Los Angeles matchmaker

Pace Yourself….

Happy couple laughing
In the past few weeks, Amy and I have seen so many examples of dating foibles and relationship failures that probably could have been avoided with the right kind of pacing. In one instance, a couple had about fifteen dates, a break up, a reunion, and another break up all in the span of roughly three weeks. In a totally opposite situation, one couple never managed to meet at all because they started to play phone tag like increasingly adversarial business associates. And several other relationships just got off track as a result of two people moving at completely different speeds. We all know the importance of pacing ourselves with work, with exercise, with food, and even with family; if you binge you make yourself sick. And if you don’t pay attention to your needs, you can starve in all sorts of ways. Here are some of the ways in which the team at Linx thinks pacing is absolutely key:

When Planning Dates:

Start small. We know plenty of guys who are very eager to prove how serious they are about being in a relationship, so they book first dates at restaurants with tasting menus, show up in suits and order Krug, and on the following morning, they send a huge bouquet of roses. In theory, it seems like a great idea (and a romantic one) but here’s the problem… if you set the bar that high initially, how do you go up from there? If your first date is at Meadowood, where do you have your second? Or your third? Or your fifteenth? How do you signal an increasing level of interest and investment when you start with such a strong opening move? A relationship should build gradually, and your date choices should reflect that; it lets a woman see that you’re not just serious about being in a relationship, but that you’re serious about being in a relationship with her. You can certainly still be a romantic (and we encourage that) but start with someplace like Chapeau! or South Park Café instead of Coi, wear a good pair of jeans and a loafer with a great blazer, and if you must send her roses the next day, send her just one. Imagine how much more meaningful it will be when you can finally send her a dozen. 😉


When Having a Conversation:

We know; this is a hard one. There are few things more nerve-wracking that talking to a complete stranger for the first time… especially when you throw in some hope, excitement, and attraction. We really do get it. It’s hard. But when opening up for the first time in a conversation, you need to go slowly. If you have a tendency to bulldoze your way through a first meeting (ask a good friend if you do this) then feel free to say to say something to your date like “I sometimes get a little bit nervous around handsome men and start talking too much. Feel free to tell me if I start doing that.” With that statement you do three really useful things: you stop worrying about the problem because you’ve admitted it, you pay your date a very nice compliment, and you allow him to be partly responsible for making sure that it doesn’t happen!

If your problem is more one of divulging too much rather than saying too much (i.e. talking about your last bad relationship vs. blabbering about your dog) simply ask yourself “Would I want to know this about another person on a first date?” and “Do I know this person well enough to feel comfortable with them having this knowledge about me?” Some of us have had some really rough experiences – whether it’s a hard surgery or illness, a difficult divorce, or a rocky employment history, for example. And we sometimes get really worried about being rejected for this part of our past. Here’s a tip to keep that in check: if you’re on a date with the right person, they’re really only interested in connecting with you in the present to see if the two of you might have a future. We all have a past, so leave it behind you unless and until a discussion of that topic becomes absolutely necessary.

When Moving Ahead:

As adults who are serious about relationships, we can sometimes let the idea of ending up with someone become more powerful than the reality of dating them. It can be so easy to project and plan, to anticipate and forecast. We are so anxious about finding the missing pieces to the puzzles of our lives that we sometimes try to force a fit that should never happen. Lots of people look good on paper and great in person, but that doesn’t mean they look right when cast in the movies of our lives. We don’t get to script our relationships. We don’t get to decide what other people should feel and when they should feel it. All we can do is focus on ourselves; we can listen with our hearts, but hear with our heads. And we should never let the way we feel about someone and the way we think about them become too discordant. You can’t really have a healthy relationship with someone you don’t respect. You can’t respect someone you don’t trust. And whether we like to admit it or not, learning to truly trust someone takes time.

Too often, we hear clients say that they can’t wait to be done with dating and “get to the good stuff.” Guess what? Dating IS the good stuff. So start small and aim high, but tread slowly at first. Take bigger steps as your connection deepens, but pace yourself; in the best relationships, the happiest married couples continue to actively date each other for the rest of their lives!

If you are interested in our private date coaching sessions, we would be delighted to hear from you. amy@linxdating.com

Who, What, When… Huh?

friends at a restaurantWith Drinks on the Linx just around the corner, we’ve been getting a lot of inquiries about different aspects of the Linx process and experience. Amy and I thought it would be a good idea to share answers to some of those frequently asked questions, just in case some of you have been curious about the same issues. If you don’t see the answer you’re looking for below, feel free to contact us with any additional concerns and questions. We’re here to help!

What are the differences between being a Premium client, a VIP, and a Match Applicant?

A Premium client is someone who has hired us to find their ideal match. This person (of either gender) has signed up for a Silver, Platinum, or VIP membership, and is guaranteed an agreed upon number of introductions during the duration of their contract. For Silver and Platinum clients, these introductions involve people already within the (substantial) Linx database.

VIP clients, however, are a bit different; VIP clients are Premium clients who often have extremely specific criteria (these can be educational, ethnic, cultural, geographic, life-style focused, or any combination thereof) and so VIP clients have empowered us to search outside of our existing database and network to find their ideal match. It is not uncommon for a VIP search to be conducted in the San Francico Bay Area, as well as NYC, LA and beyond. Information about active VIP searches can be found here.

A Match Applicant is someone who has paid for an initial in-person consultation with Linx, and we have determined that they are highly matchable. A Match Applicant is someone we feel is truly looking for a relationship, has realistic expectations based on their own age, experience, education, desires, etc., and has a great attitude about the Linx process. March_4_10_Couple_Laughs

So paying $200 and meeting with Amy makes me a Match Applicant?

