Our handsome Caucasian VIP bachelor stands tall at 6’4″ with a healthy musculature and athletic physique, and is based in the heart of Silicon Valley. Born and raised in the Midwest, he is marriage-minded and values hard work, healthy living, humility, and substance.
He is a natural leader, adventurer-seeker, and dynamic self-starter. After completing his graduate studies at an Ivy League, he pursued a career abroad in finance, where he quickly rose through the ranks to hold executive management positions. After working abroad for over a decade, he returned to the states for his next adventure: building a deep tech company in Silicon Valley.
As founder and CEO of a burgeoning tech company, he is now ready to settle down and pursue the adventure of a lifetime with the right woman.
Outside of his very successful career, our VIP enjoys swimming, cycling, yoga, and reading to stay physically and mentally fit. In his spare time, he likes to build and contribute to the communities in which he’s involved: swim club, his neighborhood, veteran causes, just to name a few. He also loves spending time with friends, organizing and throwing parties, and making others smile!
He has a great sense of humor and hopes to find a woman to share laughs with. His ideal match is in her 30’s and has dated to the point where she is completely ready to settle down with her dream guy. If she is living outside of the Bay Area, she’s open to relocation and putting her roots into building an incredible life with her leading man in Silicon Valley.
His match is super cute and sporty, natural in her appearance, fit, smart, a strong communicator, social, warm hearted, humble, and has a heart of gold. Although our client leads a very comfortable nice life and is excited to provide for his family one day, the antithesis of his comfort zone are flashy labels, a life of excess, hard partying, and drama. He’s never been married, no kids, and looks forward to both.
This guy is a total catch and wants to find his dream partner in 2021. Now that Covid restrictions are lifted, what are you waiting for?
If you or anyone you know might make a beautiful match for this gem of a bachelor, please contact Amy at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Absolutely no fees for qualifying female candidates.
Our client is handsome and highly successful, a youthful 48-year-old clean-cut white gentleman. He lives in an idyllic, private golf course community nestled in the rolling hills and vineyards of the San Francisco Bay Area.
Born and raised in Southern California, our client remains very close to his entire family: his parents, his sister, and her two boys. He stands at a physically fit 5’7”, his dark brown hair is perfused with soft grey highlights, and he has kind green-blue eyes that sparkle when he smiles. He has a relaxed sense of style, going for what he calls a “Steve Jobs look” at work.
What he values most are family, ambition, balance, and creativity; at his core he believes that life is for living, and living means fun and passion. His disposition is kind and generous; he treats others with respect, and is the sort of man you can trust and feel safe with. His confidence never tips into arrogance, and is tempered by his easygoing personality.
A father of two, our client starts each day bright and early, making breakfast with his two adorable and inquisitive sons, aged 11 and 13. Both are straight-A students and have Dad’s passion for innovation and invention. After dropping the boys at school, he’s usually no more than a five-minute drive to his latest startup, where he can explore his passion for his next big idea.
Our client has been creating businesses since he was in his 30s; he takes great pride in the culture at each company, often working with the same great group of friends and colleagues who have accompanied him to each new startup. A leader in his field, our client is the very definition of the successful serial entrepreneur. He received his undergraduate and graduate degrees from one of the top engineering schools in the country and holds over 200 patents for his various technologies. But unlike a lot of classically trained, introverted engineers, our client has a highly developed emotional intelligence; he’s a social guy who likes being around people.
He recently celebrated another big win through his latest company’s IPO, and his new ventures continue to display his Midas touch in business. All he really needs is a partner to celebrate life’s victories with him, a woman who is emotionally supportive and loving.
At heart, our client is an active outdoorsman, one who is reinvigorated by active time in the natural world. He’s a near scratch golfer, loves winter skiing and summer hiking, and plays as hard as he works by dining and wine-tasting with a close-knit group of friends.
In a world of inconsistencies, our client is a stand-up guy, reliable and steadfast. But he’s spontaneous and creative too! This multi-talented man just designed and remodeled his entire modern-contemporary home; now he’s dreaming of relaxing evenings under the starry skies, sitting beside the fire pit and the swimming pool, with a glass of wine, and his sweetheart snuggled affectionately by his side.
One of his passions is real estate, and he is thrilled to have just closed on a stunning lot in an exclusive Lake Tahoe enclave. Here he will begin building a dream home from the ground up, and he hopes his dream woman will be by his side to help him.
