Stop Playing Games | Dating Advice

When it comes to dating, who do you think plays more games? Men or women? I think women always think that men do the game playing (and in a lot of cases I think that can be very true) but from a behind the scenes perspective at Linx, I’d have to say the women appear to have the tendency to play more head games with the guys.

Our guys at Linx are pretty simple guys who at the end of the day want to find a lasting, genuine connection. They sign up for Linx because they work a lot, loathe the idea of sifting through hundreds of online profiles after work, have limited social resources for set-ups through friends, and have a high bar for what they want. They trust my team that we have listened carefully, intuited their type, and will deliver.

As a matchmaker, my routine for setting up clients has become ever more rigorous as we want to eliminate ANY reasons for them to turn down a proposed match.  For example, as I present a match candidate to a client, I ask a few high level questions, like these, to ensure that we are on the right track:

Do you think you know this person? 
Are you in town and is the timing good for you? 
Do you like the sound of my match candidate? 
Do you feel excited about the possibility or luke warm? 
Do you have any concerns from the gate? 
Do you have any major questions for me before we proceed? 
Are you completely unattached? 
And on and on…..

Once we reach that point and with any questions answered, if both the respective male and female are equally jazzed and pumped up to meet one another, THEN we “green light” the match and proceed. The engines are all fired up. Behind the scenes, I’m pacing back and forth like the rat in a laboratory cage wondering if the sparks will fly. At this stage, both parties have officially received their respective match bios describing each other – each is a completely original take on who their fabulous date is. No last names, no photos, only a vivid, luscious description with words to build up that anticipation … and have those engines continue to vroom vroom baby.

A scenario that we REALLY try to avoid at Linx (since this is such a different approach compared to everyday dating on your own) is the cat and mouse game AFTER A MATCH is made. What do I mean by this? Well, your fab cutie Silicon Valley entrepreneur date calls you and can’t reach you. So he leaves a message and you decide to play coy and do the little dance. You don’t call him back so now he’s sort of panicked wondering WTF. He reaches out to me being the matchmaker/friend/liasion/trusted source/fairy godmother type, and then matchmaker and client do the little dance.

Male client, “Amy I’m not sure what happened. Maybe I have the wrong number or something but I left a message on Friday and it is now Monday. Maybe she is traveling?”

Me, “Hmm, well I think she is in town, so let me ping her and see what is up.”

Then I proceed to reach out to her. She gets back to me right away with a “oh yeah, I have been so busy with unexpected guests in town but will call him back right away.”

She calls him and doesn’t reach him but doesn’t leave a VM. He proceeds to call her right back and she doesn’t pick up. This game continues for another two days until he calls me and is legitimately concerned.

Male client, “Amy, I just don’t think she is serious about meeting. Maybe she doesn’t like the sound of my profile but I am sticking to my gut and trusting in my grandmothers sage advice. We are all very busy people and if she really were serious and wanted to meet, she would have called me back by now. It is 7 days since the official match went out via email.”

Me to him, “I hear you, I really do. I’m not sure what to say or do as it places me in such a precarious situation. I feel for you and know you are results driven and it shouldn’t be this difficult. Let’s move on, upward, onward, and with enthusiasm. I will get to work on your next match right away!”

My title is matchmaker but I’m also a business owner who wears the hat of CEO and has to deal with these really tricky situations. In this case, I look at patterns in this kind of behavior and sometimes realize that a client has already done this sort of thing before with another client. As Patti Stanger would say, “Get out of my freakin’ club!”

People are fragile and even the most confident man at work can have feelings of doubt when it comes to dating. As you are out there dating, keep it simple and straightforward. Follow the approach that your ancestors would have done when they were out there dating. In other words, emulate and appreciate what old-fashioned courtship and chivalry really means.

We are so completely inundated with gadgets and apps in today’s modern society and are always “on the run.” Although people may say they are really ready to find love, sometimes I have to boldly ask them if they REALLY are?! Someone like the woman in the example above who can’t seem to call her date back might be hiding something and masking the truth. Maybe she is scared to find the one and actually be open and vulnerable.

Slow down and sometimes just stop in your tracks to think about what you are doing and how others will perceive you when dating. If you are a female and you want to fall in love in 2013, stop playing games. If you are a man and want to fall in love in 2013, stop playing games.

If he calls you, show him the proper respect and call him back (and yes the same thing goes to the guys out there.)

Have manners, be polite, and be gracious. 

