Amy I can’t meet a good guy! Help!

Dear Amy !  My 28-year-old daughter saw your article on ABC news on July 10, 2012 and was very impressed.  I viewed the link she emailed to me and am very impressed as well. …she just cannot meet a good man…she recently went to one of those speed dating situations and all the men were sub-par and only interested in you know what right now …she is way over the top too good for that messiness…and also extremely well-educated and pretty….hope to hear from you.  

Dear new friend,

What a great mom to write me on behalf of your lovely daughter!

I would advise your daughter to strongly look at the ways she is going about meeting men. The speed date thing is definitely “hit” or “miss.” I’m proud of her that she put herself out there like that and now understands the results can be dicey. Time to move on! Don’t waste time going to more.

Take half a day and in a quiet place really have her think about the types of men she envisions herself with. Are they sporty? Are they intellectual? Are they into the culinary arts? Is he a dog or cat lover? Any town is guaranteed to have men living in it and good ones too! I swear!  The question becomes, where would her type of future hubbie hang out?

After she has put her thoughts on paper,  I would ask her to consider starting to go to the places that these men might be at. If thoughts of a Bill Gates-esque man sends her over-the-moon with school girl giddiness, time to head to every computer science lecture in town, bookstores, and even heading to the local college to see if she can drop in a lecture- with the professors permission. Be aggressive! Ask questions! The world is her oyster!

As she is in these new environments, your daughter needs to dress the part (and genuinely feel good about herself) confidentially smile and say hello to each and every person she meets, and establish good eye contact. Every potential suitor loves the idea of a confident and happy woman. Who wouldn’t want to be around that type of person?!

This advice is very basic but the actual application of doing this will result in a seismic shift in her personal life. Finding a good, genuine, normal, commitment (amen!) minded man is actually much easier than many of us think! 

I was emailing with a dear client today and she reminded me that I had suggested she check out a local cafe here in Palo Alto (as I had thought the intellectual and good type of guy she would ultimately desire might be stationed there reading or on laptop with cappuccino.)

Turns out, the first guy she chatted with ends up being her now fantastically brilliant Stanford prof beau!  I love this! She listened, she entered the right type of place and next thing she knows, a first date (and perhaps last first date she ever has) is lined up!

This lesson I have shared is to place yourself in the right environment. In doing so, you will see a change. Your prince is not going to show up on your doorstep. You MUST go out and find him. Once in the right environment, your prince will undoubtedly pursue you, yet you must be there for OPPORTUNITY to happen. 

Now go get that pad of paper and have at it with your dream type! Have fun on your quest!

Perfect on Paper Doesn’t Always Match Well For Linx

Ladies out there…..I want to bring to your attention something really important that has been a hard decision as CEO of Linx to make. Recently I was introduced to a perfect on paper guy- literally amazing! Ivy League, CEO, 39, never married, good-looking, strong family values and ready (so he says) for love! We had a first phone call Monday where I shared about the business, how potentially I could help him, and his ideal match. He led with a negative foot,  assuming failure from the start. He shared he had worked with another matchmaker in LA and had a terrible experience and how he is a very picky guy and absolutely does not agree with my policy of no pics as part of the introduction process.

He asked me to supply him with examples of the types of girls in Linx before he made up his mind about doing Linx. I felt a dirtiness come over me. I paused and explained that is not my process and that would compromise my methodology. I tried to explain that my method is to “get” at a clients type and get into their head to really understand the types that will work and those that will not. I shared it is a long process and how Linx shouldn’t be compared to other matchmakers- especially in LA where it is only looks focused and no one cares about the substance and goodness forbid her education or what she does for a living!

He then commented how he knows he is a total pain-in-the-ass and not easy and I can at ANY time say no to him. He said for me to consider giving him a dossier of pics (or he would happily come into the office for me to share pics on my laptop) and then, if/when we start working together he would only be a client if I agree to show photos. Essentially he discounted the bulk of my process and didn’t want to hear another peep out of me. On a side note, sometimes I have shown a photo to a client (largely with the other clients permission). It can help but it can also be disastrous. Humans are judgemental creatures and men especially can quickly size someone up as hot or not and discount every important quality that makes her an exceptional match!

After three days of careful consideration I sent him this email tonight and I am really proud of not stooping to someone I am not just because he is an awesome on paper guy. I bet you everyone has always said yes to him and it felt so good to say no thanks to him and turn him away. Plus the most important thing is I am doing all you women a major service because he’s someone who will never be satisfied with anyone. He won’t ever be happy- with Linx, with women, perhaps with himself.