After years of burning the midnight oil running his companies, our client has learned that balance is critical. Now he needs a partner to continually remind him! He has a passion for travel, having explored Tokyo, Singapore and Bali, and hopes to indulge his wanderlust with the right woman.
His ideal match is between the ages of 32 and 42, petite to slender in build, 5’0”-5’7”, with medium to long hair, a beautiful smile, inviting eyes, and feminine in appearance. Her look is sweet and kind, her style tasteful and not provocative.
His dream match is social and comfortable with others, a positive person who sees life with a glass-half-full perspective. Adventurous with a go-with-the flow attitude, she’s the kind of bubbly and carefree woman people like to be around. As his career can be demanding, she must be incredibly supportive, his greatest cheerleader.
This is a woman who responds best to a strong male that she can inspire, support, and love. She’s all about the little details, whether it’s planning a quiet night with wine and cheese by the fire when he gets home or an adults-only spontaneous get-away to Hawaii, with less than 48 hours to pack! Her mission is to make her leading man feel loved and cherished through the strength of her affection and the warmth of heart.
While she might have a career of her own, our client doesn’t require it. He’d be just as happy if his dream woman was in charge of the home and family—though she could easily have a career on the side, if she so desired. He’s also open to a woman who’s been relentless in her career, and is now ready to hang up the reins and focus on family.
Maybe she’s has been waiting to take on the CEO role of a household, and genuinely enjoys making a happy and beautiful home. She’s very good at planning everything, from the kids’ schedules to dinner parties to intimate couple’s nights, and all the little details in between. Our client and his family will be her priority.
Our client is a loving and very involved father to his boys, but he’s open to the idea of blended family with a woman who has children of her own; having more children together; or being content with their family of four.
He has tried the single life, and found it wasn’t for him. Now he’s ready to embark on a glorious monogamous relationship with someone as incredible as him.
Our client is a 41-year-old intellectual and dynamic gentleman of Russian heritage. He stands 5’9” with inviting blue eyes, a fair, clean-shaven complexion, and slender, yet strong build. His looks range from stylish to nerdy, favoring eyewear and leather jackets with eclectic designs. Growing up in St. Petersburg, he has been shaped by the endless trips to museums with historic paintings, biking, fishing, disassembling electronics, and fixing things for classmates.
Though the first few rubles he earned were from selling strawberries at the market with his grandfather, our client is a software engineer by trade. He spent half of his life building startups and co-founding one of the major technology companies, and he always strives to do well in his work. His projects have led to incredible experiences such as the creation of virtual reality worlds, stepping in and being the first to perceive them in breathtaking ways not conceivable before, celebrating public product launch with a small team of friends, and collaborating with the legends of the software industry.
In recent years, he has developed a growing passion for biosciences and investing. He sees aging and frailty as some of the starkest causes of human suffering, but he finds hope in the emergence of technologies aimed at improving these facets of humanity. He feels strongly that this is one of the most impactful and challenging problems facing humanity, so he spends much of his time running a fund focused on extending the human health and life span.
A relentless brainiac, he’s inherently curious and enjoys intellectual discussions. From reading scientific papers, attending startup incubator gatherings and AI conferences, or taking it up a notch and crossing the ocean to explore the Tanzanian wilderness of the Ngorongoro crater, he takes every opportunity to learn and grow. Though he values strong and reasoned opinions, he is happy to consider different sides, understanding that life is rarely black and white and there is always room to grow. He’d love an open-minded partner who is willing to approach life in the same way.
On weekends, he enjoys exploring new trails, loving the crumbling pebbles under his feet and the scent of fresh air. Upon arrival, you can expect him to unroll the blanket, give you a long hug, and settle in with a good book to enjoy with the peaceful view of the oceanside behind the hills. On other days, he enjoys being social, which might look like checking out a comedy show or simply grabbing lunch or a drink with friends. Looking forward to the day we resume normalcy, he’d love to take you blues dancing or to a salsa club. He is also up for biking, skiing, yoga, jogging barefoot on the beach… all in all, combining an active lifestyle with downtime for oneself through reflection, note-taking, and meditation.
His dream match is brains and beauty personified, but not necessarily in the conventional sense. She is 25-33 years old, between 5’3”-5’8”, feminine, active and physically fit, and embraces her own unique sense of style. Her heritage might be European, American, or Mixed race. Physically, our VIP will be drawn to her natural beauty and warm smile.
