Silicon Valley Dating

Are You Dating Someone with Asperger’s?

With nearly 3.5 million Americans falling somewhere on the autism spectrum scale, it’s likely you’ve been on a date—or even a relationship—with someone who may show signs but not may not be formally diagnosed. Asperger’s syndrome is a mild form of autism that makes it extremely difficult to read others; social cues, hints, romantic gestures, and suggestive language won’t make sense to someone with Asperger’s. Paul, a 37-year-old with Asperger’s described dating with his condition as “learning a new language, but instead of words and phrases, I had to learn how to read and speak nonsensical behavior.”

When it comes to dating and relationships, people with Asperger’s, or Aspies, have additional challenges that may frustrate romantic partners. Without understanding the condition, neurotypical (NT) people can feel hurt, annoyed, and embarrassed by well-intentioned singles with Asperger’s. To help bridge the gap, we’ve addressed the top stressors of dating someone with Asperger’s and what you can do to make it easier for all parties involved.

An inability to express sentimental feelings

What you can do: Don’t assume the other person is uninterested, just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Let him know what you think and tell him why it is important that he learns how to make you feel special. Employing some structure to this conversation will help everyone feel more open and honest. “Create a ‘safe space’ for discussion and using semi-formal techniques like active listening, time outs with agreed upon return times, and speaker-listener paraphrasing,” says Amy Marsh, a sexologist “set regular times if you have to.”

Lack of understanding about physical affection

What you can do: Affection like holding hands and kissing won’t make sense to your partner. Attaching a gesture to an emotion is not intuitive, so take the time to explain what the gestures mean and why you are doing them. Otherwise, your physical affection can have an adverse effect. According to The Partner’s Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, hugs can be very uncomfortable as they essentially restrict movement and invade personal space without warning. Best to say, “I want to give you a hug, because it will make me feel close to you. Sound good?” to help your partner acclimate to your style of affection.

Harping on the same subject or telling the same story repeatedly

What you can do: Shift the conversation to something that interests you. If your partner interrupts or continues to talk, gently tell them that this behavior makes it difficult for you to feel interesting. “If you are the more “neurotypical” partner, then you may find yourself playing detective and trying much harder to understand the other person than they ever will try to understand you, and it can feel lopsided” says Marsh. “Remember that for many people on the autism spectrum, social and emotional skills and communication have to be learned more intellectually rather than intuitively.”

Inability to read social cues or knowing which social rules to apply in certain situations

What you can do: Ease him into large social situations like parties or group outings. If he or she is overwhelmed or decides skip the event, try not to take it personally. Social situations are especially trying with so many different social cues coming from so many different people. To help your partner feel more comfortable, try to make the introductions on their behalf and help them transition topics.

Not understanding sexual situations, specifically how to escalate into physical intimacy

What you can do: For many people with AS, physical intimacy is the expression of feelings; however, escalating to the physical realm and establishing the mood with foreplay won’t seem important or necessary unless the NT explains what he or she is looking for in the bedroom. Asperger’s specialist, Dr. Kenneth Roberson suggests the following exercise: “Together with your partner make a list of the things that your partner does sexually that you like. Make a second list of things you would like your partner to do or try sexually. Make a third list of things that you do not particularly enjoy sexually. Ask your partner to generate similar lists. Then sit down together and share the items on your lists.”

If things do not go as planned in the bedroom, wait for a better time to discuss. “DO NOT argue in the bedroom,” says Marsh. “Let that be your area for safe connection with emotions and intimacy. Period.”

The first step in sustaining a serious, long-term relationship with someone with Asperger’s is acceptance. “Don’t confuse acceptance with granting permission to act whatever way your partner chooses. Callous, unsympathetic, and cold behavior, for example, are not things to be supported,” says Dr. Kenneth Roberson, Ph.D. “There is nothing wrong with expecting to be treated decently, wanting to be accepted and loved, and disapproving of anything less, but when your goal is to change the fundamental characteristics of who your partner is, you not only set yourself up for failure but you risk setting the bar impossibly high for your partner.”

 

 

Announcing International Female Searching For Worldly and Spontaneous Match….

We are excited to announce a search for a sexy, intellectual, and worldly 34-year old European woman who is physically 5’8” with long soft blond hair, brown almond eyes, and a slender, model-like physique. Our client grew up in Russia and was educated in Chile and Sweden. She left her native country when she was twenty and lived in Chile, Sweden, UK, and Italy since then.

After searching the four corners of the world, she decided upon the middle path – to split her time between a place in paradise, she currently resides on a Caribbean island, traveling the world and perhaps a global center of gravity — economic, intellectual, social, cultural – is what she is looking for.

Our client is a true entrepreneur involving herself in real estate projects on her island while enjoying boutiques hotels in historic places…ruined monasteries, old castles, caravansaries, caves…something with character and soul. This passion led her into a life changing adventure and investment.

