Who, What, When… Huh?

With Drinks on the Linx just around the corner, we’ve been getting a lot of inquiries about different aspects of the Linx process and experience. Amy and I thought it would be a good idea to share answers to some of those frequently asked questions, just in case some of you have been curious about the same issues. If you don’t see the answer you’re looking for below, feel free to contact us with any additional concerns and questions. We’re here to help!

What are the differences between being a Premium client, a VIP, and a Match Applicant?

A Premium client is someone who has hired us to find their ideal match. This person (of either gender) has signed up for a Silver, Platinum, or VIP membership, and is guaranteed an agreed upon number of introductions during the duration of their contract. For Silver and Platinum clients, these introductions involve people already within the (substantial) Linx database.

VIP clients, however, are a bit different; VIP clients are Premium clients who often have extremely specific criteria (these can be educational, ethnic, cultural, geographic, life-style focused, or any combination thereof) and so VIP clients have empowered us to search outside of our existing database and network to find their ideal match. It is not uncommon for a VIP search to be conducted in the San Francico Bay Area, as well as NYC, LA and beyond. Information about active VIP searches can be found here.

A Match Applicant is someone who has paid for an initial in-person consultation with Linx, and we have determined that they are highly matchable. A Match Applicant is someone we feel is truly looking for a relationship, has realistic expectations based on their own age, experience, education, desires, etc., and has a great attitude about the Linx process.

So paying $200 and meeting with Amy makes me a Match Applicant?

Simply put, no. The fee for an in-person consultation is strictly meant to compensate us for our professional time. It does not make you a member or client of Linx, nor does it guarantee you any introductions or invitations beyond the opportunity to get to know us better. We understand that some people think this is an unreasonable fee, but Linx is, at heart, a business. If $200 seems expensive to meet privately with professional matchmakers who might then introduce you to the mate of your dreams, then we encourage you to pursue other romantic avenues such as online dating.

I met with Linx, but didn’t hear from them after the meeting. Why not?

At the end of any initial consultation, we encourage you to take a few days to reflect on our conversation, and to reach out to us if you’d like to move forward. For Match Applicant candidates who are an obvious fit for one of our current Premium clients, we do often reach out within a few days of our meeting to explore the possibility of making an introduction. But in other cases we wait to hear from you. This process is not for everyone; some interviewees decide that they are not ready to use the services of a matchmaker, while others (those often newly out of a relationship) might realize that they aren’t in the right place to meet anyone at all. If you want to hear from Linx, contact us. We’ve probably been waiting to hear from you, too.

When do I get to see pictures of the person to whom I’m being introduced?

Believe it or not, you actually don’t get pictures before meeting your match (unless you are a VIP client.) Despite the very deliberate nature of our process, we still value the element of surprise. We want your first glimpse of your match to involve the thrill of discovery rather than the comfort of recognition. We don’t want to take all of the excitement out of a first date; if anything, we want to increase it by reassuring you that you’re meeting a high quality individual who shares a lot of your goals and values. What’s not exciting about that? Plus, we find people are simply too judgmental.

Is it true that you don’t work with women in their 40s?

No, this is not true. At Linx, we work with men and women of all ages (from twentysomethings to 70+) and we get excited by each and every opportunity to help someone find love. But we also know the limitations of our database, and we understand the dynamics of the local dating economy. Despite the rise of “cougar culture” we simply don’t encounter a lot of young men looking for older women (at least not for the purposes of starting a serious relationship) and so we do politely decline working with prospects whose expectations do not align with our experience of reality; even our female VIP clients are typically willing to date men up to 10 years older than they are, and we cannot successfully match other Premium clients or Match Applicants who are not willing to do the same. It just created very unrealistic expectations and could lead to failure and disappointment.

Is it true that you reject people that apply for membership?

Simply put, yes. We have a high rejection rate as we cannot work with everyone. Sometimes we encounter someone who is simply not a good culture fit, or perhaps is not comfortable with the Linx protocol and general mission of our business. Maybe someone is leading an unhealthy lifestyle, has zero balance in his/her life, or just is not trusting of our process. Over the years, we’ve even had people ask us in the initial screening phase when asked if he/she is “commitment-minded” how we define commitment. Enough said. 😉

I’m gay/lesbian/bisexual. Is Linx suitable for me?

Unfortunately, our database is limited in a way that allows us to focus on same-sex relationships at this time. That said, we do represent a small population of VIP bisexual clients who are interested in matches from both men and women. In the meantime, please do contact us if you’re interested (increased interest is what will help fuel opportunities to build an extended network for gay and lesbian clients) and be sure to attend our networking events, like Drinks on the Linx if you enjoy networking.

