Picture This…

Amy and I recently talked to a client about conducting a VIP search on his behalf, and after our meeting, he sent us a short follow up email that simply said “I think it bears repeating that I am not interested in meeting anyone who has an embarrassing web presence.” Given that so many of our clients come to us as referrals, we don’t always do extensive web research on the people we meet, but in this case we knew it would be necessary. And this particular client had encountered an “embarrassing web presence” in a date in the past, so we wanted to be exceedingly careful while conducting his search.

While we weren’t shocked or surprised by anything we discovered, the truth is that most of us have a stray picture or article or comment floating around that we’d rather forget or can’t control, and none of us wants to be Googled or judged by a potential date before meeting. The concept of net neutrality in no way keeps the web itself from being a rather ruthless place – and humans are all too inquisitive by nature – so when you do have control of your web presence, you need to do everything you can to keep it clean and respectable. You should keep in mind that even if we introduce you to the best man or woman in the world, it’s all but guaranteed that someone in his or her life will Google you at some point… and you don’t want to be blindsided by the results.

So how much is too much? How do we know when captured moments of our past might be damaging our future? Where’s the line between private and public, and how do we stay on the right side of it?

Beware of Pictures with Girls

This applies to both men and women, actually. If you’re a guy, do NOT have public pictures of yourself surrounded by seemingly single women. You might think that it makes you seem like a stallion to your friends, but it makes you seem like a player to strangers. And that’s really not an impression that you want to make. If you’re a woman of a certain age (basically any age north of 27 or so) avoid posting the sort of pictures you might have taken at a high school formal with the rest of your dance team. Yes, it’s nice to know that you have great legs, but posing sideways in a line of friends with a dropped shoulder while you lift the hem of your dress to show your thigh is not really going to attract the right guys into your life. In fact, if you’re over 40 it’s a really good way to keep them far, far away.

Stop Double Fisting

I don’t care if it’s a bachelor party, a football tailgate, or an opening night at the opera – having two drinks in your hands is having one two many. It might be a great picture of you and your friends, or maybe your abs have never looked so good, or maybe you’ll never again be able to wear that dress, but two drinks exceeds the allowable Linx limit. If you need to provide a backstory to keep a picture from being embarrassing, then you simply need to hide the picture. Your friends might think it’s funny, but your date’s friends will probably not. This also applies to any pictures where you are drunk, vomiting, doing a keg stand, engaging in a chicken fight in a pool with someone of the opposite sex, or are passed out.

Close Your Legs. Seriously.

Again, this applies to both sexes. For some reason, guys seem to love to point at their packages, to grab themselves, to turn a pool noodle into a giant phallus, and to generally call attention to their favorite part of their bodies. It might have been part of a dumb prank or a great vacation, but it’s not smart to make pictures like that available to the general public. It’s always possible that you’re managing a Jon Hamm or Justin Theroux-style situation, in which case that part of your body needs no help drawing attention to itself, but don’t purposely make it the star of any picture. Ladies should remember to be just that – ladies. Unless you’re squatting at the top of KT-22 and this is the only evidence of that accomplishment, or you were an Olympic gymnast, we don’t need to see how flexible you are.

Exes are a big “Oh No!”

So let’s assume you’re quite prim and proper… public drunkenness? Never! Revealing pictures? Absolutely not. Poses that aren’t age appropriate? Not on your life. Believe it or not, you might still be guilty of photographic crimes. At first blush it doesn’t seem like it would be much of an issue, but if you still have lots of public pictures with your ex, it can signal that you’re not over your last relationship (and for someone who doesn’t know you’re single, it can make you look like a cheater). A lot of us don’t even really think about what’s visible on Facebook or Instagram or Tumblr, but if you’re serious about looking for a new relationship, you need to digitally box up your last one – to the best of your ability – and put it out of sight.

You can’t control what conclusions someone else might draw from pictures of you, but you can try to control which pictures they can see. So if you’re trying to move forward with your life, make sure you aren’t being handicapped by your past… or your friends, for that matter. Take the extra step of doing a “photos of…” search on yourself on Facebook, and request that your friends hide anything that might be unflattering. Getting into a great relationship really is a team effort; we know that better than most. So make sure that your friends and family are doing their part to help you score the guy or girl of your dreams.

In the meantime, be respectful of your potential Linx matches and KEEP GOOGLE OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP- no offense Larry and Sergey ;). When it comes to digging up dirt on a harmless stranger, it’s important to follow the Golden Rule; do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

Post thoughts Link & Drink

We’re still sort of recovering from our very successful Link & Drink on the 17th. We had more than 400 guests and the event, and people seemed to linger for hours, making new personal and professional connections right and left! I’ll admit that in comparison to past Link & Drinks that there were a LOT of women present, but we worked so very hard to keep the numbers balanced and expressed time and time again that this was not a singles event; it was about professional networking. That said, a few guests (all women) probably did not read the marketing messages about Drinks on the Linx, and still expected a singles event. A couple of these ladies even chastised me for the gender imbalance in front of other guests, which made an otherwise great night somewhat uncomfortable for me. I recommend that anyone with that attitude or bitterness not attend future Linx events; they make it hard for me to want to host any events at all in the future, and take the fun out of it for everyone.

