Single women

5 Easy Ways to Get Him to Approach You…and Ask You Out

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If you’re not getting approached, you might wonder, ‘What are these men looking for?’ or ‘What is wrong with me?’ To answer the question, it’s important to note the difference between desirability and approachability. We all have traits that make us desirable, but unless we look available and willing to engage in conversation, our best qualities will stay a secret. In other words, YOU are not the problem, but there might be something wrong with the SIGNALS you send.

When it comes to approaching an interesting stranger, men and women are quite similar. We all have egos to protect. To make sure they don’t end up embarrassed or rejected, men look for any clue that reason to initiate conversation. If you want him to make the first move, try these five tips.

  1. Choose your group wisely.

Women tend to go out in packs, adding extra pressure on someone deciding when and how to approach. When he knows he will not only have to impress you, but also your friends, you’re making it easier for him to bow out.

Men are also sensitive to other males. It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother or gay best friend. He’s not paying attention to the context, just the chromosomes.

Pro Tip: If the group is large, stand to the side so you can be approached without forcing him to engage the group. If you’re not interested, you can easily segue back into the group setting.

 

  1. Cultivate an inviting vibe.

Your facial expression and body language matter. Smile at him and the people around you to put out the ‘I’m friendly and won’t be standoff-ish’ vibe. To escalate the moment, catch his gaze for sustained eye contact. All nonverbal communication has meaning, so consider what your posture and demeanor are saying.

Pro Tip: Always scan your surroundings to see if someone is trying to communicate with you via nonverbal cues. If you’re fixated on the conversation, you’ll miss opportunities to reciprocate interest.

 

  1. Give him something to say.

For men, the hardest part of the approach is knowing what to say. You can grease the wheels by inadvertently supplying the topic via clothing or behavior. You might wear a sports jersey to give him an invitation to talk about the team or the upcoming game. Or, you could peruse the menu at length to give him an invitation to talk about what he ordered.

Pro Tips: Bring a prop. If you’re at the coffee shop, leave the book you’re reading on the table. It will give him the perfect springboard into conversation.

You might also consider wearing an unusual pendant when you’re out and about. The pendant doesn’t need to be expensive, but it needs to stand out to be a great ice breaker. As you’re sitting in the café, run your fingers along the chain while “reading” your book and glance up, locking gaze with an attractive male. You’re signaling interest without saying a word and inviting him to talk to you.

A pendant with a great story will help you gain even more traction. Maybe it’s an unusual crystal you had cast in silver from a hike you took in the Dolomites or a coin from your great grandmother. Sharing an interesting story about yourself is a great way to keep his attention and reveal your sense of adventure. And who doesn’t love being entertained by an interesting, worldly woman?

 

  1. Remember: Location, Location, Location.

Proximity is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the approach. If you’re moving around, you’ll be a lot harder to catch. Try to stay in the same place to give him an opportunity to make a move.

Pro Tip: Settle in a place that is central to the room. If you are in a corner, not only are you harder to access, but you’ve raised the stakes by making it harder for him (and you) to move along if there’s no conversation.

 

  1. Give him a reason to contact you.

Getting him to approach you is only the first step. You can escalate the conversation by bringing up topics that segue into plans. Upcoming events make for perfect conversation, even if you don’t end up attending the event together. In the conversation, you might ask about an extra ticket, but days later you might find yourselves circling back to talk about how the event was.

Pro Tip: Have personal calling cards with you at all times. Whereas business cards reveal too much personal information (like your last name) and tend to set the stage for business, a personal calling card is a smart dating tool that gives him all the information he needs to get in touch. Think first name, personal email, and mobile. Simple, classic, and elegant is best.

Ultimately, all of your actions should be inviting and reassuring to help your partner escalate the interaction into a more romantic situation. Smiling and encouraging the conversation to flow will make you more attractive to interested strangers.

 

 

This Week in Perspective at Linx

Ever since January 1st, I’ve been inundated with matchmaking and membership requests, trying to keep my head above water. There has been a ton of excitement and many calls from incredible folks including some major high profile people in technology, finance, and creative industries such as film or design. A lot of really cool clients have been matched – some are in the infancy stage of really exploring things and others are already coupling up. Some go on ski vacations together, others jet off to the tropics. The demand for Silicon Valley matchmaking from the 20’s crowd is as strong or even stronger than that coming from the 30+ group. We have even been getting a lot of really fantastic older men lately coming through our door. These men have typically been married before and refreshingly desire a match close to their own age (50 +)- so the demand and the supply are coming simultaneously from every age and demographic, like they rarely have before.

