Linx Q & A with Jodi Klein, Author of First Date Stories: Women’s Romantic and Ridiculous Midlife Adventures

Linx Q & A with Jodi Klein, Author of First Date Stories: Women’s Romantic and Ridiculous Midlife Adventures

What is the book about and why did you write it?

First Date Stories: Women’s Romantic and Ridiculous Midlife Adventures is a collection of true hopeful, hilarious, and horrific tales, plus takeaway tips and inspirational quotes told to me by women in midlife. I wrote it to provide entertainment, camaraderie and guidance to readers who are riding the dating rollercoaster or considering a comeback.

I want all daters to believe that they will find love, no matter how unlikely it may seem at times. To do that, they must keep going on first dates. Dating is a numbers game. The more people you meet, the greater chance you have to encounter your “Mr. Yes” or “Ms. Yes.” Also, you’re much more likely to fall in love after you’ve accepted and embraced who you are and truly love yourself. 

Not all the stories in the collection conclude with “happily ever after” endings, but each woman kept showing up for first dates because she believed that she was worthy of receiving love and that there was someone worthy of consuming the gift of her love. 

It is my hope that their stories inspire readers to do and feel the same. Millions of women in midlife are riding the first date rollercoaster. First Date Stories will help them take the ride together. 

Where did you get the idea from?

The idea was born out of my personal experience. I know what it’s like to date longer and later in life. A demanding career and desire to find my “Mr. Yes” led to me becoming an alumna of nearly 400 dates over the course of 26 years. As friends peeled off into coupledom, it became increasingly difficult to find women who were single like me. By the time I reached midlife, dating had gone from being a supportive, shared adventure, to what often felt like a solo journey.

I discovered that I wasn’t the only person who felt this way. I also came to realize that women derive empathy and connection through the sharing of our stories. But when you don’t know others who are in the same place in life as you, there are no stories to hear. If you don’t have people to connect with who relate to where you are, you can feel baffled by today’s dating scene, as well as frustrated, disconnected and possibly even lonely. Many of the women who I met for whom this was true were giving up on finding the love that they desired.

At the time, I was a member of a short story writing group. I casually began chronicling some of my first dates. As I told women about what I was doing, more of them wanted to share their tales. The momentum built. My fellow writers told me that they were curious about what happened following each date, so I inserted a section called “The Rest of the Story.” Realizing that there were lessons to be learned from each tale, I added Dating Takeaway Tips. Quotes from renown women are placed throughout for laughs and to instill some words to live by.

What started out as a side project evolved into this book. But the publishing process takes a long time. Creating a podcast doesn’t. So I launched the podcast and the blog in tandem while I continued to work on the book and the “First Date Stories Initiative” was born!  

Do you have a target reader? 

Absolutely! The target reader is a woman in her mid-thirties to early-60s who wants to meet a loving lifelong partner. I wrote it for “seasoned daters,” which is a term I coined for people who are in the dating scene longer than they’d anticipated they’d be. It was also written for women who have come out of long term committed relationships, who are divorced or widowed. Early reviewers have also pointed out that men dating in midlife who’d like to gain insights into the female psyche should also buy the book.

Has a book like this been written before?

To my knowledge, this collection is the first of its kind. Through the years, I’ve continued to search for a book that features a collection of true first date tales of women’s midlife dating travails. I have yet to find another one. 

How did you keep dating after so many years?

I kept believing I would meet my match. Not every hour of every day, but more often than not. I started writing First Date Stories a few years before I went on the most important first date of my life—with my future husband. We got engaged 10 months later and I became a first-time bride when I was 49 years old.

I share with readers how he and I met, and the first date we went on, in the book’s final chapter. Now I know that all the dating ups and downs that I lived through before meeting him were worth it, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time. 

I hope that First Date Stories will motivate readers to continue going on first dates. The reason is simple: if they don’t go on a first date, they’ll never go on a second, a fifth, a tenth, and move toward a lifelong, loving partnership.  

What are you working on now?

I’m continuing to work on the “First Date Stories Initiative,” which, with the addition of the book, is comprised of three components. 

There’s the “First Date Stories Podcast.” On each episode, I interview a woman about a memorable date she’s been on. Guests have revealed all kinds of stories, from whacky to wonderful. There was the veterinarian who showed his date the paintings he made from the blood that gushed out of his nose when it bled, the man who made a racist comment at dinner not realizing that the woman he was out with is half African American, the woman who met her boyfriend during the pandemic in a Comic-Con group on Facebook, and many more!

At the end of each episode the guest shares advice to help listeners become more in-the-know, confident daters. 

There’s also the “First Date Stories Blog,” which showcases writings by dating and relationship coaches and self-care experts. All of it can be found at FirstDateStories.com. The podcast can also be heard wherever people listen to podcasts.