With all of this being said, shit happens in life. If you are in a legitimate bind with guests in town, have fallen down and can’t get up, have food poisoning, have had your dog eat your homework, have 4 flat tires, have a cell phone that spontaneously combusted, or have spontaneously combusted yourself, there is always a solution out there!

We still do have pay phones, prepaid calling cards, carrier pigeons for sale http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeon_post, smoke signals, flares, and you do have two legs and feet for walking. Chances are, you can find a way to communicate to your date and share that you are excited to go out and will call him for a chat asap.

Dating doesn’t need to be so complicated.  Don’t be the road block that hinders you from falling in love. 

Be the catalyst to create the relationship you deserve. 

Betty Draper’s Romantic Weekend Brunch for Two

Maybe your new love interest spontaneously spent the night or you planned a weekend together being lazy in bed with nothing to do. Sometimes the best moments shared are at home, cozy, and with stomachs filled with goodness.

Yummy breakfasts for two can be made with left-over ingredients in the fridge (like crisped up left-over pasta in a frying pan with bacon and eggs) or planning something sweet like cornmeal pancakes with sour cream, fresh fruit, and organic chicken sausages. If you love eggs try Barefoot Contessa’s Country French Omelet.  Fresh squeeze the best fruit available and do French press coffees. Simply divine.

Serve your breakfast and make it fit for a Draper household by using pretty china, linen napkins, and your finest glasses. If serving baked goods and toast, consider a lovely 3 tiered tray like this one here from a recent stay in Hong Kong. Look at the coffee glass as well. Elegant and handsome does the trick.

A fun alternative to breakfast in the morning is at dinner time with your honey. Grab aprons, find a delicious recipe together and heat up the kitchen. Don’t stress about having to make the food perfect. The enjoyment is found in the little details along the way- laughing over too much salt, the wrong amount of flour, spilled scallions on the floor, and burnt butter. Who cares when you are with your lover?  Betty would recommend pouring your loved one a stiff martini with stuffed olives. Upscale grocery stores like Draegers on the Peninsula and Woodlands Market in Marin have an amazing selection of luxury olives- perfect for his and hers martinis.

Perhaps I am inspired from going as Betty Draper to a friends Halloween bash last evening. Don’t you love 50’s fashion? Here I am wearing a Kate Spade dress I purchased a few months ago, a retro apron my little sister gave me one year, a cigarette holder with fake cigarette, and my blue suede heels. I bought a teal crinoline petticoat at a vintage shop in Palo Alto and some over-exagerated pearls. They served incredible basil mint martinis at the party- another great alternative to the classic martini. 

I did a ton of research on hair and make-up. I found Wet-N-Wild actually worked really great for light green eye shadow, 99 cent nail polish, black liquid liner, and hot pink blush. Revlon worked well for a matte hot pink lipstick. I didn’t feel like spending a ton of money on make-up so the cheap alternative actually worked out well thanks to CVS. For hair, I curled  it in old school velcro rollers, backcombed it a ton, went overboard with the spray, and bobby pined it into a French twist. Two hours later, Betty was ready, although there was no Don…only a funny ancient Chinese man hubbie.

Barefoot Contesa Country French Omelet

1 tablespoon good olive oil
3 slices thick-cut bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 cup (1-inch-diced) unpeeled Yukon Gold potatoes
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
5 extra-large eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 tablespoon fresh chopped chives

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Heat the olive oil in a 10-inch ovenproof omelet pan over medium heat. Add the bacon and cook for 3 to 5 minutes over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until the bacon is browned but not crisp. Take the bacon out of the pan with a slotted spoon and set aside on a plate.

Place the potatoes in the pan and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Continue to cook over medium-low heat for 8 to 10 minutes, until very tender and browned, tossing occasionally to brown evenly. Remove with a slotted spoon to the same plate with the bacon.

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, beat the eggs, milk, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper together with a fork. After the potatoes are removed, pour the fat out of the pan and discard. Add the butter, lower the heat to low, and pour the eggs into the hot pan. Sprinkle the bacon, potatoes, and chives evenly over the top and place the pan in the oven for about 8 minutes, just until the eggs are set. Slide onto a plate, divide in half, and serve hot. 

Bon Appetit! 

My song selection is Frank Sinatra, The Best Has Yet To Come. 

Princess Proposals Visits Cavallo Point

I am very excited to introduce and share all the amazing details about the newest princess proposal: Mark & Rachel.   

As it had been raining the day prior – I was a little worried about the weather for this outdoor proposal but we arrived at the historic Cavallo Point and it was a gorgeous day, perfectly sunny and crisp. The location was the perfect romantic backdrop for the big day with the Golden Gate Bridge spectacular in the background! 

