Linx Testimonial

Another testimonial came in from a 50-something male client in technology residing in the Silicon Valley. He’s in an exclusive relationship with his Linx match (and he’s her very first set-up through Linx!)

“I worked with Amy for over a year, and I’m extremely impressed — her screening process is thorough and her network is extensive. She’s very responsive and professional, always checking in to get your feedback about dates. She is genuinely caring and committed. I enjoyed her events, and was introduced to a number of intelligent, attractive women through her service. Thanks to Amy, I am now in a long term, committed relationship with an amazing woman. Priceless”

Sex(y) Ed…

Written by: Linx staff member Michael Norman

I often get asked about what women should wear on first dates, and I really have just two words to say about that:

Be Sexy.

That’s it. Be Sexy. Despite blog posts and magazine articles to the contrary, there is no uniform for first dates. In fact, sexiness is different for every woman based on her age, her confidence, and her body type. But at any number – whether you’re counting years, reporting your dress size, or looking down at a scale – your first (and really, only goal) when dressing for a date should be achieving some degree of sexiness.

I know some of you are clenching your jaws (and possibly your pearls) when you read this. I can actually hear more than a few silent diatribes about objectification, being liked for who you are, the appeal of intelligence, self-respect, dignity, modesty, propriety, being true to yourself, and leaving something to the imagination. Those points can all be valid depending on the day, but note that I didn’t ask you to wear Lucite heels and a bandage dress borrowed from a Vegas cocktail waitress; I simply asked you to be sexy.

I know it can be harder for some of us than it is for others, so let’s examine some of the feedback clients often give me when they bristle at this suggestion. If you don’t think sexiness is appropriate for a first date, there’s a chance that one or more of these points might apply to you:

I don’t like being objectified. This isn’t about sex.

Hold up. This isn’t about sex? Are you kidding me? So you just want to make a new friend, is that it? Is that what we should tell your date? That you’re just looking for something platonic? Is that why he called you, asked you out, made dinner plans, and is going to pick up the check? Just to make a new friend? You’re right that a first date isn’t about sex, but it is about sexual attraction; that’s really the point of differentiation between a date and every other interaction in your life. If you don’t invite your date to be attracted to you, he won’t be. But hey, maybe you two can just be friends!

I don’t like dressing “that way.” I like to leave something to the imagination.

Again, I’m not telling you how to dress, but I am telling you how to feel. And so much of your mood – in all aspects of your life – can be dictated by clothing choices. Would you wear yoga pants to an important business meeting? Are you going to wear a skirt to SoulCycle? A bathing suit to a doctor’s appointment? (Actually, I did see a woman do that once. Please don’t.) If you want to be kissed, wooed, desired, wanted, you have to dress the part. Even the most conservative among you can spice things up a bit by undoing a button, letting your hair down, or adjusting a hem length. Invite the attention you want; if you don’t want a man to think about you sexually, I’m not sure why you’re going on dates in the first place.

I don’t like my body. You’re asking too much of me.

It can sometimes seem hard to accept, but we all have issues with our bodies. (Personally, I have about 56 inches of scars from 20 different surgeries, so I know of what I speak.) But if you don’t let yourself like your own body, how can you expect someone else to love it? Whether you realize it or not, you do love some parts of your physical self. If you have trouble starting at the top with a list of parts you like, go ahead and start at the bottom. List the things you dislike most and work in reverse. When you get to the top, you’ll know exactly where to focus with your clothing choices; draw attention to the parts of you that you like most (or dislike least), but always be sure to draw attention to yourself. If you don’t, you’re signaling to your date that some other woman in the room is more worthy of his gaze than you are.

I’m only interested in a guy who’s into more than just the superficial.

Yeah. We all are. Note the “more” in that statement. I get that you want him to be into your brain, but you also want him to be into your body. At least, I hope you do. It’s really enlightening to know that our clients who most often stress the importance of a physical connection are among the eldest. People who’ve had forty or fifty years of relationship experience know a lot more than the rest of us do. One of my favorite clients has often said, “There’s absolutely nothing more important than the way a man looks at me.” She’s right. So learn from your elders. (She, by the way, could teach all of us many, many things about the benefits of great tailoring and wearing slightly tight sweaters that have the perfect neckline. She’s also a successful retired attorney who can talk about almost any subject with a twinkle in her eye, a light laugh, and a smile.)

It’s 2014. The idea that guys are visual creatures seems really unevolved to me.

