Dating

Linx Dating Mixer Recap…A Night to Remember ❤️🍾…

IMG_5562-MW.jpgOn November 15th, Linx hosted an exclusive and invite-only soiree at the chic new Park James Hotel in Menlo Park. Around 80+ guests mingled with one another and enjoyed an evening of cocktails and conversation. The party started at 6pm and wrapped around 9pm with every guest receiving a very generous gift bag filled with treats from our sponsors (certificate from Illuminate Plastic Surgery, Elisha Marie skin care, Brava oven, Essentique body oil, Glassy Baby, a 375 ML of Absolut Elyx, and a gorgeous Silicon Valley Magazine to top things off.

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Linx is very grateful to the incredible staff at the Park James for hosting our group and for our exceptionally generous sponsor, Pernod Ricard, pouring amazing drinks all night.  Guests got to sip creative libations titled “Silicon Spritz” (Absolut Elyx vodka, Lillet Rose, and Tonic) and “It’s a Match” (Avion Silver tequila, lime, pineapple, with an optional Perrier Jouet float) to name two.

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A certain celebrity guest graced the party named Li Lou the pig. Why not throw a pig in the mix and shake up a traditional mixer and provide the ultimate ice breaker and reason to smile?!

IMG_5569-MW.jpgWe received lovely emails from many guests after commenting on the evening:

“Thank you for the most festive and wonderful  party ! I loved every minute of it.
Great hotel, divine food and wine, special and very interesting group of successful people, generous gift bags, but most of all- You-…kind and welcoming everyone !
What a special and memorable evening!”
“Dear Amy…thank you for hosting and inviting me to a fabulous mixer! It was chic, elegant,. glamorous, and classy…I had a great time!”
Hi Amy, thanks again for inviting me to your party! I had a great time and met some great people. I gave my card out to two people. We shall see if they would like to connect. I would have liked to talk to others but you can’t talk to everyone!” 
Thanks so much for including me in the happy hour last night.  Quality people and good to meet some of your happy clients.  I told a few “prospects” at the event that you are very professional and they should consider your services, including how the business is at capacity and wait-listed. 🙂  Many of us discussed having had sub-par experiences on dating apps and not being able to meet people in our own work circles, so Linx is a significantly BETTER choice.  I also reviewed Linx 5-stars on Yelp.”
“Nice to see you on Thursday. Thanks so much! I loved the pig too:)” 
“Hi Amy, thank you for inviting me to your event. I met three wonderful women there. Perhaps one of them will work out to be my partner. On par with your Stanford country club event.” 
If you would like too be considered for future private events of Linx, please email our founder.
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Not interested in going out again with your date? How to reject with class. 👏🏻

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I had a client email me this week inquiring about how to reject the idea of another date if she is genuinely not interested in a future with her match.
She asked, “How/when should I let me date know if I’m not interested? I never want to disappoint them after the date, so I don’t always say exactly what I feel. And sometimes I need some time to think it over. I feel bad when I have to text that I’m not interested because I don’t think it’s the best way. How should I go about being honest with them in the moment?”
I told her a good rule of thumb is to either call or text about mid day the next day. I would wait till after the date and both parties go home. If he texts right after the date and you know you definitely do not want another date, just wait till the next day to respond.
Saying in person at the end of the date is off-putting and painful to hear. So sudden! So soon! No time to reflect and digest. Ouch! It’s like a giant slap in the face. So instead, wait till the next day to gently let your date know you’re not interested. This is a bit more elegant and mature approach to modern dating.
If you are not comfortable calling, in the early stages of dating, a text is fine. If you have had multiple dates with someone, it is best to get together in person to explain you’re just not feeling it or a phone call is acceptable.
A good “template” to follow involves starting the conversation with compliments and praise. Random examples are:
-Thank you for finding such a cool dinner spot last night. I had never even heard of that restaurant and I am so glad you introduced me to such unusual tapas. 
-Thank you for being a gentleman and so kind. It is honestly rare that men open doors anymore and to treat me as well was a welcome surprise! 
– I loved your creative sense of style and the fact that you sewed your own dress by hand is beyond cool. Very unique- especially when everyone seems to go to find easy solutions to buy clothes with online purchases. I’ve never met anyone that knows how to sew and do it with such precision. 😉 
-I was blown-away when you mentioned you completed your Ph.D. program in 3 years on top of full-time work.  That’s truly impressive and no small feat. 
-I loved your story last night of how you decided to start volunteering on the weekends. Finding someone as compassionate and empathetic as you are is frankly rare! 
It then segues to you having taken the necessary time to digest the date and subsequently reflect. Upon your reflection, you feel the long-term chemistry isn’t fully there to warrant another date. (I like people to volley back with a question after this statement such as, and perhaps you agree with me?)
Pay another compliment to the effect of how you have no doubt that he/she will find the love of their life in due time.
This is an extremely kind and tasteful way to gently let your date down and pay it forward with compliments good modern dating behavior. It is so much nicer than ghosting or getting into a texting dialogue, thus leading the other person on- especially if you have no intension of going out again with him/her.
Standout from everyone else by handling the more difficult conversations with elegance when you’re out there dating. You will not only make your date feel better about themselves but in-turn, you will feel great about taking the high road.