Rather than the “partying” type in college, his dream girl was occasionally social, spending most university nights coding, learning bridge, or putting in extra hours in the lab. Colleagues would describe her as determined, sharp, creative, and always curious. Her contemporaries would describe her as warm and engaging, happy, humble, secure, independent, and open-minded. Her empathy and intellect enables her to inspire her team at work to push the cutting edge in her field and attract the brightest minds from across the world.
Maybe she spends her days in biotech, tech, medicine, business, or the sciences. Regardless, she is incessantly analytical, but also has an animated creative side. She loves reading new books, working on DIY projects, appreciating the great outdoors, pushing herself through a healthy lifestyle. On her slow, lazy days, she loves playing or listening to music, or calming her ever-agile brain with yoga or meditation.
Although our client has not been married before and does not currently have any children, he envisions both in his future and plans to take this role very seriously.
If you or anyone you know might make the perfect match for this VIP, please submit your information. There are NO fees for qualified candidates to meet our client.
As cities around the country and the world go into coronavirus lockdown, your search for love doesn’t have to shelter in place. In fact, being in quarantine is a great opportunity to look inward to ask yourself what qualities you really want in a partner and is a chance to prepare yourself for a relationship once the quarantine ends.
Cultivating solitude and embracing it to find love
For naturally social creatures, getting locked into our homes with no end date can be tough to navigate, even for those of us with high levels of immunity to loneliness.
To make peace with solitude, scientists recommend reframing the loneliness.
Reed Larson, professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that solitude is like “a medicine which tastes bad, but leaves one more healthy in the long run,” that creates more positive emotions and less self-reported depression down the line. Susan Cain, author of the book Quiet, says “solitude is a crucial and underrated ingredient of creativity.” This time of social distance is the perfect opportunity to get close with solitude.
So, how is solitude relevant to finding a partner?
Researchers Christopher Long and James Averill write that time alone allows us to order our priorities according to what we need, rather than the needs of others. Solitude is a powerful experience that allows us to prioritize what we want in our relationships.
Start by asking yourself the following:
Am I listening closely to what I want?
How much do I weigh what my friends or family want for me?
What story does my dating life tell?
If answering these questions feels confusing, you’re not alone; isolation can make it difficult to experience clarity, but hang in there and don’t let this opportunity slip away.
Sherry Turkle, researcher and the founder of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self talks about our apprehension towards embracing solitude in her Ted talk: “The moment that people are alone, even for a few seconds, they become anxious, they panic, they fidget, they reach for a device. Just think of people at a checkout line or at a red light.”
Turkle goes on to urge people to create sacred spaces to embrace solitude, where you don’t get distracted or reach for your phone—such as an hour in the morning or lunchtime in between your remote conference calls. It can be over a quiet cup of tea, a soak in a hot epsom salt bath, or whatever else might work for you.
That said, even once you’ve had a chance for solitude, your mind might still not be the easiest place to dwell. Past relationships and other noise can make it impossible to ask ourselves the questions we need to answer before continuing the search for a loving partner.
Consulting with a matchmaker can help bring focus into the equation. Not only can we be a sounding board to get clarity on what those relationship priorities are, we’ll be able to jumpstart your love life once social restrictions are lifted.
Building connection amidst quarantine
If you were already dating before the quarantine, you’ll need to get creative to build and sustain the connection.
Host a remote movie date. Netflix just released their Netflix Party Chrome extension that lets you watch “Netflix remotely with friends, e.g. for movie nights with that long-distance special someone. It synchronizes video playback and adds group chat.” Should pair well with a quarantine.
Take a (virtual) museum stroll. Google Arts & Culture has partnered with some of the world’s most popular museums to give patrons a chance to see art and exhibits through their computer screens. The virtual tour might not be the most ideal, but you’ll get some brownie points for creativity.
Spend a night at the opera. The Met is live streaming their operas each day. Of course you’d be more inclined to watch from the first row balcony, but desperate times call for alternative seating.
Try a new (love) language. With quality time and physical touch on hold, give acts of service and words of affirmation a try. Support your favorite local restaurant and get a meal delivered. Check in frequently with texts and calls—don’t skimp on showing appreciation.
As always, I am here to support you! Consider scheduling a virtual matchmaking session to get the process started. Once quarantine is over, you’ll be ready to mingle with some of the most eligible singles from around the world!
First, our hearts go out to everyone who has been impacted by the CV climate. Like you, we are safely bunkered down in our homes and home offices. Although not making daily human contact in person (and gosh I miss that so much), we are extremely connected with our prospects and clients alike via brilliant technology created here in Silicon Valley.