Princess Proposals worked behind the scenes setting the stage in the most luxe modern suite on the property. Our client Mark shared ahead of time her favorite colors were hot pink but she also loved turquoise. We were all set with candles, fresh flowers in vases, rose petals galore, precious photos of the couple to string across their room.  

Team Linx was  ready to work our magic in decorating their room & dinner table – followed by expert ninjas lurking behind curtains and bushes to capture every moment of the actual proposal!  I know, I look like Jack in The Shining below. 

They arrived at 5:00pm. She thought they were doing a night away and was so happy with that. He had explained they would be in a basic room and budget permitting, enjoy a dinner at Murray Circle too. The proposal occurred before they were seated for dinner at a quiet hilltop location overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge, with two chairs set up with blankets and a fresh red rose hidden beneath the blanket – (this being Mark’s cue to pop the question as she discovers the rose). Dinner followed set by a cozy fireplace and later, they happy couple strolled off to their suite decked out to celebrate the once-in-a-lifetime occasion.

Though this proposal was phenomenal, extremely special and luxurious, we suspect she would have been just as happy with a twistee tie because they’re THAT in love!

Congratulations Mark & Rachel and for allowing princess proposals to be a part of the first day of the rest of your lives!

Dating is a Skill

We do a lot of date coaching at Linx. This week I am coaching a young tech exec who has it all going on. He lacks long term relationship experience and as a result,  he second guesses himself.

 Dating is a skill.  Even the most experienced daters need practice, and practice makes perfect.  A lot of people dread the idea of going out on dates- what to say, what to wear, what if there is an awkward silence, what if within 5 minutes you know that he isn’t for you?!? Instead of panicking, we teach our students and clients to  look forward to dating, seeing it as an enjoyable and fun experience through a wide range of techniques held in the privacy of our offices.

One technique is about developing sound bytes for dates.  Sound bytes are short, colorful, positive “clips” about yourself that you can share on dates – it can makes things more fun and effortless.

The key is to inject PASSION each time you use your sound byte on a date.  One sound byte for anyone reading this is to come up with a colorful and short clip about your relationship history. Out of a 10 year relationship that went sour?  Dating after divorce?  Perhaps not had a long-term relationship in years?

Everyone of us has a story and the way you spin it adds zest, color, and excitement on your date. Why dwell on the negativity of why it didn’t work? Instead, I want each of you to think of one of the major reasons why you ended up with that person. He was so smart or she was seriously the most caring girl ever! 

When asked about your last relationship, press “play” in your head as you are about to use your relationship history sound byte. Keep it SIMPLE and SHORT.

Then the KEY is to bring it back in the moment, focusing on who you are out with.

Watch exactly how I would do it….

Him, “When was your last relationship?”

Me, “My last relationship was around 2 years ago, it lasted about 6 months. The thing that attracted me to him was he was really smart. It’s kinda hard to find those people who are seriously wicked smart. I think that’s why I’m actually really excited to get to know you tonight! Mike said you are a NYT crossword champ ;)” 

Him (secretly in his head), I think I am seriously in love with this girl stroking my ego….ahhh.

See how easy that is? Why would you elaborate about how he cheated, how she failed to tell you about her serious debt, how she this, how he  that?  No one wants to hear this. I repeat NO ONE.

If you feel you are one of those TMI (too much information) types on dates, I implore you to get a rubber band. That’s correct a rubber band. Wear it on your wrist and SNAP yourself if you fall into your bad habits when on your dates.

Him, “Do tell me about your last significant relationship.” 

Me, “Oh goodness, where to start! Well, it all went downhill one day when….”

SNAP the freakin rubber band already. It hurts right?

Good, that’s what I thought!  A reminder to keep it simple and to the point in the early stages of dating. Although your date might be smiling out of politeness, one one know what he or she is thinking.

Why not increase your chances of finding love by preparing yourself. Developing a sound byte for your relationship history is just one aspect we focus on here at Linx. Ask us your date questions any time!

CNET Interview

Lingering Doubts Before Getting Engaged?

Have you been out of the dating scene for a long time because you’ve been focusing on personal and professional growth and suddenly you think you’ve found “the one” but are still feeling hesitant to take the plunge – i.e. marriage?

Perhaps you are feeling like you need that last bit of “reassurance” – just to “make sure” he/she is “the one.”

So, what do you do?

Do you follow your “gut feeling” and take the next big step toward full commitment? Do you continue to “date around?” Do you….phone a friend?

