alternatives to dating apps

Save It For The Judge…..

 

iStock-472711356 copy.jpgI recently had someone challenge me, in an email exchange, about the expectations that we have of the men we work with at Linx and how we hold them accountable.

 

It is a great and fair question – but the answer is not so straightforward.  An equally great and fair question should be about the expectations we have of the women we work with at Linx and how we hold them accountable.

 

In this blog entry, I hope I can begin to answer these questions and illustrate that it really does go both ways and that the reality of passing judgment on people (whether men on women or women on men) may not always be pleasant, but is a fundamental truth in the human nature of long term romantic relationships.

 

During the Linx client intake process, there are a variety of questions I ask of the prospect and the type of match (s)he seeks. My primary goal at this early stage is to hone in on the more “scientific” part of the search, as I gather objective data regarding the type of match someone desires. These metrics are powerful, in that they allow me, the expert matchmaker, to create a solid and plausible foundation for a long-term match.

 

Naturally, some of the questions I ask can be a little hair-raising for some clients – for example, when I am asking a female prospect about her dress size and weight or if she has taken fertility measures to preserve her eggs (see more about this toward the end of the blog), some do not appreciate these blunt intrusions into sensitive subjects, while others go through the process with absolutely no objections.

 

A great prospective client I encountered shared, “I would hate to think in the end women are being judged one dimensionally in this process. While I appreciate everyone has preferences I would not be a match with a man that over indexes on a female’s looks and a particular dress size.”

 

I responded and told her that men are wired completely differently than us women. It is a universal and biological fact that men are extremely visual and generally fall in love with their eyes, whereas women appear to fall in love with their ears. The metrics and science of what someone desires is a relatively big part of this equation to find the right match. Every man I encounter has his own stated preferences and desires. From a physical stand point, some guys want Chinese, others East Asian, some Caucasian, no one over 5’5”, no one under 5’5”, long hair, short hair, light eyes, tan skin, no freckles, sexy in her style, or conservative style, light on the make-up, or dolls herself up all the time.

 

The data I gather is a completely eye-opening, scattergram of chaos. To add another layer of complexity, we then dive into a match’s personality, religion, lifestyle, career choice, marital background, hobbies, etc. It goes on and on and on. And this same principle of everyone having his/her own objective desires in a match applies equally to women. Women are just as harsh critics as the men are in what they need in a mate (from height, to hair, to personality, to income, to background, to lifestyle). The overarching conclusion is that even the most angelic people judge others. It’s life. We all secretly like what we like and don’t like what we don’t like. We don’t want to admit that human beings discriminate on a wide range of metrics but it is a fact that everyone I have ever encountered in my 16 years of running Linx has their own stated preferences and deal breakers in a potential match and if they state that they do not, they are, at least to some extent, lying to themselves and to me.

 

Another hot button topic for some women is when I ask whether she’s taken any fertility measures in her personal life to preserve her eggs. Egg freezing has become so popular as the tech giants like Facebook and Google often offer to pay for these incredibly pricey insurance policies. Take it or leave it but the fertility question in the intake is a big one. Not only am I asking women if they have thought about this, or if perhaps have already done multiple rounds of egg freezing, but the men on many occasions lecture me when they come in for their initial in-person meet and greets about a female’s biology and youth optimum IF the male prospect is wishing to have children in his personal life. Of course, there are a ton of men who either have kids, do not want kids, or have kids and do not wish for more. Again, everyone has their own stated ideals.

 

It is fair that fertility should even be a factor in the selection of a mate? Shouldn’t a female be chosen for her brain, heart and soul? Yes, actually I do believe that. But when I look to match, I align core value sets from a foundational standpoint and fertility is a large part of this equation if both parties want the option of having a child or children one day. Women, rest assured, that men are just not looking for a hot female who has ripe juicy eggs. Thank goodness. They actually are not as pigheaded as folklore goes. It is universally true that the types of men Linx Dating work with do “want it all”, just as the females that come into Linx want a man who “has it all” as well. It’s holistic, not just one-dimensional. Men need to be attracted first and foremost and then everything else hopefully aligns – brains, personality, and balance. Women seek financial stability, someone who has a healthy dose of EQ/IQ, and attraction is part of the picture too.

