Dating coach

Find Love There Are No Excuses

In my journey to find my husband, I often wondered if I would ever find true love and sometimes reached a deep level of concern within my conscious soul that I indeed might not. Back then, I did not like that feeling and found it empty, sad, and disconcerting. I needed an exit, an outlet, a way to see the positive from what was a void in my life… I seemed to be caught up in what society was telling me to do. I never really listened to my heart until I had a revelation one day – in wine country, at a pet parade, of all places!

In a moment of clarity, everything hit me. It was as if time and reality were suspended right in front of me – so I listened…

As I listened to my heart, I knew I had to make some changes in my life. Part of those changes for me, personally, meant moving and taking some time off from dating. Certainly I am not saying that everyone should move and take time off from dating. Yet what I am preaching to you today is to listen to your heart and to do what YOU need to do. As Hemingway once wrote, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Take 15 minutes this week to have a moment within yourself. Get away from all of the noise surrounding you and create a sacred quiet place for just you. I know so many people who never spend alone time. Try it. During this time, close your eyes and block out all distractions. You cannot reach the state I am asking you to get to without removing all chaos from around you (roommates stomping around the apartment, dogs barking, cell phone buzzing, music playing…you get it). Get to a place of calm by closing your eyes and breathing deeply into your diaphragm and belly.

Try to reach a state of peace and quiet and once there you might achieve a clear state of heart and mind about what direction you should be heading in your personal life.

If you want to find love, then go find it, there are no really excuses. Finding your soul mate is one of the greatest experiences you will ever have. Do not wallow in your miseries or feel sorry for yourself. Only you can be an agent of change in your life. Why not pave the way for a bright and successful future? Too many people dwell on all of the negative garbage of the past and worry that they will never find anyone. Too many people also create so many lists of “must haves” in their mate that these lists actually become obstacles and block and progress in finding a partner.

This is the present, relish in today. Listen to what your heart tells you.

P.S. If this all sounds a bit contrived and like a meditative yoga class, here might be another way to get to the same place. My husband read this blog entry and really loved the message, but asked if he could add the following for another perspective 😉 :

I certainly agree with Hemingway that most people never listen (rather, they hear but often don’t listen.) But in my experience, at least, you can’t just decide to listen. You need to be ready and in the right place to listen and you can’t control that – you just need to be aware enough to let it happen naturally. I don’t recommend you force it – just be open to it.

Be open to finding big insights about yourself in what might seem like the small routines in life. Maybe rather than creating artificial silence and peace in a chaotic environment and consciously trying to reflect, you should just take time (whenever it just seems to hit you) to think about what really makes you happy. What do you look forward to? What do you not? How can you make it a point to do more things that make you happy? If tradeoffs are involved, how might you reconcile the different competing forces? Grappling with these important questions will likely give you many insights into what could be really important qualities to look for in a soulmate and also ways that you might better put yourself in position to meet that person. Remember, if you are in a good place yourself, you have a much better shot at attracting your perfect match.

This Week in Perspective at Linx

Ever since January 1st, I’ve been inundated with matchmaking and membership requests, trying to keep my head above water. There has been a ton of excitement and many calls from incredible folks including some major high profile people in technology, finance, and creative industries such as film or design. A lot of really cool clients have been matched – some are in the infancy stage of really exploring things and others are already coupling up. Some go on ski vacations together, others jet off to the tropics. The demand for Silicon Valley matchmaking from the 20’s crowd is as strong or even stronger than that coming from the 30+ group. We have even been getting a lot of really fantastic older men lately coming through our door. These men have typically been married before and refreshingly desire a match close to their own age (50 +)- so the demand and the supply are coming simultaneously from every age and demographic, like they rarely have before.

We’ve also been getting a lot of requests for our date coaching by professionals from all around the Bay Area. I cannot express HOW transformational this really is. You do not need to be a client to hire us for our coaching. With the help of a customized date guide prepared expressly for the client and two hours of in-person intensive coaching, those that hire us go from doubting themselves to Cheshire cats beaming with confidence. All it takes is two hours and our techniques are groundbreaking – there is nothing like it anywhere. Email me for more info!

This week we have client interviews and are hosting a sold out mini meet-and-greet series of interviews for women who are looking to qualify to meet the VIPs. Due to such high demand, we have blocked out an additional date for March 28th for another day of one-on-one mini meet-and-greets for qualifying applicants.

As we approach March and the brink of Spring, I ask you all to cast a wide net. Don’t focus so much on his swagger and exterior; focus more on his soul. Stop worrying about what others think and look within. Ask yourself if are you happy with where you are in your life. What do you need in order to be happy? I can tell you this much- confidence is the #1 rule of attraction. Men and women both love a mate who finds confidence from deep within – a super-confident (but NOT arrogant) person carries (him) herself in that certain way that emits the right pheromones. We all know it when we encounter it.