You’re right. It is unevolved. Because men are not particularly evolved when it comes to matter of the, uh, heart. How many generations do you think it takes to change the hardwiring of attraction? And what, exactly, would be the impetus? If anything, the practices of society – and the human body itself – adapt to feed our visually stimulated sexual appetites. You do, realize, right, that makeup is just a way to mimic the physiological signs of arousal? That every time you put on lipstick or blush or eyeliner you’re telling the men around you that you’re… interested? And your body… if you don’t want to attract the male gaze, your body is the biggest traitor of them all. More than one school of evolutionary thought proposes that enlarged female breasts (practically unheard of elsewhere in the animal kingdom) developed as a response to learning to walk upright; apparently human males need some form of cleavage to be not too far from eye level, and we don’t really care if it’s on the back or the front.

So let yourself be sexy. Admit that you’re looking for a connection that’s both physical and cerebral. Embrace the opportunity to advertise your interests. (Please, please don’t wear something that your friends called “cute.”) Learn to love the parts of your body that you already like, and to like the parts of your physique that you think you’ll never love. It’s ok to show some skin, to wear bright colors, to make choices that make it hard for a man to not look at you. It’s ok to want to be the center of attention on your date. In fact, it’s human nature. 😉

Putting the CON in Confidence… Part II

Amy often points out that the skills of dating are themselves like a muscle, and unless regularly exercised, they tend to atrophy. This is true of people both in and out of relationships, and though it is a huge mistake to think that your “dating life” is over just because you’ve found a boyfriend or girlfriend (happy long term couples actively “date” each other throughout their marriage) this can be a particularly hard problem for those of us who are single; if the dating muscles have atrophied and a new date is on the horizon, how can we pretend to have any dating strengths?

Given that we charge our male clients with the responsibility of planning, arranging, and paying for a date, it makes sense to offer the more skittish guys some advice on how to make sure everything at the restaurant goes smoothly. Assuming you survived Part I of this series, and successfully navigated a phone call that has led to a first date, here are some things to keep in mind that can help provide the boost of confidence you might need to convert a first date into a second.

1. Scout the location.

As a guy, it’s really important to have some sense of mastery of your surroundings, especially if you’ve invited a woman to a place she’s never been. While we certainly recommend picking somewhere totally new to both of you if you’re a more practiced or adventuresome dater, go with someplace familiar if first dates are generally hard or stressful for you; we want you to be excited about this, not anxious.

So show up a little bit early, especially if you haven’t been there in awhile. Make sure you check in with the hostess, and maybe try to request a booth or corner table that has low lighting. Or ask to sit outside if the weather is right and you don’t think it will get too cool too quickly (women love dining al fresco, even if they’re rarely properly dressed for it). Make sure you know the answer to the inevitable “Do you know where they hide the ladies’ room?” query that you’ll get at some point during dinner. And even take some time to study the menu while you’re alone and form a couple of questions or opinions about the dishes; if decisions are hard for you, deciding what to eat will be even harder when you’re being distracted by a pretty face.

2. Admit ignorance.

If you aren’t particularly well-versed in any specific food or cuisine, the really great thing about a restaurant is that it’s full of experts who can help you out. Don’t know where the best table is for a first date? Ask the hostess. Not sure what to order? Ask the waiter. Not comfortable ordering a bottle of wine? Ask the sommelier. Some guys might see this as weakness, but admitting what you don’t know is actually a strength; it also gets you off the hook. If the wine is bad, you didn’t pick it. If the table is lousy, you didn’t ask to be seated there. If the dish is awful, blame the waiter. And send it back. All of us like someone who knows a lot about a few things, but no one likes the guy who thinks that he knows a lot about everything. It’s really ok to be ignorant; admitting ignorance in front of your date can allow both of you to learn something. Together. It also lets your date know that you aren’t the kind of guy who always has to have an opinion, which means she’ll likely care a lot more about the opinions that you do have. Confident guys are curious, because they admit they have a lot to learn. Most women will tell you that being a lifelong learner is very, very sexy.

3. Be gentlemanly.

This one should really go without saying, but be sure to open doors for your date, to not sit down until she’s seated, and if you really want to make an impression, stand up if she needs to leave the table in the middle of your date. You should also encourage her to feel comfortable ordering what she’d like (after all, you picked the restaurant) so be sure to signal that you’re feeling both generous and hungry. In other words, saying things like “We’re doing three courses, right” (You’re hungry) and “I’m sort of stuck… not really sure if I want the halibut or the duck” (Your pockets are deep… enough) provides reassurance for her that she should order as she pleases, and she should expect to enjoy the evening.

