The Pros and Cons of Online Dating

I‘m often asked if my clients should continue with online dating when they start their Linx memberships. If yes, what I feel is the biggest drawback to trying to find love on the Internet?

The biggest challenges are twofold – (1) the labor and time involved sifting through thousands of profiles; and (2) unverified information.

At the end of the day it is exhausting to have to sort through all of these profiles and to deal with the long, drawn out communication process of winks, emails, nudges, pokes, etc. But I think the bigger challenge is the fabrication of information on the site – you might be entering the online market with honest intentions of wanting to couple up and reach monogamy for the long term but you have no idea who is really on the other side.

It can be extremely disappointing not having the data and true insights into the person with whom you are communicating online and potentially to then meet in person. Is he/she as commitment minded as you or is he/she on the site to just “hook up” and be “super causal” where “sex is so easy” to get?

Online has helped create awareness for an offline, old world business like Linx but, on the other hand, it has caused people a lot of stress from the labor involved, fabrication of user profiles, no authenticating “who is who”, and often feeling online chemistry but offline when you meet is a whole other story.

At Linx, I personally get to know every new client and sit down with each member really delving deep so I can best help him/her…..at this stage in the game I’ve met thousands of people.

This week alone I have interviewed fascinating men and women (a venerable Silicon Valley techie, CEOs, and many other hard working dynamic types- in fact I am hoping to do a new blog entry about the SV legend asap). Something online cannot necessarily predict is chemistry. I understand human behavior and what makes two people mesh. Clients who have been doing a lot of high volume driven matchmaking online find the Linx approach and methodology particularly appealing and extremely personalized. This is after all about SLOWING DOWN and focusing on one extremely solid match at a time. I emphasize slowing down!

With the obvious perils into the world of online, I WOULD encourage you to keep your profiles up BUT the absolute key is to evaluate IF you have been getting the traction you desire. Are the “right” types for you landing in your inbox and if not, you should strongly consider doing a massive profile rewire to reboot yourself towards success.

We offer a lot of assistant as one of our many auxiliary services for clients at Linx to provide powerful insights into online dating. What will attract the man of your dreams and how do you hook them? What is a turn-off to women and a turn-on with profiles? Once you discover lots of emails in your inbox, what next? How to bridge online into real-life dating?

Amy Webb did a hilarious Ted Talk about hacking OK Cupid. The takeaway from her TED talk is that there is an algorithm for love, in fact it is something you write yourself. All you really have to do is figure out your ‘own’ framework and play by your own rules. Enjoy her talk below…insightful, funny, and provocative.

Stop Playing Games | Dating Advice

When it comes to dating, who do you think plays more games? Men or women? I think women always think that men do the game playing (and in a lot of cases I think that can be very true) but from a behind the scenes perspective at Linx, I’d have to say the women appear to have the tendency to play more head games with the guys.

Our guys at Linx are pretty simple guys who at the end of the day want to find a lasting, genuine connection. They sign up for Linx because they work a lot, loathe the idea of sifting through hundreds of online profiles after work, have limited social resources for set-ups through friends, and have a high bar for what they want. They trust my team that we have listened carefully, intuited their type, and will deliver.

As a matchmaker, my routine for setting up clients has become ever more rigorous as we want to eliminate ANY reasons for them to turn down a proposed match.  For example, as I present a match candidate to a client, I ask a few high level questions, like these, to ensure that we are on the right track:

Do you think you know this person? 
Are you in town and is the timing good for you? 
Do you like the sound of my match candidate? 
Do you feel excited about the possibility or luke warm? 
Do you have any concerns from the gate? 
Do you have any major questions for me before we proceed? 
Are you completely unattached? 
And on and on…..

Once we reach that point and with any questions answered, if both the respective male and female are equally jazzed and pumped up to meet one another, THEN we “green light” the match and proceed. The engines are all fired up. Behind the scenes, I’m pacing back and forth like the rat in a laboratory cage wondering if the sparks will fly. At this stage, both parties have officially received their respective match bios describing each other – each is a completely original take on who their fabulous date is. No last names, no photos, only a vivid, luscious description with words to build up that anticipation … and have those engines continue to vroom vroom baby.

A scenario that we REALLY try to avoid at Linx (since this is such a different approach compared to everyday dating on your own) is the cat and mouse game AFTER A MATCH is made. What do I mean by this? Well, your fab cutie Silicon Valley entrepreneur date calls you and can’t reach you. So he leaves a message and you decide to play coy and do the little dance. You don’t call him back so now he’s sort of panicked wondering WTF. He reaches out to me being the matchmaker/friend/liasion/trusted source/fairy godmother type, and then matchmaker and client do the little dance.

Male client, “Amy I’m not sure what happened. Maybe I have the wrong number or something but I left a message on Friday and it is now Monday. Maybe she is traveling?”

Me, “Hmm, well I think she is in town, so let me ping her and see what is up.”

Then I proceed to reach out to her. She gets back to me right away with a “oh yeah, I have been so busy with unexpected guests in town but will call him back right away.”

She calls him and doesn’t reach him but doesn’t leave a VM. He proceeds to call her right back and she doesn’t pick up. This game continues for another two days until he calls me and is legitimately concerned.

Male client, “Amy, I just don’t think she is serious about meeting. Maybe she doesn’t like the sound of my profile but I am sticking to my gut and trusting in my grandmothers sage advice. We are all very busy people and if she really were serious and wanted to meet, she would have called me back by now. It is 7 days since the official match went out via email.”

Me to him, “I hear you, I really do. I’m not sure what to say or do as it places me in such a precarious situation. I feel for you and know you are results driven and it shouldn’t be this difficult. Let’s move on, upward, onward, and with enthusiasm. I will get to work on your next match right away!”

My title is matchmaker but I’m also a business owner who wears the hat of CEO and has to deal with these really tricky situations. In this case, I look at patterns in this kind of behavior and sometimes realize that a client has already done this sort of thing before with another client. As Patti Stanger would say, “Get out of my freakin’ club!”

People are fragile and even the most confident man at work can have feelings of doubt when it comes to dating. As you are out there dating, keep it simple and straightforward. Follow the approach that your ancestors would have done when they were out there dating. In other words, emulate and appreciate what old-fashioned courtship and chivalry really means.

We are so completely inundated with gadgets and apps in today’s modern society and are always “on the run.” Although people may say they are really ready to find love, sometimes I have to boldly ask them if they REALLY are?! Someone like the woman in the example above who can’t seem to call her date back might be hiding something and masking the truth. Maybe she is scared to find the one and actually be open and vulnerable.

Slow down and sometimes just stop in your tracks to think about what you are doing and how others will perceive you when dating. If you are a female and you want to fall in love in 2013, stop playing games. If you are a man and want to fall in love in 2013, stop playing games.

If he calls you, show him the proper respect and call him back (and yes the same thing goes to the guys out there.)

Have manners, be polite, and be gracious. 

With all of this being said, shit happens in life. If you are in a legitimate bind with guests in town, have fallen down and can’t get up, have food poisoning, have had your dog eat your homework, have 4 flat tires, have a cell phone that spontaneously combusted, or have spontaneously combusted yourself, there is always a solution out there!

We still do have pay phones, prepaid calling cards, carrier pigeons for sale http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeon_post, smoke signals, flares, and you do have two legs and feet for walking. Chances are, you can find a way to communicate to your date and share that you are excited to go out and will call him for a chat asap.

Dating doesn’t need to be so complicated.  Don’t be the road block that hinders you from falling in love. 

Be the catalyst to create the relationship you deserve.