If he doesn’t call, move on. If she doesn’t wow you after two dates, give her the courtesy of closing the loop. Don’t lose sight of your New Year’s resolutions. Keep a steady head, be clear, stay focused on your goals and remember to have fun. Finally, the next time you are on a date, be a little carefree – don’t worry about trying to be perfect. Laugh out loud if you feel like it. Chances are (s)he will like that quality about you. And, at the end of the date, ask yourself DO I LIKE HIM/HER, not does (s)he like me. Digging deep and looking into your soul builds strength and that is one of the best confidence boosters out there. Have a great week and I hope you enjoy the new layout of the Linx Line blog. XO

New Linx Testimonial ! 30-something exec female, Ivy League educated marries incredible man!

I originally was introduced to Amy in Summer 2010 and heard about Linx from friends who had met and worked with Amy and were very impressed with her and the quality of Linx matches. Living in San Francisco I found it difficult to find the right match who was looking for the same long-term goals as myself. I had had long term relationships with great guys but ultimately the common theme was there were missing pieces for discussions of marriage or they simply where not in the right place to contemplate getting really serious.

I met Amy in June 2010 and the experience was surprisingly great. Her approach is straight forward, honest and she seemed to really get me. I knew this was a leap of faith and I felt in trusted hands and that she could increase my odds and what could I lose in doing this? If anything meet some nice new guys and make a few new friends. Linx placed me across from a few great guys that I would not have met otherwise. Even in the brief amount of time Amy spent me with in her office, she really hit the nail on the head of identifying good guys for me who shared the same goals, background, etc and I would never have met these guys in my normal course of life. Young couple

On match 7th, I met my husband. We shared our first date in San Francisco and I felt that he was interesting, cute and really easy to spend time with it just felt easy. We starting spending large amounts of time together very early on and it felt like things evolved very naturally without any stress or different goals he really seemed to understand me and loved me for me quirks and all.

He proposed on a ski trip, the site of our third date on our one year anniversary! He feigned exhaustion one night to stay at the hotel, he had shipped the ring to Colorado (without insurance, thank you FEDEX!) and was in a panic trying to hide it and conceal the surprise. I came back from the spa and the room was decorated with rose petals and my favorite food. When I asked why I was such a lucky girl he said it was to mark our one year anniversary together and then he proposed and ended up putting the ring on the wrong hand. So cute. It was amazing!!!

We married in summer 2013 and lived happily ever after (just kidding this is a true story!)

Linx is great as it opened up my horizons to meet people I would never normally have met, Amy is very professional intuitive and a joy to work with. I highly recommend her service!”

Lessons Learned from Business | Mantras in Dating

I have had quite a few emails from China from a source (with a Western guys name) asking to help in the request of working with a 20-something Chinese girl (based in China) to locate her a Silicon Valley billionaire, yes b as in billionaire. The guy who has been emailing me says he is represented by her family or something like that and I have always suspected that something doesn’t feel right with this whole thing.

One day out of the blue, I got a business contract sent via email to sign a deal with them when I don’t know ONE thing about this girl or her “type”  (let alone any information about her “dating agent”) other than she needs a billionaire because her family is deep in the political scene or some crock of you know what like that.

I ignored that email and then another one came today asking to move forward. I had suggested when I was in Hong Kong back in the Fall that this so called agent for the girl and I meet up at a public spot like a coffee shop in Pacific Place or something like that. He didn’t respond till much later and then said it was because his wife had a baby and he was needing to take care of the baby. Don’t most wealthy “elite” people have help and nannies to be there for the kids?  Even if the agent is not “elite” by Chinese standards, chances are the duty of a mother is to be with the baby and not the father.

My email response today was straightforward telling this guy I am not interested in doing anything with them. I feel the behavior doesn’t add up and net net, it is not ethnical. In other words, no thanks.

On a daily basis, I get so many business requests from media, other aspiring matchmakers to “team up together”, and of course hundreds of inquires from new friends of Linx about being a VIP, meeting a VIP, and much more.

With the constant excitement of running Linx and sheer intensity of what that major responsibility really means, I always remember to go back to “base line” and remember my original business mantras for when I first started my company. I do this to deal with situations like the wacky email from China today.

Be nimble, act decisively, be intelligent, follow your instincts, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself (integrity), forge ahead, be optimistic, be kind, persevere, don’t get caught up in the drama of it all, be compassionate, listen, listen more, and never shy away from saying no.

I say NO a lot at Linx for a variety of reasons. No, this is not a good fit. No, you are not being realistic with your expectations. No, I don’t really think you trust my intuition. No, we actually don’t use algorithms here. No, I don’t have a large staff. No, you are not ready for matchmaking and need some date coaching. No, your outfit if not date worthy.  No, I don’t have the bandwidth to represent you right now. No, I can’t meet after 7:00pm as I am trying to achieve balance in MY life and have a so called “life.”

