some time to study the menu while you’re alone and form a couple of questions or opinions about the dishes; if decisions are hard for you, deciding what to eat will be even harder when you’re being distracted by a pretty face.

2. Admit ignorance.

If you aren’t particularly well-versed in any specific food or cuisine, the really great thing about a restaurant is that it’s full of experts who can help you out. Don’t know where the best table is for a first date? Ask the hostess. Not sure what to order? Ask the waiter. Not comfortable ordering a bottle of wine? Ask the sommelier. Some guys might see this as weakness, but admitting what you don’t know is actually a strength; it also gets you off the hook. If the wine is bad, you didn’t pick it. If the table is lousy, you didn’t ask to be seated there. If the dish is awful, blame the waiter. And send it back. All of us like someone who knows a lot about a few things, but no one likes the guy who thinks that he knows a lot about everything. It’s really ok to be ignorant; admitting ignorance in front of your date can allow both of you to learn something. Together. It also lets your date know that you aren’t the kind of guy who always has to have an opinion, which means she’ll likely care a lot more about the opinions that you do have. Confident guys are curious, because they admit they have a lot to learn. Most women will tell you that being a lifelong learner is very, very sexy.

3. Be gentlemanly.

This one should really go without saying, but be sure to open doors for your date, to not sit down until she’s seated, and if you really want to make an impression, stand up if she needs to leave the table in the middle of your date. You should also encourage her to feel comfortable ordering what she’d like (after all, you picked the restaurant) so be sure to signal that you’re feeling both generous and hungry. In other words, saying things like “We’re doing three courses, right” (You’re hungry) and “I’m sort of stuck… not really sure if I want the halibut or the duck” (Your pockets are deep… enough) provides reassurance for her that she should order as she pleases, and she should expect to enjoy the evening.

4. Be clear.

As your meal winds down, don’t be afraid to let her know you’ve had a great time. If you truly mean it, a woman loves hearing “I’ve had a great night” and “I’d like to do this again.” Too often, we hedge our bets and make conditional statements like “If you’re interested, I’d like to go out again” or “I’d like to do this again if you would.” Do not do that. Be direct. It conveys a lot of confidence when you use a declarative statement. After all, no matter how you word them, questions always involves a degree of uncertainty. Yes? No? Yes?

5. Be… the bodyguard.

Whether you had the best date of your life or the worst night you can remember, always offer to walk a woman to her car/hail a cab for her/escort her to a bus or BART stop/stay with her while she waits for an Uber. It might waste a few minutes of your life and you may have hated each other, but it’s still a sign that you’re a good person. And a thoughtful man. On the other hand – with a date you really liked – it could be that extra minute or two alone that builds enough sexual tension and spark to lead to a great first kiss. And if you think the time is right for a great first kiss to happen, be sure to kiss her with confidence.

The third and final part of this series will involve some general tips for building and maintaining confidence in a lot of different situations. If you’re a guy who’s lacking confidence and self esteem, that can change. You really can learn to be more confident. And your entire life will change positively as a result. So stay tuned for more…. 😉

San Francisco Guardsmen Bachelor Auction! June 18th!

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Grab the girls and join The San Francisco Guardsmen on June 18th from 6pm for the 11th Annual San Francisco Bachelor Auction Presented by The Guardsmen

This premier event includes the most eligible bachelors, specialty drinks, surprise performances, and a really fun, lively night to be had. All proceeds will be benefit at-risk youths in the Bay Area.

A friend of the network, Luke Kilpatrick, is one of the fabulous bachelors up for auction. Ladies, Luke said for readers of the Linx Line to use lkilpatrick for a 20% discount code. Tickets here.

For those who are not familiar with the Guardsmen, you can read a history here. The sister volunteer organization in San Francisco that does many events with the Guardsmen is the San Francisco Junior League (I was part of the JLSF for 7 plus years). Another phenomenal way to get involved in your community, network, and give back with an outstanding group of charitable women.

Find Love There Are No Excuses

In my journey to find my husband, I often wondered if I would ever find true love and sometimes reached a deep level of concern within my conscious soul that I indeed might not. Back then, I did not like that feeling and found it empty, sad, and disconcerting. I needed an exit, an outlet, a way to see the positive from what was a void in my life… I seemed to be caught up in what society was telling me to do. I never really listened to my heart until I had a revelation one day – in wine country, at a pet parade, of all places!

