Ivy League Matchmaker

Dating Fatigue is Real. Here’s What to do if it’s Happened to You…

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If you’re single and interested in a new relationship, first dates are inevitable. If you’re lucky enough to have friends setting you up or an experienced matchmaker on your side, you can count on some pre-filtering and quick turnaround time to make those first dates somewhat easier. But, if you’re searching for love online or on apps, you could invest countless hours getting to know someone before ever meeting—if you ever get to an actual meeting. According to a 2016 study by the Pew Research Center, nearly 1/3 of people using apps never make it to a date. For those that do schedule dates, many experience several bad dates before something relatively good pans out.

 

You know the drill. Anticipation and excitement grows as your first date approaches. Then, not even 20 minutes into the first date, you know there’s no chance of a future. This anticipation—disappointment—optimism cycle seems to repeat itself and, before you know it, you’ve stopped dating completely.

 

Dating burnout is similar to job burnout: An activity that once posed a satisfying challenge is now a mundane task. If the mere mention of a date conjures up feelings of inevitable disappointment, you’re definitely in the midst of dating burnout.

 

Other telltale signs include:

 

Experiencing jealousy over your friends’ relationships.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. If you feel slighted by your friend’s relationship or, if you’re pulling away from the new couple, you might be internalizing feelings of frustration about your own romantic life. “I couldn’t stand my coworker’s boyfriend,” says Marie. “Listening to her talk about his anniversary plans was so annoying, but I couldn’t figure out why. I typically liked hearing all of her dating stories. Then, I realized that it had nothing to do with boyfriend. I was sad we weren’t going to talk about our hilariously bad dates from the weekend.”

 

Feeling like the search is hopeless.

When quitting seems easier than fielding another bad date, you’re not heading towards dating fatigue—you’re there. If you’re fearing boredom, rejection, or exhaustion, nixing future dates will seem like the perfect way to prevent future pain.

 

Willing to go for anyone who isn’t terrible.

Settling for someone to stave off loneliness is a sign that you’re losing faith in yourself. Lowering your standards is the best way to find yourself in a relationship you should avoid. “The worst relationship I ever had was actually the first woman I met after my divorce,” says Tom, 41. “I didn’t know what I was doing and the thought of dating again blew my mind. Well, I learned my lesson.”

 

A string of bad dates.

Nothing is more exhausting than a streak of dates without any semblance of connection. Mustering up the enthusiasm—and courage—to get yourself out there again will seem like an uphill battle.

 

Finding your couch more appealing than social gatherings.

Taking a break from all social activities—not just dating—reveals that your frustration from the lack of romantic connectivity is seeping into your other relationships. If you are closing yourself off from everyone, it’s time to evaluate your approach to dating.

 

So what can you do to recover from dating burnout? Consider the following to get back the good vibes:

 

Lower your expectations, not your standards.

Instead of focusing on if the other person likes you, flip the equation to figure out if you feel something towards the other person. This process takes time and might not lead to fireworks initially.

 

Keep the first date short.

You’ll know if you want more—or not—within the first 20 minutes. Keeping the first date short will help you build tension for date #2 or save you from spending too much energy on a dead end. This advice is especially true if you are dating vis-a-vis apps and online.

 

If you know you aren’t interested, don’t go on a second date.

No one wants to be the bad guy, but going out again when you know it’s not there will waste your time and theirs. “I would rather sit through drinks with a guy I wasn’t into than have the ‘I’m not into you’ conversation,” says, Molly, 37. “Of course, this only makes things harder in the end.”

 

Keep your dating life private until you’ve narrowed it down to one person.

Save yourself the trouble of rehashing the same details of lackluster dates.

 

Give yourself a time out.

You’ll project your best self if you’re not forcing yourself to feel or act a certain way. If you’re juggling five people, none of whom you really like, do everyone a favor and take a break. Channel your energy and free time towards a new hobby, keeping physically active, seeing friends, etc till you are ready to date again.

