#1 matchmaker

Save It For The Judge…..

 

iStock-472711356 copy.jpgI recently had someone challenge me, in an email exchange, about the expectations that we have of the men we work with at Linx and how we hold them accountable.

 

It is a great and fair question – but the answer is not so straightforward.  An equally great and fair question should be about the expectations we have of the women we work with at Linx and how we hold them accountable.

 

In this blog entry, I hope I can begin to answer these questions and illustrate that it really does go both ways and that the reality of passing judgment on people (whether men on women or women on men) may not always be pleasant, but is a fundamental truth in the human nature of long term romantic relationships.

 

During the Linx client intake process, there are a variety of questions I ask of the prospect and the type of match (s)he seeks. My primary goal at this early stage is to hone in on the more “scientific” part of the search, as I gather objective data regarding the type of match someone desires. These metrics are powerful, in that they allow me, the expert matchmaker, to create a solid and plausible foundation for a long-term match.

 

Naturally, some of the questions I ask can be a little hair-raising for some clients – for example, when I am asking a female prospect about her dress size and weight or if she has taken fertility measures to preserve her eggs (see more about this toward the end of the blog), some do not appreciate these blunt intrusions into sensitive subjects, while others go through the process with absolutely no objections.

 

A great prospective client I encountered shared, “I would hate to think in the end women are being judged one dimensionally in this process. While I appreciate everyone has preferences I would not be a match with a man that over indexes on a female’s looks and a particular dress size.”

 

I responded and told her that men are wired completely differently than us women. It is a universal and biological fact that men are extremely visual and generally fall in love with their eyes, whereas women appear to fall in love with their ears. The metrics and science of what someone desires is a relatively big part of this equation to find the right match. Every man I encounter has his own stated preferences and desires. From a physical stand point, some guys want Chinese, others East Asian, some Caucasian, no one over 5’5”, no one under 5’5”, long hair, short hair, light eyes, tan skin, no freckles, sexy in her style, or conservative style, light on the make-up, or dolls herself up all the time.

 

The data I gather is a completely eye-opening, scattergram of chaos. To add another layer of complexity, we then dive into a match’s personality, religion, lifestyle, career choice, marital background, hobbies, etc. It goes on and on and on. And this same principle of everyone having his/her own objective desires in a match applies equally to women. Women are just as harsh critics as the men are in what they need in a mate (from height, to hair, to personality, to income, to background, to lifestyle). The overarching conclusion is that even the most angelic people judge others. It’s life. We all secretly like what we like and don’t like what we don’t like. We don’t want to admit that human beings discriminate on a wide range of metrics but it is a fact that everyone I have ever encountered in my 16 years of running Linx has their own stated preferences and deal breakers in a potential match and if they state that they do not, they are, at least to some extent, lying to themselves and to me.

 

Another hot button topic for some women is when I ask whether she’s taken any fertility measures in her personal life to preserve her eggs. Egg freezing has become so popular as the tech giants like Facebook and Google often offer to pay for these incredibly pricey insurance policies. Take it or leave it but the fertility question in the intake is a big one. Not only am I asking women if they have thought about this, or if perhaps have already done multiple rounds of egg freezing, but the men on many occasions lecture me when they come in for their initial in-person meet and greets about a female’s biology and youth optimum IF the male prospect is wishing to have children in his personal life. Of course, there are a ton of men who either have kids, do not want kids, or have kids and do not wish for more. Again, everyone has their own stated ideals.

 

It is fair that fertility should even be a factor in the selection of a mate? Shouldn’t a female be chosen for her brain, heart and soul? Yes, actually I do believe that. But when I look to match, I align core value sets from a foundational standpoint and fertility is a large part of this equation if both parties want the option of having a child or children one day. Women, rest assured, that men are just not looking for a hot female who has ripe juicy eggs. Thank goodness. They actually are not as pigheaded as folklore goes. It is universally true that the types of men Linx Dating work with do “want it all”, just as the females that come into Linx want a man who “has it all” as well. It’s holistic, not just one-dimensional. Men need to be attracted first and foremost and then everything else hopefully aligns – brains, personality, and balance. Women seek financial stability, someone who has a healthy dose of EQ/IQ, and attraction is part of the picture too.

 

Making sure each party has a solid foundation and the match is a long-term match, not some short-term play, is critical. The couples I match enter serious relationships. I am an a bonafide expert and work with my clients to remove the chaos that can envelop mate selection when they are working on their own and “dating in the wild.”

 

No matter how you look at it, people select mates for a variety of reasons and no matter the approach, whether it be meeting someone serendipitously, via online/app dating, through Linx, or at work, we all are built to thin-slice (a la Malcolm Gladwell’s classic book “Blink”) and we do it consciously and unconsciously on a daily basis. Human beings are judgmental and if we if didn’t judge and thin-slice, we wouldn’t be able to create order and make sense of all the information around us.