You mentioned that your guests on the podcast share dating advice. What’s the advice you hear most often?

Guests have shared an array of advice over the nearly 50 episodes we’ve recorded. There is one theme that’s most common, though. It’s to be open! And by “open,” they mean open in multiple ways. 

Be open to being with a partner who’s different than you’d imagined your future partner to be. Be open to meeting them in a way or place that you hadn’t expected to. Be open in your communications with the people you date by telling them what’s essential to you in a loving relationship and what your boundaries and unacceptable are.  It’s when we’re open in both heart and in mind to what may come next that we’re more likely to welcome wonderful people and experiences into our lives and grow as human beings. 

How did you meet your husband? Please share with me some details about your first date. 

Actually, our first date almost didn’t happen! The final story in the collection, which is titled “The Traffic Trifecta,” chronicles how my husband and I met and our first date. There’s a lot to the tale and it’s a wild one. I’ll summarize it. 

We’d met at a business networking event earlier in the week. Shortly after unexpectedly asking me what my relationship status was as I munched on an appetizer, which I then nearly choked on, he left the event with my business card in hand. The next day he contacted me on LinkedIn and we set up a coffee date. Given that he’d messaged me on a business platform, I wasn’t sure if we’d scheduled a networking or personal rendezvous.

Although I’d given myself what should have been more than ample time to drive across San Francisco on a Friday afternoon to meet him at a café, I got stuck in the worst city traffic jam I’d ever experienced! Only then did I discover that downtown streets had been unexpectedly shut because the President of the United States was at a meeting! Multiple times I considered canceling and turning around. The longer I stayed locked in traffic, the shorter our date would have to be, as I was celebrating my birthday that evening with family. 

I decided that not even President Obama was going to keep me from getting to the date! So I channeled Steve McQueen from the movie “Bullit” and circuitously wound my way through the city’s streets and down alley ways, arriving at the café 45 minute late! 

Our time together flew by. We discovered numerous shared interests and a similar sense of humor. I was attracted to him and comfortable in his company. It all felt easy. Natural. When we said our goodbyes, he commented we should get together again. 

Later that evening, my mother asked if it had been a date or a business meeting. 

“It was a date,” I responded. 

“How do you know?” she asked. 

“Because he didn’t ask me one question about business!” We burst out laughing!

He asked me out for the following Friday, and we’ve been together ever since. We got engaged 10 months later, and I became a first-time bride at the age of 49 years old.

What a wonderful synopsis! How do you think women who are dating will be helped by reading this story?

First and foremost, I hope that it will be an entertaining and enjoyable read for women and for men who want to learn more about the women they’re courting. 

I believe there are at least three lessons to be learned from this story for people who want to find their match. One is to go to events alone. Yes, go solo. Shake off any uncomfortable feelings you might have showing up somewhere without a companion. You’re much more approachable when you’re not with a friend. It was because I wanted to talk to someone at the networking event, and the man who is now my husband was eating alone, that I walked up to him. 

The second is to talk to strangers. Forget what you were taught as a child. When you see someone from across the room, you should approach them and try to start a conversation. It’s so easy to miss these opportunities¾these gifts¾to connect with others. You lose out on saying hello to someone new who might add something special to your life, and they’ve been denied the chance to get to know you, even a little. 

And the third lesson is that you can find love at any age, at any moment in time, anywhere. Believe that you’re worthy of receiving love, that there’s someone out there who’s worthy of receiving the joy of your love. Don’t settle and keep showing up!

What’s your “secret sauce” to a happy marriage? 

There are numerous factors that go into making our marriage such a happy one. What I view as our “secret sauce” is that we are each other’s biggest champion, cheerleader and evangelist. We respect and believe in one another so deeply that we support each other’s goals and dreams unequivocally. It’s an amazing feeling when you find someone who believes that your success is their success and vice versa.

How can readers get your book? 

First Date Stories: Women’s Romantic and Ridiculous Midlife Adventures will be published on September 14 by She Writes Press! Readers can pre-order it from their local independent bookstore, Bookshop.org, Barnes and Noble, Amazon and wherever they like to buy their books. 

For a signed copy, they can purchase the book from Books Inc. or come to one of the upcoming events that are listed at FirstDateStories.com/Book. They can also find more information about the book, podcast and blog on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest.

Jodi’s Bio:

Jodi Klein is the author of First Date Stories: Women’s Romantic and Ridiculous Midlife Adventures, which will be published on September 14. She founded First Date Stories as a platform for women to share their tales and wisdom so that others can overcome the trials of dating in midlife and find the long-term love they seek. Jodi is a graduate of UC Davis and holds an MBA from the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan. She lives in San Francisco with her husband, where she spends time working with local non-profits and rooting for her favorite sports teams. For more information, please go to FirstDateStories.com. 