 

Get honest with yourself.

Self awareness is the first step to making sure you aren’t self sabotaging. If you don’t feel anything after several dates, ask a trusted friend about what it could be. If this isn’t possible, seek a dating coach —an objective third party can work wonders.

 

Although it can feel overwhelmingly hopeless, dating fatigue is only temporary. At Linx, we’re here to streamline your dating experience. Matchmaking isn’t just about more dates; it’s about optimizing the variables for connection. If you’re feeling disconnected, we can help. Email our founder Amy at amy@linxdating.com

 

How to Date with Asperger’s…

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Dating is challenging for everyone, but for those with Asperger’s, the dating dance seems more like a series of spastic, rhythm-less movements. Matthew Rozsa, a successful journalist with Asperger’s described his personal experience eloquently: “If life in a society is a game (and make no mistake about it, it is), having Asperger’s forces you to play while learning two-thirds of the rules as you go along, even as everyone else knows them instinctively … and assumes you do too.”

Unlike their neurotypical (NT) counterparts, people with Asperger’s struggle to understand nuance or things that aren’t to be taken literally. Dating, especially, with all the flirting and mixed messages makes courtship exceptionally difficult. Though intensive, personalized coaching is the best way to improve dating success. Until you are ready to take that step, try these five dating tips for better dating experiences.

  1. Focus on the Signals

The best way to determine if someone is interested is to watch for signals. Before speaking, most people communicate through body language. Proximity, hand gestures, and eye contact are all ways of communicating without saying a word. Not all signals carry the same strength, so it’s crucial to differentiate weak signals, which could indicate friendship, from strong signals, which could indicate romantic interest.

Weak signals include: saying hello, making infrequent eye contact

Strong signals: touching, asking for your phone number, getting very close, asking you many personal questions

Think of weak signals as springboards for you to mine for more information. For example, if you notice a woman across the room, but she decides to order a cocktail next to you, she is offering a weak, yet positive signal. If you initiate conversation with this woman and notice that she is asking questions about you, the signal is getting stronger.

  1. Keep the First Date Shorter

To de-pressurize the first date, try selecting a single event or activity as the date. With a time limit on social interaction, you can relax and focus on learning about your date. As you’ll be maintaining constant one-on-one contact in a public place, you run the risk of sensory overload. This level of distraction can take you out of a comfortable mind frame and spoil budding romantic feelings. A time limit on the first few dates will help guide you through the more uncertain parts of the dating process. As your relationship grows, you’ll be better equipped to negotiate how much time to spend with each other.

  1. Consider Being Open About Your Condition

A lot of people wonder if they should be open about their autism when they are first dating someone. According to sexologist Amy Marsh, an authentic, straightforward approach is best. “The best thing a former partner said to me was, ‘I have a limited capacity for emotional engagement.’” If you feel that your partner is giving you strong signals—and you feel similarly—opening up about your condition might not only help her know what to expect, but also prevent her from taking some of the emotional challenges personally.

  1. Listen More than You Speak

If you have a tendency to talk a lot, you need to remember the purpose of the date: You are trying to learn about a new person. If you find yourself talking incessantly on one subject for a prolonged period of time, you aren’t creating an opportunity to learn about your date. Prepare a few questions that cannot be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and try your best to listen twice as much as you talk.

  1. Follow Up

If you aren’t sure about the signals you received during the date, and you’re interested in seeing your date again, you should certainly ask. If your date is unresponsive, she is probably not interested in seeing you again romantically. However; you can use this opportunity to learn more about her dating experience to improve. The best way to get answers is to create a safe space for her to be honest with you. You can leave her a voicemail or text and politely ask for feedback. After you make the request, you should not continue to contact her or ask her out on more dates.