 

Just in….client testimonial ❤️

“I am writing to tell you that (name omitted) and I are in a committed, exclusive relationship! She is the love of my life! I am as smitten today as I was on our first date in January. Only now I know that much more about her and have fallen in love with this spectacular woman! She is adding so much to my life!

I have met her children and am off to a good start with them. We just returned from a fabulous one-week vacation and enjoyed every minute of our time together! She has invited me to join her later this month, with her family and friends, at her treasured vacation home. And we have a long list of things to share into the future.

We have agreed that we are perfect for each other – always comfortable together, discussing everything openly (including the hard stuff) and supporting each other during these times of change.

She is such a caring person, empathetic, listens so well, is flexible and accommodating. Yet she is also strong and voices her feelings and opinions to me. She is a hard worker devoted to her family, career development and charitable interests. So fun to be around such a motivated, interesting woman!

I want to thank you again for introducing me to her. You certainly saved your best client for me! Amy, thanks again for your very caring and professional support on this journey! I am very grateful to have her in my life!” 

Do women find men sexier when they’re taken? Here’s what the research says

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Does it feel like you’re getting more attention now that you’re in a relationship? If so, there’s a scientific explanation behind your new popularity.

When women prefer a man they know to be taken over a single counterpart, they are engaging in a phenomenon scientists call mate-choice copying. Specifically, the phenomenon describes what happens when a woman “observes a romantic or sexual interaction between a male and another female (referred to as the model female) and preferentially chooses that male as a mate” (Pruett-Jones, 1992). In other words, the woman on your arm or the the wedding band on your finger are letting other women know that you’ve been pre-screened.

Finding a compatible partner isn’t easy—and the equation becomes even more stressful with a biological clock ticking in the background. To help filter worthy candidates, women look for clues. They evaluate men for the usual trademarks of great genes: height (Sheppard & Strathman, 1989), facial hair (Waynforth, Delwadia, & Camm, 2005), and facial symmetry (Little, Jones, & DeBruine, 2011). Women are also analyzing contextual clues; they rated men with status symbols like expensive cars (Dunn & Searle, 2010) and expensive clothes (Townsend & Levy, 1990) more desirable.

But, what about the other factors? Like temperament, passion, or sociability?

Personality does count but, unlike evaluating external cues, getting to know someone requires a substantial time investment. Instead of running her own due diligence, a single woman might take a shortcut with mate-choice copying. If a man is with a girlfriend, the single woman will use the girlfriend’s judgment to determine that the man would make a good partner.

So, I should only leave the house with a woman from now on?

It’s a bit more complicated than that. For a single woman to value the girlfriend’s judgment, the girlfriend must be as attractive if not more attractive than the single woman. To understand how much the girlfriend’s attractiveness matters, scientists gave participants pictures of potential mates alone and also pictured as part of a couple. Each potential mate was pictured with a “girlfriend” who was either unattractive, moderately attractive, or very attractive.

The desirability of the man was directly correlated to the attractiveness of his female partner. Participants rated men with attractive “girlfriends” much more desirable than the same men photographed alone. But, if the man is holding company with an unattractive partner, he’s actually rated as less desirable.

Mate-choice copying might sound like a conniving dating strategy specific to some morally questionable single ladies, but scientists assert that it’s more benign. It’s less about a single woman trying to steal another woman’s mate; instead, it’s probably just a single woman adapting her opinion to mirror that of a peer. We use other people’s opinions to help shape our own. If a woman sees a man who has been highly rated previously, it’s likely she will do the same.