4. Be clear.

As your meal winds down, don’t be afraid to let her know you’ve had a great time. If you truly mean it, a woman loves hearing “I’ve had a great night” and “I’d like to do this again.” Too often, we hedge our bets and make conditional statements like “If you’re interested, I’d like to go out again” or “I’d like to do this again if you would.” Do not do that. Be direct. It conveys a lot of confidence when you use a declarative statement. After all, no matter how you word them, questions always involves a degree of uncertainty. Yes? No? Yes?

5. Be… the bodyguard.

Whether you had the best date of your life or the worst night you can remember, always offer to walk a woman to her car/hail a cab for her/escort her to a bus or BART stop/stay with her while she waits for an Uber. It might waste a few minutes of your life and you may have hated each other, but it’s still a sign that you’re a good person. And a thoughtful man. On the other hand – with a date you really liked – it could be that extra minute or two alone that builds enough sexual tension and spark to lead to a great first kiss. And if you think the time is right for a great first kiss to happen, be sure to kiss her with confidence.

The third and final part of this series will involve some general tips for building and maintaining confidence in a lot of different situations. If you’re a guy who’s lacking confidence and self esteem, that can change. You really can learn to be more confident. And your entire life will change positively as a result. So stay tuned for more…. 😉

Time is running out… and so are tickets!

Today is the LAST day/evening to buy tickets for Drinks on the Linx! Again, we will not be selling tickets at the door (and we’re very, very close to being sold out) so please join us, and the more than 350 people who’ve already purchased tickets for a night of fun and frolic at the clubhouse of the Stanford Golf Course tomorrow night (Thursday, July 17th) from 6pm to 9:30pm. Light fare (including sliders, quesadillas, salads, and fries) fresh from the patio grill will be available for purchase, and admission includes an open bar serving Prosecco, wine, and premium spirits! Tickets are $50, but you can get a $5 discount with the code “FACEBOOK5”.

This promises to be the best personal and professional networking event of the summer. You definitely do not want to miss out, so buy your ticket while there’s still time to do so! Tickets will NOT be sold at the door.

We hope to see you there!

Date Coaching | The Linx Method to Personal Success

We get inquiries all the time about date coaching from men and women of all ages. This week I coached a early 20-something female who needed a confidence boost around early stage dating. I talked to her about her concerns, gave her insights into the minds of men, and helped shift her perspective from leading with fear (and assuming the worst outcome will happen on her dates!) to feeling much more positive and remembering that dating should be fun! One major point I reinforced with her was to “get out” of her head. Don’t over think things and worry what he is thinking. Also, since she is more introverted I explained that the first date will be inevitably exhausting as she is going to have to give it an extra push to express herself on the date and be perceived by him as someone who is interesting and passionate. Chances are she will get home and feel tired- having given a 150% effort energy wise.

Many older men and women write to Linx asking about help with their online profiles and general assistance with conversation starters and keeping the connection going. We’ve helped countless individuals this way and in fact, are gearing up for a busy next week date coaching a 70-something female and a 30-something guy. She’s a widow who was married for nearly 5 decades and he’s a divorcee who lacks confidence around women. It’s so easy to “assume doom and gloom” when you’ve experienced major loss and heartache in the past. It is especially a different ballgame for the baby boomer generation who dated at 19 and 20 years old, got married, and then are single again 40-plus years later. Modern dating couldn’t be more different for these folks and often, it is described as not for the faint of heart.

Dating is a very mental game and preparation is key. Like you’d outsource a fitness trainer to stay in shape, or an accountant to get your ready for tax season, date coaching can be extremely useful for your personal life. We offer our coaching in the privacy of our offices and welcome friends of Linx and clients with open arms. Our approach is warm, inviting, comfortable, non-judgmental, and often very invigorating. All coaching is customized to exactly the needs of you. Sessions are typically two hours and trust us- the time flies. It is not uncommon for clients to hire us again down the road for a reboot and refresh.

Find Love There Are No Excuses

In my journey to find my husband, I often wondered if I would ever find true love and sometimes reached a deep level of concern within my conscious soul that I indeed might not. Back then, I did not like that feeling and found it empty, sad, and disconcerting. I needed an exit, an outlet, a way to see the positive from what was a void in my life… I seemed to be caught up in what society was telling me to do. I never really listened to my heart until I had a revelation one day – in wine country, at a pet parade, of all places!

