Keeping the Romance Alive!

After a couple of years of marriage, it’s easy to fall into a rut. You’ve gotten what you set out for: the ring, your dreamboat and the title of Mrs. You’re off the market, so who do you have to impress? You’d rather spend your resources on building a family and/or focusing on your career, but making these your sole focus and not making “you” time can lead to bad habits. Style is often a big part of this rut women can fall into…sometimes it’s just not a priority now.

If children are in the picture, you’re dealing with even more challenges: lack of sleep, weight fluctuations, saving for college and most likely covered in drool, snot, sticky fingers and goodness knows what else. Can’t help but think about this scene from Baby Mama.

When it comes to keep to keeping romance alive in your marriage, something many of us struggle with, I was asked by Tog + Porter to share in my ideas considering I am approaching 5 years of wedded bliss.

I wanted to do this piece because it is something I can relate to all too well. I’ve been married nearly half a decade now which is crazy considering it has flown by so quickly. We both work insanely long hours, typically 7 days a week. This means it is all too easy to get caught up in work and distracted in the constant deluge of emails and work stress that it can begin to really “chip away” at the romance that was once so present in the early stages of married bliss. I guess they call it the honeymoon period for a reason!

I think it is really important to remember the simple things in your marriage. What originally brought you both together. What the glue was that linked you together? No matter how chaotic our days are, we always remember to say “I Love You”- even in a text message during the day. Leaving a post-it on one’s morning coffee can be the sweetest affirmation that you love your honey and life is good. I am also a huge believer in date night.

Tog + Porter stylist Camilla Basse says, “I am constantly hearing from clients that when it comes time for date night, they either don’t have any appropriate attire, or they don’t feel good in what they do have. That is often the starting point on helping Tog + Porter clients build their wardrobes. We run through all of the possible date scenarios and put together entire outfits accordingly.  They love knowing that no matter what occasion may come up, they will always have a no fail outfit at the ready and will feel GREAT when they put it on, which is all important when you are keeping the romance alive.”You’re balancing a lot, you have a crazy schedule, we get it. You should feel good in your clothes and they should portray the women you want to be, so you can concentrate on the really important things like checking in with your spouse or your long-term beau.

A good example of our typical day was last Friday. We were non-stop meetings, calls, and running all around doing our things. We both got home around 6:00pm and my husband was about to go do something else, the puppy was barking, and I said ‘Honey, let’s have a glass of wine together and just sit here and catch up.’ I opened a bottle of wine and we just shared that important couple time to catch up and just get to baseline. Remember the emails, texts, calls coming in can all wait. Take the critical 45 minutes to give your honey that check in, support, and love. How was your day? Laugh. Listen. Focus on one another.

We transitioned from chatting in our living room to throwing on a simple little dress for me and cute jeans/dress shirt for him and walked to grab dinner. No worries of traffic or even needing to get all dolled up. We held hands. We laughed. We broke bread together. He indulged me getting frozen yogurt after dinner even though he hates it. We strolled around our little suburban street together gazing in windows. For us it was the perfect easy date night that felt good to connect emotionally and to remember to slow down. Guys are visual, so appearance IS important, even after you’re married. You don’t have to be dressed to the nines 24/7, but it’s important to make some effort every day, not just for your hubbie, but for yourself as well. There are up and downs in every marriage and the reality is it takes work. One of the ways to keep you and your honey continuously growing together and renewing your love is by keeping the romance alive and its nearly impossible to do this if you look and feel frumpy.

Follow me on Twitter @linxdating

Dolling it up….Kentucky Derby Style

The Kentucky Derby is a time honored tradition and there will no doubt be an abundance of viewing parties this weekend.  Whether you are attending a party or one of the lucky ones who will be at the actual derby, you must be outfitted accordingly.   

The San Francisco Guardmen are throwing a fabulous derby inspired soiree called “Run for the Roses” on May 4th from 1:00pm-6:00pm at 1 Fort Mason in San Francisco. Guests of this private soirée will enjoy a delectable spread of appetizers and traditional southern food, while all proceeds will go to benefit at-risk Bay Area youth.

