Mill Valley dating

To Love or Not?

Some people have never fallen in love and don’t know what it means to be in love. They ask questions about what it “feels like.” Unlike many people out there who have their first high school love, their serious college love, and maybe one or two real loves post-college, these ‘outliers’ haven’t experienced that yet. hunk flirting with profile of woman

Others fall in love easily. They love a lot. They fall fast and hard. Sometimes their definition of love crosses over from their current boyfriend, to loving their new Kate Spade tote, and loving their Peet’s latte. So, in other words, they love many things from humans to intangible objects. This sort of person can be very emotional as well and constantly express themselves through their outpouring of happiness and love for all things and people in their inner circle.

But what about those who haven’t felt love before? Is it fair to say that someone who has loved many times and experienced the sensation of being in love is a higher evolved human than someone who has yet to experience love?

Have you met someone who was in his/her early 30’s and admitted in a moment of vulnerability that he/she has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend? This happens. I see this in my line of work. When he/she shares that, what do you think? Do you feel sorry? Do you draw the conclusion that something is wrong? Or if you’re both living in the Bay Area, maybe you assume he/she has been 150% on work and hasn’t even come up for air to contemplate dating. Or maybe these folks have just never had their luck in love and the timing hasn’t been right.

There are no right answers for the case of the individual who has loved a lot or never loved at all. To love a lot can raise the question of someone having a less filtered selection process in mate choices and, in some cases, perhaps settling. Some people hate the thought of being alone and would much rather be in a relationship than be by themselves. The thought of being solo for friends’ dinner parties, work functions, or the holidays can make that person spiral into a crazy head space. In this mindset, to be alone and single can feel like being a societal misfit.

Others are inherently private and take cautionary steps towards letting someone into their lives. In a similar vein is the type of individual who has loved hard once and got really burned from a terrible break-up. He/she builds a very strong defense mechanism to self-protect from hurt again and, in the interim, starts to build a very long list of mate requirements. The ideal match list is so long that it hinders he/she from actually finding someone. The list, as a direct result, is a protection from finding love. This person can live their life in a state of fear and would almost rather be single than fall for someone with the risk of getting hurt again. Arab casual couple flirting ready to kiss with love

Where do you fall? Have you loved hard before or are still searching for that special person to feel love and be loved by someone else in a romantic relationship for the first time?

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating

I‘m often asked if my clients should continue with online dating when they start their Linx memberships. If yes, what I feel is the biggest drawback to trying to find love on the Internet?

T
he biggest challenges are twofold – (1) the labor and time involved sifting through thousands of profiles; and (2) unverified information.

At the end of the day it is exhausting to have to sort through all of these profiles and to deal with the long, drawn out communication process of winks, emails, nudges, pokes, etc. But I think the bigger challenge is the fabrication of information on the site – you might be entering the online market with honest intentions of wanting to couple up and reach monogamy for the long term but you have no idea who is really on the other side.

It can be extremely disappointing not having the data and true insights into the person with whom you are communicating online and potentially to then meet in person. Is he/she as commitment minded as you or is he/she on the site to just “hook up” and be “super causal” where “sex is so easy” to get?

Online has helped create awareness for an offline, old world business like Linx but, on the other hand, it has caused people a lot of stress from the labor involved, fabrication of user profiles, no authenticating “who is who”, and often feeling online chemistry but offline when you meet is a whole other story.

At Linx, I personally get to know every new client and sit down with each member really delving deep so I can best help him/her…..at this stage in the game I’ve met thousands of people.

This week alone I have interviewed fascinating men and women (a venerable Silicon Valley techie, CEOs, and many other hard working dynamic types- in fact I am hoping to do a new blog entry about the SV legend asap). Something online cannot necessarily predict is chemistry. I understand human behavior and what makes two people mesh. Clients who have been doing a lot of high volume driven matchmaking online find the Linx approach and methodology particularly appealing and extremely personalized. This is after all about SLOWING DOWN and focusing on one extremely solid match at a time. I emphasize slowing down!

With the obvious perils into the world of online, I WOULD encourage you to keep your profiles up BUT the absolute key is to evaluate IF you have been getting the traction you desire. Are the “right” types for you landing in your inbox and if not, you should strongly consider doing a massive profile rewire to reboot yourself towards success.

We offer a lot of assistant as one of our many auxiliary services for clients at Linx to provide powerful insights into online dating. What will attract the man of your dreams and how do you hook them? What is a turn-off to women and a turn-on with profiles? Once you discover lots of emails in your inbox, what next? How to bridge online into real-life dating?

A
my Webb did a hilarious Ted Talk about hacking OK Cupid. The takeaway from her TED talk is that there is an algorithm for love, in fact it is something you write yourself. All you really have to do is figure out your ‘own’ framework and play by your own rules. Enjoy her talk below…insightful, funny, and provocative.