Example: “Hi. I’m really happy you took the time to go out with me last week. I understand we might not be matched for dating, but I would really appreciate your feedback so I can improve. I think it’s really hard to read emotional cues and communicate about my feelings and any help you could give me would be immensely appreciated. Absolutely up to you and no pressure.”

Does He Think You’re the One? 7 Signs that Point to Yes

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You meet and there’s chemistry. Real chemistry. You are starting to fall hard, but ghosts from relationships—and flings—of the past prompt you to ask: “Is this serious infatuation or could this be real?”

 

Instead of spending energy trying to figure out what he means, look for behaviors that reveal investment. If these signs apply to your current relationship, chances are he thinks you’re the one or, at the very least, a serious contender.

 

  1. He wants everyone to meet you.

He’s excited to incorporate you into his world, and that starts with meeting the main characters. You are meeting friends, family, coworkers and anyone else who knows your partner well. You’ll notice that many of them have been looking forward to meeting you. If he’s aiming to build a life together, he wants start building memories with the people who matter most. He feels proud to stand next to you and he wants his social circle to see what a wonderful person you are!

 

  1. He talks future plans—especially holidays.

Any nod to future plans is a good sign, but if it’s summer and he’s already discussing Christmas logistics, he’s smitten. Holidays give people two major excuses to be apart—family and extensive travel. If he’s ignoring the implications of both to include you, he values your time, your company, and the long term potential of your relationship.

 

  1. He handles your down moments.

This sign goes beyond his willingness to to see you in all of your forms—this sign is about YOU. Are you able to fall apart in front of this person and know that his opinion of you won’t change? If so, he’s giving you a gift that is beyond weathering occasional storms; he’s showing you that he offers unconditional support—a strong indicator that he’s in it for the long haul.

 

  1. He says “we”

When his decision evolves from “best for me” to “best for us”, he is subconsciously showing that you are part of bigger plans that extend beyond the present. In this case, “we” is more than just a pronoun, it’s his way of saying “you are a part of me.” As the relationship progresses, you’ll notice that questions directed to him are answered with “we”, because in his mind, most of the plans include you. We means he is “facing forward” into the future and seeing both of you as a unit.

 

  1. He wants to learn you.

He’s not only curious about what makes you tick, he’s interested in showing you that he’s absorbing the information. So, you love coffee. Does he know a coffee run is in order before Sunday’s errands? If you can’t join the coffee run, does your coffee come back with the right ratio of milk and sugar? Although seemingly small, these gestures speak volumes about his desire to learn you and your routines. At the end of the day, he wants to make you happy.

 

  1. He lets you in.

Emotional intimacy starts with vulnerability, and he’s willing to get vulnerable with you. Since some men struggle with expressing their feelings, the emphasis is on his willingness. If you ask the hard questions, he will work with you on answering them—even if that means visiting a counselor or therapist. Emotional bonds are much harder to break than their physical counterparts. If he’s serious about growing with you, you’ll be strengthening both types of attachment.

 

  1. You never wonder if he thinks you’re the most interesting person in the room.

In a crowded room, he always seems to be aware of how you’re doing; you have an ability to sense each other. Maybe it’s the way he encourages you to share your personality. Maybe it’s the way he knows what you’re thinking without any words at all. Whatever it is, you know you’re with someone who reads you and enjoys the story you tell.

 

If you’re dating someone and he hasn’t started to exhibit any of these “signs”,  give him a chance and don’t give up too soon. Everyone arrives to the dating game with their own history, set of experiences and expectations. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in his head but by giving him some time, you can closely watch his behavior and see if he’s the man for you or you’re meant to be moving on.

You can always email our founder Amy at: amy@linxdating.com and ask her dating advice in a confidential manner.

Happy Spring, happy dating….XO

 

 

LINX LOVE: UAE + Palo Alto

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We are pleased to announce a recent Linx match–across continents. Linx Dating was recently tapped to make an introduction for an especially discerning VIP candidate from the Emirates. Our boutique firm led the search for the woman who met the client’s specific criteria and, in a short time, we made an introduction based on mutual compatibility.

