break-ups

How to Get Over a Break Up ASAP

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Both sides of the break up coin are agonizing. The person initiating the split has to fill the role of bearer of bad news, usually wounding the heart (and ego) of someone who he or she cares for deeply. He or she usually experiences guilt, confusion, and a unique type of stress that stems from knowing the end is near. On the other hand, we have the person receiving a final decision. Stripped of all opportunity to direct the course of the relationship, this person is left vulnerable, helpless, shocked, or disappointed.

If there was connection—real connection—pain is to be expected from all parties involved. We also know that every relationship that doesn’t make it to the next level will end with a breakup, yet we still find ourselves hurting after every split.

So, how do we heal from heartbreak faster?

  1. Avoid Numbing Agents—Shopping, food, alcohol, rebounds, pills, and drugs used to mask the pain will only prolong the agony of loss. Deriving relief this way will only push you deeper into depression, debt, or weight gain.

 

  1. Feed Yourself Well—When your heart is hurting, it’s even more important to monitor what goes in your body. Excessive sugar will crash your system; processed food will challenge your energy; and not eating will stress your heart even further. Now is the time to treat yourself to the best food you can get your hands on.

 

  1. Bring Yourself Joy—It’s easy to fall out of love with yourself just because someone else has. So many factors lead to relationships ending; we forget that so many of those reasons have nothing to do with who we are.

 

  1. Follow the Good Vibes—We tend to feed off of the energy around us. Experiment with a new crowd that offers you a fresh start. Science reveals laughing and smiling are instant mood lifters, so give yourself an opportunity to absorb the joy around you.

 

  1. Remove the Reminders—Pictures, cards, and other reminders should be out of sight. There is no need to live among reminders of relationships past. The mementos, seemingly innocuous, can derail your path to healing. Also, consider un-following—not unfriending—your ex on social media. You can always change the setting when you’re in a better place without anyone finding out.

 

  1. Keep it Simple—This is harder than you think. Attending parties he/she might attend? No. Finding reasons to reach out? No. Keeping in touch with his/her friends? No. It’s easy to think you can “be adult” about crossing paths, but the heavy emotional charge has a way of clouding better judgment.

Ironically, the things we are least likely to do during a break up — eating right, visiting friends, meeting new people—are the things that will help us heal the fastest. Giving yourself the time to cope with loss is going to fast track you to a better place with a better partner.

Business Lessons | Indulge in your passion

This was a huge last week for Linx – a ton of simultaneous media coverage . All super crazy exciting!  Linx was featured in Fortune, CNN Money, CNN TV, and a venture capital/private equity news rag called peHUB.  I was slammed with hundreds upon hundreds of prospects emailing me about joining Linx from this fabulous outpouring of press. Now I have managed finally to come up for some air.  Ahhh… to breathe again.

Many people always ask me which publicist I use…I don’t have one. Let me share my secret with you. I’ve worked my tail off 7 days a week for the last ten years to build my business. I have bunkered down, completely focused on my mission, and maintained my same work ethic, principles, and mantra from the very beginning days of when I first started Linx.

When you remain anchored to your passions and don’t get worn down by the little hiccups along the way or distractions that are inevitable, people are attracted to that. Journalists are intrigued, they want to hear “the story” and learn all about of these high caliber and dynamic professionals that flock to Linx.  “How’d you come up with that?”

Sir Richard Branson (of Virgin fame) has a long list of important business and life lessons – here are two that I like and maybe you can relate, especially if you run your own company.richard_branson

#1: Entrepreneurship is not about getting one over on the customer. It’s not about working on your own. It’s not about looking out for number one. It’s not necessarily about making a lot of money. On the contrary, it’s about turning what excites you in life into capital, so that you can do more of it and move forward.

#2: When you’re first thinking through an idea it’s important not to get bogged down in complexity. Any fool can make something complex. It’s hard to make something simple.

I especially like point #2. It’s one of those “why didn’t I think of that” scenarios. A concept turned into actual product or service that is, at it’s core, a simple one. This point can be absolutely correlated to dating. Don’t get so strung out about how to act, look, what to say, etc on your first date. Slow down. Prepare. Stay true to yourself. Show up. Be gracious, be kind. Remember that your date is taking time out of his/her day to get to know you. It’s pretty simple when you think about it.

If you’ve gotten past the early stages of dating and are stressed about your relationship’s ups and downs, don’t loose sight of the end goal (if the end goal is marriage for you.) Although human behavior and relationships are, by definition, complex, you don’t have to make it so. In my coaching, I always use the visual of a horse with horse blinders on when dating. Don’t let the little stuff bring you down, get you distracted, or worry you. Stay level-headed. Pour your passion into your dating journey. That will create the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship. Lead your life with integrity. Never let anyone jeopardize your core values or extinguish your dreams, goals, and passions.

When I was a young entrepreneur originally living in the Silicon Valley and in a serious relationship at the time, I developed the concept for Linx. I was so in love but unaware that I was in a possessive and very controlling relationship. My boyfriend told me in so many words that I was “not allowed to start Linx” back then. My hopes and dreams felt shattered. I felt like a puppet on marionette strings and he was orchestrating how my life should be. I knew something wasn’t right.entrepreneurship

It’s so hard when you love someone yet it feels like he/she is sticking a dagger through you. After he broke up with me it felt like tear gas had completely engulfed my life. I couldn’t see what my new future would hold. I couldn’t really feel anything either. Maybe you can relate after a tragic breakup that flips you upside down. At the time, I felt like an inch worm scooting around with very low energy and so small in the big world from being made to feel like crap for a long time.

With the help of family and dear friends, I rebuilt my strength and began to see the silver lining in all of it. I remembered what had excited me so much before the big bad breakup had happened. I had witnessed an interesting and rather odd disparity in the ratio of eligible men to women in the Silicon Valley (lots of guys!!) and saw all of my female friends in San Francisco struggling to make sense of the dating scene.

I left the pain of the breakup in the past but remembered three things back then: 1) I knew there was something there with my dating concept and I had a burning desire to figure out how I could capitalize on it;  2) I now knew what I didn’t want to find in a future husband – i.e. controlling personality; and 3) never let anyone jeopardize your core values, or extinguish your dreams, goals, and passions.liberated_health1

The partner you choose should make you feel the best you can be, not the opposite. Being together should feel like a miracle not a nightmarish situation. Everyone has a fire somewhere in their belly. I encourage you to look within today and focus inward about what your burning desire is in life. Journal your thoughts, create an action place, and go after your dreams. After all, you’re the only one who can hold your own self accountable and know what your true passion(s) are. Now go indulge in that wondrous experience. P395683-2-1_richard-branson-2