5 Easy Ways to Get Him to Approach You…and Ask You Out

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If you’re not getting approached, you might wonder, ‘What are these men looking for?’ or ‘What is wrong with me?’ To answer the question, it’s important to note the difference between desirability and approachability. We all have traits that make us desirable, but unless we look available and willing to engage in conversation, our best qualities will stay a secret. In other words, YOU are not the problem, but there might be something wrong with the SIGNALS you send.

When it comes to approaching an interesting stranger, men and women are quite similar. We all have egos to protect. To make sure they don’t end up embarrassed or rejected, men look for any clue that reason to initiate conversation. If you want him to make the first move, try these five tips.

  1. Choose your group wisely.

Women tend to go out in packs, adding extra pressure on someone deciding when and how to approach. When he knows he will not only have to impress you, but also your friends, you’re making it easier for him to bow out.

Men are also sensitive to other males. It doesn’t matter whether he’s your brother or gay best friend. He’s not paying attention to the context, just the chromosomes.

Pro Tip: If the group is large, stand to the side so you can be approached without forcing him to engage the group. If you’re not interested, you can easily segue back into the group setting.

 

  1. Cultivate an inviting vibe.

Your facial expression and body language matter. Smile at him and the people around you to put out the ‘I’m friendly and won’t be standoff-ish’ vibe. To escalate the moment, catch his gaze for sustained eye contact. All nonverbal communication has meaning, so consider what your posture and demeanor are saying.

Pro Tip: Always scan your surroundings to see if someone is trying to communicate with you via nonverbal cues. If you’re fixated on the conversation, you’ll miss opportunities to reciprocate interest.

 

  1. Give him something to say.

For men, the hardest part of the approach is knowing what to say. You can grease the wheels by inadvertently supplying the topic via clothing or behavior. You might wear a sports jersey to give him an invitation to talk about the team or the upcoming game. Or, you could peruse the menu at length to give him an invitation to talk about what he ordered.

Pro Tips: Bring a prop. If you’re at the coffee shop, leave the book you’re reading on the table. It will give him the perfect springboard into conversation.

You might also consider wearing an unusual pendant when you’re out and about. The pendant doesn’t need to be expensive, but it needs to stand out to be a great ice breaker. As you’re sitting in the café, run your fingers along the chain while “reading” your book and glance up, locking gaze with an attractive male. You’re signaling interest without saying a word and inviting him to talk to you.

A pendant with a great story will help you gain even more traction. Maybe it’s an unusual crystal you had cast in silver from a hike you took in the Dolomites or a coin from your great grandmother. Sharing an interesting story about yourself is a great way to keep his attention and reveal your sense of adventure. And who doesn’t love being entertained by an interesting, worldly woman?

 

  1. Remember: Location, Location, Location.

Proximity is one of the biggest factors when it comes to the approach. If you’re moving around, you’ll be a lot harder to catch. Try to stay in the same place to give him an opportunity to make a move.

Pro Tip: Settle in a place that is central to the room. If you are in a corner, not only are you harder to access, but you’ve raised the stakes by making it harder for him (and you) to move along if there’s no conversation.

 

  1. Give him a reason to contact you.

Getting him to approach you is only the first step. You can escalate the conversation by bringing up topics that segue into plans. Upcoming events make for perfect conversation, even if you don’t end up attending the event together. In the conversation, you might ask about an extra ticket, but days later you might find yourselves circling back to talk about how the event was.

Pro Tip: Have personal calling cards with you at all times. Whereas business cards reveal too much personal information (like your last name) and tend to set the stage for business, a personal calling card is a smart dating tool that gives him all the information he needs to get in touch. Think first name, personal email, and mobile. Simple, classic, and elegant is best.

Ultimately, all of your actions should be inviting and reassuring to help your partner escalate the interaction into a more romantic situation. Smiling and encouraging the conversation to flow will make you more attractive to interested strangers.

 

 

Dating: Is it Really just a Numbers Game?

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After a bad date, string of bad dates, or zero dates, you might hear someone encourage you to try again with the old adage: “Dating is just a numbers game.” Sounds like a straightforward concept, but is there truth to this?

