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New Year, New Resolutions: 7 Ways to Make 2019 Your Year for Love

 

iStock_000027212743Small.jpgIf you’re ready to make 2019 a year of unforgettable connection, I want to give you the best chance of success. The road to love does involve some work; it’s more than just taking risks, it’s also about letting go of the habits that hold us back. To get your 2019 started right, follow these 7 tips to simplify and expedite your path to a meaningful, fulfilling love life.

 

  1. Ditch the lukewarm arsenal of safe bets.

If you’ve been dating, chances are you’ve met some great people but, as great as they are, just aren’t a great fit for you. If you’ve accumulated a collection of “friends” and have found yourself “staying in touch” late at night or spending all your precious free time together, it’s time to cut the cord. Every moment you spend with someone who isn’t your match prolongs the wait for the right person. Harsh? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely.

 

Example: As much as I should love having a glorious, no strings attached relationship, I’m going to try my luck at finding something serious. I want you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong; it’s just that I’m planning to try something new. Wanted to make sure you weren’t left wondering what happened.

 

  1. Let your on again, off again relationship rest in peace.

If you broke up, the relationship is, well, broken. If you have separated or called it off, and are thinking about trying again, ask yourself: “What has actuallychanged?”

Loneliness summons all types of uncomfortable feelings—like regret—while also only allowing you to see the good times and forget the reasons that led to the break-up in the first place.

 

Don’t let these lonely feelings fool you into trying again with someone you were certain wasn’t right for you or someone who was certain you weren’t right for them. The relationship isn’t right, especially at this time, so give yourself the space to grow.

 

  1. Leave the ghosts of your past where they belong: the past.

Heartbreak is a part of life. If you’ve looked for connection, you’ve experienced the pain of losing it. Spending time discussing the ghosts of relationship past will only allow them to keep haunting the future. Each time you choose to relive the happy moments of a past relationship or rant about where an ex went wrong, you resurrect a broken relationship from the dead. Give your new relationship every opportunity to thrive; keep the ghosts at bay.

 

  1. Evaluate how much you want a relationship. Align your behavior accordingly.

Just because you are single doesn’t mean you are seeking a relationship; behavior is the only true indicator of what you truly want. I say this—as obvious at it seems—because so many times people want a relationship but do not do the work to be in one. If you want to be in a relationship, get matched, say yes to new people, make a move. Do something! It might not feel good, but it will prove that you are actively pursuing your personal goals.

 

  1. Refuse to negotiate the red flags.

If you like someone, it’s easy to let the feelings of infatuation cloud better judgment. Instead of making excuses for someone else’s error, re-claim your power by making very intentional mental notes.

 

If your date, for example, is going hard on the drinks and you find yourself unimpressed or concerned, you can try one of two approaches:

 

  1. I have noticed that my date is drinking beyond what makes me comfortable. I am choosing to note this for now. If it happens again, I will choose to be with someone who makes me feel less concerned.
  2. I am uncomfortable with my date’s drinking and have decided that I want to be comfortable. I choose to move on.

 

Every time you make an excuse for someone, you are stripping away your ability to make a choice. Once you break the habit of being forced to accept to being able to choose, you will feel much more aware of your standards and much less open to people who don’t meet them.

 

  1. If the present fulfills you, don’t let the future stress you.

Have you met someone who makes you feel fantastic? Get familiar with those feelings and let yourself experience them totally! Too many times, I have seen clients sabotage happy, functional relationships in their efforts to “know where it’s going”. Sometimes, the most challenging part of a blossoming relationship is allowing it to unfold organically. If you do find yourself pushing for answers early on, consider the source of your fears and giving yourself time to sort them out before they jeopardize your next connection.

 

  1. Discover what makes you most magnetic.

Whereas people have their preferences when it comes to physical looks, no one argues with the allure of a happy person. That happy energy—the joy of genuine contentment—is universally attractive. Discovering those things that make you feel alive—cooking, hosting, fixing, building—whatever it is, will help you broadcast something special. Cultivate your own happiness and let that new energy work for you.

 

If you’re intent on making the magic happen this year, consider outsourcing some of the work to the professionals. I receive dozens of new clients who want to meet people beyond their traditional circles. Get in touch! Maybe I’ve just added your next match to my rolodex.

 

I’m sending you best wishes for happiness and love in 2019!

Warmly,
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Amy Andersen
Founder & CEO
Linx Dating LLC 

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Linx Dating Mixer Recap…A Night to Remember ❤️🍾…

IMG_5562-MW.jpgOn November 15th, Linx hosted an exclusive and invite-only soiree at the chic new Park James Hotel in Menlo Park. Around 80+ guests mingled with one another and enjoyed an evening of cocktails and conversation. The party started at 6pm and wrapped around 9pm with every guest receiving a very generous gift bag filled with treats from our sponsors (certificate from Illuminate Plastic Surgery, Elisha Marie skin care, Brava oven, Essentique body oil, Glassy Baby, a 375 ML of Absolut Elyx, and a gorgeous Silicon Valley Magazine to top things off.