There are a several routes you can take apparel wise, but we all know that it’s all about the hat. Wide brimmed solid hats, adorned hats, fascinators, and fedoras are all solid choices.  Choose the one that compliments your personality best. We suggest picking the hat first and building your outfit around it.

We found two great collections of Kentucky Derby hats, one from JenniferDawn84 (pictured above) on Polyvore and another on PatterPulp.

A wide brimmed floral adorned hat with a solid color dress and spectator heels is sure to be a crowd pleaser. 

If you opt for a floral dress, we recommend keeping the hat simple and solid. For a gender bender twist (and our favorite!), try a seersucker shorts suit paired back to a panama straw hat.  

Need some derby day inspiration for your guy, we love this photo from the art of manliness.

If you don’t feel like heading to the Guardsmen party, throw your own last minute festive soiree in your backyard or apartment complex pool-side. Southern Living has some great Derby inspired ideas and delicious recipes to play with. 

Call  your best girls over for either a girlie day with hats, heels, and mint julep drinks or get consider getting creative having each of them bring a single guy as their guest. Dolly as they say….let the races begin! 

Written by Camilla, celebrity stylist for Tog + Porter with creative dating ideas from Amy Andersen of Linx Dating.

 

Meet The Parents | What To Wear

The time has come to meet your honey’s parents.  You’re both thrilled and petrified. Although we’re sure they’ll love you as much as he does, you want to put your best fashion foot forward on this momentous occasion.  We teamed up with style experts Tog + Porter to show Linx readers how to look fabulous for this huge occasion.

The first step in deciding what to wear is to find out what the setting is. Are you gathering for a casual brunch?  Drinks?  Dinner?  One thing is certain, no matter the setting: keep your look polished and demure.

Tog + Porter stylist Camilla Basse says a floral dress with strappy sandals and a solid cardi or white skinnies with a silky top in a soft tone are winning combos for a brunch date. 

For him:  jeans with a casual button up and blazer.

For cocktails or a more formal dinner date, we suggest a lace dress with neon heels or classic black heels if you get the feeling they’re a little more on the conservative side. A flirty floral dress with long sleeves is another option for a more covered up approach. Pair back to striking strappy metallic heels to add some wow factor.

For him: a pair of slim cut trousers, a button up and blazer OR a killer suit, which like Clooney never goes out of style. (Yeah, we totally stole that line from Sex and the City)For killer suit inspiration, have your man borrow a page from Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s GQ spread.If you need help prepping an outfit to meet your beaux’s parents or friends, you know where to turn. You can now book your face-to-face skype session with a Tog + Porter stylist online here.

Valentine’s Date Scenario III: His House for Dinner

If you’ve been following our Valentine’s Day Style Guide series, then you know how much fun we’ve been having challenging our friends over at Tog + Porter to come up with outfits for different Valentine’s Day date scenarios. We’ve done classic romance with my ‘Over the Moon for You,’ date. Then we did something a little more out of the box for a newly dating couple called ‘Adventurous and Quirky’. Now it’s on to the third and last date, ‘An Invitation to His House for Dinner’. What makes this date especially interesting is the couple’s dating history. The gals over at Tog + Porter actually have a name for this date; they call it the “Determining The Relationship” or “DTR” date.

Here’s the details I gave them about the couple and how the night would unfold:

This couple has had 5 dates and always very fun and “PG.” He’s been the consummate gentleman but after consulting with his buddies felt he needed to see if that serious romantic *spark* was there. He’s into her but they definitely haven’t had an exclusive chat yet. She feels like he is a total diamond in the rough and she is seriously liking him.

He sends her an email to come over to his home for a Valentine’s dinner. She’s never been to his house and a homemade dinner sort of makes her sweat. It feels really “real” and “serious.” The dates so far have been easy going and fun. Lots of laughter, affection, and chivalry. She feels butterflies thinking about this date because she knows it could lead to something more serious.

She emails him back and accepts the sweet invite asking if she can bring anything. He says, “Nothing…only you.”

The day of, she heads to her liquor shop and gets an incredible cognac to share. She also brings him an Hermes tie with little puppies on it wrapped up beautifully. He just got a rescue pup, so she thought this would be a cute way to acknowledge this and thank him for a lovely evening.

