Date Coaching | The Linx Method to Personal Success

We get inquiries all the time about date coaching from men and women of all ages. This week I coached a early 20-something female who needed a confidence boost around early stage dating. I talked to her about her concerns, gave her insights into the minds of men, and helped shift her perspective from leading with fear (and assuming the worst outcome will happen on her dates!) to feeling much more positive and remembering that dating should be fun! One major point I reinforced with her was to “get out” of her head. Don’t over think things and worry what he is thinking. Also, since she is more introverted I explained that the first date will be inevitably exhausting as she is going to have to give it an extra push to express herself on the date and be perceived by him as someone who is interesting and passionate. Chances are she will get home and feel tired- having given a 150% effort energy wise.

Many older men and women write to Linx asking about help with their online profiles and general assistance with conversation starters and keeping the connection going. We’ve helped countless individuals this way and in fact, are gearing up for a busy next week date coaching a 70-something female and a 30-something guy. She’s a widow who was married for nearly 5 decades and he’s a divorcee who lacks confidence around women. It’s so easy to “assume doom and gloom” when you’ve experienced major loss and heartache in the past. It is especially a different ballgame for the baby boomer generation who dated at 19 and 20 years old, got married, and then are single again 40-plus years later. Modern dating couldn’t be more different for these folks and often, it is described as not for the faint of heart.

Dating is a very mental game and preparation is key. Like you’d outsource a fitness trainer to stay in shape, or an accountant to get your ready for tax season, date coaching can be extremely useful for your personal life. We offer our coaching in the privacy of our offices and welcome friends of Linx and clients with open arms. Our approach is warm, inviting, comfortable, non-judgmental, and often very invigorating. All coaching is customized to exactly the needs of you. Sessions are typically two hours and trust us- the time flies. It is not uncommon for clients to hire us again down the road for a reboot and refresh.

Silicon Valley Date Coaching

We are a lifestyle business and offer our clients and friends of Linx a wide range of auxiliary benefits beyond our core competency, matchmaking.

I get a lot of requests from Silicon Valley callus-thumbed engineers looking to get some assistance in techniques to get the girl.

This week we worked with one young gentleman who is such a sweetie and conduced a simulated date in a Menlo Park based restaurant. This mock date helped him with many techniques we had practiced at our office.

A lot of these guys  either don’t have the dating experience (so the thought of going out with a cute girl terrifies them) or they simply don’t know what to say beyond talk of Settlers of Catan, Rails, IRC, AI, and MUDs.

In SV geek culture, that talk is commonplace at work and amongst buddies over video games but when it comes to understanding women and dating them, we teach these guys to best position themselves to get the girl.The actual mock date in Menlo Park

The truth is these guys are exceptionally gifted and very smart. They just don’t always see that they are capable of interesting conversation beyond their comfort zone. Often, they are so knowledgable about a wide range of topics, it simply means helping them pick and choose from topics to cover in the early stages of dating so they are perceived as interesting and passionate.

We also help them with a lot of flirting techniques and commanding control of the date. In other words, not shrinking with doubt in their chair, instead maintaining confidence throughout the entire course of the date and being the so called man.

After 4 sessions in our office, our client was ready for his mock date this week. He absolutely rocked it and made such progress. He felt incredible about himself and those initial nerves that were extremely present in our office date coaching sessions were totally gone on the actual mock date. I moderated his mock date and provided a lot of feedback in real time. These services we offer are beyond invaluable. Where could anyone ever get ‘on demand’ feedback like that in real time?

I’m so proud of this young guy who is now going to totally breeze through his real-life dates and actually have fun! What a small investment for something so huge in life. He overcame jitters, doubt, pessimism, social anxiety around women, and not knowing how to flirt at all. Now he’s actually excited to start dating and hopefully meeting his dream girl.

​Gentlemen, is your game on point?

Confident or arrogant? What she thinks.

We all know there is a very fine line between the two and I’d like to share some of what I’m hearing from our female clients and friends of Linx.

Sure, women are visual but probably not as visual as you think especially in comparison to their male counterparts (generally speaking). When it comes to external appearance, education, profession and interests; every woman has their “head turner” and sweet spot attributes but what I hear consistently what they desire in a match is confidence.

What I’ve learned is that there really is no right or wrong “technique” when it comes to being confident in regards to dating. Often it’s worth thinking about the less obvious ways to “appear” confident including doing things you wouldn’t normally do (or are fearful of) – when dating.

We suggest getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things; such as going dancing (even if you have 2 left feet), karaoke-ing, or a cooking class (even if your idea of cooking is the Whole Foods salad bar). Women find it very sexy when a man can own up to the things in which he “can’t do” but tries anyway with charisma and has fun doing so. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really care how he looks. He can be that goofball guy and laugh at himself in the process. That is uber sexy! He doesn’t have to be the show-off guy or know-it-all, instead he can admit that he’s never picked up a microphone to karaoke or diced a legume in his life.

Another key to being confident is just really being yourself (maybe too obvious?) Perhaps you haven’t been on a date in a very long time, you aren’t sure if you’re dressed appropriately or even talking about the “right” things on the first few dates. Perhaps you have deeper rooted fears related to dating, rejection, approaching,  and socializing. We hear the all too common feedback from a first date in that he grilled her with questions ala interrogation (yikes) or on the flip side seemed wishy-washy about restaurant choices, ordering, and lacked “umph” and gumption on the date. Can’t there be a equilibrium between the two?

Confidence and true success in dating can be achieved by anyone through practice and preparedness (dating is a skill), being authentic, and feeling comfortable in doing so. Women tell us they want a man who has a strength from within, not a guy who masks his weakness by using pickup lines or unwarranted arrogance… genuine and lasting confidence stems from truly being you and feeling good in your own skin.
Once you have a strong understanding of who you are, and believing that you are enough, any insecurities you have regarding dating will fall by the wayside.  When dating, be honest and focus on what you are really seeking in a significant other and be proud of what you bring to the table and simply be you, because she will. Remember women love that guy who isn’t trying to be someone else. He’s funny, a gentleman, has a wide range of interesting date conversation topics ready, and if he is feeling “it”, he asks her out at the end of date 1.  That is confidence in a nutshell.