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Linx is very grateful to the incredible staff at the Park James for hosting our group and for our exceptionally generous sponsor, Pernod Ricard, pouring amazing drinks all night.  Guests got to sip creative libations titled “Silicon Spritz” (Absolut Elyx vodka, Lillet Rose, and Tonic) and “It’s a Match” (Avion Silver tequila, lime, pineapple, with an optional Perrier Jouet float) to name two.

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A certain celebrity guest graced the party named Li Lou the pig. Why not throw a pig in the mix and shake up a traditional mixer and provide the ultimate ice breaker and reason to smile?!

IMG_5569-MW.jpgWe received lovely emails from many guests after commenting on the evening:

“Thank you for the most festive and wonderful  party ! I loved every minute of it.
Great hotel, divine food and wine, special and very interesting group of successful people, generous gift bags, but most of all- You-…kind and welcoming everyone !
What a special and memorable evening!”
“Dear Amy…thank you for hosting and inviting me to a fabulous mixer! It was chic, elegant,. glamorous, and classy…I had a great time!”
Hi Amy, thanks again for inviting me to your party! I had a great time and met some great people. I gave my card out to two people. We shall see if they would like to connect. I would have liked to talk to others but you can’t talk to everyone!” 
Thanks so much for including me in the happy hour last night.  Quality people and good to meet some of your happy clients.  I told a few “prospects” at the event that you are very professional and they should consider your services, including how the business is at capacity and wait-listed. 🙂  Many of us discussed having had sub-par experiences on dating apps and not being able to meet people in our own work circles, so Linx is a significantly BETTER choice.  I also reviewed Linx 5-stars on Yelp.”
“Nice to see you on Thursday. Thanks so much! I loved the pig too:)” 
“Hi Amy, thank you for inviting me to your event. I met three wonderful women there. Perhaps one of them will work out to be my partner. On par with your Stanford country club event.” 
If you would like too be considered for future private events of Linx, please email our founder.
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Exclusive Linx Event November 15th

Linx is hosting a private exclusive networking mixer on November 15th in Menlo Park. Invite only and a who’s who attending from the Bay Area and Los Angeles as well.

This event has incredible sponsors involved and is about dynamic networking, conversation, and meeting like-minded professionals, many of whom are single and searching. Linx events are legendary and are not to be missed.

If you are single and would like to be considered as a guest of this cocktail party, please email Amy amy@linxdating.com

 

Going the distance: How feasible is long-distance love?

 

iStock-1027701870 copy.jpgMaybe you met someone abroad. Maybe someone from abroad met you. Either way, you’re wondering if those romantic feelings can lead anywhere at all because of the distance. Of course distance can pose some unique challenges compared to dating a local single, but you might be surprised to learn those extra miles could be the fastest track into your next serious relationship.

Does distance make the heart grow fonder? The short answer: Yes.

 Two scientists, Crystal Jiang, City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey Hancock, Cornell University, compared intimacy levels among couples in LDRs and local relationships. Surprisingly, the distance couples reported much higher levels of intimacy.

Researchers attributed the additional closeness to two unique characteristics. Firstly, the people in the LDR disclose more about themselves—more details, more vulnerability—that promote a higher rating of closeness versus the everyday chit chat from couples who live together. Secondly, distance couples tend to idealize their partners. Without opportunities to see their partner’s off days, people in LDR’s can hold on to that idealized version of their love interest longer.

In theory, my heart might grow fonder, but in reality won’t there be communication issues?

Ironically, couples communicating across distance enjoyed a greater sense of closeness than local couples. In one study published in the Journal of Communication, researchers found that although couples in LDRs weren’t always in constant communication, the overall quality of the communication was rated highly. After analyzing the diaries, texts, calls, and video chats, researchers learned that couples in long distance relationships shared more personal details.

Additionally, The Journal of Communication reports that the communication style between distance couples was rated less “problematic” than couples living closer—probably attributed to the fact that distance forces time between an emotional response and a reaction.

So, how much does the distance really matter?

Apparently, not that much. One study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy reported that couples living apart were just as happy as couples living in the same city. Even before the realities of distance set in, distance couples “perceived a lower likelihood of breaking up with their partner” when researchers wanted to measure commitment compared to locally-based relationships.

Ultimately, when these same participants were polled four months later about their relationship status, the break up rates between distance and local couples were the same.

Perhaps, we’re spending too much time wondering how the distance will make things harder rather than how it can help us get more intentional about connecting. If the chances of making love last are the same, why not see where those loving feelings take you?

