8 Things Gentlemen Do on First Dates

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The point of the first date is to discover if there’s real compatibility beyond initial interest. If she’s already said yes, consider yourself off to a good start. If you want to give yourself the best chances of romantic connection—or even a second date—consider the chivalrous route. Here are 8 things gentleman do on first dates that prove chivalry is not dead.

Suggest a first date in a place convenient for her.

Instead of suggesting the restaurant or bar closest to you, you ask what is most convenient for her. Your asking demonstrates consideration and shows that you are willing and able to make her life easier—a feeling that will ultimately make her feel more relaxed during the first date. Same logic applies when you ask about any food allergies or preferences she has. Any research you do before the date will benefit you exponentially.

Observe the 4 p.m. deadline.

If you have plans tonight, text or call to confirm your date by 4 p.m. Many women start wondering if the date is still on, especially if a few days pass between the ask and the event. A short text to the effect of, “Looking forward to seeing you tonight. Let me know if we need to adjust the timing” will keep everyone on the same page.

Mind your (table) manners.

Follow behind as you make your way to the table; she should not be walking in your wake. When you get to the table, ask if you can help her check her coat. At the table, let her order first. Letting her take the lead shows that you are want to make sure her needs are met before yours. This simple gesture is another way you can ensure she is comfortable. Lastly, always encourage a glance at the dessert menu. There’s nothing more sexy than indulging in the senses and enjoying the rich decadence of chocolate.  Even if you’re not a dessert guy, order one to share.

Introduce her.

Should you run into friends on your date, be sure to introduce your date without saying “my friend”. There is no need for an extensive introduction, but you must acknowledge your date if a friend says hello. You could say, “I’d like you to meet [date’s name]. We were both excited to try this place.”

Mind the Drinking.

Pay attention to what she orders and offer a refill when the glass is empty- same principal goes for her water glass. Even though your nerves may want to order a third drink, stick to a two-drink maximum. Slurring your words is not classy.

Pay the bill.

That’s right. Let’s keep this equation simple. Be prepared to foot the bill and keep any conversation surrounding this transaction to a minimum. If she offers to pay, politely decline and change the subject. Paying for her is a sign of interest and shows that you are happily willing to invest when you have feelings. If you both continue to date, it’s very appropriate for her to reciprocate at some point but definitely not on date one.

Offer to get an Uber for her.

When a simple gesture that takes 2 minutes can make all the difference, you should do it. Let her know that you’re interested in getting her home safely, whether that means you ping Uber or offer to drive her yourself.

Close out the evening with a text.

There is nothing gentlemanly about leaving a lady to wonder if she’ll hear from you again. Thank her for her time and company and, if you want to see her again, let her know. Be confident in your actions and consistent with your communications to the woman you’re interested in.

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5 Questions Every Single Parent Needs Answered Before Dating

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If you’re a single mom or single dad looking for a relationship, you’ve realized the process is different with kids in tow. Below, we’re simplifying some of the most commonly asked questions from our single parent daters.

 

Where Can I Meet People?

 

Problem: “I’ve aged out of—and lost all interest in—the bar scene. I spend time at the office, my backyard, and PTA meetings…not exactly great places to meet eligible singles. Where can I meet people without sacrificing quality time with my kids?”

 

Solution: Instead of kid-centered locales—like playgrounds—opt for kid-friendly spots like farmer’s markets and parks that will give you a chance to meet new adults. Also, with limited time, consider outsourcing your introductions to someone you can trust. Your friend network is a great place to start and so are the professional matchmakers in your area.

 

When Should You Reveal You Have Kids?

 

Problem: “I am meeting people at parties and online. I feel comfortable starting the conversation, but I am anxious to bring up my kids because I don’t want to scare anyone away or share this personal information too soon. When do I bring it up?”

 

Solution: There is no use skirting the issue: Your kids are going to be a part of any long-term relationship you pursue. With that said, you should weave in this detail sooner rather than later. Once you acknowledge that you have a child, keep the conversation about you. As much as you’d like to talk about your kid’s cutest moments, you need to remember that people want to know who you are first.

 

How Do I Talk to My Kids About My Dating?

 

Problem: “I’m ready to move forward with dating, but I don’t know what to tell my kids—if anything at all. Should I tell my children that I’m seeing new people or just wait until I meet someone to have the conversation?”

 

Solution: This is a situation where less is more. A very simple, “I’m heading out tonight to meet someone new” should be sufficient. If you’re getting pressed for more details, keep the sharing to a minimum and change the subject.

 

When Do I Introduce the Kids?