In a moment of clarity, everything hit me. It was as if time and reality were suspended right in front of me – so I listened…

As I listened to my heart, I knew I had to make some changes in my life. Part of those changes for me, personally, meant moving and taking some time off from dating. Certainly I am not saying that everyone should move and take time off from dating. Yet what I am preaching to you today is to listen to your heart and to do what YOU need to do. As Hemingway once wrote, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Take 15 minutes this week to have a moment within yourself. Get away from all of the noise surrounding you and create a sacred quiet place for just you. I know so many people who never spend alone time. Try it. During this time, close your eyes and block out all distractions. You cannot reach the state I am asking you to get to without removing all chaos from around you (roommates stomping around the apartment, dogs barking, cell phone buzzing, music playing…you get it). Get to a place of calm by closing your eyes and breathing deeply into your diaphragm and belly.

Try to reach a state of peace and quiet and once there you might achieve a clear state of heart and mind about what direction you should be heading in your personal life.

If you want to find love, then go find it, there are no really excuses. Finding your soul mate is one of the greatest experiences you will ever have. Do not wallow in your miseries or feel sorry for yourself. Only you can be an agent of change in your life. Why not pave the way for a bright and successful future? Too many people dwell on all of the negative garbage of the past and worry that they will never find anyone. Too many people also create so many lists of “must haves” in their mate that these lists actually become obstacles and block and progress in finding a partner.

This is the present, relish in today. Listen to what your heart tells you.

P.S. If this all sounds a bit contrived and like a meditative yoga class, here might be another way to get to the same place. My husband read this blog entry and really loved the message, but asked if he could add the following for another perspective 😉 :

I certainly agree with Hemingway that most people never listen (rather, they hear but often don’t listen.) But in my experience, at least, you can’t just decide to listen. You need to be ready and in the right place to listen and you can’t control that – you just need to be aware enough to let it happen naturally. I don’t recommend you force it – just be open to it.

Be open to finding big insights about yourself in what might seem like the small routines in life. Maybe rather than creating artificial silence and peace in a chaotic environment and consciously trying to reflect, you should just take time (whenever it just seems to hit you) to think about what really makes you happy. What do you look forward to? What do you not? How can you make it a point to do more things that make you happy? If tradeoffs are involved, how might you reconcile the different competing forces? Grappling with these important questions will likely give you many insights into what could be really important qualities to look for in a soulmate and also ways that you might better put yourself in position to meet that person. Remember, if you are in a good place yourself, you have a much better shot at attracting your perfect match.

March at Linx

A quick post to wish everyone a great upcoming week! This week we have a lot of matches to be made, client meetings, and some fun very creative projects to work on. Our new fab intern Michael will be back in the office after his trip back East and we will continue to pound the pavement matching our clients to one another and doing some really important recruiting as well.
Gorgeous Spring flowers surprised me in the office a couple of days ago- thank you very much for them…you know who you are! We are still recruiting top candidates for the Spring cocktail party so please email me if you’re interested. Have a wonderful week all. XO

Spring Cocktail Party for Qualifying Women

Linx Dating is currently custom tailoring a cocktail party for one of our exceptional VIP male clients. Our event will feature the client and 5 + exceptional women for an evening of mingling, drinks, passed canapés, and delightful conversation. Attire is dressy and sophisticated.

Our client is in his early 50’s, Caucasian, 6’0″, exercises regularly, is nicely dressed, and has a contagious smile. He’s a very successful executive and leader in his field, as well as highly educated. Yet, what impresses us the most is how down-to-earth and genuine he is.

He’s an independent spirit who is playful, kind, adventurous, patient, happy, intellectual, and quiet at times. Outside of work, he is passionate about: NBA basketball, photography, big dogs, his adult son, travel, wine, and flying his gorgeous plane.

We are recruiting only a very small handful of beautiful women to attend this invite-only cocktail party. Above all else, you need to be comfortable flying with our bachelor VIP. Remember that his ultimate “freedom” and way to unwind from work is achieved through flying his 6 seater plane at any moment’s notice. Jetting off to Santa Barbara, Tahoe, Arizona for wine and sunset seem appealing to you?

You are sexy, smart, stable, and humorous and between the ages of 35-45. His ideal match is Caucasian, 5’6″ plus, stylish, fit, and naturally attractive. She is easy to be around, fun, comfortable with herself, adventuresome, and doesn’t take herself too seriously! Although he has one adult child already, he is open to more children.