That said, Coupa Cafe did a wonderful job helping execute such a phenomenally run mixer, and the venue was absolutely gorgeous. You know we’re not in the habit of objectifying men around here, but so many of the guys (of all ages) were handsome, successful, and charming. And the women were absolutely beautiful! It’s no surprise at all that we’ve already heard from plenty of guests who made great connections, and some of them have even been on fantastic dates! Furthermore, we’ve heard from quite a few of you who have preliminary job interviews lined up which is exciting to hear.

What friends of Link & Drink are saying about our mixer….

“I had such a fantastic time at “Link & Drink,” Linx’s Dating networking event at Stanford’s Golf Course. Amy Andersen, Linx’s founder, chose a wonderful venue and invited really interesting and fun guests to participate in one of the best match-making events that I have been. I truly enjoyed speaking with guests with a great variety of backgrounds, and felt at ease mingling with them. All different ages were represented and at some point I forgot that I was indeed in a match making event… it simply felt like a great cocktail party!” – female 38 years old in security software

“Hi Amy, it was good to see you again & also truly enjoy a good mixer. Thank you for inviting, it got me out & dressed up 🙂 “– female 33 years old in tech

“Amy, your events never cease to amaze me. This is my third Link & Drink and I always have a good time. I met a handful of contacts who are great business connections and ended up bumping into an old colleague as well which was fun to see him after all these years. Thank you again.” – female 35 in finance

“Thank you for a gorgeous venue at the golf course. I’ve never been there and appreciate you always finding ‘hidden gems’ to host your parties at. I found the people friendly and the evening very valuable as I am currently searching for a new job. I exchanged biz cards with some good contacts and one has already netted in an in-person interview…so thank you!”– female 41 in marketing

“Amy….Just wanted to take a moment and drop you a quick note to commend you on such a phenomenal event last night. Being my first Linx event, I was quite impressed and completely immersed myself in the energetic experience. I really enjoyed connecting with the other guests on both a professional and personal level. To say that I had great time would be a severe understatement. Although we only chatted briefly at the end of the evening, it was a pleasure meeting you. I hope to stay in touch and connect with you in the near future. Thanks for making Drinks on the Linx so worthwhile.” male early 30’s, executive in technology

“Amy, I just wanted to thank and express my appreciation for an event which was well worth the money and time.”– male 40’s in tech

“Amy, thank you for the party , it was awesome I met two nice ladies and maybe something will come out of that ! The ratio was by far slighted for the men OMG !!!! It is usually not that way so I thank you. Usually it is other way around so that was great . It just goes to show you so many people Are seeking love and companionship and cannot find it !!!” – male 60 years old in commercial real estate

“What a nice event last night Amy, thanks! A lot of attractive women there, I talked to a couple but I’m pretty shy in that kind of environment – I didn’t know anyone else there. Next time, I’m definitely going to find another guy to go with, great opportunity to meet. Thanks again for a great event.” – male early 50’s attorney

Searching for a Princess for our VIP| Are You His Match?

The question on the mind of most guys and gals as they embark on a first (blind) date is some form of “What’s he/she really like?” It’s certainly on my mind as I go to meet a woman for the first time, knowing only a few facts about her. So what am I really like?

I could tell you that I’m a pilot, a photographer and a lawyer, but that doesn’t tell you much about what I’m like. I could be a terrible pilot, an even worse photographer and a mean or incompetent lawyer. I could give you my basic demographics – 6ft, 195lbs, early 50’s, Caucasian male, no police record, born and raised a Texan. Fills in a couple blanks, I realize, but doesn’t say much about my personality. I could also provide you the usual laundry list of fun and fabulous activities in which I, like most other guys, regularly engage in the hopes of attracting attention — such as bungee jumping from a crop-duster, lion taming with a swizzle stick, or karaoke at Carnegie Hall. But as impressive as those activities are, they don’t convey much about my personality or my ability to be a good first date (let alone a good second or third date).

Perhaps if I told you what kind of princess charming I am searching for, that would tell you something about what I’m like. So, I could list all the fine and fantastic qualities I hope my princess charming will have – she is smart, sassy, self-assured, sensitive, single, sporty, spontaneous, sure-footed, sensible, and somewhere early 30’s to early 40’s. But really, what would that say about me? Nothing much except that I have laughably high expectations and a fondness for alliteration. And in any event, making such a list sounds a lot like writing out a shopping list and I don’t like shopping lists, even when I’m headed to Safeway or Costco. I guess that’s why I always forget at least one thing and have to make a second trip. But I drive a non-Prius electric car (I keep a spare just in case), so making multiple trips to the store doesn’t really contribute to global warming, except the utility company may have to pollute the environment to make the electricity for my car, so I guess I’m partly to blame for that, but I usually remember 3 or 4 new things to get on the second trip so it’s not really a wasted trip, and there’s always a need to go to Petco because my dogs consume so much food, but alas I digress. Now back to the subject at hand.