 

Problem: “I’ve been seeing someone for a couple months, and I’d like to introduce them to my kids before we get more serious. Is this the right time?”

 

Solution: Since children can attach easily, be diligent about bringing someone new into their life. If a new person disappears after your child attaches, it can challenge and stress their emotional ecosystem. Postpone any meetings between your children and your latest partner until your relationship is serious and stable.

 

Do I Have to Introduce My Ex to the New Person in My Life?

 

Problem: “When I’m doing the kid hand-off with my ex wife, I don’t know whether or not to introduce my new partner. How long do I wait to make the introduction?”

 

Solution: New characters only need to be formally introduced if there is a serious future in store. Until that point, there is no need to complicate your pre-existing child rearing arrangements—or your ex’s life. When you are ready to make the introductions, make sure all parties are prepared and you have the goal of the meeting outlined: A cordial relationship between the women in your life that will ultimately spare your kids future tension.

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What is Cuffing Season and Why Does It Matter?

With holidays approaching, you may find yourself wanting a relationship more than usual. As the days get shorter and the weather cools down, singles are looking for a relationship that will tie them over the next few months, but perhaps not endure into the spring. This heightened desire for a semi permanent relationship occurs during “Cuffing Season”.

Cuffing season begins during that stretch of fall when the weather begins to cool off and everyone you know starts coupling up. It specifically describes the desire to couple up or “cuff” ourselves to a partner during the chilly months—and stay together until spring. The trend is undeniable, but what causes it? Is this preference to cozy up just a preference or are we biologically engineered to get monogamous during the cooler months?

Is “Cuffing Season” actually real?

Short answer is yes—winters yield a higher rate of conception; spring yields changes to Facebook relationship statuses. When Hinge, a popular dating app, polled users, they discovered that men were 15% more likely to look for a relationship in the winter than any other season. Women were 5% more interested in a monogamous relationship, too.

Is “Cuffing Season” the result of biological impulses?

Experts agree that although people tend to pair up during winter months, the urge to couple up is not substantiated by any biological impulse. In fact, humans have evolved to a point beyond mating seasons. Scientists note that humans associate cold temperatures with loneliness, which could prompt the urge to get monogamous, but ultimately, the need to “cuff” ourselves to each other isn’t a biological or evolutionary response.

So, how do I handle the “Cuffing Season” urge?

Those urges to couple up aren’t easy to avoid. Between plus-one invites and fears of experiencing the holidays alone, you might find yourself approaching relationships from a place of neediness instead of real affection. Make sure the chemistry is real by taking any relationship you start this winter on the slow side. Gift giving, family travel, and plus one invites might add a little more complication to your dating life than usual. Don’t let the stress of the holidays rush your love life. Remember, spring is right around the corner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Striving For Greatness At Any Age…

We are pleased to have guest blog contributor Stephanie Herman write this piece for our readers. Thank you Stephanie!

Dear Readers,

How is it that I am going to be 66 years old in November and yet I feel 40!?!

I was a former principal ballerina in New York City and now am the creator of a new body awareness system that teaches people how to stay younger in mind and body.

What do I do to make myself feel young? Most importantly, I make sure to physically stay in shape. Then I make myself try things that scare me or test my comfort level. But I also sprinkle in the other major activities that I love in my life, such as spending time with family and friends, dancing, acting, performing, teaching, giving back and making sure to have FUN!

I have been teaching my Pilates/Fitness programs for 30 years. How do they stay fresh after so long? I keep reinventing them. I have 2 programs – CoreTique is a Mind Body Educational program that personally educates people about how to best move and control the body. If you know how, then the rest is easy. My 2nd program is “Pilates Ballet by Stephanie Herman,” that is a fun musical fitness program that takes CoreTique to the next level. By teaching these programs, it satisfies many of my loves of life – teaching, giving back, and having fun!

How did I add things that scared me or tested my comfort level? I was teaching my fitness programs and staying in shape by teaching, but began to realize that in teaching, I am not always doing the exercises because I am walking around helping others. I realized I was not putting the proper fitness regimen in my OWN life, so I decided to go back to ballet after a 20 year hiatus. Talk about scary!

It took courage to walk back into a ballet studio, as I was not in ballet shape. And it took courage to show up not in shape. But, I weighed the pros against the cons and realized that I just needed to be disciplined to make myself take on this endeavor. It was not easy, it took me about 1 -2 years to feel better about myself in ballet class compared to what I was 40 years ago. I needed to stop my negative self critique, and focus on one step at a time.   When someone in class said to me “you still have it!” that felt good.