Dear Name,
I wanted to get in touch with you as a follow-up to the conversation we had on Monday. After careful consideration, I am not comfortable sharing photos with the types of women in Linx who could potentially be a good fit.

There are multiple steps in becoming a client and while I could easily send you random photos of “hot” girls, it would not do us any good. I have prided myself in running a very successful business (currently over  1,000 clients) largely because of the proven methodology. There are so many run-of-the-mill matchmakers who would follow through with your request in a heartbeat and might even show photos as part of their process. Often a lot of those folks focus solely on looks, whereas my client base instead is based on a combination of physical attractiveness and other key factors like personality and education.

I thought a lot about sending you over some examples of women with whom I would like to set you up but I just wasn’t comfortable going against my policy and practice. As I mentioned, I have on occasion shared a photo or two with a VIP (i.e. someone who is ALREADY a client) who appreciates the goal of saving time when physical attraction is such a big part of it.

I gather that, based on your not-so-good experience with the LA matchmakers and the bar already being so high, you might not be so happy with what Linx Dating can offer you. I think you are a catch and I am sure you will meet someone amazing. I’m just not sure we (Linx) and you are the best match. 

VIP Searches- searching for the perfect guys

We are always on the hunt for great guys for our fabulous, incredibly bright, and attractive female clients. Please check out these descriptions and see if you or anyone you know might qualify. 

Our first featured female client is a pretty Indian woman who is 33 years old. She is 5’6″, with gorgeous glowing hazel eyes, and a nice feminine athletic figure. Our client is very family centric and grew up in the Bay Area. She attended Stanford for undergrad and an Ivy League for her graduate degree. She’s a hard working professional who has crossed the chasm and is positioned to meet the man of her dreams. She’s not huge into the bar scene, nor online dating, and when push comes to shove, it is hard to locate a like-minded match. Some of her passions include snowboarding, family, travel, yoga, and alumni work. She is a gentle soul, who is loving, kind, empathetic, calm, and balanced. Her dream match is in his 30’s, Indian is a must, and a good guy who lives his life with intregrity, passion, and family values. He’s ambitious, established, and it would be fair to say traditional too.  The archetype for this dream guy would be a young Vinod Dham- very intelligent, an innovator, family man, and funny too!

Our second featured female client we are searching for is a gorgeous, bubbly, mature, and breathtaking 22 year old who is Palo Alto based. She is 5’8″, Caucasian, with long brunette hair, feminine, and stylish (the photo below resembles her very much). Some of her passions outside of her exciting career are dancing, horseback riding, cycling, water skiing, cooking, and baking.  She is incredibly sweet, down-to-earth, and leads her life with a very strong moral compass rooted in Christian values. Despite her young age, she is ready to settle down and start a family! 

Her ideal guy is 31 max, Caucasian, 6’1″ and up, beefy, and masculine! He is All-American, most likely played sports growing up, is a total guys guy type, old-fashioned, confident, and very mature- since she is extremely mature. He can totally picture getting married in a couple of years with some adorable rug rats at home and a stunning wife who will love and cherish him forever. Ideally the household would be a spiritual one where Christianity in welcome and embraced. The archetype for this dream guy would be Blake Griffin.

Our third featured female client is mid 30’s, Caucasian, and a slender 5’5″. She is based in San Francisco and loves the Bay Area, yet travels all of the time for pleasure and work as a consultant. She is extremely well educated at one Ivy League for her undergrad and another for her MBA. She is very natural in her appearance and isn’t into the glam girlie thing at all. Patagonia, North Face, and classics when needed from Banana Republic are more her type. She loves roughing it in the great outdoors from camping, any adventures, skiing, and strenous hiking. Our client is up for anything pretty much at anytime (climbing the Andes, swimming with sharks, entertaining at her home, or closing a bar down.) Never one to accept mediocrity or the status quo, you will find her to be exceptional in everything she does in her life. Her ideal gentleman is up to 45 years old, any ethnicity, and fit. Previously married or never married- it doesn’t matter. Her dream guy must be uber intellectual, confident, super down-to-earth, and loves the outdoors as much as she does.  He is a family guy who can definitely envision playing flag football at Thanksgiving with the kids and would be so very honored to have such a kind, smart, and loving wife. The archetype for this ideal guy would be Anderson Cooper.