We’ve also been getting a lot of requests for our date coaching by professionals from all around the Bay Area. I cannot express HOW transformational this really is. You do not need to be a client to hire us for our coaching. With the help of a customized date guide prepared expressly for the client and two hours of in-person intensive coaching, those that hire us go from doubting themselves to Cheshire cats beaming with confidence. All it takes is two hours and our techniques are groundbreaking – there is nothing like it anywhere. Email me for more info!

This week we have client interviews and are hosting a sold out mini meet-and-greet series of interviews for women who are looking to qualify to meet the VIPs. Due to such high demand, we have blocked out an additional date for March 28th for another day of one-on-one mini meet-and-greets for qualifying applicants.

As we approach March and the brink of Spring, I ask you all to cast a wide net. Don’t focus so much on his swagger and exterior; focus more on his soul. Stop worrying about what others think and look within. Ask yourself if are you happy with where you are in your life. What do you need in order to be happy? I can tell you this much- confidence is the #1 rule of attraction. Men and women both love a mate who finds confidence from deep within – a super-confident (but NOT arrogant) person carries (him) herself in that certain way that emits the right pheromones. We all know it when we encounter it.

If he doesn’t call, move on. If she doesn’t wow you after two dates, give her the courtesy of closing the loop. Don’t lose sight of your New Year’s resolutions. Keep a steady head, be clear, stay focused on your goals and remember to have fun. Finally, the next time you are on a date, be a little carefree – don’t worry about trying to be perfect. Laugh out loud if you feel like it. Chances are (s)he will like that quality about you. And, at the end of the date, ask yourself DO I LIKE HIM/HER, not does (s)he like me. Digging deep and looking into your soul builds strength and that is one of the best confidence boosters out there. Have a great week and I hope you enjoy the new layout of the Linx Line blog. XO

It’s a timing thing…

I am definitely a big believer in the “taxi cab light” theory in analyzing and studying the dating game – especially for how men behave.

When a man is ready to find love, his taxicab “on duty” light is on.  In observing the male species, it is a short window of time from the moment the light is on to the moment it is off.  In that time frame, he is searching for, and desiring, a woman with whom to fall in love. It is his time and we all know darn well, it’s a timing thing. It is either a man’s time to get serious about finding the love of his life or NOT.

It can be extremely hard to navigate these waters without a life preserver when you are dating on your own. To add to the complexity, it is really hard to map out which guys have their “light on” and whose might be turned off but he is still out their playing the dating game casually and in “hook up” mode versus “wedding bells mode.” I know what this is like because when I was in my twenties (like a year ago lol kidding), I found it particularly hard to decipher which of the guys in whom I was interested would end up being casual, right here, right now, versus long-term.

In running Linx, I can’t even express how interesting it is to see some men who have been prospective clients of Linx for many (yes, MANY) years now FINALLY pulling the trigger.  It’s a timing thing and their taxi lights are bright, on, and blaring out to the world. This prototypical male has dated a fair amount, gotten the casual hookups out of his system, and it’s game on, with it all now just being a matter of how to find HER in a sea of contenders.

Another observation is that men seem to also need to feel that there is harmony in their professional careers to be ultimately positioned to find love. If his career is unstable, it is not his time to get serious about love. When his career is in a good place and he’s sick of the random hook-up, that is his time.

My best advice to women is that you cannot legislate outcomes and force a man to be ready.  All you can do is consistently put yourself in position to meet those guys that ARE ready and to put your best foot forward when you do so.San Mateo-20130501-01091The intoxicating smell of fresh fragrant garden flowers at the Linx offices. 