I’ve read a lot about Linx networking events. Is one of those coming up soon?

Yes, in fact, there is a Link & Drink event just around the corner! Join us at the Stanford Golf Course on the evening of July 17th for a warm summer night of Drinks on the Linx! Tickets are selling quickly, and we will not be able to sell tickets at the door, so buy yours here. Attendance will be capped at 400, and having fun is mandatory, so we hope to see you there!

Remember that our events are NOT limited to clients. So invite your friends, the more the merrier!

Meeting the Parents

We get a lot of dating advice questions here at Linx each week. This one sticks out as a real dilemma many of us can relate to on some level. The scenario is you’ve been with your partner in a committed relationship for some time now and he/she is shying away from you meeting his/her family. Maybe he/she is only peeling a few onion layers back with you and anything deemed too serious like meeting family and friends has been a topic he/she has walked away from. At this point, it is starting to make you uncomfortable. What is he/she hiding and why is he/she being so private and reluctant about opening up this important part of his/her past and future?

I’d say anytime from 6-9 months is a pretty natural time to bring up discussions about being introduced to one another’s families. You need to lead with an open and very honest heart. Go in gentle and explain how you feel about him/her and how you are “in like”, “in love”, “in awe” with him/her. He/she means the world to you and even though you have only been together for (insert # of months), you feel that it is serious. As such, it is important for you to meet his/her family. You can express this to your partner without using big commitment terms like “when we get engaged” or “this is important for me before I get married.” If your partner is already uneasy, chances are that will make him/her even more nervous about something so serious.

Be easy and light in your approach but with a firm intention expressing your value system. You want to meet them, understand where he/she came from, and continue getting to know him/her on a deeper level. Study your partners reaction. Is he/she able to react in a positive way at all or has he/she retreated and ‘caved?’ If the later, back off. Chances are your partner has listened and heard you loud and clear. My advice (as sensitive as it is to you and important..and how it has probably been brewing inside your heart for some time now) is to not lash out or criticize.

It is now even more important to truly become a “student” of your relationship. You are seeing first hand how your partner handles conflict. This is clearly something he/she is not liking. Every couple faces crap. It is just a matter of how you effectively communicate it, address it, and tackle it together…as a team! 🙂

In a few days, see if he/she comes back to you with his/her ideas. Maybe no ideas about meeting your wishes of a “meet the parents” but another onion layer pulled back on some level (we hope…yes…no?!) It could very well be it simply is not the right time for your boyfriend/girlfriend to “go there” with you. It will be up to you if you can accept that and you will need to start asking yourself how much longer you are willing to wait.

No one likes timelines but relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. It is about listening to one another’s needs and desires. As painful as these observations and data can be, sometimes that person you are desperately in “like” “awe” “lust” or “love” with is not the long-term for you. The timing could be completely off for him/her and unfortunately he/she needs another few years before going down that road. There are no easy answers to this question but only you know how your heart feels. If something is tugging deep inside you, listen carefully and follow your heart. If your honey meets your request, now you can start packing, planning your perfect look, and making travel reservations.

We welcome your dating and relationship questions anytime. Send me an email to: amy@linxdating.com and I can assure you your question will be kept anonymous.

What Goes Into a Successful Linx Match?

I’ve been getting a lot of clients asking me lately “Amy how did you know we would hit it off like this?” That to me is really one of the kindest compliments I could ever ask for!

It’s hard to say exactly how a great match actually works. Yes, there is a science but so much of what I do is art….it is that 6th sense…a gut instinct and pure intuition. Remember I take huge pride in personally getting to know every member in Linx. I take copious notes, I try not to miss a beat, and I really pick up on the little things often in our client meetings & new client interviews that they might not even know themselves… in other words, the nuances. THAT is one of the major aspects of what makes joining Linx so special compared to the slew of online choices.

With that being said, matchmaking is a leap of faith. It is about having my new client put trust in me that I have carefully listened to who they are and what they seek in a match and on the flip side, having trust in my client that he or she will best represent my network when dating in the real world. I wish I could be a puppeteer orchestrating the perfect outcome for my clients. Unfortunately, I am not a magician, nor can I promise marriage.

One of the downfalls to this business is when clients put tremendous pressure on themselves to find someone. The bar can be so high but the clock begins to tick at such an accelerated speed that everyone senses the intensity prevailing. That can lead to disappointment and expectations that are simply not realistic. On the back end, behind the scenes, we can feel a sense of a ship that is slowly sinking….like a Titanic feeling where the air starts to run out, weights are tightened on our ankles, and slowly…slowly…we submerge into the depths of the ocean. Sorry for the visual.