She now co-owns a former early 18th century sugar plantation estate, which soon will open its doors as a boutique hotel and as a graceful residence. Although she is based in the Caribbean, our client is a global citizen and looks forward to hoping on a flight to explore conversation and chemistry. She’s open-minded, flexible, incredibly warmhearted, and leads her life with integrity and passion.

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Her ideal match 35-48 years old and is someone who thinks big, sees the world as his canvas, and finds excitement in the prospect of living between countries. While our client is based in Caribbean and is prepared to travel to the US to meet a match, she hopes that her ideal suited candidate is willing to see the value in international travel and have a job/lifestyle that affords him the freedom to be a master of his own while his Muse is taking her green energy, educational and hospitality projects forward in one of the smallest countries in the world.

As she is committed to be a good wife and a mother raising children in a holistic and cosmopolitan environment she’d love her partner to share the same vision – not in theory but really diving headfirst into the abyss and being able to be a leader and creator of their own world.

Her best suited match is an alpha male, worldly, and supportive (of her dreams). He balances his strength with an easy going temperament, spontaneity, and appreciates a feminine woman. He is accomplished and has the time to be able to throw himself into this incredible adventure that lays ahead with an international and incredibly passionate woman!

If you or anyone you know is interested in being considered as a candidate for this opportunity, please email our founder Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

IQ Meets EQ in LA | Meet Our New Bachelor

We are pleased to announce a new search for an extraordinarily dynamic and enterprising man in Los Angeles. Our extremely handsome and masculine late 30’s client has an athletic physique, and approaches life with an open, engagingly positive demeanor. He is Pacific Islander in heritage, with dark hair, warm brown eyes, and an easy, yet piercing presence. He stays extremely active rotating between boxing, pilates, Soul Cycle, yoga and surfing during the week.

Our client’s life has been painted on a pretty large canvas and with a multi-colored palette. Having grown up in various parts of Los Angeles to parents who are entrepreneurs, he was educated at the highest quality schools including obtaining a post graduate degree. Professionally, our client works at a prestigious investment firm as a division head. One of his personal philosophies in life is that integrity is demonstrated not discussed. As such, he’s a natural born leader serving on numerous boards of philanthropic organizations.

Beyond his IQ, our client possesses a strong EQ. He is an engaged and empathetic listener, with conversation punctuated by strong connection, warm smiles and plenty of humor. Outside of work and charity, our client loves good food, travel, friends, family, and the ocean. He feels beyond ready to meet his future wife and approaches this process with open arms and a vulnerable heart.

His best suited match is between the ages of 28-34 years old. She is Caucasian or Mixed race, super cute, fresh faced, fit, and stylish. Her friends and family are important cornerstones in her life, as is, giving back to the community- or at least a curiosity to make a positive impact in society. She is First Lady material.

She approaches her life with confidence, integrity and would support her man through thick and thin. There’s a depth to her, a real groundedness, a realness, and strong conviction to be the best she can be at all times! Yet beyond these key foundational characteristics, she is a real sweetheart and her heart golden.

His dream match would have the latitude, desire, and curiosity to embrace spending time together on many adventures which includes raising a family someday soon and she needs to be open to living in Los Angeles.  Our client loves his full life in LA and has no plans to leave anytime soon.

If you or anyone you know might make a great match for this wonderful client, please email Amy at amy@linxdating.com. No fees for qualifying candidates!

She’s brainy, balanced, and Christian…

FOR SINGLE MEN AGES 37-49 YEARS

Our client is a feminine 40-year old Asian American woman who has a petite 5’1” frame and is young at heart.  Her style is classic, and she can be comfortable in both heels and sneakers.  She enjoys indoor spinning, running and yoga.

She has a graduate degree and currently works for a technology company in Silicon Valley.  She is very passionate about her job, but is also able to enjoy life outside of work.   She is looking for a person who is intelligent and ambitious but with a strong ethical core, a flexible nature and a fun-loving side.

Outside of career, she is balanced! This candidate loves fitness, flexing her artistic muscle through painting, hunting for the best cheeseburger in the Bay Area, and taking early am spin classes.
So who’s her match? Her best suited match keeps healthy and fit, with kind eyes and an empathetic heart. He could be any ethnicity with a slight preference for Asian American men. He is passionate about his career, sincere, secure, funny, and possesses strong family values.

As our client’s Christian faith has increased in importance over the years, she would love to find someone who would be willing to participate in church together as a couple and with a family one day.

If you or anyone you know might make a strong match for her, please email our founder Amy today at amy@linxdating.com!

Brainy and Athletic Beauty Seeks Adventurous Partner

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Our 34-year old Caucasian bachelorette is a warm, outgoing, athletic and animal loving female.  She exudes feminine energy and joie de vivre!  She is 5’7” with long, tousled dark-blonde locks, beautiful eyes and a beaming white smile.  Although, she lives in Incline Village on the North Shore of Lake Tahoe she loves the Bay Area, spends a good bit of time here, and would relocate for love in a heartbeat!

