Here’s How Women Flirt, According to Science

 

Demonstrating attraction oscillates between direct romantic overtures and subtle, almost subconscious, behaviors. Women—through cultural norms and socialization—are more prone to the latter. Flirting, mostly comprised of “nonverbal solicitation signals”, is the most common way women indicate preliminary interest, and it encompasses everything from a simple nod to physical contact.

 

Webster University Professor, Monica Moore, studied flirting behaviors in over 200 women. She along with two researchers, wanted to understand the most common flirting behaviors and then quantify the effects of flirting; they wanted to know just how much flirting influenced a potential male partner.

 

Moore and her team noted 52 flirtatious signals, but some of the most common signals included: hair flipping, giggling, sustained eye contact, smiling, dancing in place, moving closer, and showing off the neck.

 

After the man approached, the flirting escalated. Interested women would start touching his arms, legs, or back. Many would sit with their knee, foot or thigh touching his stool or his legs.

 

Ironically, the women who were approached the most were not the most attractive; they did not have as much facial symmetry or traditionally desirable hip-to-waist proportions. Instead, these women flirted the most—roughly 35 flirtatious signals per hour.

 

Which flirt techniques work best?

 

If flirting feels unnatural, you can still attract male attention with a simple smile. Researcher Nicolas Guegen, PhD, sent a single woman into a bar and asked her to make eye contact for 2 seconds at single men. He then asked her to maintain the 2 second eye contact but add a smile. The additional smile nearly quadrupuled the approach rate. The stronger the “invite”, the more likely a man will approach.

 

5 Easy Ways to Get Him to Approach You…and Ask You Out

If you’re not getting approached, you might wonder, ‘What are these men looking for?’ or ‘What is wrong with me?’ To answer the question, it’s important to note the difference between desirability and approachability. We all have traits that make us desirable, but unless we look available and willing to engage in conversation, our best qualities will stay a secret. In other words, YOU are not the problem, but there might be something wrong with the SIGNALS you send.

When it comes to approaching an interesting stranger, men and women are quite similar. We all have egos to protect. To make sure they don’t end up embarrassed or rejected, men look for any clue that reason to initiate conversation. If you want him to make the first move, try these five tips.

1. Choose your group wisely.

Women tend to go out in packs, adding extra pressure on someone deciding when and how to approach. When he knows he will not only have to impress you, but also your friends, you’re making it easier for him to bow out.

Men are also sensitive to other males. It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother or gay best friend. He’s not paying attention to the context, just the chromosomes.

Pro Tip: If the group is large, stand to the side so you can be approached without forcing him to engage the group. If you’re not interested, you can easily segue back into the group setting.

 

2. Cultivate an inviting vibe.

Your facial expression and body language matter. Smile at him and the people around you to put out the ‘I’m friendly and won’t be standoff-ish’ vibe. To escalate the moment, catch his gaze for sustained eye contact. All nonverbal communication has meaning, so consider what your posture and demeanor are saying.

Pro Tip: Always scan your surroundings to see if someone is trying to communicate with you via nonverbal cues. If you’re fixated on the conversation, you’ll miss opportunities to reciprocate interest.

 

3. Give him something to say.

For men, the hardest part of the approach is knowing what to say. You can grease the wheels by inadvertently supplying the topic via clothing or behavior. You might wear a sports jersey to give him an invitation to talk about the team or the upcoming game. Or, you could peruse the menu at length to give him an invitation to talk about what he ordered.

Pro Tips: Bring a prop. If you’re at the coffee shop, leave the book you’re reading on the table. It will give him the perfect springboard into conversation.

You might also consider wearing an unusual pendant when you’re out and about. The pendant doesn’t need to be expensive, but it needs to stand out to be a great ice breaker. As you’re sitting in the café, run your fingers along the chain while “reading” your book and glance up, locking gaze with an attractive male. You’re signaling interest without saying a word and inviting him to talk to you.

A pendant with a great story will help you gain even more traction. Maybe it’s an unusual crystal you had cast in silver from a hike you took in the Dolomites or a coin from your great grandmother. Sharing an interesting story about yourself is a great way to keep his attention and reveal your sense of adventure. And who doesn’t love being entertained by an interesting, worldly woman?

 

4. Remember: Location, Location, Location.

Proximity is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the approach. If you’re moving around, you’ll be a lot harder to catch. Try to stay in the same place to give him an opportunity to make a move.

Pro Tip: Settle in a place that is central to the room. If you are in a corner, not only are you harder to access, but you’ve raised the stakes by making it harder for him (and you) to move along if there’s no conversation.

 

5. Give him a reason to contact you.

Getting him to approach you is only the first step. You can escalate the conversation by bringing up topics that segue into plans. Upcoming events make for perfect conversation, even if you don’t end up attending the event together. In the conversation, you might ask about an extra ticket, but days later you might find yourselves circling back to talk about how the event was.

Pro Tip: Have personal calling cards with you at all times. Whereas business cards reveal too much personal information (like your last name) and tend to set the stage for business, a personal calling card is a smart dating tool that gives him all the information he needs to get in touch. Think first name, personal email, and mobile. Simple, classic, and elegant is best.

Ultimately, all of your actions should be inviting and reassuring to help your partner escalate the interaction into a more romantic situation. Smiling and encouraging the conversation to flow will make you more attractive to interested strangers.