We do a lot of date coaching at Linx. This week I am coaching a young tech exec who has it all going on. He lacks long term relationship experience and as a result, he second guesses himself.
Dating is a skill. Even the most experienced daters need practice, and practice makes perfect. A lot of people dread the idea of going out on dates- what to say, what to wear, what if there is an awkward silence, what if within 5 minutes you know that he isn’t for you?!? Instead of panicking, we teach our students and clients to look forward to dating, seeing it as an enjoyable and fun experience through a wide range of techniques held in the privacy of our offices.
One technique is about developing sound bytes for dates. Sound bytes are short, colorful, positive “clips” about yourself that you can share on dates – it can makes things more fun and effortless.
The key is to inject PASSION each time you use your sound byte on a date. One sound byte for anyone reading this is to come up with a colorful and short clip about your relationship history. Out of a 10 year relationship that went sour? Dating after divorce? Perhaps not had a long-term relationship in years?
Everyone of us has a story and the way you spin it adds zest, color, and excitement on your date. Why dwell on the negativity of why it didn’t work? Instead, I want each of you to think of one of the major reasons why you ended up with that person. He was so smart or she was seriously the most caring girl ever!
When asked about your last relationship, press “play” in your head as you are about to use your relationship history sound byte. Keep it SIMPLE and SHORT.
Then the KEY is to bring it back in the moment, focusing on who you are out with.
Watch exactly how I would do it….
Him, “When was your last relationship?”
Me, “My last relationship was around 2 years ago, it lasted about 6 months. The thing that attracted me to him was he was really smart. It’s kinda hard to find those people who are seriously wicked smart. I think that’s why I’m actually really excited to get to know you tonight! Mike said you are a NYT crossword champ ;)”
Him (secretly in his head), I think I am seriously in love with this girl stroking my ego….ahhh.
See how easy that is? Why would you elaborate about how he cheated, how she failed to tell you about her serious debt, how she this, how he that? No one wants to hear this. I repeat NO ONE.
If you feel you are one of those TMI (too much information) types on dates, I implore you to get a rubber band. That’s correct a rubber band. Wear it on your wrist and SNAP yourself if you fall into your bad habits when on your dates.
Him, “Do tell me about your last significant relationship.”
Me, “Oh goodness, where to start! Well, it all went downhill one day when….”
SNAP the freakin rubber band already. It hurts right?
Good, that’s what I thought! A reminder to keep it simple and to the point in the early stages of dating. Although your date might be smiling out of politeness, one one know what he or she is thinking.
Why not increase your chances of finding love by preparing yourself. Developing a sound byte for your relationship history is just one aspect we focus on here at Linx. Ask us your date questions any time!