Experience The Linx Difference

Experience Matters 

After nearly 18 years in business, we are arguably one of the most seasoned matchmakers in the industry and are regularly spoken of as the top global matchmaker worldwide. Thousands of interviews later, we can confidently say that experience matters when hiring a tier one matchmaker.  We offer in-depth knowledge and expertise, as well as unparalleled reach via our network, for our clients. 

When doing your due diligence researching matchmaking firms, look for a company where the primary matchmaker working on your search is an industry veteran – someone who has sat through thousands of meetings, made countless matches, and who understands human behavior… someone with strong, deeply honed intuition and pattern recognition vs. a green matchmaker who’s been in the business for only a few years!

One of the greatest appeals of Linx is that our clients will work directly with Amy Andersen, the founder and CEO, throughout the search. Clients are not “farmed off” to junior matchmakers or individuals with little or no vested interest in the well-being of the client. 

Privacy and Reputation Matter

Keeping our client and prospect information private is a hallmark of the Linx philosophy and we maintain a sterling reputation in the industry, in this regard.

Trustworthiness goes hand in hand with how we conduct our work, and we adhere to the highest standards of integrity to ensure that we protect the identities of our clients and members. This means that we will not reveal any identifiable candidate information until a match is made and we certainly do not gossip about “whom” we work with around town as we live our daily lives. 

Founder and CEO Amy Andersen has emerged as the “Cupid of Silicon Valley” having matched many of Silicon Valley’s high profile tech elite, Hollywood, founder & CEOs, and more. Due to the private nature of many of Linx’s high profile clients, we operate meetings in our private offices, gardens, and also offer house visits.  

Exclusivity Matters 

Linx Dating does not cater to the masses – we represent high-caliber clientele who seek our niche, highly reputable approach to matchmaking. There are numerous other services that claim to be “exclusive” and to be working with “elite clients,” but the reality is, they broadcast their services in airline magazines and do not maintain the same standard of quality as Linx. 

Linx is the only upscale matchmaking firm that does not publicly advertise its services. We do not need to, as our client base has been built via nearly two decades of word-of-mouth referrals from happy clients and our extended social and professional networks.

Linx is also the only firm to cherry-pick clients whom we know we can genuinely help. We don’t work with everyone who applies and have been coined the “Stanford or Harvard University” of matchmakers. In being selective, we maintain our exclusivity and do not dilute our brand by taking on more business than we can handle. 

Integrity Matters

That said, even if we feel we cannot effectively help someone after our preliminary meet-and-greet, we always provide prospects with options and never leave them rudderless.  

The Network Matters 

It goes without saying, in hiring a tier-one firm, that you want an incredible network of passive members and premium clients, from whom to draw in sourcing potential matches. In other words, the network is everything! Without such a serious social network and trusted connections, a matchmaker has little to go on. 

To center in on a network, you want a highly developed local network. Though Linx has historically specialized in the San Francisco Bay Area / Silicon Valley and continues to do so, it has also accumulated a substantial network in Southern California. As they say with real estate, location, location, location! Linx is wedged in the heart of Silicon Valley and is here to stay! Moreover, though heavily anchored in California, Linx attracts members from all over the US and the globe including Seattle, New York, Texas, the Middle East, Europe, and Asia. 

Marketing Matters 

We know how important marketing is when it comes to our VIP client searches. With the right presentation, we can significantly optimize your positioning when it comes to attracting the ideal match. 

We are the only global firm that specializes in leveraging our trusted brand to market select VIP searches through use of social media, our blog, and website. We are consistently applauded for our content and writing. We have a very trusted team dedicated to graphic design, wordsmithing, and photography to make our VIP client descriptions shine, such that they ultimately attract the right candidates to apply to meet the client. 

We are proud to share that our method is a proven one.  Time and time again, VIP searches that were listed on the Linx Dating website attracted an exact “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs.  After scrupulous vetting, we matched the client to the prospect and, well, the rest is history.  

Timing and Preparation Matter

We are experts in carefully helping prospects transition to dating, often after having not dated for a significant period of time, e.g. after the loss of a loved one, separation, breakup, or divorce. We know how vital it is, before you “go on the market” again to get prepared and to go to market with success and gusto.  From providing the new client with nuggets of dating wisdom, to strategic thinking around the type of match they need for a healthy and long-term thriving relationship, and countless preparation techniques (wardrobe, coaching, concierge, etc.) we have you covered! 