He’s gone far to impress her. Rose petals on the floor in the entryway, champers to start with, steaks and veggies he grilled, and chocolate chip cookies they baked together.

She stays the night and wakes up in the morning to piping hot coffee and the smell of his cologne lingering on her. She’s doesn’t want to leave.

Now for the big question: What to Wear? Here’s what I told T+P stylist Maureen about the couple’s style:

He’s more of a buttoned up type (successful career in finance) and opts for the preppy look on the weekends. Being from the East Coast, she is definitely more Kate Middleton than “The Olsen Twins” in her style and she’s pretty conservative in general.

As she thinks about this date, the more she realizes she doesn’t want to be stuffy. Instead, she wants to look sexy but not trying too hard. In other words, it is about bumping up her sex appeal a few notches.

Maureen knew exactly where to take it from here. “She needs to show him she’s into him, serious and ready to move forward,” she said. “She wants to look and feel sexy and her look should be suggestive, but not too inviting. She should also bring an element of comfort to her chic so she looks relaxed in his home.” While my client might be resistant to this outfit at first, the ladies at T+P say they’d encourage her to push the envelope a little and give something new a try. I agree it’s the furthest thing from stuffy and she’ll undoubtedly knock his socks off once the jacket comes off.

“She should feel her absolute best and allow her outfit to emulate her mood and draw even more attention from him than she’s already garnered,” said Maureen. I couldn’t agree more and I think this is a mission accomplished! This second outfit is feminine and flirty (both good), but just the right amount of edge thrown in to keep it interesting. 

Maureen also added a slightly less inconspicuous overnight satchel bag.

Have an important date coming up? Let the stylists at Tog + Porter help you accomplish your style goals and put your best foot forward. If you still need help with your Valentine’s Day outfit, be sure and sign up for a style consult ASAP, time is running out.

Valentine’s Date Scenario II: Adventurous and Quirky

I hope you enjoyed the outfits our friends at Tog + Porter put together for my ‘Over the Moon For You’ date.  This next date I gave them is for a very different couple, dating scenario and relationship status. This young couple is on their second date, so while booking a date on Valentine’s definitely indicates a strong mutual interest, it’s best they keep things light and fun. 

He takes his match to the House of Air trampoline park in San Francisco for some jumping around for this Valentine’s Day. Her hearts aflutter with the date invitation, but what does a girl wear for something so sporty and active? He suggests cocktails and sushi in Cow Hollow to follow. She wants to be perceived as low maintenance and wants the transition from bouncing around at the park into dinner date to be smooth sailing.

They are in the early stages of dating, so she isn’t at the comfort level of fully being herself and “requiring” 20 minutes to freshen up back at his pad post park romp. She knows he will probably be in a freshly washed hoodie and jeans but doesn’t want to dress like a nerd too. One drink leads to two, two to three and tummies full with delicious sushi.

She makes a bold move inviting him to her home for date three to cook together. She’s never been one to “ask a guy out” but it’s 2013 and for her, there are no “rules.” He accepts and leans over for a kiss! She loves how quirky he is and he loves how confident she is. He tells her he thinks her outfit is super cute and was impressed how low maintenance she is compared to other girls. She nods and grins.

Before they can help find the perfect outfit for this young lady, the stylists at Tog + Porter said they would need a little more info about her. They wanted answers to all the questions they’d ask in one of their face-to-face Skype style consults. What’s a normal day look like for her? What’s her budget? Style goals? Of course, I would know all of this about any of my clients, so I rattled off a plausible profile.

She’s in marketing by day and typically opts for casual skirts, trousers and day dresses. Her budget is more J Crew than Neiman Marcus and up to this point, she has relied on her mom to take her out shopping for a lot of her wardrobe since her salary is rather modest.

Her date is a super lax “Silicon Valley geek” coder type who opts for Zuck-like hoodies, jeans, and flip flops pretty much every time she has ever seen him. He’s cute but she never thought she’d be so into a guy so laid back in his style. She needs to look cute yet super comfortable doing her lemon drops and channeling her ‘perfect 10′ Nadia Comaneci moves.