I wanted to share with you some useful notes from a recent Goldman Sachs conference call with 1,500 companies dialed in. Given the tremendous amount of uncertainty swirling out there around the corona virus, the financial markets and our lives generally, I hope this can give at least one perspective.
THE KEY ECONOMIC TAKEAWAYS WERE:
-50% of Americans will contract the virus (150m people) as it’s very communicable. This is on a par with the common cold (Rhinovirus) of which there are about 200 strains and which the majority of Americans will get 2-4 per year.
-70% of Germany will contract it (58M people). This is the next most relevant industrial economy to be effected.
-Peak-virus is expected over the next eight weeks, declining thereafter.
-The virus appears to be concentrated in a band between 30-50 degrees north latitude, meaning that like the common cold and flu, it prefers cold weather. The coming summer in the northern hemisphere should help. This is to say that the virus is likely seasonal.
-Of those impacted 80% will be early-stage, 15% mid-stage and 5% critical-stage. Early-stage symptoms are like the common cold and mid-stage symptoms are like the flu; these are stay at home for two weeks and rest. 5% will be critical and highly weighted towards the elderly.
-Mortality rate on average of up to 2%, heavily weighted towards the elderly and immunocompromised; meaning up to 3m people (150m*.02). In the US about 3m/yr die mostly due to old age and disease, those two being highly correlated (as a percent very few from accidents). There will be significant overlap, so this does not mean 3m new deaths from the virus, it means elderly people dying sooner due to respiratory issues. This may however stress the healthcare system.
-There is a debate as to how to address the virus pre-vaccine. The US is tending towards quarantine. The UK is tending towards allowing it to spread so that the population can develop a natural immunity. Quarantine is likely to be ineffective and result in significant economic damage but will slow the rate of transmission giving the healthcare system more time to deal with the case load.
-China’s economy has been largely impacted which has affected raw materials and the global supply chain. It may take up to six months for it to recover.
-Global GDP growth rate will be the lowest in 30 years at around 2%.
-S&P 500 will see a negative growth rate of -15% to -20% for 2020 overall.
-There will be economic damage from the virus itself, but the real damage is driven mostly by market psychology. Viruses have been with us forever. Stock markets should fully recover in the 2nd half of the year.
-In the past week there has been a conflating of the impact of the virus with the developing oil price war between Saudi Arabia and Russia. While reduced energy prices are generally good for industrial economies, the US is now a large energy exporter, so there has been a negative impact on the valuation of the domestic energy sector.
-This will continue for some time as the Russians are attempting to economically squeeze the American shale producers and the Saudis are caught in the middle and do not want to further cede market share to Russia or the US.
-Technically the market generally has been looking for a reason to reset after the longest bull market in history.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
-There is really NO systemic risk. No one is even talking about that. Governments are intervening in the markets to stabilize them, and the private banking sector is very well capitalized.
-In particular, for the U.S., even though quarantines and shut downs can certainly do recessionary damage stateside, thank God we live where we do – the US Govt is extraordinarily well-equipped / well-capitalized to respond with monetary and fiscal policy to bridge us through this…
-In sum, this feels more like a 9/11 shock than it does like a 2008 parting of the earth.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR LINX AND YOU?
-I am offering prospect meet and greets, as well as new client meetings for the next few weeks via Zoom!
– Zoom is super easy to download, free, and user friendly (trust me – I am a total dinosaur with technology). We can easily discuss working together and how the Linx ladies can get started on your search to “build your dating pipeline” now.
-In my opinion, this is THE time to allow us to get started with our recruitment, exploration of prospects and clients in our database, and research on your behalf.
–I am finding that people are even more eager to want to find LOVE NOW and meet their dream partner – especially once this current “shock” is past us.
-Linx contracts are 24 months, which is standard with any membership. 24 months allows you sufficient time to slowly date each candidate, not to rush, and to see if there is long-term merit.
-Once you’re on-boarded, no matter what climate we are in, it takes time for my staff to begin to develop your pipeline of introductions. This is not about rushing the process, but rather about carefully curated matchmaking that adheres to the philosophy of quality over quantity.
-Once we start lining up candidates for you to meet, you can get the ball rolling and meet matches via tech like Zoom or FaceTime. This is what making dating a PRIORITY means.
– This is seizing the moment, not letting your fears swallow you up, and not hitting pause on finding your match.
– You’re being smart and executing a dating strategy, even during a pandemic, that will pay dividends in the future.
– I wish everyone good health and comfort during these challenging times. Remember to laugh and love. We will get through this together. Stay connected and remember love is not on lockdown!
