Picture This…

Amy and I recently talked to a client about conducting a VIP search on his behalf, and after our meeting, he sent us a short follow up email that simply said “I think it bears repeating that I am not interested in meeting anyone who has an embarrassing web presence.” Given that so many of our clients come to us as referrals, we don’t always do extensive web research on the people we meet, but in this case we knew it would be necessary. And this particular client had encountered an “embarrassing web presence” in a date in the past, so we wanted to be exceedingly careful while conducting his search.

While we weren’t shocked or surprised by anything we discovered, the truth is that most of us have a stray picture or article or comment floating around that we’d rather forget or can’t control, and none of us wants to be Googled or judged by a potential date before meeting. The concept of net neutrality in no way keeps the web itself from being a rather ruthless place – and humans are all too inquisitive by nature – so when you do have control of your web presence, you need to do everything you can to keep it clean and respectable. You should keep in mind that even if we introduce you to the best man or woman in the world, it’s all but guaranteed that someone in his or her life will Google you at some point… and you don’t want to be blindsided by the results.

So how much is too much? How do we know when captured moments of our past might be damaging our future? Where’s the line between private and public, and how do we stay on the right side of it?

Beware of Pictures with Girls

This applies to both men and women, actually. If you’re a guy, do NOT have public pictures of yourself surrounded by seemingly single women. You might think that it makes you seem like a stallion to your friends, but it makes you seem like a player to strangers. And that’s really not an impression that you want to make. If you’re a woman of a certain age (basically any age north of 27 or so) avoid posting the sort of pictures you might have taken at a high school formal with the rest of your dance team. Yes, it’s nice to know that you have great legs, but posing sideways in a line of friends with a dropped shoulder while you lift the hem of your dress to show your thigh is not really going to attract the right guys into your life. In fact, if you’re over 40 it’s a really good way to keep them far, far away.

Stop Double Fisting

I don’t care if it’s a bachelor party, a football tailgate, or an opening night at the opera – having two drinks in your hands is having one two many. It might be a great picture of you and your friends, or maybe your abs have never looked so good, or maybe you’ll never again be able to wear that dress, but two drinks exceeds the allowable Linx limit. If you need to provide a backstory to keep a picture from being embarrassing, then you simply need to hide the picture. Your friends might think it’s funny, but your date’s friends will probably not. This also applies to any pictures where you are drunk, vomiting, doing a keg stand, engaging in a chicken fight in a pool with someone of the opposite sex, or are passed out.

Close Your Legs. Seriously.

Again, this applies to both sexes. For some reason, guys seem to love to point at their packages, to grab themselves, to turn a pool noodle into a giant phallus, and to generally call attention to their favorite part of their bodies. It might have been part of a dumb prank or a great vacation, but it’s not smart to make pictures like that available to the general public. It’s always possible that you’re managing a Jon Hamm or Justin Theroux-style situation, in which case that part of your body needs no help drawing attention to itself, but don’t purposely make it the star of any picture. Ladies should remember to be just that – ladies. Unless you’re squatting at the top of KT-22 and this is the only evidence of that accomplishment, or you were an Olympic gymnast, we don’t need to see how flexible you are.

Exes are a big “Oh No!”

So let’s assume you’re quite prim and proper… public drunkenness? Never! Revealing pictures? Absolutely not. Poses that aren’t age appropriate? Not on your life. Believe it or not, you might still be guilty of photographic crimes. At first blush it doesn’t seem like it would be much of an issue, but if you still have lots of public pictures with your ex, it can signal that you’re not over your last relationship (and for someone who doesn’t know you’re single, it can make you look like a cheater). A lot of us don’t even really think about what’s visible on Facebook or Instagram or Tumblr, but if you’re serious about looking for a new relationship, you need to digitally box up your last one – to the best of your ability – and put it out of sight.

You can’t control what conclusions someone else might draw from pictures of you, but you can try to control which pictures they can see. So if you’re trying to move forward with your life, make sure you aren’t being handicapped by your past… or your friends, for that matter. Take the extra step of doing a “photos of…” search on yourself on Facebook, and request that your friends hide anything that might be unflattering. Getting into a great relationship really is a team effort; we know that better than most. So make sure that your friends and family are doing their part to help you score the guy or girl of your dreams.

In the meantime, be respectful of your potential Linx matches and KEEP GOOGLE OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP- no offense Larry and Sergey ;). When it comes to digging up dirt on a harmless stranger, it’s important to follow the Golden Rule; do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

Style in Silicon Valley …

Linx is featured in Business Insider today: Silicon Valley’s Top Matchmaker Tells Us What Techies Should Wear On A Date by Madeline Stone.