As a distinguished leader in his country, our client’s time was in high demand. Travel, investments, and family responsibilities made his search for a serious, compatible partner increasingly difficult. Without time to waste, our client entrusted Linx with the search for the love of his life.

After conducting a series of meetings stateside, Founder and CEO, Amy Andersen, helped our client decide what he most valued in a partner. The ideal match would not only have an a Stanford University degree, she would be family focused and professionally ambitious.

Our client also preferred feminine women with a healthy physique and natural curves. Equipped with a specific picture of the client’s needs, Linx made a series of highly curated introductions. Each introduction helped us get closer to the right match; our efforts have helped our client find the partner—and relationship—he had been waiting for!

No stranger to high profile clients, Linx employs discretion always. We were able to conduct a search, make introductions, and exceed our client’s expectations without compromising our client’s privacy. We pride ourselves on keeping our clients’ personal lives private as we cast wide nets to find ideal matches.

After only having a few dates with his final match, our VIP client and his beautiful Stanford educated match tied the knot in a very private ceremony in Arabic abroad with only close family witnessing. We are thrilled at yet another success story and congratulate the very happy couple as they embark on their life together!

Curious how Linx Dating can change your life? Contact Amy here.

 

All-American athlete seeks sporty Bay Area match

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Our Bay Area based bachelor is a polished, good-looking, athletic 28-year old Caucasian gentleman who stands nearly 6’0″ and has medium length brown hair, blue eyes, and an infectious smile.  His physique represents the functional strength and stamina earned playing a varsity sport for a tier one university. His beaming personality comes from his uniformly positive attitude toward life.

While he has been decorated with many awards, he is most proud of being bestowed the “This is the best day yet” award when he was 13 years old on a trip to Europe with a group of young teenagers.  The group chaperones could not get over the fact he kept on saying those words every day, so they invented the award for him!

For a living,  our client does what was born to do: beat the stock market as a hedge fund analyst.  For his life, our client relishes the fact that he has very reasonable work hours, giving him ample freedom to pursue his myriad of hobbies, from playing sports to hiking in National Parks to participating in conservative political think tanks.

Our bachelor is best suited for a Caucasian woman who is 23-28 years old. She’s athletic, health conscious like our client, and lives for the outdoors.  Physical attributes most desirable for this All-American man are natural beauty, blond hair, bright blue eyes, and a healthy white smile.

Friends would describe her as social, intelligent, energetic, and passionate!  Like our client, she was raised well, possesses strong moral values, and is a class act. She’s been waiting to find a partner who is every bit as excited to take on life’s challenged with a smile as he is!

Outside of her career, she looks forward to spending her time with her partner doing activities from playing sports together, hiking, spending time with family, and engaging in discussions about politics.

If you or anyone you know might make a nice match for this charming bachelor, please email founder and matchmaker Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

The Valley’s Most Eligible Bachelor

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We are very excited to announce a brand new VIP search for one of the Bay Area’s most distinguished and desirable bachelors. Our client is a handsome, gregarious and passionate “50’s something” Caucasian (Italian) man who stands 5’11”, has an athletic build, electric smile, wavy brown/greying hair, and hazel eyes.

 

He is a very personable individual who embodies a unique mix of being a successful self-made man in Silicon Valley originally from the Midwest, a family man committed to his 3 older children lives, and someone who loves to play sports, stay fit and experience all the Bay Area has to offer.

 

Our client has done it all in Silicon Valley over his 35+ year career, a 3-time CEO of public software companies that have all had successful exits. He is the embodiment of leadership, building teams, engaging with customers, Wall Street, and the media having led companies through every phase of hyper growth, IPO, crisis and sale… he has literally seen it all.

 

He enjoys the finer things in life, beautiful mountain home, private air travel, luxury resorts, white sand beaches, snow-capped mountains, fine dining and just plain hanging out having a drink or a glass of wine. He is extremely committed to his three children and regularly spends time with them since they all live out of the area.