On a happy note, what I can promise for a client is access to a narrowly tailored pool of individuals whom that person wouldn’t have the chance to meet otherwise, thus increasing the chances of finding love. There isn’t an exact science to this process and, for some overly analytical and risk averse types, it becomes impossible to offer them any explanation that will be satisfying. At the end of the day, how do you make sense of all of that?

Business Lessons | Indulge in your passion

This was a huge last week for Linx – a ton of simultaneous media coverage . All super crazy exciting!  Linx was featured in Fortune, CNN Money, CNN TV, and a venture capital/private equity news rag called peHUB.  I was slammed with hundreds upon hundreds of prospects emailing me about joining Linx from this fabulous outpouring of press. Now I have managed finally to come up for some air.  Ahhh… to breathe again.

Many people always ask me which publicist I use…I don’t have one. Let me share my secret with you. I’ve worked my tail off 7 days a week for the last ten years to build my business. I have bunkered down, completely focused on my mission, and maintained my same work ethic, principles, and mantra from the very beginning days of when I first started Linx.

When you remain anchored to your passions and don’t get worn down by the little hiccups along the way or distractions that are inevitable, people are attracted to that. Journalists are intrigued, they want to hear “the story” and learn all about of these high caliber and dynamic professionals that flock to Linx.  “How’d you come up with that?”

Sir Richard Branson (of Virgin fame) has a long list of important business and life lessons – here are two that I like and maybe you can relate, especially if you run your own company.

#1: Entrepreneurship is not about getting one over on the customer. It’s not about working on your own. It’s not about looking out for number one. It’s not necessarily about making a lot of money. On the contrary, it’s about turning what excites you in life into capital, so that you can do more of it and move forward.

#2: When you’re first thinking through an idea it’s important not to get bogged down in complexity. Any fool can make something complex. It’s hard to make something simple.

I especially like point #2. It’s one of those “why didn’t I think of that” scenarios. A concept turned into actual product or service that is, at it’s core, a simple one. This point can be absolutely correlated to dating. Don’t get so strung out about how to act, look, what to say, etc on your first date. Slow down. Prepare. Stay true to yourself. Show up. Be gracious, be kind. Remember that your date is taking time out of his/her day to get to know you. It’s pretty simple when you think about it.

If you’ve gotten past the early stages of dating and are stressed about your relationship’s ups and downs, don’t loose sight of the end goal (if the end goal is marriage for you.) Although human behavior and relationships are, by definition, complex, you don’t have to make it so. In my coaching, I always use the visual of a horse with horse blinders on when dating. Don’t let the little stuff bring you down, get you distracted, or worry you. Stay level-headed. Pour your passion into your dating journey. That will create the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship. Lead your life with integrity. Never let anyone jeopardize your core values or extinguish your dreams, goals, and passions.

When I was a young entrepreneur originally living in the Silicon Valley and in a serious relationship at the time, I developed the concept for Linx. I was so in love but unaware that I was in a possessive and very controlling relationship. My boyfriend told me in so many words that I was “not allowed to start Linx” back then. My hopes and dreams felt shattered. I felt like a puppet on marionette strings and he was orchestrating how my life should be. I knew something wasn’t right.

It’s so hard when you love someone yet it feels like he/she is sticking a dagger through you. After he broke up with me it felt like tear gas had completely engulfed my life. I couldn’t see what my new future would hold. I couldn’t really feel anything either. Maybe you can relate after a tragic breakup that flips you upside down. At the time, I felt like an inch worm scooting around with very low energy and so small in the big world from being made to feel like crap for a long time.

With the help of family and dear friends, I rebuilt my strength and began to see the silver lining in all of it. I remembered what had excited me so much before the big bad breakup had happened. I had witnessed an interesting and rather odd disparity in the ratio of eligible men to women in the Silicon Valley (lots of guys!!) and saw all of my female friends in San Francisco struggling to make sense of the dating scene.

I left the pain of the breakup in the past but remembered three things back then: 1) I knew there was something there with my dating concept and I had a burning desire to figure out how I could capitalize on it;  2) I now knew what I didn’t want to find in a future husband – i.e. controlling personality; and 3) never let anyone jeopardize your core values, or extinguish your dreams, goals, and passions.

The partner you choose should make you feel the best you can be, not the opposite. Being together should feel like a miracle not a nightmarish situation. Everyone has a fire somewhere in their belly. I encourage you to look within today and focus inward about what your burning desire is in life. Journal your thoughts, create an action place, and go after your dreams. After all, you’re the only one who can hold your own self accountable and know what your true passion(s) are. Now go indulge in that wondrous experience.