Last night I received another email from a lovely sounding woman at Stanford asking if I was “for real.” It really caught me off guard wondering WTF. She explained that up to this point, we have only been communicating via email and as such, am I am “legit business.” I was exhausted after a very intense day of VIP client meetings in San Jose, calls, and conducting a mock date in Menlo Park. I wanted to write her and say, “Actually, you called me on my sh*t. I live in Nigeria and this is a total scam.” but I didn’t.

Humor is essential to run a business like Linx. I had to laugh and be like WHAT is she thinking. Sure, she is doing her so called due diligence but seriously? Acting on that initial instinctual response is sometimes not the right thing to do. Like anything in life, let it simmer and wait to respond for at least 24 hours before you do so. Instead of writing something goofy (which even through I felt like doing but never would have actually done), I knew I needed to wait to respond till the next day. Today I will write something sweet and nice explaining how I am not a scam or robot in Africa wiring money into some shell account and instead a little business owner housed on a historic property in Menlo Park. Hasn’t she read any press on Linx? Hmmm.

Life is full of some of the most twisted ironies. The world is also VERY small. This has played out many times this week. I hear and see so much and not to toot my own horn know a lot and know a ton of people. Ex’s couple up with other ex’s of clients, he dated her, she dated him, she had an affair with his friend, the list goes on. Sometimes in hearing all of this, I need to just go in a cave for a bit. Another lesson of being a good business owner is learning to shut off/down at times. Last night after the absolutely good yet taxing day, I simply had to shut off my laptop. Usually at night I am banging out email after email. Saying No to more emails is OK. It allows one to recharge and do the good old reboot if you will mentally. You will be stronger and ready for the next day.

Interestingly, all of these principles and lessons of business ownership apply to your dating.

Be nimble– in dating you need to be resourceful and wise about how you approach the so called scene.

Act decisively– If you say you will go out, go out. Don’t flake on your date. Follow an East Coast attitude that way. New Yorkers don’t make excuses. West Coasters are notorious for wishy washy, flaky behavior.

Be intelligent– About who you choose to date but also when you are on your date. Brush up on all current events and interesting topics to discuss. Men are attracted to a woman who lights up a room because she is confident and smart. Women are attracted to a man who is confident, well versed, and passionate.

Follow your instincts- Especially with online dating if you feel that someone is not authentic in their profile or there is a shadow of doubt in your mind, don’t go out. Through whatever method of dating, if your gut is saying something about your date, follow what your instinct says. Chances are your instincts are correct.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself (integrity)- He wants to sleep with you and you aren’t ready but feel the pressure. Tell him to go ‘you know what himself.’ Kidding. Stand up for yourself and say you don’t sleep together unless there is monogamy. Sex aside, if your date puts you in a compromising situation, speaks poorly of others (and you know that is not how you were raised to be), you must have the conviction to stand up for yourself (and in some cases excuse yourself from the date if it is going that poorly and he is just a total pig).

 Forge ahead– Dating can be draining and often frustrating. A series of poor dates can create a hazy attitude and seeing the so called “silver lining” becomes dismal and bleak.  Take a mini break from dating if you are in a rut. After your 2 week “hiatus”, forge ahead and march on.

Be optimistic– some stat I found says that 44% of the adult American population is single. That translates to over 100MM people. Those are a lot of fish in the dating pond. View the pond as a sea and start exploring options today. Also always be an optimist on a date. No one wants to be out with Debbie Downer or Serious Sam. Eeek.

Be kind- to those in your life. Compliment your date. Be kind to the waitstaff. In other words, be a nice person. People are very critical of others especially on first dates. Remember that your date is observing you and watching you. Snapping at the waitstaff, mocking others, or being rude to your date will simply become red flags for your match.  Be someone that others want to be around. Be likable! 

Persevere and don’t get caught up in the drama of it all– When you meet someone right for you, chances are you aren’t going to be asking for all your friends advice. When someone is questionable that you meet, chances are you will be emailing and calling Mom, girlfriends, etc about your date and deconstructing every part of your date.  Everyone always wants to be in each other’s business. Sometimes when it comes to dating, the best thing is to keep your personal life close to you and that is it. Otherwise, everyone will have an opinion and all of a sudden, that can convolute your perception and experience with the person you might like.

Be compassionate- Make a manta to yourself to be empathetic, smile, listen, do small acts of kindness, step into your dates shoes, don’t be judgmental, let your guard down, be vulnerable, admit you are not perfect, be deep, show passion. In other words,  do to others what you would have them do to you.

Listen- “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” —Ralph Nichols

Listen more- A lot of men and women tell me that they are most impressed when their date later recalls something they said. Focus on your date, put virtual horse blinders on, and listen. Listening and remembering is a huge form of flattery.

Never shy away from saying no– to anything that doesn’t feel right to you when dating.