 

Our client is right out of central casting and has the full repertoire of being the corporate executive, Board member, father, uncle, great friend and just plain being a guy’s guy, he is very comfortable in almost any setting and in his own skin. He also knows how to enjoy himself and utilize all his experiences such that everyone enjoys themselves.   One of his favorite sayings is “if you have it and can’t share it, why have it?”

 

Our VIPs best suited match is between the ages of 40-50 years old. She is exceptionally feminine, stylish, and appreciates the company of an alpha male like our client. Friends and family would describe him as social, athletic, engaging, energetic, passionate, funny, communicative, intelligent, relaxed, and very FUN!

 

Imagine a weekend where there are no plans and all of a sudden, our VIP says “pack your bags, we’re flying to Maui or Cabo for some R & R or Deer Valley to get some fresh tracks in, amazing meals, the best wines, and utterly luxurious spa treatments.” Finding a match who has an element of spontaneity, curiosity, flexibility, and the TIME for a real, honest, healthy, and loving relationship is critical.

 

Deal breakers include: a female who wants children (he already has adult children and isn’t interested in babies at this stage in his life), a female who doesn’t like fine dining or doesn’t drink. Also, someone who isn’t comfortable with her body or doesn’t enjoy the art of femininity. Anyone overly religious or not into spectator sports (to a degree) is not a match.

 

Our VIP is a non-game player and the real deal. He is 100% ready for a serious and monogamous relationship. Are you his match he’s been waiting for? If you or anyone you know if ready to meet this exceptional man, please email our founder and CEO Amy at: amy@linxdating.com. There are NO FEES for qualifying candidates

Announcing International Female Searching For Worldly and Spontaneous Match….

We are excited to announce a search for a sexy, intellectual, and worldly 34-year old European woman who is physically 5’8” with long soft blond hair, brown almond eyes, and a slender, model-like physique. Our client grew up in Russia and was educated in Chile and Sweden. She left her native country when she was twenty and lived in Chile, Sweden, UK, and Italy since then.

After searching the four corners of the world, she decided upon the middle path – to split her time between a place in paradise, she currently resides on a Caribbean island, traveling the world and perhaps a global center of gravity — economic, intellectual, social, cultural – is what she is looking for.

Our client is a true entrepreneur involving herself in real estate projects on her island while enjoying boutiques hotels in historic places…ruined monasteries, old castles, caravansaries, caves…something with character and soul. This passion led her into a life changing adventure and investment.

She now co-owns a former early 18th century sugar plantation estate, which soon will open its doors as a boutique hotel and as a graceful residence. Although she is based in the Caribbean, our client is a global citizen and looks forward to hoping on a flight to explore conversation and chemistry. She’s open-minded, flexible, incredibly warmhearted, and leads her life with integrity and passion.

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Her ideal match 35-48 years old and is someone who thinks big, sees the world as his canvas, and finds excitement in the prospect of living between countries. While our client is based in Caribbean and is prepared to travel to the US to meet a match, she hopes that her ideal suited candidate is willing to see the value in international travel and have a job/lifestyle that affords him the freedom to be a master of his own while his Muse is taking her green energy, educational and hospitality projects forward in one of the smallest countries in the world.

As she is committed to be a good wife and a mother raising children in a holistic and cosmopolitan environment she’d love her partner to share the same vision – not in theory but really diving headfirst into the abyss and being able to be a leader and creator of their own world.

Her best suited match is an alpha male, worldly, and supportive (of her dreams). He balances his strength with an easy going temperament, spontaneity, and appreciates a feminine woman. He is accomplished and has the time to be able to throw himself into this incredible adventure that lays ahead with an international and incredibly passionate woman!

If you or anyone you know is interested in being considered as a candidate for this opportunity, please email our founder Amy at: amy@linxdating.com