So instead of all that, let me offer for the next woman who happens to be thinking about meeting me on a first date some accurate information that might be useful to her in answering the aforementioned question. I will list a few principles which I use as a general guide on how I approach people and life, something similar to “Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy”, only not as demented.

Perhaps this may provide some help in answering the “What’s he really like?” or “Is this the kind of guy I want to be stuck with over a two hour dinner?” question. Perhaps we already have some common ground. So here it is . . . .

1) Find the humor in any situation or person, no matter how grim or dull

2) Take your work, but not yourself, seriously

3) Be grateful for what you have, and thankful for what you do not

4) Treat everyone with sincerity and respect, but don’t take you-know-what from anybody

5) Be curious about all things, large medium and small and never stop learning something new

6) Everyone is trying to stay “one step ahead” – better to be three or four instead

7) Find compromise and pick your battles wisely, or you’ll end up fighting all your life

8) Avoid the extremes in all things, too much of anything is not a good thing (there are one or two exceptions we can discuss)

9) You learn about people by listening to them, you don’t learn when you’re talking

10) If you want the finer things in life, then work hard so you can afford them, but leave yourself plenty of time to enjoy them

And above all,

Make time to search out the great places in this Great Big World, places such as (these are photographs taken from our VIP)…The Grand Canyon at sunset, a changing symphony of light and shadows and color

Haleakala at sunrise, from the Pacific’s Mt. Olympus, above the clouds and the entire world

Monument Valley shrouded in clouds, appearing as it did millions of years ago

A hot air balloon festival, an endless colorful parade taking flight in the crisp morning air to the cheers of thousands

Cloud surfing on an ethereal blanket that scarcely conceals the earth below

Sunrise on the Dardanelles, floating between two continents, each rich with its own history and culture

If you have read this and you are wondering if you might qualify as a match for our VIP, email me: amy@linxdating.com. I have personally spent considerable time with our client and can attest to the fact that he is a genuinely warm, funny, quick witted, man who is truly a gentleman through and through. He’s masculine, chivalrous, successful, upbeat, and has made a nice home for himself in the Bay Area. The missing piece is the right match. Are you that girl? Email me if we’ve sparked your curiosity!

Casting Success!

For two days last week, nearly 24 hour cumulative hours of mini meetings, and 25 women later, our February casting was over and a wild success!

We chose the Four Seasons Hotel Silicon Valley, located in Palo Alto, for the meetings and housed ourselves on the comfy couches for two days where we screened intelligent and attractive women who had submitted their information for our consideration to meet our top VIP clients.

I was so impressed that every woman showed up before her actual appointment (with the exception of one who got lost), dressed the part, and came totally organized for us with photos of herself, an updated resume, and often pics of her ideal man.  Girls even flew in from Los Angeles to put themselves out there!  

We sat with each woman (of all ages ranging from 20’s to 50’s) and got to know each one individually. The conversations varied, my questions were bold and direct, and their responses were thoughtful and insightful.

My goal was to determine if the woman in front of me had the “IT” factor that we seek and, further, if she met the specific requirements of a current VIP client of Linx. Some absolutely blew me away with their poise, class, and accomplishments.  At the root of everything, though, was my desire to see if each girl was willing to be flexible – like a giant piece of old-fashioned taffy with her criteria.

Ever see taffy being made on that old machine? The push, the pull, the elasticity of give and take involved? Same thing with matchmaking. Clients (and I don’t care whether it is a VIP male/female or a regular type of client) need to be OPEN-MINDED and to allow lots of room for creativity. I was pleasantly surprised that the majority of these women were willing to be flexible with respect to their criteria (while ideally having matches adhere substantially to their core values).

We will be offering memberships this week to a few of these candidates and, while not everyone qualified, the rest will be held in the database for another time when there might be a better fit at that time. I can’t say enough just how grateful I am to have had so many fantastic women be so trusting of the process, be excited, and really have made that effort to potentially meet the men of their dreams!

We learned so much from each woman… What fascinated me is that regardless of an particular candidate’s background (ethnicity, age, academic, personality type, etc.), the common quality that each candidate shared that she desires to find in a man is a gentleman – someone who is confident and has integrity. Loyalty, being honest, being a good guy, and being faithful, too, is a huge one.  A lot of the women had dealt with infidelity from a mate. They had to learn to move on (or in some cases accept it) and start new. Remember to always value yourself and never overlook or accept infidelity. Chances are, if you forgive once, he will slip again and keep on cheatin’.

This week at Linx is particularly nuts with Valentines! I have a lot of men coming out from the good old woodwork wanting to join Linx (love that!) and many appointments this week with prospective clients and new clients joining. On a personal note, I can’t wait to share Valentine’s with my hubbie (and funny enough have a double date with my parents that night- super cute right?).

XO  Cupid’s arrow is pointing in your direction —–>>—->