This week has been another super busy one taking many meetings with mostly men who qualify to meet some of our female VIP clients (interestingly, all the men we met this week are from Europe!) We’ve even been doing house appointments to ensure complete discretion and privacy for some uber high profile VIP clients and prospects. In fact, last Saturday the Linx ladies arrived to a very high profile gentleman’s home in Silicon Valley to chat about matchmaking. We hear time and time again Linx Dating is the only matchmaker that well-educated, high caliber individuals would hire. Why? Due to our A+ reputation, scrupulous screening process, esteemed private network, and tireless dedication to our craft to name a few!
As the scope of our VIP client projects are vast and detailed, I’m hiring a highly skilled individual I’ve known for years to help with recruitment. She will leverage her existing networks and help source eligible individuals for us to add to our existing database and importantly, find people who could be that perfect “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs. Following the Linx process, she will screen all candidates in person and cherry pick the best, weeding out the rest.
We protect our male and female clients all day long and serve as a giant filter for them. In the era of dating apps and dating “in the wild” on your own where you simply don’t know “who” you are dealing with, one can’t place a premium on the value we bring to our trusted clients.
We are also in the midst of planning a fabulous private Spring soiree in Silicon Valley. Linx events are always well attended and in high demand. Stay tuned for more on any upcoming events….
Next week is another very busy week with lots of matchmaking, appointments, and media projects. We are so grateful to our wonderful clients, match candidates in our database, and friends who provide such on-going support and love of Linx.
My dating advice for your upcoming dates this weekend is to always remember to be genuine! The worst thing you can do on a date is misrepresent yourself. Don’t pretend to be interested in things that truly bore you. Don’t bring up topics you don’t want to discuss. Don’t be silent about your own likes and dislikes because you don’t want to be judged.
Remember that, at heart, all Linx members are looking for the same thing – real and lasting human connections. So if you find yourself sitting across from a first date and neither of you knows what to say, start with the question that most single people would like to be asked more often; smile, take a deep breath, and open with “How was your day? ❤️
Grateful for our fabulous Linx clients! Here are two recent testimonials that came in from a 30 and 40-something in the Bay Area and LA.
“Amy does a stellar job finding the best available match for each of her clients within her network.
On an online platform I probably would have passed on the candidates I ended up liking the most, had she not brought them to my attention. This is why I recommend my high quality single friends and colleagues to join Linx.
The more options she can choose from, the better chance she has to pick the ideal partner for you. This is good for everyone! 🙂 Go Amy!!!”
“Amy Andersen is in a league of her own! My experience with her has been so enjoyable and has reminded me of how much fun that dating can be. She has a keen attention to detail, succinct prescreening questions, and a knack for working with high quality people that are commitment minded.
What makes her stand out above all is her follow up and genuine interest in a positive outcome… I have yet to meet another matchmaker on her level that has been such a dating expert – she’s actually like a dating coach.
All relationships would go much more smoothly if Amy was there as a dating coach…”
You’ve poured your life into building your business. Long hours, lack of sleep, endless meetings have been your priority and, now, your time and dedication has paid off—your company is going public.
And, just like that, your social presence grows overnight. You’re inundated with speaking requests. You’re also inundated with a lot of romantic interest.
I’ve met several executives eager to re-prioritize their personal goals in the wake of an IPO. I’ve seen them struggle to find the right person—or even just a legitimate date—after coming into wealth and extra publicity. Ironically, for these clients, I’ve seen the dating space morph into a minefield of sorts.
How do you know if your next date is dating you for the right reasons?
How can you be sure that your private dating life stays private?
How will you know where to find the most eligible singles?
Just as you would hire a personal trainer to get fit or an accountant to organize your finances, I’ve been hired countless times to help extremely discerning clientele find their next partner.
To help my clients understand what they want in their next relationship and how to get it, I compare the process for finding the right partner to building a business.
What problem are you trying to solve?
Perhaps you’re trying to remedy loneliness or are interested in building partnership. Maybe you’d like to “feel alive” with no strings attached, or you’re finally thinking it’s time to start a family. Most successful products and businesses are created to solve a specific problem—what’s yours?
Not sure where to start?
Envision your future. In five years, what kind of life do you envision? Where are you living? What are you doing? What would your mother say about you? How would your best friend describe you? Write it down.
Set realistic expectations about the process.
What steps will you take in the short term to help meet your goals? Clients tend to be clear on their goals, but they can get a little lost on the game plan.