 

Making sure each party has a solid foundation and the match is a long-term match, not some short-term play, is critical. The couples I match enter serious relationships. I am an a bonafide expert and work with my clients to remove the chaos that can envelop mate selection when they are working on their own and “dating in the wild.”

 

No matter how you look at it, people select mates for a variety of reasons and no matter the approach, whether it be meeting someone serendipitously, via online/app dating, through Linx, or at work, we all are built to thin-slice (a la Malcolm Gladwell’s classic book “Blink”) and we do it consciously and unconsciously on a daily basis. Human beings are judgmental and if we if didn’t judge and thin-slice, we wouldn’t be able to create order and make sense of all the information around us.

 

What Guys are Saying about Linx….

“You are a total world-class pro!”- 50-something CEO of tier one finance firm

“Amy is probably the best matchmaker in Silicon Valley and has had some great success, while she didn’t match my wife and I, I was working with her and the dates that she sent me on were closer to the mark than most I did on my own and really helped me define what I wanted.

Amy is very good at helping you set your expectations properly and to really figure out what you need to improve about yourself to attract the type of person you want. This is key because if you want the caliber of person you desire, you need to work on you first.

Amy is very well connected in Silicon Valley and has a large pool of connections to make that introduction happen. I have sent several of my friends her way, and if you want that personal hands on approach, Amy is the type of person that will help you find the most important person in your life.”- 30 something entrepreneur in tech

“Finding the love of your life can seem like an endless search, with ups and downs. The Linx process was professional, detailed, considerate, and very enjoyable. It was the third match that worked like a charm- where chemistry was firing in all directions.

I ended up proposing to my beautiful soul mate and we are so excited to get married! Amy even helped with my proposal planning making it seamless and thoughtful at Cavallo Point in Marin. We are so blessed to have been matched and wouldn’t have ever met if it was not for this unique dating network. For anyone who wants to be introduced to quality, genuine men and women all of whom have been carefully vetted by Amy, this is an excellent alternative to online dating and dating apps!”- 50 something in healthcare

“For a person generally recognized as the Silicon Valley matchmaker, Amy’s approach is decidedly traditional. At first glance, you might wonder if this difference is what enables Amy to succeed where online dating and other matchmaking services have failed. After working with Amy, though, it becomes apparent that her approach is a natural outcome of what truly makes her great–her drive to invest time and energy in each and every client she takes on. Amy’s intelligence and creativity allow her to translate this passion into tangible results regardless of what an individual client’s needs may be. My only regret in working with Amy is that I didn’t start sooner!

…Amy would be the first to tell you that her service is best used as a supplement to rather than a replacement for online dating; and if you’re shocked that a service provider spends more time on clients that pay more, you might have a different understanding of business than I do.”- 30 something in technology

Dashing tall, dark, and handsome surgeon seeks match 27-37….

iStock-486286880 copy.jpgOur client is a handsome and athletic 6’2″ Caucasian gentleman who was raised in San Diego. This very youthful and energetic 45 year-old has brown hair, olive skin, green eyes, and quite an athletic physique. He moved to Silicon Valley after living in San Francisco for 6 years to be closer to work but finds himself visiting friends and absorbing the fine arts of San Francisco often. 

He graduated first in his class as an undergraduate and was jointly accepted to both UC Davis medical school and USC film school. After a tough decision he feels very lucky to be so in love with his career as a surgeon and spends time every year in various locations in Africa and Nepal teaching and performing surgery.  In this exchange he provides the free surgery and in return these thankful patients rejuvenate his perspective on life and fill his soul to the brim. He also takes time to teach Stanford residents and trains international fellows. 