Finally, I felt that I was missing performing in my life. So, at the age of 65, I decided to add more performance in my life. How? By taking baby steps. I started by taking an acting class every Thursday night in SF from 7- 10pm. Yes, that took courage. But I love it. It’s not really performing on stage, but it is starting to bring out the performer in me, inspiring me and giving me courage to try more – it occurred to me that staying young at any age can require courage if you want to be who you want to be. Don’t let yourself or others tell you otherwise. Surround yourself by people who support your dreams!

So what does it take to feel young? It’s your attitude … how you think about yourself … what you put in your life. Optimism, balance, fun, inspiration, passion, love, health and making your dreams come true.

Ok, now that you know the answer, how do you execute on it?

You need to start by understanding which of these elements are missing in your life. Take one thing … Is it your optimism? Is it your balance in life? Are you missing Fun? Love? Health?

Let’s break it down…

Optimism…… Try for the next 14 days to only be optimistic…. Put on the calendar each time you are optimistic and when you are being negative. Being aware is the first step in changing. You might find sometimes that being negative is a habit that just needs to be broken. Try to use the 14 days to believe in yourself, give yourself permission to do what you want to do without blockage.

 

Balance– Do you think your life is balanced? Look at what you do during the week…. Think about it as a giant pie that you want to split into 10 pieces. Each piece is balanced to fit into the pie. Write 5-10 major things that fill your week. Work, Play, Friends, Healthy Habits, etc. Then see how unbalanced it might look. Or, see what you would like to add and subtract. This could be an ongoing work sheet.

 

Now, LIVE IT!:)

If you are in the Bay Area and would like to contact Stephanie and learn about how she could help you achieve your greatest at any age,  you can check out her website at: http://www.StephanieHerman.com and contact info: (650) 465-7919 or Sh1dancer@aol.com

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Divorced? Here are the Top 5 Questions She Needs Answered

 

Dating after divorce isn’t easy but, with nearly half of all marriages ending in separation, it’s not unusual. However, for some women who haven’t been married before, your divorce can pose some challenges. Many daters associate divorced people with excess baggage. Being upfront and willing to talk openly about your past can clear up these misconceptions and help your date clear up any doubts that are getting in the way of a potential relationship.

Knowing what to reveal about your divorce is half the battle; you also need to know how to talk about your experience.

Here are the top 5 questions women ask themselves when dating a divorced man and tips on how to answer them effectively:

  1. Does he have a crazy ex wife?

 Your date is trying to figure out how your ex wife will affect the relationship you share. She might wonder, “Will his ex be a source of perpetual drama?” or “Is the ex wife vindictive?” Whether or not your ex has handled the divorce maturely is irrelevant; your date just needs to know that you are able to handle any backlash from your past. Although tempting, you should never throw your ex wife under the bus. Not only is it unattractive, it reveals underlying anger on your part that can be perceived as a red flag.

How to discuss: “We were both ready for those divorce papers and once everything was finalized, we both moved on to better things.”

  1. Is he in a rush to get married right away?

To make up for a failed marriage, some men are overly eager to get it right the second time. This question has a way of answering itself, but it’s best to avoid talk of marriage early in the courtship.

How to discuss: “After being married X years, I know myself better and have a clear picture of the kind of woman I’d like to share my life with. I also know that being in a rush to make that happen would ruin the fun.”

  1. Is he afraid of getting married again?

A painful divorce could deter anyone from round two, so it’s important to convey that you are open—but not rushing—to marriage. She wants to know that you won’t let a bad experience get in the way of a future with her.

How to discuss: “Marriage didn’t work out the first time around, but I’m excited to figure it out again and share my life with the right person.”

  1. Why did they get divorced?

In the early stages of dating, you can answer this question sufficiently without going into much detail. Even if you made some serious mistakes during your marriage, you can address them later once the relationship has progressed. In the meantime, stick to a message that reveals how much you learned and evolved from your first marriage.

How to discuss: “Marriage for us wasn’t right in so many ways—it’s hard to pick just one reason why it fell apart. I’m glad I went through it because I’ll make a better partner next time around.”

  1. If kids are in the picture, what does that picture look like?

If you have children, absolutely mention them early in the relationship; they should never come as a surprise to your date. She will want to know about the relationship you have with your kids and the role they will play in your courtship.

How to discuss: “I have two kids from my first marriage, and I share custody with my ex wife. I’ve got the kids on weekends, and I love being involved in their lives. I try to give them as much stability as possible, so I generally keep my relationships and kids separate in the beginning. Would love for you to meet them one day when the time is right for both of us.”