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.” 
-John Lennon

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You Gotta Give Him Something To Work With | Subtle Flirting

I just finished a screening with a young and fabulous woman in her mid twenties. She is absolutely stunning, runs a successful business, classy, sweet and a total “whole package” sort of young woman. Spending the last many years focused on her career, she has made some very big changes this year to make dating a priority. She has relocated to a new place outside of her comfort zone, really putting herself out there exercising different avenues to date and find a great match. Today she shared that her trouble has not been getting the dates; it’s getting the men she is interested in to ask her out for date two. 

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You see, she’s a good girl and not someone who sleeps around at all. I was able to quickly bypass a lot of layers (since I know men and women quite well in hearing hundreds upon hundreds of stories) and see that she is probably the type who feels guilty/weird/yucky/dirty/fill in the blank when flirting because she thinks if she flirts, a guy will see her solely as a sex object and not take her seriously as a smart young lady. confused-man2
It’s the same dilemma I witness with some of my older female clients who have been these major powerhouses in the business world. For these women (in many cases) where they date after divorce, it is really hard to conceptualize how to flirt without diminishing one’s strengths, smarts, achievements, etc. small-heart
I told this young lady today that there are degrees to flirting and that she can learn to flirt without worrying about portrayed in the wrong light. At the end of the day, remember that men are simple creatures. As simple as they are, you gotta give them a bone at some point. No bone, not a happy, content pup. Bone equals calm doggie and a happy one very satisfied with the person who gave him the bone.small-heart
Give your date something to work with. If you don’t,  he’s quickly going to read that you aren’t into him. In other words, the advice I gave to this young woman is to take a step towards him on the date and do the so called “dating dance” otherwise this potential boyfriend material guy will bucket her as “friend” or worse yet “a business buddy.”Tango Nuevo I
When dating, do the dating tango and step towards him on the date through your verbal and non-verbal actions. Compliment him. If you are feeling good about things, give off a vibe of something along the lines of:
I’m liking tonight
I’m liking you
I’m into this cool restaurant you picked
I’m at ease around you
You make me laugh
You make me LOL 
You’re so cute
You’re so cute I want to kiss you
You’re such a gentleman 
You are different from other guys
I feel good around you
I feel happy right now 
I am in the company of a good guy
You’re super hot
How can you be so smart and down to earth? 
Who said dating is arduous? small-heart
If you are stiff/business-like/one of the boys or simply don’t emote any hint at digging him, he’d rather quickly size you up/down and place you in the “colleague” or “friend” bucket IN FEAR OF getting rejected. small-heart
For all he knows, since you haven’t given any VIBE off, he thinks you don’t like him/ or just cold/uptight. Did you hear that? It’s true. These guys will think you aren’t into them EVEN IF YOU ARE and think he is the cats meow. So girl, work it. You can work it and do it is in subtle and classy way. subtle_flirting_m-425x282

Male emotions are a lot less complex than female emotions. They know what they want and what they don’t want, and they will rarely admit this but they scare easily! From my dating experience  and a matchmaker for over a decade – men don’t typically like to discuss feelings and express interest unless they are certain it’s okay. So, in a nutshell ladies – the right man will be more than happy to be chivalrous and take initiative but if you like him; let him know! Great ways are subtle flirting, complimenting and simply letting him know that you enjoy his company. These things will put the guy at ease and let him know that it’s okay to ask you out on that next date!  small-heart

Use one of my compliments above on your date and see what happens. You can certainly try it verbally or give the vibe of one of the compliments non-verbally. If you are INTO the guy, thank him for being a gentleman and tell him you feel good around him. Smile. Smile again. Hug him at the end of the night. Hold your gaze into his eyes for 15 seconds and see what happens.  Confused? Email me: amy@linxdating.com. We do date coaching every week and take appointments from many non-members of Linx. Don’t be shy. Be bold.

Casting Success!

For two days last week, nearly 24 hour cumulative hours of mini meetings, and 25 women later, our February casting was over and a wild success!

We chose the Four Seasons Hotel Silicon Valley, located in Palo Alto, for the meetings and housed ourselves on the comfy couches for two days where we screened intelligent and attractive women who had submitted their information for our consideration to meet our top VIP clients.

I was so impressed that every woman showed up before her actual appointment (with the exception of one who got lost), dressed the part, and came totally organized for us with photos of herself, an updated resume, and often pics of her ideal man.  Girls even flew in from Los Angeles to put themselves out there!  P1070633

We sat with each woman (of all ages ranging from 20’s to 50’s) and got to know each one individually. The conversations varied, my questions were bold and direct, and their responses were thoughtful and insightful.