 

Although more dates increase the odds of meeting someone, you are not making the most of your dating experiences or your time unless you are learning more about yourself or figuring out a better picture of what you’re looking for.

 

MEN: If the “numbers game strategy” involves asking every woman you meet on a date in hopes one says yes, you are missing the point. However, if you are employing some level of discernment beyond visual cues, you are more likely to find a meaningful connection.

 

WOMEN: If your “numbers game strategy” involves going out with men with whom you haven’t had a single meaningful interaction but who are simply interested in you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Give yourself a chance to establish baseline connectivity before committing to a date.

 

When dating becomes a numbers game, it pushes us into a quantity over quality mindset, overwhelming our capacity to connect. One, it becomes easier to be more casual, passive about dating if each date is just an outing—not finding an opportunity to really connect. Two, you risk dating burnout. And, three, to achieve stronger, more meaningful interactions—the kind that last—we must know ourselves to filter potential candidates effectively.

 

Think you might be stuck on a lackluster romantic hamster wheel? Try asking yourself the following questions:

 

Does this person offer me chemistry and sustainability?

The chemistry makes things interesting, but what good is amazing chemistry unless it can lead to a deeper, enduring relationship? Unlike chemistry, the sustainability question requires logic. It may feel like you’re conducting an interview but getting clear answers on whether a potential partner is in a place—geographically and emotionally—to invest in a relationship will ultimately save you time and energy.

 

Am I aware of myself and what I am looking for?

Some of us carry negative habits and energy which can block our ability to receive and give love. Left unaware about the things we do to make ourselves less loveable will make it harder for a partner to connect. Furthermore, without knowing our blind spots, we won’t be able to select the right person to balance us.

 

Am I willing to take responsibility for the impact I have on another person’s emotions?

 

Taking responsibility for the way you date will make you more conscious about who you date. When you are deliberately seeking sustainable relationships, you’ll fine tune your ability to sniff out the relationships that don’t serve long term needs.

 

 

 

 

 

How to Get Over a Break Up ASAP

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Both sides of the break up coin are agonizing. The person initiating the split has to fill the role of bearer of bad news, usually wounding the heart (and ego) of someone who he or she cares for deeply. He or she usually experiences guilt, confusion, and a unique type of stress that stems from knowing the end is near. On the other hand, we have the person receiving a final decision. Stripped of all opportunity to direct the course of the relationship, this person is left vulnerable, helpless, shocked, or disappointed.

If there was connection—real connection—pain is to be expected from all parties involved. We also know that every relationship that doesn’t make it to the next level will end with a breakup, yet we still find ourselves hurting after every split.

So, how do we heal from heartbreak faster?

  1. Avoid Numbing Agents—Shopping, food, alcohol, rebounds, pills, and drugs used to mask the pain will only prolong the agony of loss. Deriving relief this way will only push you deeper into depression, debt, or weight gain.

 

  1. Feed Yourself Well—When your heart is hurting, it’s even more important to monitor what goes in your body. Excessive sugar will crash your system; processed food will challenge your energy; and not eating will stress your heart even further. Now is the time to treat yourself to the best food you can get your hands on.

 

  1. Bring Yourself Joy—It’s easy to fall out of love with yourself just because someone else has. So many factors lead to relationships ending; we forget that so many of those reasons have nothing to do with who we are.

 

  1. Follow the Good Vibes—We tend to feed off of the energy around us. Experiment with a new crowd that offers you a fresh start. Science reveals laughing and smiling are instant mood lifters, so give yourself an opportunity to absorb the joy around you.

 

  1. Remove the Reminders—Pictures, cards, and other reminders should be out of sight. There is no need to live among reminders of relationships past. The mementos, seemingly innocuous, can derail your path to healing. Also, consider un-following—not unfriending—your ex on social media. You can always change the setting when you’re in a better place without anyone finding out.

 

  1. Keep it Simple—This is harder than you think. Attending parties he/she might attend? No. Finding reasons to reach out? No. Keeping in touch with his/her friends? No. It’s easy to think you can “be adult” about crossing paths, but the heavy emotional charge has a way of clouding better judgment.

Ironically, the things we are least likely to do during a break up — eating right, visiting friends, meeting new people—are the things that will help us heal the fastest. Giving yourself the time to cope with loss is going to fast track you to a better place with a better partner.