Well, I am seeing time and time again for people who haven’t really dated a ton (compared to high volume daters), that once they get matched, they couple up very quickly because everything is perfectly aligned – the physical attraction is on point, values and goals are closely correlated, sparks are firing and the timing is right. 

As things are moving rapidly and the feelings are amazing and it quickly becomes “serious,” they often need that “last gut check” to make sure the timing really is right for marriage. I’ve had many clients in this position contact me for an additional introduction to a new person, in a very casual setting, i.e. no dinner date (less guilt) and more like a coffee ‘conversation’ as a final “date” to give them that nudge to either move forward or take a step back with the person about whom they are really serious.

I am a firm believer in following your gut feelings and recognizing that when you’ve got a great thing going, there may not be flashing signs or lightning bolts but if you are in a happy relationship, muster up that courage and take the next step!

However, when my clients come to me in this situation, I am more than happy to give them that little “nudge” even if it means setting them up on one last casual date to seal the deal because it does take a lot of courage to take a step back, re-evaluate and seek a bit of “help” before making such a big decision. And because the choice to get married is so individual – I find that this is a wonderful way to step out of that microcosm for a moment and to take a look at their current relationship from a different perspective before ultimately making a decision.

The bigger picture here – simply do what feels right. Sometimes we humans unconsciously make things more difficult than they need to be. If you find yourself in a wonderful, exclusive relationship and marriage feels right – take the plunge! If you’re feeling a bit nervous or uncertain about it – address the issues and keep moving forward. Either way, choose love and you can’t go wrong 😉

Have you found yourself in a similar situation? If so, how did you overcome the feeling of needing that little “nudge” to get you over the hump? Do share!

​Gentlemen, is your game on point?

Confident or arrogant? What she thinks.

We all know there is a very fine line between the two and I’d like to share some of what I’m hearing from our female clients and friends of Linx.

Sure, women are visual but probably not as visual as you think especially in comparison to their male counterparts (generally speaking). When it comes to external appearance, education, profession and interests; every woman has their “head turner” and sweet spot attributes but what I hear consistently what they desire in a match is confidence.

What I’ve learned is that there really is no right or wrong “technique” when it comes to being confident in regards to dating. Often it’s worth thinking about the less obvious ways to “appear” confident including doing things you wouldn’t normally do (or are fearful of) – when dating.

We suggest getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things; such as going dancing (even if you have 2 left feet), karaoke-ing, or a cooking class (even if your idea of cooking is the Whole Foods salad bar). Women find it very sexy when a man can own up to the things in which he “can’t do” but tries anyway with charisma and has fun doing so. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really care how he looks. He can be that goofball guy and laugh at himself in the process. That is uber sexy! He doesn’t have to be the show-off guy or know-it-all, instead he can admit that he’s never picked up a microphone to karaoke or diced a legume in his life.

Another key to being confident is just really being yourself (maybe too obvious?) Perhaps you haven’t been on a date in a very long time, you aren’t sure if you’re dressed appropriately or even talking about the “right” things on the first few dates. Perhaps you have deeper rooted fears related to dating, rejection, approaching,  and socializing. We hear the all too common feedback from a first date in that he grilled her with questions ala interrogation (yikes) or on the flip side seemed wishy-washy about restaurant choices, ordering, and lacked “umph” and gumption on the date. Can’t there be a equilibrium between the two?

Confidence and true success in dating can be achieved by anyone through practice and preparedness (dating is a skill), being authentic, and feeling comfortable in doing so. Women tell us they want a man who has a strength from within, not a guy who masks his weakness by using pickup lines or unwarranted arrogance… genuine and lasting confidence stems from truly being you and feeling good in your own skin.
Once you have a strong understanding of who you are, and believing that you are enough, any insecurities you have regarding dating will fall by the wayside.  When dating, be honest and focus on what you are really seeking in a significant other and be proud of what you bring to the table and simply be you, because she will. Remember women love that guy who isn’t trying to be someone else. He’s funny, a gentleman, has a wide range of interesting date conversation topics ready, and if he is feeling “it”, he asks her out at the end of date 1.  That is confidence in a nutshell.

Looking for Guest Bloggers

To all the different Linx Line readers…I am looking for anyone who has great date tales and stories to apply to be a guest blogger on the Linx Line.

I want your stories about your dating frustrations, ways you currently meet people, dating triumphs, and your personal suggestions you can give our readers.This could be dating tips for women, dating tips for men, etc. Dating in the Silicon Valley or dating in San Francisco.

Email me if you are interested: amy@linxdating.com and share why you would make a great guest contributor.