Ask Amy Anything

October 5 2012 Ask Amy

QAmy, I am in a relationship right now where I love going out all the time to various galas, dinners, and events in San Francisco yet my boyfriend seems to get more and more introverted by the day and it’s like pulling teeth out to get him to attend these fabulous parties with me. I am so frustrated. All he wants to do is the occasional dinner with one another out and stay home the rest as he is so exhausted all the time for working banking hours. I really like him though.  

A: When boyfriends or husbands flair up, this is why you should have girlfriends. Any woman needs her pack of female friends to call upon to go to these functions with her. It sounds like you are very social and love being out and about. That is not for everyone so I do understand your boyfriends hesitation.

What I suggest is to do a shared social calendar with your beau- Google has an easy one you both could access easily. On the calendar put all your events and indicate if you are attending the movie opening with friend Sara, the restaurant year anniversary with Chloe, and so forth. Then block out five nights a month for just the two of you. Four are going to be dinners just with you two either in-home or out- aka date night and only ONCE a month will be an event with your beau.

Once you get these on the calendar, tell him about it and explain that you love your time with him very much and understand he might not be up for your parties and that is fine. Would he be ok with doing date night once a week with you and simply going to a party once a month, the rest you will do with your girlfriends?! I think you will have a happy boyfriend and have just figured out the perfect solution to your differences. Good luck!  

Ask Amy Anything!

As Linx continues to grow by leaps and bounds with our membership, we have been getting more and more requests from friends and clients of Linx to ask me anything dating and relationship related.  Music to enjoy for this entry is Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj. Every once in awhile a little cheese it ok. It’s catchy….

We have a new feature on the Linx website where you will see a grey button at the top left of every page. Simply click on it and it will directly port to email where you can ask me anything that is on your mind and I will do my very best to address each one either through an email back to you or as an anonymous Q and A on my blog.

Here are some questions that have trickled in this week into my inbox and my very quick answers in a nutshell.

Q: When is it appropriate to sleep with the guy I am into? We haven’t become exclusive yet and I can barely keep my hands off him. Help!

A: Depending on your personal goals of ending up with this fabulousman, you need to wait till you are exclusive. If you give in and sleep with him as sexy as he is, he will have gotten everything he wants. If it seems pretty clear that he is wildly attracted and into you as well (and respects you and is treating you well outside of the bedroom), I would think it will be pretty natural to have a talk about becoming exclusive. Simply say you are an old-fashioned girl who was raised a certain way and doesn’t sleep around. You also don’t sleep with a man till you are exclusive. If he is into you, he will wait and wait and wait! Good luck! Once exclusive you can crank up The Isley Brothers “Between The Sheets.” 😉

Q: I am a newly divorced dad of 3 young kids and am nervous about getting out into the dating scene. My kids have a mom and I don’t want women to think that I need her to be their mom. What to do? 

A: Dating after divorce can definitely be challenging and present a whole slew of new factors that you never knew were out there. Your first date sound byte to this lucky female is that you are newly divorced and one of your greatest passions are your three beautiful children ages (X, Y, Z). You have joint custody (or whatever your situation is) and they see their mom every other week. On the off weeks you do your own thing and on the weeks you have them you bunker down into dad duty. Although things did not work out with their mom, you have a healthy relationship with her and she is a GREAT mother (never tear your ex a new one no matter your relationship with her.) Then you change the subject and pay your date a genuine compliment and focus on the moment and getting to know her.

Q: I work at Stanford campus and am pretty shy to begin with. When I take breaks for lunch or coffee I see some of the cutest guys ever. How do I go about having them pay attention to me? 