She is from a small town in Georgia, but has traveled extensively.  Although she is worldly, she is also very down-to-earth, laid back and friendly.  She is very adventurous and is always up to try new things!  She has sailed around the Caribbean, completed multiple equestrian safaris around the world and has heli-boarded in Alaska. She is an intellectual idealist who loves to engage in discussions and healthy debates ranging from current events to literature.

Her best suited match is 27 to 49 years old, adventurous, successful, and an athletic guy who is 5’7” + and of any ethnic heritage. He works hard, fears boredom, owns a well loved passport, and has been waiting to find a partner to traverse through the jungles of life together. He lives for the great outdoors, sports of all kinds (winter and summer athletics), and can also appreciate what it means to chill out at home cooking, drinking wine, and laughing with his match.

If you or anyone you know might make a great match for this athletic beauty, please email Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

Where Are The Men in Silicon Valley?

Linx is featured in this month’s Town & Country annual Top 50 Bachelor’s issue. Ladies, grab a copy today to check out T & C’s list of the most desirable bachelors hitting the singles scene. These guys range from: Sergey Brin, Aaron Levie, and Uber’s Travis Kalanick to name a few. -1

Linx was asked to name some of my picks of where the techie bachelors go when not working and the toys they like to spend hard earned dollars on. In summary, ladies head to BJ’s in Cupertino on a Thursday for happy hour.

BJ’s is very casual and is a chain restaurant- think nachos, beer on tap, big screens, and a lot of guys! This is across the street from Apple’s campus and is swarming with techies in black turtlenecks with iPhone in hand and beer in another. Now please don’t mistake BJ’s for the next Rosewood Sand Hill Hotel swanky scene. It is anything but upscale! 😉

Ladies, dress casually yet chic and don’t forget a ponytail if your hair is long enough. As I told Emily Holt in T & C, guys love ponytails- especially the techies! Remember they tell me everything!

 

 

5 New Approaches to Dating for the New Year

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Although it may feel like you were the only person this holiday season without a significant other to curl up with next to the fire and kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve, you are in good company. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that over 50% (124 million) of Americans 16 years and older are single. The dating pool is overwhelmingly large, but many widely used dating techniques may need to be left in 2015 so everyone can find the love they want and deserve in 2016. As you reflect on the past year and set goals for the next, consider the 5 dating approaches below:

Set Clear Personal Goals
At the beginning of each year, most people come up with vague resolutions like “get fit, “eat healthier” and “drink less” that are impossible to track and are quickly forgotten. To attract your ideal mate in the new year, set clear goals that will enable you to become the best version of yourself and meet more people who enjoy activities you love. Examples include “go for a hike/yoga class/run/bike ride/volunteering activity/fill-in-the-blank twice a week,” “finish my passion project by the end of June,” “cook at least 3 healthy meals per week” and “have no more than 3 alcoholic drinks a week.”

Put Your Ideal Match on Paper
You have probably envisioned your ideal partner, but have you ever written down the physical, personality and lifestyle traits you value most? Jot down your non-negotiables and areas where you are more flexible. Examine your past relationships, and rank the traits you have appreciated most in the past and those you want to find in the future. Be clear on your goals and also open to meeting someone who doesn’t check every box. So many people who are hellbent on finding their soulmate and won’t settle for anything less end up alone, so don’t dismiss Mr. or Mrs. Almost Right before giving them a fair chance.

Leave Your Ex in the Past
Perhaps you are hung up on an past relationship or are currently dating someone you know is not right for you. You know you don’t want to be with that person, so stop letting their space on your back burner mess with your chances of heating something up on your front burner. Many people keep past relationships in the present as an emotional crutch, but it’s important to let go of emotional baggage before you can start fresh with someone new. To get closure on a past relationship, consider writing him or her a letter or an email explaining that you need to let go of them and wish them the best in the future.

Delete Your Dating Apps
Put down your phone! Make eye contact with and smile at people you encounter each day. Remember the “come hither” look you used to give or receive to a sexy stranger in a bar before everyone’s eyes were glued to their phone screens? Those sexy strangers, all 124 million of them, are still out there, but you can’t meet them when you’re busy scrolling through an endless stream of profiles in an endless number of dating sites. Active Tinder users spend over 6 hours a day using the app. Take that 6 hours back, notice people around you, smile, and say hello. Who knows, you may actually meet your someone special in real life!

Ask For Setups
I really admire people who ask for setups, and I am surprised more people don’t do it. Much like the professional world, where over 80% of people get jobs through people they know, using your network to find your next date is key. People who ask for setups frequently go on incredible dates with high-quality, respectful men and women. Share your ideal match with friends and family so they can let you know if and when they meet a man or woman who checks your boxes. Ask your single friends what they’re looking for as well so you can return the favor!

Best wishes for romance, love and laughter in 2016!