Outside of work he has a very full life but looks forward to making room for a partner and relationship. He finds tranquility in both the mountains and the ocean. Mountain passions include hiking in stunning locations such as Africa and the Himalayas, mountain biking around the Bay Area, snowboarding around the globe (including a back-country trip to Antarctica), and rock climbing in Yosemite valley and Tuolumne meadows. The sea provides surfing enjoyment and he loves reconnecting with friends and nature in places like the Mentawaii Islands. Luckily he has a lifestyle oriented work situation with a great many vacation weeks per year so he has ample time to both travel and enjoy these activities. His adventurous spirit once took him rock climbing at 17,000 feet to the top of mount Kenya where he unexpectedly spent a frigid night shivering under the rope which served as his only blanket. He now prefers to not torture himself and others and happily moderates the intensity of these sports so they can be enjoyed with others as sharing the fun of these activities with others brings him great joy. 

Beyond these interests our client loves the art world and has a background in fine arts. Both photography and painting have been passions since college and he is not only a published artist but has had gallery shows. Still, he considers his best artwork to be his beautiful and brilliant 4 year-old daughter whom he amicably shares custody with his ex-partner. 

His best suited match is between 27-37 years old and keeps an active, healthy lifestyle. She’s mixed race, European, or Asian American with a well-toned physique and a glow that can only come from a healthy lifestyle and positive attitude. Friends would describe her as passionate (work, life, and goes after life with zeal), intelligent, tenacious, caring, trustworthy, and responsible. He is looking for a partner with an adventurous spirit so together they can squeeze as much joy out of life as possible. If you know anyone who fits this description, please refer and nominate your friend or yourself by emailing Amy at amy@linxdating.com 

New testimonial

“Amy Andersen is in a league of her own! My experience with her has been so enjoyable and has reminded me of how much fun that dating can be. She has a keen attention to detail, succinct prescreening questions, and a knack for working with high quality people that are commitment minded. What makes her stand out above all is her follow up and genuine interest in a positive outcome… I have yet to meet another matchmaker on her level that has been such a dating expert – she’s actually like a dating coach. All relationships would go much more smoothly if Amy was there as a dating coach…”

-LA based 30-something entrepreneurial female

Matchmaking Magic 🤩 🏹

Spring is on the horizon (thank goodness!) and there are so many Linx couples who are exclusive and completely in love. As founder of Linx, in my 16 years of running my company, quite honestly, I have never seen anything like it. My craft has been significantly fine-tuned over the years and so much of my matchmaking style goes on “gut” and instinct. Far less on metrics and science. I am predicting many engagements occurring in the next 12 months.

Here is a testimonial from a former client who’s now off-the-market. He’s extremely private but agreed to write something for you readers to enjoy…

“I was a skeptical of matchmaking and Amy completely changed my views on that. The third person she matched me with is truly the soulmate I have been looking for in the 8 years since I got divorced.
had never come close to finding true love with my numerous mobile app dates. Her process was very detailed and I appreciate she spent considerable time in-person getting to know me.
I am over the moon now that I found my beautiful and amazing sweetheart through Amy.
When you search for a needle in a haystack you are far better off with the help of a needle magnet like Amy! Don’t waste your time elsewhere!” 
 
– Anonymous 40-something entrepreneur 

Matchmaking In a League of Our Own

When you hire Linx Dating to find the ❤️ of your life, you work directly with me, Amy Andersen. As my client, you receive my individual attention and I am involved in absolutely every aspect of the matchmaking process. What are some aspects that make Linx far superior and different compared to run-of-the-mill matchmaking firms and so called “dating services?” Here are some differentiating points that separate Linx and put Linx in a league of its own.

-Linx is discreet, does not cater to the masses, represents a very high caliber group of clientele who seek out its niche, highly reputable approach to matchmaking, and has built a stellar reputation over 15 years.