Simply put, no. The fee for an in-person consultation is strictly meant to compensate us for our professional time. It does not make you a member or client of Linx, nor does it guarantee you any introductions or invitations beyond the opportunity to get to know us better. We understand that some people think this is an unreasonable fee, but Linx is, at heart, a business. If $200 seems expensive to meet privately with professional matchmakers who might then introduce you to the mate of your dreams, then we encourage you to pursue other romantic avenues such as online dating.Young couple in love

I met with Linx, but didn’t hear from them after the meeting. Why not?

At the end of any initial consultation, we encourage you to take a few days to reflect on our conversation, and to reach out to us if you’d like to move forward. For Match Applicant candidates who are an obvious fit for one of our current Premium clients, we do often reach out within a few days of our meeting to explore the possibility of making an introduction. But in other cases we wait to hear from you. This process is not for everyone; some interviewees decide that they are not ready to use the services of a matchmaker, while others (those often newly out of a relationship) might realize that they aren’t in the right place to meet anyone at all. If you want to hear from Linx, contact us. We’ve probably been waiting to hear from you, too.

When do I get to see pictures of the person to whom I’m being introduced?

Believe it or not, you actually don’t get pictures before meeting your match (unless you are a VIP client.) Despite the very deliberate nature of our process, we still value the element of surprise. We want your first glimpse of your match to involve the thrill of discovery rather than the comfort of recognition. We don’t want to take all of the excitement out of a first date; if anything, we want to increase it by reassuring you that you’re meeting a high quality individual who shares a lot of your goals and values. What’s not exciting about that? Plus, we find people are simply too judgmental.


Is it true that you don’t work with women in their 40s?

No, this is not true. At Linx, we work with men and women of all ages (from twentysomethings to 70+) and we get excited by each and every opportunity to help someone find love. But we also know the limitations of our database, and we understand the dynamics of the local dating economy. Despite the rise of “cougar culture” we simply don’t encounter a lot of young men looking for older women (at least not for the purposes of starting a serious relationship) and so we do politely decline working with prospects whose expectations do not align with our experience of reality; even our female VIP clients are typically willing to date men up to 10 years older than they are, and we cannot successfully match other Premium clients or Match Applicants who are not willing to do the same. It just created very unrealistic expectations and could lead to failure and disappointment. Match_Feb_2010_Anna_Doggie

Is it true that you reject people that apply for membership?

Simply put, yes. We have a high rejection rate as we cannot work with everyone. Sometimes we encounter someone who is simply not a good culture fit, or perhaps is not comfortable with the Linx protocol and general mission of our business. Maybe someone is leading an unhealthy lifestyle, has zero balance in his/her life, or just is not trusting of our process. Over the years, we’ve even had people ask us in the initial screening phase when asked if he/she is “commitment-minded” how we define commitment. Enough said. 😉

I’m gay/lesbian/bisexual. Is Linx suitable for me?

Unfortunately, our database is limited in a way that allows us to focus on same-sex relationships at this time. That said, we do represent a small population of VIP bisexual clients who are interested in matches from both men and women. In the meantime, please do contact us if you’re interested (increased interest is what will help fuel opportunities to build an extended network for gay and lesbian clients) and be sure to attend our networking events, like Drinks on the Linx if you enjoy networking.a beautiful blond girl blowing seeds from a flower

I’ve read a lot about Linx networking events. Is one of those coming up soon?

Yes, in fact, there is a Link & Drink event just around the corner! Join us at the Stanford Golf Course on the evening of July 17th for a warm summer night of Drinks on the Linx! Tickets are selling quickly, and we will not be able to sell tickets at the door, so buy yours here. Attendance will be capped at 400, and having fun is mandatory, so we hope to see you there!

Remember that our events are NOT limited to clients. So invite your friends, the more the merrier!

LA Story

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Normanimg_palmTree_540x360

Lately, more and more of our clients seem to be based in L.A.; Amy and I have been there twice in just the past month to work with two different male VIPs, and we expect to go again in the next few weeks to meet yet another man in the Southland. We also expect to be recruiting in L.A. later this summer on behalf of some of our bachelors, so be sure to let your SoCal friends know that even if they can’t easily come to Linx, Linx might be coming to them.

Amy and I are really fond of all of our bachelors, and the gentleman we met this week was no exception. Amy has taken great care to build a database and membership that is full of “good guys” and this tall, athletic, 49-year-old father of three certainly fits the bill. His easy-going charm and mellow manner change entirely when he excitedly talks about his kids, and his laid back attitude is even more of a surprise when people find out how successful he is.

We would love to find a wonderful woman for our great guy, and are currently looking for Caucasian/European/Mixed women 35-48 (he is 49, Caucasian, lean, 6’4” and has a weakness for women with sexy curves and long hair) who are playful, athletic, mature, and seeking a real romantic connection with someone stable, supportive, and spiritual. Our bachelor is currently splitting time between L.A. and Sun Valley, but he is definitely open to a Bay Area match who would like to add some fun and romance to her routine.

This guy is anything but superficial, but we know he deserves a feminine woman who takes great care of herself, and understands that a real and lasting relationship only happens when two people are willing to take care of each other as well. If you want to connect with this man, it helps to have a love for the outdoors (a fellow skier would be a great bonus- he’s been skiing his whole life), an open heart and warm spirit, and a zest for living. Please contact Amy amy@linxdating.com if you think you fit the bill. This blue-eyed bachelor has put a lot of work into crafting the story of his life, but the happy ending that he deserves is still waiting to be written!

Meet Our Latest VIP….

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