Getting to Date Two Strategies and Advice

It might seem trivial but getting to date two can present its fair share of challenges. Last night I moderated a mock date. A mock date is a simulated date where I hire someone who has experience with dating to serve as my clients date for the night. My client (an early 30’s female in tech living in Silicon Valley) agreed to do a mock date after 4 hours of in-office training.

We worked together on many areas that she felt she wanted to improve on in order to be the best date possible. Topics we worked on pre mock date were: How to greet your date? What to talk about? How to flirt? What is off limits conversationally? What if your dates keeps talking and talking? How to battle major jitters? What if you are inherently a more quiet/shy person..how to stand out on a first date and *shine*? How to get to date two on date one? How to end the date (i.e., hand shake, hug, kiss…run the other way ;))

The mock date provides “real time” feedback and it is a very impromptu sort of format with no set rules or major guidelines. We pause if needed from the date, do “time outs”, and give the client essential feedback necessary in order to correct behavior and reprogram one’s approach. For instance, if a client talks too much about a subject that is sort of starting to go down a slippery slope, we will literally say “time out” and stop. Either the date or myself will explain our perspective and why the client should consider our approach. We will then resume the mock date and have the client practice. We will have the client do as many practice runs as possible till he/she gets it right.

The cool thing is that this client got powerful data straight from her date. Her date was unfiltered, honest, and shared what men want. Last night per usual, I was sitting right there on the “date” with them observing, taking notes, and giving my feedback as needed. Sound awkward with me there? It is for a bit then the client typically just fades me out. The client can also pause at anytime and ask for “on demand” advice as well. Where else can you get anything like this?

Here are some high level insights straight from her date that can be added to your dating arsenal of dating techniques too.

If you are a more quiet type, speak louder. Be very aware of your surroundings (i.e., table next to you is loud, don’t let their noise drown you out.)

Dating can be nerve wracking but try to make dating fun for you!

Keep your body relaxed and not stiff or robotic.

Don’t be afraid to speak up. If you really want the steak frites, order it.

For women, nonverbal flirting cues like playing with hair turns guys on. So do it more.

Men share they like a woman who has her own thoughts and opinions about a wide range of subjects. You don’t need to necessarily agree with your date. Who wants a ‘yes’ woman? Be someone who is bold in her convictions and speak your mind eloquently. That shows confidence. Confidence is sexy for both genders.

Right before you eat, bring it present and focused on the moment. Say “Cheers, so nice to meet you….thanks, really a lovely evening.”

If your date is dragging on and on about a subject that you feel is quickly going down a slippery slope, you must bring the date to the present….the here and now.

If you have butterflies and don’t want to eat…just order something small. Men will think you have an eating issue, are high maintenance, something is wrong, or worse yet you don’t like him.

Does the female pay on date one? No. If he asked you, absolutely not. It’s insulting if you insist on paying. If he accepts, run. Set the standard for yourself from day one.

Random things can happen on dates like you see an EX! Roll with the punches and be spontaneous. It is good for the soul. Be gracious and friendly and again focus to the present moment, i.e., your date. Versus getting caught up in unexpected stress.

Most importantly, go into the date with low pressure as if you are meeting a friend. If you go in with less expectations and lower pressure, you will end up being yourself and not trying being to someone you are not. And that is good!

Follow me on Twitter @linxdating

Betty Draper’s Romantic Weekend Brunch for Two

Maybe your new love interest spontaneously spent the night or you planned a weekend together being lazy in bed with nothing to do. Sometimes the best moments shared are at home, cozy, and with stomachs filled with goodness.

Yummy breakfasts for two can be made with left-over ingredients in the fridge (like crisped up left-over pasta in a frying pan with bacon and eggs) or planning something sweet like cornmeal pancakes with sour cream, fresh fruit, and organic chicken sausages. If you love eggs try Barefoot Contessa’s Country French Omelet.  Fresh squeeze the best fruit available and do French press coffees. Simply divine.

Serve your breakfast and make it fit for a Draper household by using pretty china, linen napkins, and your finest glasses. If serving baked goods and toast, consider a lovely 3 tiered tray like this one here from a recent stay in Hong Kong. Look at the coffee glass as well. Elegant and handsome does the trick.

A fun alternative to breakfast in the morning is at dinner time with your honey. Grab aprons, find a delicious recipe together and heat up the kitchen. Don’t stress about having to make the food perfect. The enjoyment is found in the little details along the way- laughing over too much salt, the wrong amount of flour, spilled scallions on the floor, and burnt butter. Who cares when you are with your lover?  Betty would recommend pouring your loved one a stiff martini with stuffed olives. Upscale grocery stores like Draegers on the Peninsula and Woodlands Market in Marin have an amazing selection of luxury olives- perfect for his and hers martinis.

Perhaps I am inspired from going as Betty Draper to a friends Halloween bash last evening. Don’t you love 50’s fashion? Here I am wearing a Kate Spade dress I purchased a few months ago, a retro apron my little sister gave me one year, a cigarette holder with fake cigarette, and my blue suede heels. I bought a teal crinoline petticoat at a vintage shop in Palo Alto and some over-exagerated pearls. They served incredible basil mint martinis at the party- another great alternative to the classic martini. 

I did a ton of research on hair and make-up. I found Wet-N-Wild actually worked really great for light green eye shadow, 99 cent nail polish, black liquid liner, and hot pink blush. Revlon worked well for a matte hot pink lipstick. I didn’t feel like spending a ton of money on make-up so the cheap alternative actually worked out well thanks to CVS. For hair, I curled  it in old school velcro rollers, backcombed it a ton, went overboard with the spray, and bobby pined it into a French twist. Two hours later, Betty was ready, although there was no Don…only a funny ancient Chinese man hubbie.

Barefoot Contesa Country French Omelet

1 tablespoon good olive oil
3 slices thick-cut bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 cup (1-inch-diced) unpeeled Yukon Gold potatoes
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
5 extra-large eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 tablespoon fresh chopped chives

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Heat the olive oil in a 10-inch ovenproof omelet pan over medium heat. Add the bacon and cook for 3 to 5 minutes over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until the bacon is browned but not crisp. Take the bacon out of the pan with a slotted spoon and set aside on a plate.

Place the potatoes in the pan and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Continue to cook over medium-low heat for 8 to 10 minutes, until very tender and browned, tossing occasionally to brown evenly. Remove with a slotted spoon to the same plate with the bacon.

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, beat the eggs, milk, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper together with a fork. After the potatoes are removed, pour the fat out of the pan and discard. Add the butter, lower the heat to low, and pour the eggs into the hot pan. Sprinkle the bacon, potatoes, and chives evenly over the top and place the pan in the oven for about 8 minutes, just until the eggs are set. Slide onto a plate, divide in half, and serve hot. 

Bon Appetit! 

My song selection is Frank Sinatra, The Best Has Yet To Come.