Collaboration Matters 

We have trusted partnerships and deep resources when it comes to specialists in various fields. At Linx we know where our core expertise lies and are careful not to dilute our matchmaking efforts.  As such, we leverage our trusted connections, as needed, to provide a full suite of offerings to clients.  These include wardrobe styling, hair, make-up, photography, date coaching, fitness, nutrition, concierge services, and access to other elite matchmaking firms with whom we might collaborate on certain searches, so as to cast an even wider net.

Equality Matters 

While most traditional matchmaking firms do not seek to represent women as actual paying clients, Linx is extremely proud to do so – we represent many such educated and dynamic females who are bright, sophisticated, and possess stellar academic backgrounds.  

Technology Matters 

Although we are steeped in old school traditional methodology and human intuition when it comes to matchmaking, we do not operate in the stone age.

Our team regularly utilizes proprietary data science techniques, as appropriate, to cull candidates in executive search/recruiting style “out of network” searches for VIP clients.

Healthy Clients Matter

We work with individuals who are balanced and healthy – mentally and physically – and are in the right place to get serious about finding the loves of their lives!  

Our clients typically lead active lifestyles and enjoy the creature comforts with some moderation. Linx is also the only matchmaking firm that chooses not to work with smokers. 

Personalization and Passion Matter

As Linx only accepts a select number of clients annually, all of whom work directly with founder/CEO Amy Andersen, our services are highly personalized, narrowly tailored to the needs of the client, and built around regular and direct access to Amy, who built the business from scratch and is deeply passionate about what she does.

Love in the time of coronavirus: Making the most of quarantine

As cities around the country and the world go into coronavirus lockdown, your search for love doesn’t have to shelter in place. In fact, being in quarantine is a great opportunity to look inward to ask yourself what qualities you really want in a partner and is a chance to prepare yourself for a relationship once the quarantine ends.

Cultivating solitude and embracing it to find love

For naturally social creatures, getting locked into our homes with no end date can be tough to navigate, even for those of us with high levels of immunity to loneliness. 

To make peace with solitude, scientists recommend reframing the loneliness. 

Reed Larson, professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that solitude is like “a medicine which tastes bad, but leaves one more healthy in the long run,” that creates more positive emotions and less self-reported depression down the line. Susan Cain, author of the book Quiet, says “solitude is a crucial and underrated ingredient of creativity.”  This time of social distance is the perfect opportunity to get close with solitude.

So, how is solitude relevant to finding a partner?

Researchers Christopher Long and James Averill write that time alone allows us to order our priorities according to what we need, rather than the needs of others. Solitude is a powerful experience that allows us to prioritize what we want in our relationships. 

Start by asking yourself the following:

• Am I listening closely to what I want?
• How much do I weigh what my friends or family want for me? 
• What story does my dating life tell?

If answering these questions feels confusing, you’re not alone; isolation can make it difficult to experience clarity, but hang in there and don’t let this opportunity slip away.

Sherry Turkle, researcher and the founder of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self talks about our apprehension towards embracing solitude in her Ted talk: “The moment that people are alone, even for a few seconds, they become anxious, they panic, they fidget, they reach for a device. Just think of people at a checkout line or at a red light.”

Turkle goes on to urge people to create sacred spaces to embrace solitude, where you don’t get distracted or reach for your phone—such as an hour in the morning or lunchtime in between your remote conference calls.  It can be over a quiet cup of tea, a soak in a hot epsom salt bath, or whatever else might work for you.

That said, even once you’ve had a chance for solitude, your mind might still not be the easiest place to dwell. Past relationships and other noise can make it impossible to ask ourselves the questions we need to answer before continuing the search for a loving partner. 

Consulting with a matchmaker can help bring focus into the equation. Not only can we be a sounding board to get clarity on what those relationship priorities are, we’ll be able to jumpstart your love life once social restrictions are lifted. 

Building connection amidst quarantine

If you were already dating before the quarantine, you’ll need to get creative to build and sustain the connection. 

• Host a remote movie date. Netflix just released their Netflix Party Chrome extension that lets you watch “Netflix remotely with friends, e.g. for movie nights with that long-distance special someone. It synchronizes video playback and adds group chat.” Should pair well with a quarantine.

• Take a (virtual) museum stroll. Google Arts & Culture has partnered with some of the world’s most popular museums to give patrons a chance to see art and exhibits through their computer screens. The virtual tour might not be the most ideal, but you’ll get some brownie points for creativity.

• Spend a night at the opera. The Met is live streaming their operas each day. Of course you’d be more inclined to watch from the first row balcony, but desperate times call for alternative seating.

• Try a new (love) language. With quality time and physical touch on hold, give acts of service and words of affirmation a try. Support your favorite local restaurant and get a meal delivered. Check in frequently with texts and calls—don’t skimp on showing appreciation.

And if you’re combining social distance with long distance, then be sure to check out my practical tips on making long distance work.