 

Dashing tall, dark, and handsome surgeon seeks match 27-37….

iStock-486286880 copy.jpgOur client is a handsome and athletic 6’2″ Caucasian gentleman who was raised in San Diego. This very youthful and energetic 45 year-old has brown hair, olive skin, green eyes, and quite an athletic physique. He moved to Silicon Valley after living in San Francisco for 6 years to be closer to work but finds himself visiting friends and absorbing the fine arts of San Francisco often. 

He graduated first in his class as an undergraduate and was jointly accepted to both UC Davis medical school and USC film school. After a tough decision he feels very lucky to be so in love with his career as a surgeon and spends time every year in various locations in Africa and Nepal teaching and performing surgery.  In this exchange he provides the free surgery and in return these thankful patients rejuvenate his perspective on life and fill his soul to the brim. He also takes time to teach Stanford residents and trains international fellows. 

Outside of work he has a very full life but looks forward to making room for a partner and relationship. He finds tranquility in both the mountains and the ocean. Mountain passions include hiking in stunning locations such as Africa and the Himalayas, mountain biking around the Bay Area, snowboarding around the globe (including a back-country trip to Antarctica), and rock climbing in Yosemite valley and Tuolumne meadows. The sea provides surfing enjoyment and he loves reconnecting with friends and nature in places like the Mentawaii Islands. Luckily he has a lifestyle oriented work situation with a great many vacation weeks per year so he has ample time to both travel and enjoy these activities. His adventurous spirit once took him rock climbing at 17,000 feet to the top of mount Kenya where he unexpectedly spent a frigid night shivering under the rope which served as his only blanket. He now prefers to not torture himself and others and happily moderates the intensity of these sports so they can be enjoyed with others as sharing the fun of these activities with others brings him great joy. 

Beyond these interests our client loves the art world and has a background in fine arts. Both photography and painting have been passions since college and he is not only a published artist but has had gallery shows. Still, he considers his best artwork to be his beautiful and brilliant 4 year-old daughter whom he amicably shares custody with his ex-partner. 

His best suited match is between 27-37 years old and keeps an active, healthy lifestyle. She’s mixed race, European, or Asian American with a well-toned physique and a glow that can only come from a healthy lifestyle and positive attitude. Friends would describe her as passionate (work, life, and goes after life with zeal), intelligent, tenacious, caring, trustworthy, and responsible. He is looking for a partner with an adventurous spirit so together they can squeeze as much joy out of life as possible. If you know anyone who fits this description, please refer and nominate your friend or yourself by emailing Amy at amy@linxdating.com 

New testimonial

“Amy Andersen is in a league of her own! My experience with her has been so enjoyable and has reminded me of how much fun that dating can be. She has a keen attention to detail, succinct prescreening questions, and a knack for working with high quality people that are commitment minded. What makes her stand out above all is her follow up and genuine interest in a positive outcome… I have yet to meet another matchmaker on her level that has been such a dating expert – she’s actually like a dating coach. All relationships would go much more smoothly if Amy was there as a dating coach…”

-LA based 30-something entrepreneurial female

7 Practical Ways to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work

 

iStock-925386886 copy 2.jpgMaybe you’ve met someone on vacation or you’ve decided to look for love in more than one (local) place—and found it. Either way, you want to see where the relationship is going, and you don’t want distance to get in the way. To make the best of your long distance relationship, we suggest these 7 practical ways to help make that (temporary) distance a mechanism to bring you closer.

 

  1. You spearhead constant communication.

Naturally, you and your long distance partner will share bigger life events, but it’s talking about the small stuff—the daily minutia—that will make your relationship feel “normal”. Ask the small talk questions and try to track the recurring characters. The goal is to get enough information so that you can hear updates without having to ask the who, what, or why each time.

 

  1. You make being accessible a top priority.

Work schedules and sleep schedules across different time zones can make connecting more difficult, but not impossible. A little bit of planning can bridge the gap.

  • Send What’s App messages before bed so that your partner can wake up with you.
  • Spend one lunch break, breakfast, or dinner together via skype. Yes, that’s right. Pull out the computer with your glass of red.
  • Download WhatsApp or Facebook messenger to avoid unnecessary costs associated with international messaging fees.

 

What it looks like: One client went for a 30 day meditation retreat in northern India. Although she prepped her partner well before her month-long departure, she sensed his skepticism and slight resentment over her plans. To bridge the gap and stay true to her break from technology, she wrote him a letter or post card almost every day detailing her thoughts and realizations. His inability to communicate back left much to be discussed upon her return. Instead of creating distance, the month apart ultimately brought them closer together.

