Mary Had a Little Lamb

Have you ever started dating someone and made the infamous trip to their pad, all excited to maybe cook together, chill for the night….the candles are lit, the wine is open, the hot make-out has happened UNTIL you see their bedroom covered in stuffed animals?

That’s right, stuffed animals, teddy bears, and creepy dolls in a doll case? Although your new love interest might be biologically 30 years old, it is almost as if you are in his/her parent’s home in the old childhood bedroom.

This stuff happens all the time. It can be a serious BUZZ KILL and put a damper on the evening. Why have the oversize teddy bears, droopy eyed larger-than-life fuzzy puppy dog, stuffed random toys, creepy porcelain dolls, Cabbage Patch Dolls, and the like gracing the bed, bookshelves, and what seems like a hallucinogenic nightmare for you.

I’ll admit I still have some of my absolute favorite fuzzy friends from childhood- but tucked away safe in a large box (or two!) at my parents home. These friendly little faces used to be my best buds- they listened to me when I really needed them, never talked back when I was bratty, tucked me in safe at night when I hated the dark, and even were my “best students” when I used to play school all throughout middle school. I packed fake lunches for them at night, begged my mom to take me to a real teachers supply store to purchase the teachers essentials (like a #1 Teachers mug, the perfectly sharp pencils, crisp paper, rulers, a marker board, smelly fruity markers, and of course..the grade and role book. )

Although I don’t play school anymore and hang with my buds aka my: “Ready Teddy bear” , “Rolo bear”, “Dancer Bear, “Nigel Murphy Cabbage Patch Doll”, “Kay Amie Cabbage Patch Doll” , or Rolo bears child aka “Small G ”…I do think of them on occasion. We shared SO much together. That said, I grew up, I moved on, I tucked them away safely in a storage box and knew they would be very warm and cozy in their new crate home.

I wonder sometimes why adults who are on the dating market still have their stuffed friends widely displayed in their apartments and homes? I’m talking displayed across the entire bed. Don’t get me wrong, it is one thing to have a cute bear on a bookshelf or maybe a sweet fuzzy hippo, baby lamb, duck, doggy, rabbit, or koala from your alma mater with the alma mater tie on it or sash from graduation but not your whole collection.

From a dating perspective, I believe it sends the wrong signal. Thoughts that go through your new love interests mind could range from:

Bed wetter issues, does he/she still suck their thumb too, mommy or daddy issues, issues and more issues, can’t let go of the past, what else is messed up with this person?

Your stuffed doggie can bring you serious relief from a crappy day at work and be a well deserved source of comfort for you- even when you are an adult. Or that little lamb can distress from you from an anxiety ridden situation or cradle you after a shitty break-up.

Now to throw an interesting twist to the scenario, Harvard Business School published information which reveals that “Adults are less likely to cheat and more likely to engage in pro-social behaviors when reminders of children, such as teddy bears and crayons, are present.”

So maybe we all keep the bear, buy some crayons, and throw a little tea party to boot?

Engagements and Happiness at Linx

Announcing another amazing Linx couple who is newly engaged! Both are in their mid 30’s, Ivy League MBAs, execs, and extremely dynamic people. He popped the question a little over a year after their very first date in Aspen right after Valentine’s Day! They have a wonderful love story and are in the midst of a lot of exciting planning now. Her ring is one of the most stunning and dramatic sparklers I have ever seen. I called it her “ice cube” on her finger as it is that impressive. Lucky girl! Perhaps they will get married in Aspen?

They had both dated a lot on their own before coming to Linx. He was VERY skeptical of Linx before he became a client (even though he was referred in by a former client and trusted source). This gentleman had been in one very bumpy relationship that sort of took the wind out of him, had worked too much, didn’t have any balance in his life, and made excuses along the way.

The day of his meeting with me, he cancelled, sharing, “I lack the time for a relationship and don’t have the interest to move forward.” Was I initially disappointed? Absolutely. Being in business 10 years now and having a deep insight into humans in general, I knew there was much more to the story than that.

I knew I could help him – it was only a matter of shifting his focus and giving him the clarity he needed. Luckily, he agreed (with quite a lot of doubt and huffing and puffing) to simply “take a meeting” with me. We shared stories and instantly clicked, talking for over an hour at my office.

At the end of the meeting, he said something along the lines of, ok what is next, how do I sign up? I had been a catalyst in restoring his faith in love and helping him see that his bar should be set high (to stop dating ‘down’) and to aim for the stars because he is worth it and I knew I could help him.

He took the plunge and did Linx, hit the jackpot with introduction #3, and 13 months later from the time he joined, proposed to a woman who radiates beauty inside and out. He just wrote me, “life is great. :)”   This is just one of the many stories of clients that I have seen over the years at Linx.

Today I received an email from a smart young woman who cancelled her appointment with me as part of our casting week mid week, next week. She said she is tired, in a dating slump, not in a good mental place, and just drained from putting herself out there on dates with “nothing to show.” I told her I can SO relate to that frustrating feeling and sentiment. The honest truth is she isn’t ready at this EXACT moment. I believe if she takes some time off, she will have the mental agility and freshness needed to take a leap forward in the right direction. As they say, it is all about timing!

I brought a brilliant- yes literally- brilliant young woman into Linx today as a new client. 25 years who who went to college at ten years old!  When I was ten, I was still convinced a monster was under my bed at night and I obsessed over My Little Pony and my Pretty Cut & Grow! I was definitely not focused on selecting the right college courses and fretting over advanced calculus!

