Dating Advice from Amy Andersen

How Much Of An Age Gap Is Too Much When Dating?

At Linx, we really don’t match young clients with “old” clients, although there are a couple of examples like this. Historically a lot of matchmakers will focus on older men and matching them to their bevy of young women. Huge age gaps can happen like 20 to 35 years plus in difference. Is that a bad thing? For many, age is just a number and relative in the grand scheme of life. If chemistry is there, why should age be part of the debate of being together or not?

Most of our successful matched couples tend to be less than 10 years apart in age. There’s more in common, more similar life experience, pop culture, music, politics, the list goes on. Creating a strong foundation is what we specialize in at Linx and a lot of that comes from getting to know each client during their interviews with us. So many people crave someone who is going to “get” them and much of this comes from shared experiences in life- education, similar family background, occupation, etc.

Society, depending on culture and location can either turn the other way when age differences are so apart, embrace it, or confront it. I’d be curious to hear your take on how much is too much when its comes to the age gap and dating.

I once dated someone 30 plus years older. It definitely did not go over well with my father. He absolutely would not tolerate another minute of it. My mom thought the guy I was dating was super cool and interesting- he was- but I had to call it quits because it just became plain awkward and uncomfortable the more I thought about it. When my father called into question this situation, it shed light on (at least for me) how strange others might perceive it as well. I guess I grew uneasy with the whole thing too.

A lot of people would have stood their ground, declaring no one can get in the way of true love. Good thing for me, this wasn’t “a love”, instead a really interesting guy to date at a time in my life when exploring these things was what I needed.

Sometimes we need to do something out-of-the box, a little naughty, against the grain, and just do it for our OWN experience. Sure I knew it was definitely different when I first accepted a date from him. It felt exhilarating, sassy, unconventional, and school girl-ish. The month or so of dating him was a grand time; old school courtship, flowers, champagne, gifts, lovely meals, and being driven home. There is something to what it means to be a gentleman and be treated like a lady. Although he wasn’t for me, it was a lot of fun!

Becoming a Client

What makes a good potential client for Linx Dating?

Most importantly, it is someone who has typically dabbled with other approaches for meeting eligible singles (i.e. checking out what online dating is like, setups through friends, going out on their own, etc.) and certainly someone who meets the overarching standards for the “type” we work with (educated, accomplished, well-rounded, interesting, fit, and marriage minded.)

Beyond those overarching points, a good new member of Linx is someone who can relax their ideal match criteria, in the sense that they are not unreasonably restrictive – someone who has their core “value set” of what they desire in a match but, beyond that, can be extremely elastic with their criteria.  This does not mean that a member shouldn’t have standards… it means that they should know what is most important to them and optimize from there.

This week I’ve had to reject a fair number of “good on paper” prospective clients for membership. Today was a case of a 39-year-old woman based in San Francisco who absolutely would not go above 45 years in age for her target guy. The ugly truth is that the odds are stacked against someone like this due to pure demographics. A lot of guys between 35 and 45, who have never been married before, desire biologically younger. 

When I explained that casting the widest net is really important in this process and that, knowing my business so well, I recommend she go beyond that age, her response was “no.”  I knew immediately that this prospect would be difficult on a lot of levels.  Not only is she too restrictive, she is not matchable to our male population.  Seeing how uninterested she was in even trusting from the start (considering I am an expert), my gut knew it was not a good fit.

Linx is NOT always about matching clients to older folks where there is not commonality… quite the opposite. Rather, it is about focused search and openness.  Finding a perfect match is already hard enough.  This is why I try to discern whether a potential client has thought hard about what is most critical to them (or else help them get there), and to see if they can chuck that long list of “must haves” and realize that not everything on that list is a “must.”

This also goes to show that Linx is different from so many run-of-the-mill, “overnight” matchmakers. Pretty much the majority works with each and every type of person regardless if they are matchable. Little screening, zero vetting, and no methodology. There are so many steps that go into our process and, at this stage in the game, we have to make sure each person is a good culture fit.