Advice for single men frat guy advice for men dating tips for San Francisco men What women want

Modern Dating

Today I received an email from a new client who really appreciated the document that we attach to all Linx introductions, officially entitled “Linx Dating’s Hints For Successful Dates.”

The number one point I make in this guide is “When you receive your Linx introduction, throw the idea of Googling your match out the window!  Why do you think we stopped sharing last names after all?! There is something very appealing about creating some intrigue and mystery in building up to the first date. If you know too much, it can spoil the fun!”

In reading this document, the new client (a female) emailed me saying, “You are a genius–saving us from the post-feminist catastrophe one match at a time. I love your guidelines for dating! I’m sure everyone feels this way. I was concerned about Googling; since my name is unique, it’s very easy to find me.”   

While she appreciated the simplicity of my date etiquette, I just had a male client text me after he received his Linx introduction asking me what his date’s last name was. Even though this is a VIP client of Linx, I wrote back and said “you know I can’t give that information out, it is private.”

Why would he need to know? What’s the point of revealing something like that? Isn’t a completely customized bio of whom you are going out with enough, including an attached mobile number? I think, in this era, that so many of us feel the need for more. More data = more better?! More data = more comfort in knowing whom you are going out with? Or more data = I will finally find evidence that makes me not want to date this person? What is the point?

It begs the question. What did people do without the internet when dating?  Did you go to the library? Did you call a neighbor? Did you meet at a coffee shop to find out MORE information about your blind date from your friend setting you up? To expand on that, what did people do without mobile phones when dating?

Has the amount of information and technology available hurt the dating scene or enabled more opportunities, deeper resources, and aided in the quest of finding the one? What do you think?

Perfect on Paper Doesn’t Always Match Well For Linx

Ladies out there…..I want to bring to your attention something really important that has been a hard decision as CEO of Linx to make. Recently I was introduced to a perfect on paper guy- literally amazing! Ivy League, CEO, 39, never married, good-looking, strong family values and ready (so he says) for love! We had a first phone call Monday where I shared about the business, how potentially I could help him, and his ideal match. He led with a negative foot,  assuming failure from the start. He shared he had worked with another matchmaker in LA and had a terrible experience and how he is a very picky guy and absolutely does not agree with my policy of no pics as part of the introduction process.

He asked me to supply him with examples of the types of girls in Linx before he made up his mind about doing Linx. I felt a dirtiness come over me. I paused and explained that is not my process and that would compromise my methodology. I tried to explain that my method is to “get” at a clients type and get into their head to really understand the types that will work and those that will not. I shared it is a long process and how Linx shouldn’t be compared to other matchmakers- especially in LA where it is only looks focused and no one cares about the substance and goodness forbid her education or what she does for a living!

He then commented how he knows he is a total pain-in-the-ass and not easy and I can at ANY time say no to him. He said for me to consider giving him a dossier of pics (or he would happily come into the office for me to share pics on my laptop) and then, if/when we start working together he would only be a client if I agree to show photos. Essentially he discounted the bulk of my process and didn’t want to hear another peep out of me. On a side note, sometimes I have shown a photo to a client (largely with the other clients permission). It can help but it can also be disastrous. Humans are judgemental creatures and men especially can quickly size someone up as hot or not and discount every important quality that makes her an exceptional match!

After three days of careful consideration I sent him this email tonight and I am really proud of not stooping to someone I am not just because he is an awesome on paper guy. I bet you everyone has always said yes to him and it felt so good to say no thanks to him and turn him away. Plus the most important thing is I am doing all you women a major service because he’s someone who will never be satisfied with anyone. He won’t ever be happy- with Linx, with women, perhaps with himself.

Dear Name,
I wanted to get in touch with you as a follow-up to the conversation we had on Monday. After careful consideration, I am not comfortable sharing photos with the types of women in Linx who could potentially be a good fit.

There are multiple steps in becoming a client and while I could easily send you random photos of “hot” girls, it would not do us any good. I have prided myself in running a very successful business (currently over  1,000 clients) largely because of the proven methodology. There are so many run-of-the-mill matchmakers who would follow through with your request in a heartbeat and might even show photos as part of their process. Often a lot of those folks focus solely on looks, whereas my client base instead is based on a combination of physical attractiveness and other key factors like personality and education.

I thought a lot about sending you over some examples of women with whom I would like to set you up but I just wasn’t comfortable going against my policy and practice. As I mentioned, I have on occasion shared a photo or two with a VIP (i.e. someone who is ALREADY a client) who appreciates the goal of saving time when physical attraction is such a big part of it.

I gather that, based on your not-so-good experience with the LA matchmakers and the bar already being so high, you might not be so happy with what Linx Dating can offer you. I think you are a catch and I am sure you will meet someone amazing. I’m just not sure we (Linx) and you are the best match. 

How to shed your dude image in front of the ladies

Guys believe me, we understand when you hang out with your friends you say and act differently when around us. We actually love you for it, however in the beginning of a relationship please try to keep ‘the dude’ with your friends.

When we go on dates with a seemingly great catch nothing is a bigger turn off when called “dude.” For instance “Dude did you just see that guy face plant into the wall”, while we are trying to have an intimate dinner conversation. That is an instant “oh no what did I get myself into” moment, even if you didn’t mean it to sound like you were talking to your friends. In this scenario, we will just think of you as a frat boy who can’t seem to grow up.

Another way to show us you are a genuine good guy is when a pretty girl strides by our table especially on the first date try your hardest not to gawk and keep your eyes on ours. This will show us you are not interested in the outside world but in our conversation. If you turn the tables, I bet you’d be pretty ticked off.

Women love a man who can open doors, pull our chairs out, and carry our heavy shopping bags. However we do not like when a man orders our food for us at restaurants. (Especially on the first couple dates) When you have been dating awhile it’s perceived as chivalrous and sensitive, but when you are on a first date it can seem pushy and presumptuous. You may know that this dish is AMAZING and you really want her to try it, in that case you can suggest it to her and order it yourself so she can taste it. That is a wonderful way of showing a women that you are cultured not just a pushy guy who thinks he knows best.

Dress the part, nothing tells a women more about a man than how he dresses. Remember it is a reflection on how you see yourself. Try a nice pair of shoes with dress pants and cool drew shirt- think Etro for edgy or Thomas Pink for a more conservative preppy look. For a more laid back date, try a nice black t-shirt and a great tailored pair of jeans with cool kicks. Just please whatever you do try not to wear your high school wrestling shirt with jorts (jean shorts for those not familiar with this tragic piece of clothing) and a pair of flip flops. And try to compliment your date on her attire, many of us girls put a lot of effort into how we look (think mani, pedi, new lip gloss, dry cleaned cute dress, hair blown-out) that it is always nice to get a compliment from your date. 

Last but not least: try to keep your cell phone in your pocket for the whole date. It can be disheartening and show us that you don’t really care what your date is saying. Suspend everything else around you and focus on just the two of us!

And always remember “The dude abides”


This post was written by Valerie H, staff at Linx