-There are many other services that claim to be exclusive and to be working with elite clients, but the reality is they are broadcasting their services in airline magazines.   Linx is the only upscale matchmaking firm not to advertise its services – we do not need to, as our client base is built via word-of-mouth referrals from happy clients and ours/their extended social and professional networks.

-Being selective in whom we admit for membership and, in return, doing an excellent job for our clients,  Linx holds itself to a higher level of ethnical business standards. Many local Bay Area and “global” businesses have gone out of business or deal with very unfortunate ramifications from bad business practices. It has never been our goal as a business to take on more clients than we can handle or to be so eager as to close business without really making sure that it is mutually synergistic. *That* is precisely where other matchmakers run into trouble. Most agencies are so focused on “closing the deal” and can come across as extremely pushy and frankly don’t really care about the actual prospect or their unique story.

-We personally vet every match in painstaking detail so that each introduction is carefully curated and worth a serious investment of your time in getting to know them. This is the antithesis of online or offline “volume dating” where you might hope to get lucky with the law of large numbers.

-Linx is extremely proud to represent many FEMALES as clients. It sounds “backwards” but the truth is that most firms don’t represent educated and dynamic women as actual clients. Linx represents many extremely bright, sophisticated, and elegant women as our clients who also have stellar academic backgrounds, for example. Should you research other firms, most firms would simply place you in their passive database with thousands of other women, rather than take you on as a fulltime client.

-We provide highly personalized service in all aspects of the experience. Linx accepts only a select number of members annually and one of the appeals is that they work with me, the founder and CEO, directly throughout the search. In addition to Linx matchmaking, we have partnerships with exclusive lifestyle and luxury international concierge agents, as well as, stylists, fitness trainers, dermatologists, plastic surgeons, domestic and estate help, and much more.

-Linx is highly responsive at all times, 24-7.  Why? Because I care. I am beyond passionate about my craft and feel extremely grateful to work with the best of the best clientele.

 

 

Remembering Why I Do This…

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This year is off to a phenomenal start with so many couples in committed relationships. Today, I just received an email from my 60-something male client about his lovely Linx match and their recent engagement!

They both came out of very challenging divorces and the process shattered their respective self-confidences and frankly their hopes of ever finding love again. Yet, these two people believed in me, and this incredible process, enough to sign on and allow me to do what I do best – work my magic!

They each had a couple of introductions and then met one another pretty early in the process of our matchmaking lifecycle.

Exactly one year from their first date in Silicon Valley, they got engaged at a romantic restaurant in Europe. His email sharing the joyous news today brought tears to my eyes. THIS is exactly why I do this. I am very grateful and so humbled to get to change so many lives.

“I am writing to report to you some exciting news:  We are engaged to be married! We took a trip to Europe over the New Year’s holiday and I proposed to her in a romantic cafe! 
As you know, we met about a year ago and have come to realize how well we connect at every level. She is a lovely human being with a big heart, along with amazing intellect, worldliness and curiosity! We are the best travel partners! 
Most importantly, we are deeply in love, full of mutual respect and admiration! I have never felt about anyone like I do about her! Every moment has been wonderful, despite the baggage and issues we both bring to the relationship. Being with her makes everything easier! There is a lot of mutual support!
We are looking forward to many years of love and happiness together!
P.S. Just like you said, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. But so worth it!” 
Why stay on the giant hamster wheel of volume dating to endure more nights of swiping to meet a match?
Have you considered working with a matchmaker?  One of the biggest value adds is meeting people who not only are extremely exceptional by nature but who have been vetted.
Vetting in today’s era of modern dating is essential.  Anyone in the dating market should watch the recent series on E! about John Meehan and Debra Newell, as it should give EVERYONE pause about apps and online dating.
Without a shadow of doubt, hire a professional who’s not only the best in the industry but has earned her stripes being in business for 16 years!
Email me: amy@linxdating.com to learn more