As always, I am here to support you! Consider scheduling a virtual matchmaking session to get the process started. Once quarantine is over, you’ll be ready to mingle with some of the most eligible singles from around the world!

Matchmaker Updates

Dear Readers,

This week has been another super busy one taking many meetings with mostly men who qualify to meet some of our female VIP clients (interestingly, all the men we met this week are from Europe!)  We’ve even been doing house appointments to ensure complete discretion and privacy for some uber high profile VIP clients and prospects. In fact, last Saturday the Linx ladies arrived to a very high profile gentleman’s home in Silicon Valley to chat about matchmaking. We hear time and time again Linx Dating is the only matchmaker that well-educated, high caliber individuals would hire. Why? Due to our A+ reputation, scrupulous screening process, esteemed private network, and tireless dedication to our craft to name a few!

As the scope of our VIP client projects are vast and detailed, I’m hiring a highly skilled individual I’ve known for years to help with recruitment. She will leverage her existing networks and help source eligible individuals for us to add to our existing database and importantly, find people who could be that perfect “needle in a haystack” match for our VIPs. Following the Linx process, she will screen all candidates in person and cherry pick the best, weeding out the rest.

We protect our male and female clients all day long and serve as a giant filter for them. In the era of dating apps and dating “in the wild” on your own where you simply don’t know “who” you are dealing with, one can’t place a premium on the value we bring to our trusted clients.

We are also in the midst of planning a fabulous private Spring soiree in Silicon Valley. Linx events are always well attended and in high demand. Stay tuned for more on any upcoming events….

Next week is another very busy week with lots of matchmaking, appointments, and media projects. We are so grateful to our wonderful clients, match candidates in our database, and friends who provide such on-going support and love of Linx.

My dating advice for your upcoming dates this weekend is to always remember to be genuine! The worst thing you can do on a date is misrepresent yourself. Don’t pretend to be interested in things that truly bore you. Don’t bring up topics you don’t want to discuss. Don’t be silent about your own likes and dislikes because you don’t want to be judged.

Remember that, at heart, all Linx members are looking for the same thing – real and lasting human connections. So if you find yourself sitting across from a first date and neither of you knows what to say, start with the question that most single people would like to be asked more often; smile, take a deep breath, and open with “How was your day? ❤️

Have a great weekend ahead!

XX- Amy

 

2020 is off with a Bang!

Hi All,

Happy New Years! I don’t recall a time in running Linx for 16+ years now where it has been *this* busy. My days as a matchmaker are typically filled with fielding hundreds on inbound inquiries about joining Linx, screening prospects, meeting up with clients for date and general life de-brief sessions, creating matchmaking magic, and attending events as we hunt for singles. 😉 Rough life I know…. Last night the Linx ladies attended a glitzy art event put on by SF MOMA in San Francisco. We saw clients there, Linx couples even sipping champagne, rubbed shoulders with socialites, and searched the halls for attractive men and women. While many were married, we did manage to find a handful who will be fantastic additions to the Linx network. Our ice breaker is simple, “Are you single?” 

Outside of glittery events recruiting this week, we met with a beautiful young lady who flew up to meet us from Southern California. Although she’s in her early 20’s, it is obvious she is ready for love and even put work on hold to take a day off traveling to meet with us. She emailed me the next day sharing how much we impressed her and unbeknownst to me, posted a sparkling review on Yelp and agreed I could publish her kind testimonial here for you all to read.

One thing I would like to mention is often women who are 50+ email me sharing they get the impression Linx only works with 20’s and 30’s. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, we represent clients of all ages from 20’s to 70’s and love working with 50+ as they often truly have a firm command of “who they are” and “what they want” in a match. Many of our exclusive and married couples are 50+

Here is our new member’s testimonial…

“I’m not one to typically write reviews, however, I am so beyond IMPRESSED by Amy and her assistant Talia that I felt compelled to share my POSITIVE experience with Linx!

Background:
I’m in my early 20s and I have had no issues with finding dates. I go on 2-3 dates a week on average. However quantity does not equal quality: I’ve had an extremely tough time finding like-minded people who want commitment. About a month ago, I learned about matchmaking services. I researched and applied to almost every matchmaking site I could find.

My review:
From the first email Amy sent me, she set herself and her business apart from all the rest! She personally responds to each and every inquiry with great attention to detail, professionalism and poise. She even answered a few questions I had while she was on her holiday vacation in December! That made it so obvious that she CARES. She truly and deeply cares about the quality of service she provides. While other services treated me like basic inventory, only getting to know me at surface level and pressured me for their own lucrative gain, Amy delved into getting to know my character, personality, and my values without any added pressure or preconceived commitment. That’s when I knew I could TRUST Linx with this important aspect of my life.