Flying high doesn’t mean you have to leave cute and flirtatious at home. We love the feminine fit and flare of this adorable peplum jersey top paired with easy and memorable red straight leg pants and notice-me shoes. Since we know this client is budget conscience, we’ve broken down the total cost of the look: Peplum Top: $59, Maria Pants: $98, Sam Edelman Flats: $105, Bijouterie Bracelet: $25, BCBG Handbag: $98. Total cost: $385.

This second look is more relaxed in an effortlessly sexy kind of way. It’s based around an off-the-shoulder tunic sweater in a breathtaking hue paired with dark skinnies and an easy on and off bootie, topped off with a touch of glam. Wearing a tank or cami underneath is a good idea, just in case you break a sweat doing toe-touches. And even if the tunic never comes off, a peek of lace never hurts.

 

Again, they’ve broken down the cost of each item like they would in any T+P shipment: Wide Neck Tunic Sweater: $79, Multi Stone Necklace: $39, Paige Skyline Straight Skinnies: $169, Lace Cami $23, Dolce Vita Ankle boot: $159. Total Cost: $469.

Like what you see? Let the stylists at Tog + Porter help you look your best for any occasion. If you want help with your Valentine’s Day outfit, be sure and sign up ASAP as time is running out. Similarly, if you are a guy who wants to totally outsource your dating, ping me. I’m happy to be your romantic concierge.  

Still struggling on what to do for Valentine’s? Did you read Date Scenario I for a classic night out on the town? Also, stay tuned for Date Scenario III: My House for Dinner. Coming Soon!

This week in perspective

This week has been incredibly busy for us at Linx.   Yesterday we had screening appointments and interviews. Today I am catching up on zillions of emails and gearing up for a busy day tomorrow with prospect screening (one gorgeous girl flying up from LA to meet us, amongst other great candidates.) Rumor is the CNN piece that was filmed in December should be airing at the end of the month as well.

Amidst all of the client appointments, I spend hours each day contemplating how to respond and subsequently responding to a lot of the intense emails I get. Linx clients know they can speak to me about anything dating-related and often do, in a very private manner. 
I take each email I receive seriously and try to give each one my undivided attention and careful thought. It’s funny when a lot of finance types of friends or VC clients ask me how I will “scale” the business. I explain it is precisely this nature of the business which makes it virtually impossible. I can’t farm out my emails to some virtual admin in Sri Lanka or just hit the delete button on these. These emails require MY knowledge, history of the client (and often their match) and my expertise in helping them outline a good strategy.

Not every email and phone call I receive are peaches and cream, happy go lucky….they concern real, everyday things that can cause turbulence (sometimes light and passing quickly, all the way to intense and persistent) along a couple’s journey of discovery that determines whether or not they are meant to be.

Sometimes a match just is not meant to be after the couple really gives it their all. Sadly, in some cases, one gives it their all or really wants it to happen but the other just isn’t feeling it, so it burns out. This causes confusion, anxiety, frustration, and sometimes a feeling of hopelessness.

This is a business of real human emotions, after all. You all are putting SO much into this process and really do give it your all. Sometimes we both realize in our emails and phone call strategy sessions that chemistry can’t be manufactured and you can’t force something that just isn’t meant to be. That is hard to grasp and often requires taking time off from dating to just breathe and get a balanced perspective back.

If this is something you have experienced, I encourage you to write a reflections list of what worked in your past relationship and didn’t. In other words, those characteristics that you would like to see repeated again and those that would be best to avoid. 
On a separate note, the demand to meet “VIP” clients has really sky rocketed in the last 6 months. My assistant and I are hosting a casting day February 7-8th in Palo Alto to screen the women who have submitted their information to our company over the last few months. This casting opportunity is a way to come out and meet the Linx ladies and to see if each girl has the right look and personality to be matched to our VIPs. It’s been so popular that this event is now officially sold out! As such, we will be doing another mini meet and greet casting day in mid-March.

And on the VIP note, with Valentine’s around the corner some prospect VIPs from Oct-Dec 2012 timeframe who needed to “wait” and “see” if they wanted to do Linx have resurfaced and are joining in the next few weeks. Exciting times for all.