Remember, your divorce is not a deal breaker, it’s just a part of your story. Being open about your failed relationship and framing it the right way will help your partner realize that although your first marriage was broken, it gave you an opportunity to be a better partner in your next relationship.

 

The best first dates, start with you being you. Read tips on being the best version of yourself on a date here

 

 

Our new bachelor can do the Dirty Dancing Lift….

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We are thrilled to announce a new search for a well-educated, successful, and dynamic 36-year old gentleman. At 5’10”, this handsome client has an athletic build, auburn hair, blue eyes and a contagious smile. Our client was born and raised in Canada, so you can expect that he will be exceedingly polite, adept in both sun and snow, and knows the difference between maple syrup and Mrs. Buttersworth!

He’s a citizen of the world having lived in Canada, the UK, Continental Europe and the US. Blurring the line between “working in finance” and “outside of work”, he tries to make sure that he spends as much time as possible with people and projects that he is passionate about. Despite his ambitions, load of responsibilities, and tireless work ethic, our client doesn’t take himself too seriously.

He finds that he sleeps better at night if he keeps some perspective that life comes and goes, and while we should try to do great things while we can, it’s really important to enjoy ourselves, smile and appreciate the people in our lives. He’s climbed Everest base camp, plays hockey and tennis whenever possible, hosts large dinner parties ‘just because’, and is extremely close to his family who reside in Canada and the Bay Area. And it’s true…he knows how to do the Dirty Dancing Lift!

Our client has boundless energy, is the person that is always looking to do more in life, and be the best he can be no matter what! He’s hungry for the right relationship and at 36 feels more than ready for marriage and kids.

Our client responds best to women ages 24-34, 5’2” + (taller is better), slender and fit, feminine, stylish, and of any ethnic heritage. Her personality shines like his does and she loves being around people! Friends would be quick to call her witty, adaptable, open-minded, intelligent, and warm hearted.

Like our client loves being in cities, she’s a city girl at heart and loves the pace, energy, and culture metropolitan regions offer. She’s a passionate soul, down-to-earth, physically active, and FUN to be around. As cliche as it sounds, she would just be as comfortable getting sweaty on a hike, as she would be flying to Hawaii for the weekend, or attending a black tie charity function in her finest.

If you or anyone you know might make a wonderful match for this stellar new client of Linx, please email Amy at: amy@linxdating.com.

International VIP bachelor visiting Bay Area mid October | Recruiting exceptional women…

Our international client in his late 20’s and  the eldest sibling from a large globally-minded family.  He splits his time between California, the Middle East and Switzerland.

Our bachelor stands 5’10” and will sweep you off your feet with his jet black hair, gorgeous dark brown eyes, fit physique and inviting smile. While he leads a healthy life abstaining from smoking, alcohol, tea, or coffee, he is completely open-minded and comfortable around social drinkers.

You will find our client to be patient, compassionate, responsible, liberal, loyal, determined and intellectually curious. He enjoyed earning his undergraduate degree from a leading university in the United States and continues to have a strong thirst for knowledge.

While our client is an introvert at heart, he has learned to become more outgoing to excel in his professional life. Up until this point, our VIP has been 100% focused on his career and fiduciary responsibilities in his country, so it is only now that he is extremely motivated and excited to find the love of his life.

An old-fashioned romantic, our client told us he will know within the first few minutes whether or not he has met his wife. He views marriage as a lifelong partnership and looks forward to supporting his future wife’s career goals and dreams.

Career-wise, he has outperformed most people decades older than him in terms of achievements and success at such a young age. While a large percentage of his focus is in the hospitality sector, he is deeply invested in technology in both Israel and Silicon Valley. His love affair with investing will continue throughout his life, but now his focus is on the most important investment of all – an investment into his heart and finding his one true love!

Outside of work, our VIP loves all water sports, luxury travel, reading, socializing, philanthropy, family, the outdoors and fitness.

His ideal match is 20-33 years old, 5’5”+ (height is a plus for our client), Caucasian, and with healthy curves. He appreciates a woman’s natural beauty without a lot of make-up.

Our client finds intelligent and accomplished women to be very desirable, and he would prefer to date someone who has graduated from Stanford University or the Ivies. At her core, she is loving, family centric, smart, poised, loyal, and incredibly sweet. She looks forward to an extraordinary life with a world class man.

Our client is visiting Silicon Valley mid to late October and we would love to hear from you if you might make a match for this bachelor client. Email Amy at: amy@linxdating.com