My goal was to determine if the woman in front of me had the “IT” factor that we seek and, further, if she met the specific requirements of a current VIP client of Linx. Some absolutely blew me away with their poise, class, and accomplishments.  At the root of everything, though, was my desire to see if each girl was willing to be flexible – like a giant piece of old-fashioned taffy with her criteria.

Ever see taffy being made on that old machine? The push, the pull, the elasticity of give and take involved? Same thing with matchmaking. Clients (and I don’t care whether it is a VIP male/female or a regular type of client) need to be OPEN-MINDED and to allow lots of room for creativity. I was pleasantly surprised that the majority of these women were willing to be flexible with respect to their criteria (while ideally having matches adhere substantially to their core values).

We will be offering memberships this week to a few of these candidates and, while not everyone qualified, the rest will be held in the database for another time when there might be a better fit at that time. I can’t say enough just how grateful I am to have had so many fantastic women be so trusting of the process, be excited, and really have made that effort to potentially meet the men of their dreams!

We learned so much from each woman… What fascinated me is that regardless of an particular candidate’s background (ethnicity, age, academic, personality type, etc.), the common quality that each candidate shared that she desires to find in a man is a gentleman – someone who is confident and has integrity. Loyalty, being honest, being a good guy, and being faithful, too, is a huge one.  A lot of the women had dealt with infidelity from a mate. They had to learn to move on (or in some cases accept it) and start new. Remember to always value yourself and never overlook or accept infidelity. Chances are, if you forgive once, he will slip again and keep on cheatin’.

This week at Linx is particularly nuts with Valentines! I have a lot of men coming out from the good old woodwork wanting to join Linx (love that!) and many appointments this week with prospective clients and new clients joining. On a personal note, I can’t wait to share Valentine’s with my hubbie (and funny enough have a double date with my parents that night- super cute right?).

XO  Cupid’s arrow is pointing in your direction —–>>—->

New VIP Search

Our VIP client is a youthful and very successful 46 year old man who is based in the South Bay. He is Caucasian, very fit,  cute, and leads an active, healthy lifestyle by starting his days out doing hot pilates. He’s been married once before and understands commitment.  In fact, he wants to be married again and looks forward to that. He is a father of 2 girls in college and now is in a phase of his life where he is looking for a partner to enjoy life with and have a ton of fun in the process.
He continues to pave the path in his field and maintains a serious discipline in running his highly successful business that he started some 25 years ago. He’s a leader, extremely ambitious, and has a lot of responsibility as CEO of his 125 (+) employee company. Our client also is very involved in investments and real estate development. In other words, our client has a serious business side. He is a well-regarded businessman and isn’t slowing down anytime soon. 81Cu6iYdrUL._SL1500_
When not working, he loves to unwind hot tubbing, over a good meal, playful conversation, or listening to music. He loves playing basketball, watching sports and Bloomberg, and always staying active.  He has his vices like yummy pizza but that is pretty much it for this squeaky clean sort of All-American, sporty guy.
What we admire about our VIP client is that he is very real, down to earth, and funny too. Conversations are unfiltered and honest- there is no game playing in his book and no grey zone. We believe, the right girl will help him slow down and relax. Remember that he’s going a million miles a minute during the day and a good match will creatively figure out how to help him stop in his tracks and smell the roses with her.
His ideal match is someone who is Caucasian, 30-45 years old, petite and slender. 5’4″ is the perfect height and she has a certain energy and charisma about her. She’s sweet, kind, happy, and in a genuine good place to fall in love. Although she is independent and has her own life and career, our client would take care of his match in a heartbeat. In other words, you would be spoiled and if you desire, your man would happily be the breadwinner.
Creative, soulful, passionate, grounded, and healthy are other important words that describe his perfect match. He’d love if you were a fitness nut too and love any chance you can to be outside, active, and healthy. Right now he wants to find his dream partner and develop a loving monogamous relationship with her. He is a new client of Linx and we look forward to hearing from you if you or anyone you know might make a nice match for this guy. Email Amy today amy@linxdating.com