Amy was also the ONLY matchmaker that set a side time for an in-person meeting. The meeting was originally only supposed to be about 20-30 minutes, Amy and her assistant Talia gave me over an hour of their time! From the moment I walked into their office, Linx welcomed me with open arms and reassured me that I was in good hands! Conversing with the gorgeous ladies at Linx was like chatting with my best and most trusted girlfriends!

If you’re looking to invest in your dating life, Linx is the way to go! People don’t remember what others say as much as they remember how people make them feel. Amy and Talia made me feel significant and important. In my personal experience, other matchmakers market themselves as high-end services, but Linx is the only service whose brand identity is truly luxurious through and through. From their beautifully crafted and easy-to-navigate interface of their website, the personal attention provided by Amy and Talia, to their pristine and warmly decorated office in Silicon Valley…Linx provides prestigious quality, attention to detail, and a service that goes beyond expectations!

This is my personal thank you to Linx, I’m so excited for this journey with you!

***Disclaimer: I was NOT compensated, encouraged, or expected to write this review, this is my genuine, personal, transparent and authentic opinion about this WONDERFUL business. I chose to write a review anonymously for the sole purpose of maintaining my personal privacy.”

Beauty and the Geeks…Linx Featured in Los Angeles Magazine

 

HIGH-END MATCHMAKERS ARE DOING A BRISK BUSINESS PAIRING LOVELORN L.A. LADIES WITH SILICON VALLEY CEOS. Beauty and the Geeks Story for Los Angeles Magazine written by Sean Elder.

 

Did you hear the one about the actress who caught her boyfriend in bed with another woman?  “Tom!” she cried. “What are you doing?”  “Well, I got a speaking part in the new Spider-Man,” he replied, “and an American Express ad. …” Mona (not her real name) is a 45-year-old former movie actress who’d had it with fickle Hollywood types. “In my 20s I would only date guys in entertainment: actors, musicians, producers, directors. I needed the excitement. And then you have some experiences, and you get a little wiser.”

She dated businessmen and other professionals and fared no better until she started seeing a shrink who made her realize that she was dating the same kind of men and expecting different results. “The men that I was attracted to had narcissistic tendencies,” she says. “These guys were all successful and also very self-focused and pleased with themselves, perhaps a little too much.” That’s when she sought out a matchmaker.

For years any time one of her girlfriends became single, the others would say, “Head up to the San Francisco Bay Area.” “When I was younger, I probably would have never thought about dating a Silicon Valley guy,” says Mona. But according to Amy Andersen, the San Francisco-based matchmaker who worked with Mona to find the right man, the trend is bigger than her and her girlfriends. “About two and a half years ago, I started getting a ton of pings and inquiries from women living down in Los Angeles trying to find a good, like-minded man,” Andersen says.

As fate, or some algorithm, would have it, the tech world is rife with men with similar complaints. Some are modern masters of the universe. They work for companies and, in some cases, have created or developed products that changed the world and made them and many other people millions. But that does not mean that they can find the right woman Saturday night.

Take Jay, a pseudonym for a San Francisco investment mogul in his early 50s who, like most people in this story, didn’t want to be identified. Jay was married for 17 years before divorcing amicably. He missed the rise of online dating, though he made up for lost time a year after his divorce. “I was mainly immersing myself for the first time in dating sites and found it to be a very significant waste of time,” he says. “I developed empathy for my children in understanding the way these sites are set up to make you addicted to them and keep spinning faces to look for somebody.”

After spinning through a lot of faces, and going on a lot of dates, Jay decided to seek professional help. “I began interviewing a few matchmaking firms—actually I had my assistant do that—and then I got it down to a few, and I met them,” he says. After hear- ing what he was looking for in a woman, “they all told me you’re not likely to find that person in the San Francisco Bay Area.”

Andersen founded her company, Linx Dating, in part to find women for the men of Silicon Valley, who can be peculiar, to say the least. She grew up in nearby Marin County but got into a serious relationship with a “quintessential Silicon Valley geek,” to whom she is now married. “I witnessed that there was a huge surplus of eligible men and a dearth of women,” she says. The statistics back her up. According to a recent article in The Washington Post, there are 40 percent more men than women just in Palo Alto (home to SAP, Tesla, and Hewlett-Packard). Bear in 2018 women held only 20 jobs in tech. 

The line you’ll hear from women about dating in Silicon Valley is: “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” Chances are that a genius coder or engineer spent his college years in his dorm room hunched over his laptop, while his less talented roommate was practicing pickup lines at parties. Those “odds” who went on to make their fortunes
didn’t do it by settling…..