 

Former American Diplomat seeks his traditional match 25-35 years old

 

iStock-697044734 copy.jpgWe are thrilled to announce a new search for our international bachelor. Our client is a true renaissance man. He’s a 38-year-old 6ft former Ivy League football player with a Yugoslavian mother and African American father.  He is a mix between Jason Bourne and Marty Khan and has served as a Counterintelligence Officer in the US military, been an American Diplomat, and now works as an international management consultant for a top 5 firm in the Mid East.

He combines a Hollywood smile and a movie star’s charisma with an endless supply of energy and an engineer’s intellectual curiosity.  The man is polished, erudite, and displays the manners and global savvy of the experienced diplomat he is.  Although high strung, he is gregarious, engaging, and the kind of guy that makes toddlers smile and giggle when he greets them (he once worked as a kindergarten teacher in his early 20s).

He’s handsome with a mischievous aurora and is a true globetrotter that has been to over 117 countries.  In addition to being an avid tennis enthusiastic he provides tutoring and mentorship to inner-city kids wanting to attend elite schools.
Currently based in a booming Middle East hub with an amazing expatriate package that includes ½ a floor at a five-star hotel, household staff, driver, and private school for the kiddies when you have them. After serving his country in several global hotspots he is now ready to settle down and be the family man that he always wanted to be.  He is a traditionalist and is comfortable being the breadwinner for the family but is also open to a careerist partner.

His ideal match is between the ages of 25-35, open on her heritage, although leans towards exotic, in shape, and with feminine curves. She is engaging, interesting, humble, loyal, an optimistic by nature, and prefers a traditional man. As our client is current based in the Middle East, this candidate needs to be open to travel and possible relocation.

If you or anyone you know might make a great fit for this gentleman, please email Amy directly at: amy@linxdating.com Thank you!

2 Chainz and Wale Meet the ‘Cupid of Silicon Valley’ aka ‘Shorty’ ;-)

My 2 Chainz Most Expensivest episode is finally here! 2 Chainz has his own thoughts about the service, aiming a suggestion at the viewers who might be on the lookout:

“If you ugly and got low self esteem, you better get you some money. There ain’t no ugly billionaires. Billionaires is cute […] Get yourself some money and for the low price of half a million dollars, you too can buy yourself a wife.”    

Love how Chainz called me ‘Shorty’- I think my business card needs a new title! And yes Wale, I think there needs to be an HBO special about this too!

 

He wants to try polyamory. What do I do now? 5 Questions to ask yourself before proceeding

 

iStock-859766444 copy.jpgThe popularity of non-monogamy—the practice of engaging in many intimate relationships—is on the rise, but is it the right path for your relationship? If you’ve found yourself in this situation, the most important piece of the puzzle is getting clear about what you want.

 

It’s important to understand what a polyamorous relationship entails. Firstly, it is a relationship built on consent. So, if you or your partner engages in another relationship without the consent of the primary partner, that’s not polyamory, that’s cheating. Also, polyamory is not exclusively about having multiple partners – if that were the case, you’d be describing an open relationship.

 

Sound a little complicated? Well, I’d agree with you. I’ve seen the invitation for multiple partners complicate functional relationships for years. To be fair, the relationships were on shaky ground before the discussion of additional partners was on the table, but each time the conversation about additional partners came up, someone was left feeling disappointed.

 

I believe the best decisions come from a place of honesty. Before you decide if polyamory is for you, consider the following:

 

  1. What led you to this decision?

If your partner surprised you with the proposition, it’s already looking like an unnatural evolution of your relationship. However, if you did some deep soul searching and believe that multiple partners will help you become the best version of yourself, I think you should listen to that voice.

 

  1. Are you doing this to please someone?

Compromising your picture of the relationship to paint someone else’s will only backfire. Instead of ensuring closeness, you’re building a strong case for resentment and contempt. In addition, it is common for jealously to flood the brain.

 

Ask yourself: Will my partner’s feelings towards me change based on my response?

 

  1. Are you doing this to fix something “broken”?

Compromising your needs in an attempt to “get the relationship back on track” or “try a new experience together” are just falsehoods to help us cope with the knowledge that the relationship is flawed on a fundamental level.

 

Ask yourself: How, specifically, will my partner’s new relationship with someone else strengthen our relationship?

 

  1. Are you able to speak openly about jealousy, sexual health, and feeling insecure?

Are your lines of communication open enough to discuss some of the harsher realities of polyamory? Some common drawbacks include feeling jealous, insecure, and secondary. Will you be able to talk about the physical implications of more than one sexual partner? Are you able to talk about feelings of insecurity at the risk of sounding needy? If any of this gives you pause, consider how much stress the polyamorous relationship could put on the level of communication with your partner.

 

  1. Are you able to set boundaries? Are you prepared to leave if they are crossed?

This point echoes the sentiment above; are you able to communicate openly about your needs in the relationship? If you are entertaining a polyamorous relationship, are there certain people off limits to your partner? If you are not able to voice these concerns for fear of upsetting your partner, you will sabotage your emotional well being.