I keep bumping into Linx couples out and about which I love! It happened again this past Saturday at a restaurant in Los Altos. My former client and his wife literally jumped up with excitement and surprise as they walked by our table and I shouted their names.

In closing, we will also be posting some fabulous and flirty looks for Valentine’s with the help of our friends from Tog + Porter in the next week or so.

Puppy pic from when Marshall was on his way home from the SPCA

What to Wear This Holiday Season- Black Tie Affairs

Skip the long gown this holiday and go for a maxi skirt and top. There are so many fun ways to personalize this look—beaded maxi skirt with simple silk top, or a solid colored maxi skirt and a metallic or beaded bustier. Not only will you stand out among all the other ladies wearing gowns, you’ll have great separates to add to your closet when the night is over and the last glass of champagne has been poured!

Men, nothing beats a clean, simple perfectly cut black tux. To add a dash of personality, play with your studs and cuff links.  With a slew of options out there, you can let your personality shine through with colored stones, or a fun motif.  Either way, you are sure to be the envy of every other gent in the room. 

Of course the key to rocking any ensemble is confidence. If you’d like more fashion tips or help building your holiday wardrobe, the stylists at Tog + Porter would love to help you. At the time of this posting, we are only able to service female clients.

About Tog + Porter

Tog + Porter was started to help busy, style-conscious women who want to look current, polished and put together, but would rather spend precious free time enjoying families, building careers or finding love –in other words, anywhere but lost in the racks. Think of Tog + Porter like a personal shopper, stylist and specialty boutique all in one. We match women with style experts for personalized sessions over Skype, then ship boxes stocked with fashion finds chosen just for them straight to their doorstep. Follow Tog + Porter on twitter @togandporter, Facebook and Pinterest.

(images via neimanmarcus.com, mrporter.com, jcrew.com, barneys.com, nordstrom.com, saks.com, nastygal.com, bcbg.com, anntaylor.com, peoplestylewatch.com, brooksbrothers.com, and Camilla Basse, Tog + Porter Stylist.)

What to Wear This Holiday Season- Cocktail Parties

Our friends at Tog + Porter suggest that Linx ladies make the season all about the accessories. Opt for a dress with clean lines in a solid color of the season. Our favorites are emerald green, lipstick red, and oxblood. Navy, metallic gold and black are also always good choices. 

To stand out from the crowd, personalize the look with a beaded blazer, metallic tights, a statement necklace, earring or fabulous handbag. Sequins are big this season, try using them in an unexpected way, like on a blazer or cardigan. And last, but not least–don’t forget to coordinate your nail color to polish off your ensemble.

Men, take your bold blazer from your office party and have some fun with your look by adding a bow tie in a rich hue, festive plaid, or fun polka dot. Pair this with your skinniest of trousers (very in right now) and a great pair of shoes.

What to Wear This Holiday Season – Office Parties

In modern culture, we’re led to believe being single for the holidays is somehow tragic. That singletons “should” spend the season feeling sorry for themselves and thinking about why they are missing their “plus one.” We at Tog + Porter think quite the contrary and believe our friends at Linx would agree.

As Andy Williams once sang, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” It might just be the perfect time for you to find love if you give yourself the opportunity. After all, love is in the air, party invites are rolling in and the streets are full of hustle and bustle. 

So get yourself out there! Accept all party invites and get ready to show what a fun and joyful spirit you are. And make sure your wardrobe reflects it. Your holiday attire should sparkle just as bright as you do. We’ve created a holiday cheat sheet of what to wear to each and every holiday festivity.

“What should I wear to my office holiday party?” is a question we hear frequently. The answer—think of your everyday office attire with a little extra pizazz. For example, in lieu of your regular wool trousers go for a metallic pair or a slim-fit tuxedo pant. Partner them with your favorite silk blouse, a blazer, statement jewelry and throw on a pair of strappy ankle strap shoes.

Gentleman, we suggest you go for a bold blazer or V-neck sweater. A velvet blazer in a dark green or blue hue is a nice unexpected surprise, especially when paired with bright festive accessories. A sweater in a rich purple will be the perfect festive piece to compliment your everyday office look.