If you would like to see if you qualify for this private Spring soiree, please email Amy: amy@linxdating.com

Dating with Today’s Technologies from a Man’s Perspective

Luke Kilpatrick talks with Robert Scoble on dating in the modern era from a man’s perspective. This video covers how to improve your online profile, how to attract people into your world, apps that work (popular ones including Tinder and dealing with rejection). Furthermore, learning to attract the people you want in your life and asking the right questions when meeting someone new (in order to make that person associate you with a positive framework). Additionally how important it is to use “you” instead of lots of “I”‘s when writing your online profile and knowing the right photos to use for online, etc.

Luke talks to Robert about “the exclusive approach” for those types who want to attract the “top 10%” in their world through networks through Linx Dating. He says Linx is ideal for those who have done the self-improvement, are truly ready for something new, and something ultra personalized. As Robert mentions, Linx is created for executives…

This Week in Perspective

It’s been extremely busy at Linx HQ. I am still blown away that January is officially over. Have you noticed how some people still have Christmas trees in their windows and lights still decorating their homes? Did they not get the memo that the holidays are over? Hilarious. There is a home in my neighborhood that is still all lit up at night…right out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

This past week was filled with tons of client meetings over breakfast at the Rosewood Sand Hill Hotel, coffee in SOMA, and in the privacy of our historic offices. We admitted new members this week…a quick snapshot includes a handsome 32-year old 6’0″ guy who is passionate about surfing in his free time, a witty 33-year old male with a devilish smile and wildly impressive career (who has been a vegetarian his whole life), and a 50-something real estate professional who loves travel, his kids, and Bay Area living. We also had a lovely visit with a young mid 20’s MD female member who was so sweet to bring us the most decadent homemade cupcakes (flourless chocolate w sea salt and carmel and a coconut tropical unbelievably fabulous concoction!) As you can see we hated them. 😉

We spent a few hours conducting an in-home closet consultation for a vibrant, mature, and gorgeous 24-year old female. She hired us to edit her wardrobe, help her create looks (looks for work, work into dates, weekend wear, dressy styles etc). The great thing is that our client already has such an impressive wardrobe and everything she pretty much needs…it was just a matter of figuring out what works with what and helping her streamline things. Also her request and wish was to get her wearing color…not so much black all the time.

In working with our client, we also removed items that she has had since high school (yes high school..including her old prom dress…ok ok, she is only 24 years young!) and will be donating four huge garbage bags to Goodwill as a result. We put tons of looks together she already had in her closet (black 7 skinny jeans, silk Joie tank, paired with a tight Vince leather jacket zipped up accentuating her TINY waist and model physique, punchy colorful pashmina, black patent leather Louboutin pumps, and a great tote to top off her modern and very versatile look (so easy to transition from day to night). She was so impressed by our hard work, she’s hired us to come back this coming week for more wardrobe work. The famous, highly coveted red CL soles…

My assistant (who is a very skilled photographer among many of her talents) has been snapping pics of our client in her various ensembles and will be creating a beautiful look book to keep in her boudoir for when getting ready. Vince leather jacket on a model

It’s been busy with creative projects as well….speaking to lots of media folks from all around the globe…including entertaining folks up from LA and showing them the Silicon Valley life. Beyond this, lots of matchmaking and presenting clients with our match ideas. This week alone we’ve done a ton of really good matches and are excited to hear how those first dates go. I’ve learned so much from my clients this past month- fascinating trends we are seeing in Silicon Valley and lots of interesting stories.

Here’s to an exciting February ahead for everyone. Stay focused on your New Years resolutions and don’t start slipping now. I have just completed my annual health “cleanse” I do every Jan for 31 days (major cardio, super green diet, no diary, no bad carbs, no alcohol) and I feel GREAT. Even though I am looking forward to a glass of wine (or two!) tonight with friends in San Francisco, I am making sure to set strict rules for myself to stay focused and very disciplined as I enter February. Healthy living is a LIFESTYLE and in order to be at my best in my life, I know I have to do certain things (sufficient sleep, lot of good clean eating, restricting my so called vices (e.g, drinking ,sugar, cheese) working out with my trainer multiple times a week, and taking time off from the daily grind to reset).

If you want more information about my cleanse ping me. This is my 7th year doing it…and I’m hooked! I’m not the only one either- when I interviewed a young CEO on Thursday, he is doing a 90 day cleanse. He said he sleeps better, has total mental clarity, is happier, and much more balanced.

Fun and funky old school workout song for you to load onto the trusty ipod.