Silicon Valley professionals get a bad rap for being uncreative when it comes to personal style. The common stereotype is that engineers live in hoodies, jeans, and flip flops, while venture capitalists constantly rock fleece vests and v-neck sweaters.

Menlo Park-based matchmaker Amy Andersen has seen her fair share of young professionals sporting these uniforms. She founded Linx Dating in 2000 when she saw that a surprising number of professionals were having trouble navigating the Silicon Valley dating scene. Since then, she’s coached a wide network of people in the tech, financial, and health care industries to better position themselves for success in dating.

Andersen shared her take on style in Silicon Valley as well as some tips for what young professionals should be wearing to impress their dates.

Q: Business Insider: Do you think there’s a Silicon Valley dress code?

A: Amy Andersen: There is a definite Silicon Valley aesthetic and culture. The mentality is you want to fit in here and you don’t want to stand out. Employees want to blend into their company culture. I have heard stories about people taking jobs at Facebook, as an example and, before the job started, dying her hair to be a mousy brunette so as not to stand out too much as a platinum blonde.

With the kinds of perks that Google or Facebook or Palantir, for example, offer to employees, it is easy to see why an employee on the margin might stay at work rather than venture out and would certainly not focus on fashion. The goal is to work and stay on the company campus, while having some fun too. If you think about it, the culture at these companies for 20- and even early 30-somethings is not unlike the dorm experience at a top university — project teams bond over what they do all day. It’s more about living to work than it is about working to live, and so you do everything together. The movie “The Internship” might have been fiction and was probably a bit exaggerated but it was pretty much on target.

In Silicon Valley, in the fields of tech and engineering, there’s no focus on outward appearance unless you have a client-facing role, like in leadership or sales. In that case, you are expected to be polished and dress the part.

Expression outside of the campus environment is totally different — techies and those in those circles express themselves through a variety of ways to their inner sanctum of friends. This could be through the new Italian wheels in their garage at home, artwork displayed on their walls, recently purchased memberships at private social clubs like The Battery in San Francisco, or epic new multimillion dollar pied-a-terres in San Francisco.

BI: Is the clichéd hoodie a reality in the tech community?

AA: For many, hoodies are a way of life in the tech community, as fleece vests are a way of life in the venture capital and hedge fund community. I see a ton of guys (and girls) walking around town in their respective company hoodies. Let’s not just focus on hoodies though! Tons of guys wear frog feet shoes “5 finger footwear.” They say it is good for posture. I think they’re completely hideous and a huge fashion offense!

The Adidas black and white sneakers are very popular, and backpacks are a way of life here as well. The ironic thing is most all of the major fashion houses for women are using backpacks for Spring 2014 as part of their look for women — not a Jansport backpack but more Chanel, Louis Vuitton, or Chloe. This pic of Gerard Butler shows off his Adidas kicks but actually is a good example of the type of cute long sleeve shirt and cargo pants that look great on guys for casual day sorts of dates or a super chill/lax pm date (i.e., if you are seeing a flick, dive bar drinks….that sort of environment).

BI: How often are wardrobe consultations part of your coaching?

AA: A few times a month. Some clients hire me to do this for them and other times I match the client to the right stylist according to their budget and personality. I have a roster of great stylists for every type of person that contacts me.

BI: What kinds of things do you tell your clients as far as dressing better?

AA: First impressions are so important. If you are coming from work, do what it takes to put your best foot forward and freshen up. No one likes a sweaty, frazzled date! Women will often put a lot of time and thought into their first date outfit. It is not uncommon for her to get a manicure, maybe even buy a new dress. A woman doesn’t need a guy to look impeccable, but she does want him to look presentable … “Nice” could be a pressed dress shirt and nice pair of dark denim, brown belt, nice brown loafers or dress shirt and pair of Banana Republic khakis. This is not hard to achieve and will send a signal that a man is taking the early stages of dating seriously.

BI: What should guys wear out on a date?

AA: This is all situational and depends on the context of the date. It also depends on the person largely. If going for sushi and cocktails, throw on dark denim, a cool t-shirt, and unstructured blazer for a little bit of an edgy look. If you are reading this and saying, “Huh?” then do dark denim and a Rag & Bone basic long-sleeve t-shirt with the right shoes. That is definitely more Silicon Valley code for casual, yet on the right guy and body could look totally hot. If it’s a more dressy date, I would suggest a nice pair of slacks and dress shirt or fantastic blazer paired with dark denim, gorgeous loafers (or drivers), and a dress shirt with cuff links. Totally polished, put together, and making a stand-out impression.

BI: What should women be wearing out on a date?

AA: Like advice I would give to men, let’s start with being confident. Once you are there, rock it out and have fun with your clothing. What men tell me they find appealing is a woman who is confident and sexy in her own skin.