In a moment of clarity, everything hit me. It was as if time and reality were suspended right in front of me – so I listened…

As I listened to my heart, I knew I had to make some changes in my life. Part of those changes for me, personally, meant moving and taking some time off from dating. Certainly I am not saying that everyone should move and take time off from dating. Yet what I am preaching to you today is to listen to your heart and to do what YOU need to do. As Hemingway once wrote, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Take 15 minutes this week to have a moment within yourself. Get away from all of the noise surrounding you and create a sacred quiet place for just you. I know so many people who never spend alone time. Try it. During this time, close your eyes and block out all distractions. You cannot reach the state I am asking you to get to without removing all chaos from around you (roommates stomping around the apartment, dogs barking, cell phone buzzing, music playing…you get it). Get to a place of calm by closing your eyes and breathing deeply into your diaphragm and belly.

Try to reach a state of peace and quiet and once there you might achieve a clear state of heart and mind about what direction you should be heading in your personal life.

If you want to find love, then go find it, there are no really excuses. Finding your soul mate is one of the greatest experiences you will ever have. Do not wallow in your miseries or feel sorry for yourself. Only you can be an agent of change in your life. Why not pave the way for a bright and successful future? Too many people dwell on all of the negative garbage of the past and worry that they will never find anyone. Too many people also create so many lists of “must haves” in their mate that these lists actually become obstacles and block and progress in finding a partner.

This is the present, relish in today. Listen to what your heart tells you.

P.S. If this all sounds a bit contrived and like a meditative yoga class, here might be another way to get to the same place. My husband read this blog entry and really loved the message, but asked if he could add the following for another perspective 😉 :

I certainly agree with Hemingway that most people never listen (rather, they hear but often don’t listen.) But in my experience, at least, you can’t just decide to listen. You need to be ready and in the right place to listen and you can’t control that – you just need to be aware enough to let it happen naturally. I don’t recommend you force it – just be open to it.

Be open to finding big insights about yourself in what might seem like the small routines in life. Maybe rather than creating artificial silence and peace in a chaotic environment and consciously trying to reflect, you should just take time (whenever it just seems to hit you) to think about what really makes you happy. What do you look forward to? What do you not? How can you make it a point to do more things that make you happy? If tradeoffs are involved, how might you reconcile the different competing forces? Grappling with these important questions will likely give you many insights into what could be really important qualities to look for in a soulmate and also ways that you might better put yourself in position to meet that person. Remember, if you are in a good place yourself, you have a much better shot at attracting your perfect match.

Spring Cocktail Party for Qualifying Women

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Linx Dating is currently custom tailoring a cocktail party for one of our exceptional VIP male clients. Our event will feature the client and 5 + exceptional women for an evening of mingling, drinks, passed canapés, and delightful conversation. Attire is dressy and sophisticated.

Our client is in his early 50’s, Caucasian, 6’0″, exercises regularly, is nicely dressed, and has a contagious smile. He’s a very successful executive and leader in his field, as well as highly educated. Yet, what impresses us the most is how down-to-earth and genuine he is.

He’s an independent spirit who is playful, kind, adventurous, patient, happy, intellectual, and quiet at times. Outside of work, he is passionate about: NBA basketball, photography, big dogs, his adult son, travel, wine, and flying his gorgeous plane.

We are recruiting only a very small handful of beautiful women to attend this invite-only cocktail party. Above all else, you need to be comfortable flying with our bachelor VIP. Remember that his ultimate “freedom” and way to unwind from work is achieved through flying his 6 seater plane at any moment’s notice. Jetting off to Santa Barbara, Tahoe, Arizona for wine and sunset seem appealing to you?

You are sexy, smart, stable, and humorous and between the ages of 35-45. His ideal match is Caucasian, 5’6″ plus, stylish, fit, and naturally attractive. She is easy to be around, fun, comfortable with herself, adventuresome, and doesn’t take herself too seriously! Although he has one adult child already, he is open to more children.

If you would like to see if you qualify for this private Spring soiree, please email Amy: amy@linxdating.com