Amy Andersen Bay Area Matchmaker

New to the City | Ways to Make Friends & Attract Lovers into your Life!

Dear Amy, 

I‘m 34 years old, in tech, and recently moved to San Francisco from the Mid West. I’m a pretty simple girl with honest values- think cornbread, apple pie, and balancing my checkbook every night before bed! 
Being new to the city and a city in general (always lived in pretty small towns), I signed up for a few different online dating sites. What I seem to keep running into is that I struggle feeling the chemistry with these guys but overall, they are really nice yet not for me. The good girl Mid West part of me hates to let them down after a date and share I’m just not feeling it. Is it OK to keep some as friends and how do I do that? 
A:  Welcome to the Bay Area. I am huge into telling friends and clients to always do at least 2 dates to really see if that chemistry can develop. My question to you is, are you giving each of these chaps a fair chance or writing them off too quickly. Remember that chemistry can grow in all sorts of funny ways and in order to see if there is something there, you need to go out a couple of times. If you follow my plan and do two dates and still feel nothing, by all means you can keep whomever you like as a friend. The question is, will he want to?! Rejection on whatever level is a sensitive subject and not easy for guys to handle with their ego in the way.   
A girl who is new to the city can never have enough good friends in her life, so one way to go about this is to pay him the biggest and most genuine compliment you can after your second date. Do this in person and not over email and definitely not text.
After the compliment, pose a question to him, inquiring if he is feeling the chemistry. Maybe he is and maybe he isn’t. Get a conversation going. Then go in with the “I’m not entirely sure if the romance thing is there for me 100% but being new to the Bay Area, I’d like to keep you around, even set you up with a friend at some point. What do you think about that?” 
After you do this, your plan of action to not only keep him as a new friend but instantaneously get your name on the social map in the city is to be hostess with the mostess.
Our featured song for this entry is Sarah Vaughan Whatever Lola Wants by Gotan Project. This is a great song to get you into the party mood and to crank up at your soiree.
After your conversation with him, immediately get to work and don’t lose any momentum. Plan a festive and intimate party with him.
Have him invite 2 professional guy friends (if you are 34, their age is max early 40’s) and those guys invite 2 professional girls (ideally under 40) and those girls invite a friend each. Have everyone collaborate over email and each person brings an appetizer and bottle of wine under $20 from around the world. 
You host the party on a Friday or Saturday night and make sure your home is sparkling clean, candles lit, fun music on, and ready for your new friends party!  In doing this, you will meet new friends, possibly meet a cute new guy who you will feel that chemistry with, and feel welcome in your new city by the Bay!
The email invitation reads something like this: 
Who: Amanda Smith and Craig Baylor
What: Drink your way around the world and meet new friends for some networking, friendships, and fun
Where: Amanda’s new city apartment on Jackson street.
When: September 22nd at 6:00pm
Why: Everyone needs a reason to have fun after a long work week and I’m new to the city!
Please bring a bottle of white or red wine under $20 and it must be from out of the US. Think Australia, New Zealand, South America,
Iceland?!  Feel free to bring an appetizer too. I will be making my favorite artichoke dip and savory cheese fondue as well.
Please bring a friend of the opposite sex too!
Parking is grim, so cab if you can or roll the dice with parking.
See you soon!
Amanda and Craig
If you try this, you are guaranteed an entertaining night and to get on the social grid. You will be considered by these new friends to be a sophisticated catch, who is sweet, social, friendly, and smart.
The word will buzz around and next thing you know, the boys will be calling.  This social strategy for meeting new people could be applied to even those who are in graduate school programs at Stanford University. What a great way to meet new prospects for friendships and love!
And no concerns if you have a tiny apartment. At the end of the day, your guests will be thankful for the invitation and don’t care about a small space. You can move tables, chairs, stand around, ask the guys to help move furniture if needed. No excuses! Now get party planning and report back to  I want an invite too! 😉

How Much Of An Age Gap Is Too Much When Dating?

At Linx, we really don’t match young clients with “old” clients, although there are a couple of examples like this. Historically a lot of matchmakers will focus on older men and matching them to their bevy of young women. Huge age gaps can happen like 20 to 35 years plus in difference. Is that a bad thing? For many, age is just a number and relative in the grand scheme of life. If chemistry is there, why should age be part of the debate of being together or not?

Most of our successful matched couples tend to be less than 10 years apart in age. There’s more in common, more similar life experience, pop culture, music, politics, the list goes on. Creating a strong foundation is what we specialize in at Linx and a lot of that comes from getting to know each client during their interviews with us. So many people crave someone who is going to “get” them and much of this comes from shared experiences in life- education, similar family background, occupation, etc.

Society, depending on culture and location can either turn the other way when age differences are so apart, embrace it, or confront it. I’d be curious to hear your take on how much is too much when its comes to the age gap and dating.

I once dated someone 30 plus years older. It definitely did not go over well with my father. He absolutely would not tolerate another minute of it. My mom thought the guy I was dating was super cool and interesting- he was- but I had to call it quits because it just became plain awkward and uncomfortable the more I thought about it. When my father called into question this situation, it shed light on (at least for me) how strange others might perceive it as well. I guess I grew uneasy with the whole thing too.

A lot of people would have stood their ground, declaring no one can get in the way of true love. Good thing for me, this wasn’t “a love”, instead a really interesting guy to date at a time in my life when exploring these things was what I needed.

Sometimes we need to do something out-of-the box, a little naughty, against the grain, and just do it for our OWN experience. Sure I knew it was definitely different when I first accepted a date from him. It felt exhilarating, sassy, unconventional, and school girl-ish. The month or so of dating him was a grand time; old school courtship, flowers, champagne, gifts, lovely meals, and being driven home. There is something to what it means to be a gentleman and be treated like a lady. Although he wasn’t for me, it was a lot of fun!