Some questions to ask yourself:
How much time do you plan to carve out per week to devote to your dating life?
How will you meet new people?
How will you date? Casual introductions over wine? Grand romantic gestures?
The qualities you look for may change during the dating process. Be open to the process and be prepared to adjust your ideas accordingly. Whereas it’s perfectly natural to have preferences (don’t we all?), you might find that your more urgent needs are satisfied by someone without the specific packaging.
Tip: Compromise on the packaging, never the standards.
Hire your Weaknesses.
The demands of growing an empire may have distracted you from fine tuning your dating skills. Constant travel and other obligations may have limited your interactions to people in your professional network. Instead of trying to solve every problem at once, heed the words of billionaire Spanx founder Sara Blakely and “hire your weaknesses.”
Find the person you can trust; the person who has demonstrated enough experience in the realm of long-term relationships to help you make the best decision of your life. In the wake of money, media attention, and limited time, an extra pair of eyes, ears, and vetting could pay a lifetime of dividends.
With over a decades’ worth of experience serving high-profile clientele, I’m privy to the unique demands and sensitivities involved in the search for partnership. If you’re ready to hand off the reins to Silicon Valley’s leading matchmaker, get in touch.
After sharing love and a life together, severing all contact with an ex sounds like a harsh outcome to say the least, but is maintaining ties with an ex worthwhile? Traditional advice seems to support “clean breaks” and “moving on”, but is there something to be said for pursing friendship in lieu of separation?
Is friendship with an ex even possible?
According to The Journal of Social Psychology, friendship after a breakup is more likely if you and your ex were friends prior to the relationship.; the transition is easier if both parties have experience in the platonic realm. Conversely, if sparks flew shortly after meeting, you stand to endure more pain and awkwardness as the romance falls away.
The nature of the breakup will also impact the opportunity for friendship. Naturally, break ups that included heated endings—arguments, cheating, or any sort of perceived hostility—jeopardize chances of friendship. However, if the dumper used “de-escalation” tactics—or slowly started pulling away, the ex-partner has time to adjust and consider an alternative dynamic.
Why stay friends?
If you do decide to remain friends, have an honest conversation with yourself about your motivations. According to a research study published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences, your desire to remain friends after the relationship probably falls under one of the following reasons:
Reliability/sentimentality: your ex “gets you” and you can count on him or her to have your back.
Pragmatism: your ex makes your life easier. Your ex has resources you want—connections to business prospects, money, or skills you need.
Continued romantic attraction: You’re still in love.
Children and shared resources: Joint loans, kids, mortgages, etc. are obligations that make severing contact difficult if not impossible.
Diminished romantic attraction: Although the passion has waned, you still share an emotional connection.
Social relationship maintenance:You have similar friend groups or family friends.
Sexual access: Maintaining enough connectivity to ensure sexual opportunities or, simply, a friends with benefits situation.
Although reliability was the prevailing reason for friendship among both women and men, men were more likely to rate pragmatism and sexual access higher than women.
If you are pushing for friendship, be sure it’s friendship you’re actually looking for. To get your answer, ask yourself the following:
Are you scared to lose support, advice, and comfort?
Are you trying to avoid grief?
Do you want the benefits of partnership (i.e. sex) without a formalized commitment?
If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be more interested in filling a void than pursuing a true friendship. If you find yourself pursuing contact for these reasons, the pain and stress of the breakup are probably encouraging some unhealthy rollercoaster emotions.
Using friendship as a crutch while your relationship dies will prolong the agony of heartbreak. The sooner you cut ties and take time for yourself—on your own—the sooner you may have an opportunity to pursue friendship.
What does creating space for friendship with an ex look like?
Firstly—and this may sound dramatic—defriend your ex on Facebook. According to research that appears in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, monitoring an ex on Facebook “exacerbates feelings of distress…and increases feelings of sexual desire and longing for an ex partner.” Although people who de-friended exes still experienced some setbacks in personal growth during their breakup, ultimately they reported less negative feelings than their stalker counterparts.
Instead of focusing on the friendship with an ex, you might find more value in revisiting your platonic relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that cross-sex friends who have always been platonic offer more satisfaction than cross-sex friends who have been lovers. Without sexual attraction or a need to get more serious, platonic friends share a pure connection.
Regardless of what you decide, give yourself—and your ex—and opportunity to adjust to the being single. If you do decide to pursue friendship, realize that the strong emotional connection you continue to share could complicate—at best—or preclude—at worst—your chances of establishing a new, totally fulfilling relationship.