pressure from men

Three’s Company

A topic that seems to creep into the happy relationships of many couples is the threesome or ménage à trois . Many guys like to flirt with the idea of engaging their girlfriend in a threesome with another hot chick for a steamy night of wild fun to indulge his longest-standing fantasy. iStock_000009128562Small

Mainstream cinema (“Threesome” with Stephen Baldwin, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Josh Charles, “Wild Things” with Neve Campbell, Matt Dillon, and Denise Richards to name two films), the porn industry, and literature fetishize the idea of threesomes from girl girl guy, to girl girl girl action, guy guy girl, and guy guy guy.

Some men even go so far to share with their girlfriend that in order to get really serious about the prospect of marriage, he needs to romp around in the bed as three in order to check that fantasy off his pre-marital bucket list. Sometimes he feels he has leverage because his girlfriend shared she once kissed a girl in college. Seems nearly half of college campuses experiment sexually at some point but that doesn’t mean someone is necessarily “into” other women because of that.

These “bad boy” boyfriends will often slowly work their charm over on their girlfriend. It could be as long as a year in the making of slowly chipping away at this male fantasy of his and how it would be REEEELY fun…just once he promises! I’ll love you SO much more- he might say!

No matter how much this sexual encounter is carefully planned (picking out a friend who consents to this) or spontaneously both picking up a cutie in a bar (after a few too many cocktails on the town), the inevitable is that a threesome brings someone else into the relationship. Three. Not two. Three. Cheating with another woman

A third person into your relationship that you’ve worked hard to make solid complicates things no matter how you look at it. Jealousy, regret, shame, anger, and sadness can all spin out of a night of consensual fun. There’s no predicting the emotions and feelings that could happen during or afterwards.

Men telling their girlfriend that a threesome will help the relationship, or get them down the aisle, or that they’ll be better for it, are all lines of bullshit. That’s correct- complete crap, ladies. Threesomes can wreck your relationship and take it on a wrong turn down an unknown path laden with downside risks.

A female has less power and mastery of her relationship when she gives into this bucket list item of her boyfriend. She indulges his wishes yet automatically rewinds the clock on their relationship. He might make her think, through his clever manipulation, that there is “progress” now that he got to sleep with someone else right in front of her. Yet, chances are that the mere act of his having sex with another partner is a reason to make her feel emotionally and physically unsafe with what was once sacred between the two. That is a major reason why if you are considering engaging in a threesome with your partner, you need to have ground rules and an open dialogue before you start. Really ask yourself if your relationship can survive a threesome. Beyond that, ask yourself why you’re even considering engaging in this kind of thing.

Not surprisingly, there’s even an app out there called 3nder to help coordinate threesomes between consenting adults. It might be ‘safe, simple, and awesome’ as 3nder’s motto states but surely complicated if you’re in an existing monogamous and loving relationship.

Some people do say a threesome can help strengthen a relationship and the couple actually becomes closer as a result if the encounter is one where the ground rules are set up front and details carefully planned out with the third participant.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer about this other than my stance that if you are in a monogamous relationship with the hopes to get engaged and married in the future, don’t fall for something that is not right for your value system.

There are plenty of good men out there who wouldn’t think of jeopardizing all the good that you have going on just between the two of you! I’m a believer that he’ll put you in his “play” bucket if you go there with him, instead of being only in the more rigid “future Mrs.” bucket. A good man who is marriage-minded certainly has sexual fantasies, and hopefully will include you in some of these sexy dreams of his, but doesn’t necessarily need to act on them.