Jay is wealthy enough to pay for a VIP, customized matchmaking experience. The woman he sought would be beautiful, yes, but older, preferably with kids—and into having more. “I’m looking for truly external and internal beauty,” he says. “And the external beauty factor in the Bay Area doesn’t seem to get divorced. I’ve now talked to five of these firms in depth for the last 20 months, and they all say the same thing, and no one has an explanation. There are just not many. There’s one: my ex. There are coyotes all over her.”

Jay says he has met some beautiful, intelligent, divorced women in the Bay Area. But he has complaints. “They have not taken care of themselves like these women that are in more vanity oriented cities,” he says. “Mainly skin care my friend. The sun does bad things. Yes, there are women in great shape in the Bay Area who do all this outdoor activity, but their skin shows their age.”

He says New York and L.A. have the best “supply side of women,” but the pool of eligible bachelorettes in their late 30s to 40s is greater in Los Angeles. “There are enormous numbers of women that either never got married, and now they’re 38 or had long-term relationships that didn’t work out, or they’re divorced,” he says. “And they’ve taken good care of themselves. There’s so many of them that want to get married to a monogamous partner, and the guys in L.A. are not capable of it.”

“The upside of Los Angeles is that arguably the most beautiful people in the country, if not the world, live there,” says Mona. “And then the downside of that is that it’s like a candy store for men.”

Through Andersen, Jay met a woman in Orange County who fit his bill. She owned a fitness business and had two kids in grade school—a plus for him. And if a fit, fun, smart woman of a certain age (presumably with great skin) was a novelty for Jay, you can imagine how he looked to his new girlfriend. “I feel like I’m a unicorn down there,” he says. “Like, you want to get married again? You actually are open to having children?” But after introducing her to his family and touring Europe with her on his yacht, Jay decided that his dream date still had issues she needed to sort out with her ex, and at press time they were on hiatus.

Unlike online dating, matchmakers are expensive. Andersen recruits eligible women to be part of her database and then tries to pair them with the right bachelor. Some women compensate the matchmaker if the pairing is successful, paying a bonus if they get married or engaged. But generally it’s the men who pay.

“People on the VIP level want us to exercise all options and not limit our search to an existing database,” says Andersen. “They want strategic searching, very akin to a professional headhunter looking for the perfect CEO for a tech company.”

Take Jack, a Silicon Valley pioneer in his 40s who worked for one of the biggest names in tech before moving on to help develop another brand-name technology. He also found dating apps a waste of time, though he partly blames himself for that. “I try to think of myself as a very kind person; I like to think of everyone as an amazing person that I could learn stuff from,” he says. “So I wouldn’t meet someone and go, ‘You’re not the right person for me’ and then cut it short. I’d end up spending three hours with them.”

And what wasn’t he finding in Silicon Valley? “A lot of the women were not as feminine as what I was used to in my upbringing,” he says, adding that his parents are “European.” “Even the women that are working in marketing jobs in tech companies, they’re just not as feminine as what I had acquired as a standard.” In a place where even the saleswomen don’t necessarily wear makeup, what’s a boy to do?

Enter Marie, who is in her late 30s and runs a successful entertainment company in L.A. “I never had any problems meeting men or [them] even wanting to pursue more serious relationships with me,” she says. Andersen introduced the couple over the phone more than a year ago; within a few months of meeting, Jack had bought a house in West L.A. not far from Marie. He proposed, and she accepted—but that relationship, too, has gone the way of all flesh. Jack decided he wanted to keep his options open, according to Andersen. “He can’t face the reality that relationships take work,” she says.

Mona was the itinerant partner in her relationship. She met her boyfriend through Andersen a few months ago, and they dated quite chastely. They went on eight dates before they kissed and waited three months before they slept together. He’s 60, a divorced dad, and a recognizable name in the tech world. “His experience was similar in that, when he went to Andersen, he said, ‘I’m looking for the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with,’” she says.

The early signs were good. Despite her career as an actress in the world’s vainest city, Mona had resisted the pressure to get Botox. Miraculously her new Silicon Valley boyfriend told her he found the age lines around her eyes “beautiful.” Now they are moving in together, and he even bought them a second home on the beach in Malibu so she can stay close to her L.A. network. They’re talking about a wedding, and while they may not have settled on where to have the ceremony, they want the matchmaker to marry them.

 

 

Matchmaking Magic 🤩 🏹

Spring is on the horizon (thank goodness!) and there are so many Linx couples who are exclusive and completely in love. As founder of Linx, in my 16 years of running my company, quite honestly, I have never seen anything like it. My craft has been significantly fine-tuned over the years and so much of my matchmaking style goes on “gut” and instinct. Far less on metrics and science. I am predicting many engagements occurring in the next 12 months.