We also met with a young Silicon Valley engineer today who needed some date coaching. My husband sat in on the meeting to speak guy-to-guy…hoping that might sink in a little bit more for our client. It did. My husband’s sage advice was (and this can absolutely carry over for women when you date):

1. Show empathy on your date. Try to get at the essence about what makes your date tick.

2. In preparation for your date, channel something (this could be anything) that makes you laugh and feel giddy! Carry that energy into your date. Lead with that light hearted, carefree spirit.

3. Stop being mechanical and going through the motions of being on a date. When you let go and dance through the conversation, it will flow much better. My client explained he felt tripped up and stressed when the waiter was late to take the order. I told my client I want him to try to work on a feeling of lingering through the date. Be so enraptured by your date you don’t even NOTICE if something is wrong. When my husband and I had our very first date- get this- the waiter took 2 hours to finally take our order. We laughed, smiled, and rolled with it. We were so engrossed in one another, we didn’t care for a second. 

 

This week at Linx

I love getting sweet comments and emails from members. Today a male client who is such a catch said this to me, “You always have the best emails ever. You’re like an angel sending me good vibes by email… Super happy about it!” Aimi and I are working really hard on his behalf screening various candidates to potentially match him to. I want him engaged in 2013..the clock is ticking!

I love being my clients matchmaking angel. I had a great call with a young fab female client today who is making some important decisions soon about focusing energies possibly on one of her matches and becoming exclusive. Yeay for successful introductions.  I also got word from a female VIP that things are going really well with her match. They aren’t exclusive yet but his words indicate that he feels very strongly about her and his behavior tells me that it is only a matter of time before they couple up as boyfriend and girlfriend.

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” – Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice 

Yesterday I attended a Super Bowl Birthday party on the peninsula and sat next to two mid 20’s girls. One leaned over and asked “what I do” for a living. When I said I was a professional matchmaker they both squealed and couldn’t believe it.

Both girls I met lamented about how hard the scene is out there. One of the girls said “just match me to someone who is smart and has a job.” She said the last guy she dated was smart and had a job but admitted to how “ugly” he was. She couldn’t bear the thought of a make-out, let alone sleeping with him. Yikes. The other girl said one guy dumped her because she wasn’t attractive enough- mind you, she is a cutie. She said dating has been so stressful, her MD thinks she has post traumatic stress disorder because dating is “that” stressful to her and she’s been taking time off from all the guys treating her poorly. I hate hearing stories like that! Dating can be stressful but it shouldn’t affect you in such severe way.

We are gearing up for an interview tomorrow and a wardrobe consultation that I am super pumped up for. The client is a new member of Linx and in his late 20’s. I have a soft spot in my heart for him as he is someone who is so willing to go the extra mile and do what it takes to find love. We will be featuring some of his wardrobe consult on the blog at some point hopefully this week. Then we get ready for tons of mini interviews in Palo Alto as part of our casting call. I’m so excited to meet these women and see if they have that “it” quality we look for. This casting is so popular we are having another in March.

Lots of new matches will be made this week as well and calls with many prospects. All in all a great week in store for Linx!

Valentine’s Date Scenario One : Over the Moon for You!

With Valentine’s Day less than 21 days away (where does the time go?) we thought we’d remind you to start thinking about how you plan to spend the day.

We were delighted when our friends at Tog + Porter offered their help on coming up with feminine and flirty outfit ideas. In fact, they even took it a step further and asked me to come up with specific date scenarios for them.

Together, we’ll be posting three distinct dates, each with a different relationship status and of course outfit! They recently posted the first date “Over the Moon for You” in the style guide section of their site.

 

Here’s the scenario I gave them: 

He’s a total romantic and rolls out the red carpet for his lady that he now calls his girlfriend. He tells her to dress up in a cocktail dress and heels for a night on the town. Her style by day is a bit of a risk taker, downtown chic combined with lots of patterns, textures, and obscure designers. She is the type to splurge on a few very pricey items each year and find fabulous bargains on others.

On Valentine’s, his driver arrives at her condo and he greets her with a stunning bouquet of her favorite flowers. The couple heads to Bix for live jazz and the perfect kir royales. Although she always says she doesn’t want one, he suggests her favorite “off the menu” mini truffled grilled cheeses for an appetizer. Is this guy a keeper or what?

Dinner follows and he surprises her with savory and sweet soufflés at Cafe Jacqueline in North Beach to share. The driver takes them back to her apartment where he walks her to the door. He pulls out a red box in his coat pocket. Not an engagement ring yet (too soon!) but a stunning Cartier gold love bracelet. She’s over the moon! He’s thrilled he lucked out on such a gorgeous catch!  An incredible kiss follows and an ‘I love you’ via text 5 minutes later.

So what’s a gal to wear on such a date? Here’s what Tog + Porter came up with: 

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to wear a flirty red cocktail dress. This dress can be worn two different ways. First, it can be paired back to this Veda leather jacket (obscure designer), lace booties (texture/pattern), and a classic black clutch. Or it can be paired back to tone on tone black polka dot tights (texture/pattern), simple black pumps, and again the classic black clutch.

The second look, which includes a bronze peplum dress (textured fabric/on trend with the peplum) can also be worn two ways. It can be worn with opaque tights and booties for a bit of edge, or sans tights and just the classic peep-toe. 

The studded heart bag is just the right amount of embellishment where it can stand on it’s own or easily compliment a lovely Valentine’s gift.

Need help putting together your Valentine’s Day outfit? Tog + Porter can help. Sign up for a style consult today. Need help coming up with date ideas, give me a ring. Also stay tuned for my two other dates scenarios: Adventurous and Quirky and Come to My House for Dinner. Coming Soon! XO