A: My sister and I were walking at Stanford two nights ago and saw a David Beckham look-alike. Her jaw dropped and she was like Ummmmm he is hot and the funny thing is he totally checked her out! So there are gorgeous and brainy babes all over. There are a variety of methods for you to seek the chaps attention.  First dress the part to attract the right guy you want in your life. Be feminine and classy. In my sisters case we were exercising. So in that case, dress in tasteful, clean, and attractive workout clothes. Second, go up to him and ask him a question. If you are working at Stanford chances are you are a genius but in reality there is nothing wrong with sometimes playing a little dumb. I’m not saying to be a clueless ditz, I’m suggesting pulling out your naive card for this opportunity. Ask him where something is on campus. For all he knows today is your first day at work on this big, big, scary campus! Make eye contact, smile, then pay him a small compliment. An example….Hi…I am wondering if you can tell me where Coupa is at the GSB….ohhh..great….(eye contact, lock eyes, smile)….I like your kicks. I’ve never seen Nike make those.  At this point, hopefully you can stike up a flirty convo and see where it takes you. Have fun!

Q: I have a major crush on my boss but he is married with a beautiful wife and baby on its way. I would never do anything to break up their marriage but I can’t stop thinking about him. Is there something wrong with me? 

A: An attractive and confident man is a sexy thing. It sounds like you are human to have developed an innocent crush. Innocent is thinking about him, thinking he is cute, having a soft spot for him while maintaining your professionalism. A crush steps into very dangerous territory if you channel Alicia Silverstone from The Crush and fixate on him to the point where it is inappropriate or ever come on in a sexual manner. You have a strong intuition and chances are you know what is right and wrong. If you want to keep your job, keep your crush benign.

Q: I hate when construction workers and other guys driving by cat call me and make me feel degraded. Should I just tell them to f*ck off or ignore them? As a strong woman (yet a sensual and very feminine one), I feel women need to stand up and let men it is inappropriate to do this. 

A: Yes women do need to stand up for themselves but in this case I think the best strategy to just keep walking. I will share a hilarious scene from Sex in the City when Miranda gets cat called renting  a five-hour Danish documentary on the Nuremberg trial (and a pound of gummy bears to boot….remember?)

(Sleazy construction worker) “Hey, hey, it’s my sweetheart. You’re looking good, baby. Good enough to eat. Hey, where you going, doll ? I got what you want. I got what you need.”

(Miranda) “You talkin’ to me?”

(Construction worker) “Oh, we got a live one, boys.”

(Miranda) “You got what I want ? You got what I need ? Uh-Huh. Well, what I want is to get laid!” 

Ask Linx Anything!

Dear faithful readers,

Although I don’t know most of you personally,  I am thankful that you are reading the blog and hopefully enjoying the random things I post here from Linx HQ. I’d like to get to know all of you better and thus encourage you to comment on any of the entries. Don’t be shy!  And, yes, you can do this anonymously.  I’m going to start a new “ask anything” part of the Linx website where you can submit dating and relationship questions to my inbox and I will answer on the blog, keeping your identity totally and completely anonymous.  So go for it!

Q: ” Amy when is it appropriate to sleep with the guy I am really into?”

A: Although it can be very tempting with hormones firing in all directions, resist that temptation until you are exclusive! If you are serious about love and getting to the goal of marriage in the near future, absolutely wait until you are in an exclusive relationship. 

Our featured song is Enrique Iglesias Tonight I’m Lovin’ You. 

Women make it too easy for guys right and left by having sex  without any sort of commitment. I was horrified, when I was dating in San Francisco, at how casual guys were about sex. “Stay over tonight,” he would say. “Huh?” was my response followed by a “not ’til we are exclusive.”

Guess what? The serious good guys will RESPECT your wishes, beg, and drool like hungry pups waiting for their dinner and the WRONG ones will drive you home that night (thus rejected) saying “ciao bella.”  After he drops you off at home (or hails you a cab or worse yet, you get yourself a cab) chances are he will never call or ask you out again.  Let’s face it, in many ways, you did reject his sexual advance. On the other hand, sister, you are putting your values and needs first, not his testosterone.  

For him, there are so many other girls willing to go downtown and do the horizontal mambo that you can focus on finding the right guy.