Here is a testimonial from a former client who’s now off-the-market. He’s extremely private but agreed to write something for you readers to enjoy…

“I was a skeptical of matchmaking and Amy completely changed my views on that. The third person she matched me with is truly the soulmate I have been looking for in the 8 years since I got divorced.

I had never come close to finding true love with my numerous mobile app dates. Her process was very detailed and I appreciate she spent considerable time in-person getting to know me.

I am over the moon now that I found my beautiful and amazing sweetheart through Amy.

When you search for a needle in a haystack you are far better off with the help of a needle magnet like Amy! Don’t waste your time elsewhere!” 

 

– Anonymous 40-something entrepreneur 

Observations from a Single Dad in the Bay Area Dating Scene

 

In 2014, I became single after the completion of a thirteen-year relationship, which included eight years of marriage. These days I’m a 43-year old single dad with two girls, ages five and eight, navigating a dating scene that has changed quite a bit since 2001. Amy asked me to write about some of my observations, which I thought would be fun. Naturally, what has worked for me may not work for others and these are just some of my thoughts at this point in time. I’m sure that as I continue to learn and grow my thoughts will also evolve.

 

• Dating Experience as a Single Dad: Within a few months of becoming single, I started dating again. Of course, I didn’t know it at the time but I wasn’t ready emotionally at all! Looking back though I think it was important to just get out and meet women. I was honest about my situation with those that I met. Shortly thereafter, I found myself in a nine-month relationship, which ended up really helping me to get back on my feet. Since then I’ve been on over thirty dates and while none have panned out from a relationship perspective it has provided me with experiences that I’ve used to help narrow my focus on what I’m really looking for in a partner.

Key Takeaways: Just get out of the house and have fun! Don’t overthink things. Every date doesn’t have to be a perfect match and it is likely that with each date you will learn about something new and will grow as a person. I’ve been on dates including night swimming at Aquatic Park, rock climbing, cycling, hiking, running, formal events and more – all with women that I barely knew. I would have never experienced any of these fun events if I didn’t just get out of the house!

 

• Online Dating: Of course, back in 2001 there was no such thing as online dating. Sure, you could have surfed the personals in the SF Weekly or Bay Guardian, but that wasn’t something that was done by anyone that I knew. It was really all about getting out and making a real effort to meet women in person. No texting – we would exchange numbers and leave voicemail messages. How fun it was to experience the suspense of waiting for a woman to return a message on the answering machine! Or coming home and asking your roommates, “Did she call?” Sadly, these days if you leave a voicemail instead of a text it seems most women would think you’re crazy.

The biggest issue I have with online dating is that no matter what the person looks like or writes like or even talks like on the phone, you just don’t know how it’s going to work out until you meet in person. This is a very time-consuming process because you end up going out with a lot of women that you would have never gone out with had you met the old-fashioned way to begin with. And while there is a plus side to this in terms of life experience and learning about new people as I described above, the downside is a seemingly constant state of not expressing interest in someone else, or vice versa. Even though everyone knows the process, it can still be a little disheartening, especially when you meet a really nice person and you wish the chemistry could just be there!

I also think that online dating presents a false sense of choice. Yes, there are tons of women that you could go out with, but really there’s only a tiny fraction that you would be compelled to see again after a first date, or vice versa.

Key Takeaways: Online dating can be useful and fun for an immediate high volume approach, but it can also be a time sink. Try to take it in bite sized chunks – do it for two or three months, then take a break. Or better yet, join an outdoor club/team (running, cycling, rock climbing, etc.) Prospects seem to be much better when meeting in the real world through a common acivitity. And in any case, if you meet someone that you really like, put real effort into making time for that person in your life. Don’t take those opportunities for granted and don’t play games.

 

• Be Kind to Yourself: Shouldn’t life become easier and less complicated as we become older and wiser? While you’d think this would be the case, in terms of relationships we sometimes carry fears with us from prior experiences that can take a long time to heal. But don’t worry – we’re all in the same boat. So, if you’ve ever been in love, be elated that you had it while you did, and if you’ve never been in love remain hopeful because everyone deserves to be in love. I say this because many of the women I’ve met tell me that they stuck around too long for a man that wouldn’t commit and now they’re left with little time to start a family. Regardless of any mistakes you’ve made in past relationships, acknowledge them but don’t dwell on them. Learn from them. We’ve all made fumbles in life and the best we can do is to not repeat history.

Key Takeaways: Everything is working out just the way it’s supposed to. Enjoy the journey! Once you do find love either again or for the first time you’ll be glad that you experienced everything that you did. It will all make sense when it’s said and done.

After writing this piece I’m not sure if I wrote it for you or me! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I’d also like to say in closing that some of the most remarkable women that I’ve met in the past three years have come through Amy’s service. So, if Amy has a suggested date for you, try not to second guess it. Just go for it and increase your chances of finding love.