Dating Fatigue is Real. Here’s What to do if it’s Happened to You…

If you’re single and interested in a new relationship, first dates are inevitable. If you’re lucky enough to have friends setting you up or an experienced matchmaker on your side, you can count on some pre-filtering and quick turnaround time to make those first dates somewhat easier. But, if you’re searching for love online or on apps, you could invest countless hours getting to know someone before ever meeting—if you ever get to an actual meeting. According to a 2016 study by the Pew Research Center, nearly 1/3 of people using apps never make it to a date. For those that do schedule dates, many experience several bad dates before something relatively good pans out.

 

You know the drill. Anticipation and excitement grows as your first date approaches. Then, not even 20 minutes into the first date, you know there’s no chance of a future. This anticipation—disappointment—optimism cycle seems to repeat itself and, before you know it, you’ve stopped dating completely.

 

Dating burnout is similar to job burnout: An activity that once posed a satisfying challenge is now a mundane task. If the mere mention of a date conjures up feelings of inevitable disappointment, you’re definitely in the midst of dating burnout.

 

Other telltale signs include:

 

Experiencing jealousy over your friends’ relationships.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. If you feel slighted by your friend’s relationship or, if you’re pulling away from the new couple, you might be internalizing feelings of frustration about your own romantic life. “I couldn’t stand my coworker’s boyfriend,” says Marie. “Listening to her talk about his anniversary plans was so annoying, but I couldn’t figure out why. I typically liked hearing all of her dating stories. Then, I realized that it had nothing to do with boyfriend. I was sad we weren’t going to talk about our hilariously bad dates from the weekend.”

 

Feeling like the search is hopeless.

When quitting seems easier than fielding another bad date, you’re not heading towards dating fatigue—you’re there. If you’re fearing boredom, rejection, or exhaustion, nixing future dates will seem like the perfect way to prevent future pain.

 

Willing to go for anyone who isn’t terrible.

Settling for someone to stave off loneliness is a sign that you’re losing faith in yourself. Lowering your standards is the best way to find yourself in a relationship you should avoid. “The worst relationship I ever had was actually the first woman I met after my divorce,” says Tom, 41. “I didn’t know what I was doing and the thought of dating again blew my mind. Well, I learned my lesson.”

 

A string of bad dates.

Nothing is more exhausting than a streak of dates without any semblance of connection. Mustering up the enthusiasm—and courage—to get yourself out there again will seem like an uphill battle.

 

Finding your couch more appealing than social gatherings.

Taking a break from all social activities—not just dating—reveals that your frustration from the lack of romantic connectivity is seeping into your other relationships. If you are closing yourself off from everyone, it’s time to evaluate your approach to dating.

 

So what can you do to recover from dating burnout? Consider the following to get back the good vibes:

 

Lower your expectations, not your standards.

Instead of focusing on if the other person likes you, flip the equation to figure out if you feel something towards the other person. This process takes time and might not lead to fireworks initially.

 

Keep the first date short.

You’ll know if you want more—or not—within the first 20 minutes. Keeping the first date short will help you build tension for date #2 or save you from spending too much energy on a dead end. This advice is especially true if you are dating vis-a-vis apps and online.

 

If you know you aren’t interested, don’t go on a second date.

No one wants to be the bad guy, but going out again when you know it’s not there will waste your time and theirs. “I would rather sit through drinks with a guy I wasn’t into than have the ‘I’m not into you’ conversation,” says, Molly, 37. “Of course, this only makes things harder in the end.”

 

Keep your dating life private until you’ve narrowed it down to one person.

Save yourself the trouble of rehashing the same details of lackluster dates.

 

Give yourself a time out.

You’ll project your best self if you’re not forcing yourself to feel or act a certain way. If you’re juggling five people, none of whom you really like, do everyone a favor and take a break. Channel your energy and free time towards a new hobby, keeping physically active, seeing friends, etc till you are ready to date again.

 

Get honest with yourself.

Self awareness is the first step to making sure you aren’t self sabotaging. If you don’t feel anything after several dates, ask a trusted friend about what it could be. If this isn’t possible, seek a dating coach —an objective third party can work wonders.

 

Although it can feel overwhelmingly hopeless, dating fatigue is only temporary. At Linx, we’re here to streamline your dating experience. Matchmaking isn’t just about more dates; it’s about optimizing the variables for connection. If you’re feeling disconnected, we can help. Email our founder Amy at amy@linxdating.com

 

What is the MSRP of Love?

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman
If you’ve ever considered hiring a matchmaker, you’ve probably asked yourself (or been asked by someone else) how valuable a fulfilling relationship might actually be to you. The very idea of a cost-benefit analysis on emotional intimacy seems clinical and counter-intuitive, but it turns out that you really can quantify the upside of being in a happy relationship. In fact, the team at Happify.com has done just that, along with giving us a quick and easy infographic that tells us A LOT about the communication styles of happy couples. How does your communication style measure up against that of these dynamic duos? Do your expectations about sex, communication, and intimacy align with what seems to be a recipe for romantic success?

Even as a single person, you can improve your outlook on life and your approach to intimacy to set yourself up for the best possible outcome in your next relationship; you can practice compromising, defusing tension with humor, and sharing new experiences with the people in your life right now, be they colleagues, friends, or family members. Everyone knows that even the best relationships take work, but it’s staggering to see just how valuable a happy relationship can be.

So what’s the value of a happy relationship? According to happify.com, it’s a surprising $105,000 per year, which makes your Linx membership seem like both a bargain AND a wise investment (we’re assuming that’s untaxed income, of course.) And for those of you on the fence about whether or not you should be investing more in your professional or personal lives right now, maybe you should ask yourself if your next promotion is likely to come with a six-figure raise.

For more information, check out the infographic here.

If you don’t have time to visit the site, you might still want to know that the happiest couples have sex 2-3 times a week, that they both have college degrees, and that in those couples (take note, ladies) the man is definitely employed.

And what is the science behind why people marry? Happify.com shares 93% of American couples share they married for ‘love’, while 87% said they married for ‘making a lifelong commitment’, 81% said ‘companionship’, 59% said ‘having children’, and 31% said ‘financial stability.’ So what’s your reason for desiring love and marriage?