At Linx I get a lot of demands for a woman who is classic, ladylike, stylish, not trying too hard, not showing too much skin, but perfectly presentable. For better or for worse, men are impossibly visual creatures. A universal message is that men like a woman who accentuates her figure. Olivia Palermo and fashion stylist, event designer, and style writer, Lucas Somoza

What does that mean from a style perspective? Think more Olivia Palermo than Pamela Anderson. For a casual to more dressy date, do a pair of skinny pants, a great silk tank style top, an edgy leather jacket (so hot for Spring 2014), the right costume jewelry, and some nude pumps. If it’s a fancy sort of restaurant and you want to seal the deal, do a body hugging Herve Leger bandage dress paired with a great blazer, hair in a loose bun atop the head or at the nape of the neck, and statement heels.

BI: Why is style important to dating more effectively?

AA: I would say style and first impressions are important considering people generally make up their mind in the first 60 seconds if they are interested in getting to know you better romantically or not. Why not do everything you can to substantially increase your odds of success from the start?

This Week at Linx

Just in…a nice little testimonial from a client of Linx…

I had a great experience with Linx & Amy. She listened to me very well in the interview, & within a year, she had 2 good matches for me. The first one in September; the second one in June. One match was so close that we dated for a year, & we have remained wonderful friends.I have recommended my friends to her. Match-making is not a science; it’s not a sure thing to find a match. But the odds are better than other services where there is no screening (other than by yourself) or going out to advertised “singles” events. Her pricing is steep but life is like that at times.

This week has been super crazy busy at work especially with the mention in the Sunday style section of The New York Times. Lots of great inquires from all over have been landing in my inbox. I’ve received so many emails from prospects- especially really young movers and shakers in tech (think FB, Twitter, Palantir, Box) and a lot of folks in the VC and angel investment community as well. From San Francisco, to San Jose, Atherton, to Manhattan, and Newport Beach. Funny how the NYT mentioned LinkedIn as a resource for me scouting talent. I haven’t logged into my LinkedIn profile in probably twelve years. No offense Mr. Jeff Weiner. wink wink.

With Halloween right around the corner, why not head out in true Silicon Valley style with your own chic personalized dress-literally.
Wearing your Facebook profile as a dress takes social media to a whole new level. Talk about an ice breaker!

I‘ve seen a funny trend in the past two weeks with multiple couples coupling up who share the same name. For instance three male clients named Mark who were matched to three totally different girls named Sally and now each new couple reports back that they are going exclusive. Mark + Sally couple #1, Mark + Sally couple #2, and Mark + Sally couple #3. I haven’t seen that one ever actually. Had some great meetings today with clients and prospects and the rest of the week is about matchmaking, client calls, and some fun work related projects. That’s all for now.

Follow me on Twitter @linxdating

Recruiting Silicon Valley Guys!

JP Mangalindan of Fortune Magazine wrote about Linx stating, “she’s fashioned a reputation among tech executives, entrepreneurs, investors, and publicists as a modern-day Silicon Valley yenta. Her 750 “active” clients — individuals who have signed up just within the last two years — include employees of companies such as Apple (AAPL), Facebook (FB), Google (GOOG), Amazon (AMZN), Oracle (ORCL), Salesforce (CRM) and run from early twenty-something entrepreneurs to retired tech execs and investors in their sixties.”

We love our young Linx members who are at FB and GOOG – so many of them are insanely bright, eager, and humble. A trend this week has been the large number of females from FB writing to me – a common theme seems to be that they work a ton and refuse to muddy the waters by dating colleagues at work. I think a lot of AAPL, AMZN, and LinkedIn GUYS have exactly the same mentality but are less likely to hit “SEND” and enlist the help of a matchmaker… Not sure if this is shyness, shame, or simply lack of awareness that something like Linx is literally exactly what could help and is not one of those artificial airline magazine stereotype dating services.

If you know anyone who could benefit from Linx at one of these companies out there in Silicon Valley email me. We’ve been hitting some campuses this week recruiting talent and saying hi to clients in between. We love spreading awareness about connecting Silicon Valley men and women to the right type of match through our thoughtful vetting and methodology of “science” meets “art.” In between meetings and recruiting at GOOG this week…glazed, plain, sprinkles, no sprinkles…variety is the spice of life.

Weddding bells are in the distance here at Linx. We have a beautiful couple tying the knot this weekend. A perfecting matched very happy couple who I am just on cloud 9 for. Both mid 30’s, Ivy League educated, and so evenly matched on all fronts. Grinning ear to ear here thinking about them. More later….

Follow me on Twitter @linxdating