 

  1. Try different types of communication.

Spice up your communication style with something new. Take a break from the texting or phone and opt for a video call. After so many texts, you can miss important nuances and forget the little personality quirks that make your partner unique. The point is to make distance seem more like a slight inconvenience than a real barrier. The phone calls will give you insight to tone and mood; the video chats will help you decipher the real emotion. Even snail mail might help you see a more serious, intentional emotional side.

 

  1. Be romantic.

You won’t be around to make her coffee or buy her flowers, so find new ways to make her feel loved. Coordinate a flower delivery—out of the blue—to show that yes, you value romance and will make that happen regularly once you’re together. Use this temporary time apart to provide a preview of coming attractions.

 

What it looks like: One client started dating a man shortly before he fielded a work assignment in Germany. Whereas she wasn’t interested in dating across continents, he had different plans. Shortly before Valentine’s Day, the man got in touch with the client’s closest friend to figure out the perfect romantic gesture. Together, they decided the client needed a anti-stress holiday. He reserved a hotel room and a spa day for both women and arranged for a bottle of champagne and cheese plate to be delivered shortly after they arrived. The thoughtfulness and surprise factor was all the client needed to wait out his return.

 

  1. Always have a meeting in the works.

To survive the hurdles of distance, it’s easier to have a goal—like a meeting that’s right around the corner. Have the next meeting in the works before you end up apart. Whether it’s a short trip or a long holiday, all that matters is that you two know you have definitive plans to be together.

 

  1. Get a credit card with travel perks.

It’s as obvious as it sounds, and yet lots of couples miss out on the perks. Find a card that pays you back in miles or upgrades or lounge visits. If you’re anticipating time apart, get a card that’s going to make it even easier to get together.

 

  1. And, finally, remember just how little time you’ll be apart in the grand scheme of things. Something special is worth the wait. If you’re meant to be together forever, one week, one month, or one year, will hardly matter. Linx has brought so many couples together who are separated by cities, states, and countries. Couples have navigated these waters by following the aforementioned tips and ultimately overcoming distance, to say “I Do!”  💍 ❤️

5 ways people unintentionally sabotage relationships

 

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It’s impossible to break patterns without awareness. Whereas ending a relationship is seemingly straightforward, ending relationships without fully understanding why is a dangerous pattern—a pattern that can’t be broken unless we employ serious self-reflection. Focusing on the outward makes us feel powerless to make changes; it’s easy to surrender to a victim mentality. Below are the most common ways men unintentionally sabotage relationships:

 

  1. Holding on to a relationship fantasy.

Believing that the grass is always greener—that there is better elsewhere and anything less than perfect won’t do—is a mechanism that shields people from deeper levels of intimacy. If you believe better is just around the corner, there is no reason to invest fully, emotionally or otherwise, in the current relationship.

 

The belief that better exists is usually rooted in fear—fear of commitment, fear of losing one’s individuality, and the fear of pain. Believing that something better exists outside of the relationship mitigates the fear. Looking deeper within will reveal that the greener grass mentality is a projection of the discomfort we have within ourselves; idealizing something or someone who isn’t real soothes those uncomfortable feelings.

 

What to do: Take an objective look at your relationship patterns.

  • Are you constantly seeking change?
  • Why did your last relationships fail? What was your role in that?
  • Are you content?

Figuring out what you idealize in a partner might be a good starting point to figure out what you’re missing within.

 

  1. Inability to address pain openly.

Emotional intimacy can only be achieved through vulnerability. Being unable to share openly and truthfully will inhibit emotional depth and closeness. In The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life’s Terms with Your Own, Ken Druck, PhD., writes that men learn that anger is a “good” male emotion as it demonstrates toughness and makes some men feel like they are in control. After years of programming, it’s no wonder that many men act aggressively in the face of stress, fear, sadness, or loss.

What to do: Learn to identify your emotional needs and learn how to get these needs met in and out of your primary relationship. This is a process; a therapist can help make it easier.

 

  1. Taking feedback personally instead of objectively.

Criticism can be highly triggering; hearing something that challenges a strong ego can cause an emotional reaction. Not only does this reaction reveal insecurity, these emotional reactions make will make it harder for your partner to communicate openly.

 

What to do: Stop Defending.

According to Robert Taibbi, LCSW, the best way to handle your partner’s concerns is to affirm your good intentions and seek a better understanding of your partners needs. Trying to build a case that refutes your partner’s point of view might stroke your ego, but it will ultimately prolong resolution.

 

  1. Failing to recognize your partner’s love language.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman describes the most common ways people feel loved: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. If you haven’t discovered your partner’s language, reading this short book will help you learn how to express feelings more effectively.

 

Often times we express love in the way that makes us feel most loved, but that is not necessarily the way your partner will feel most loved. Additionally, learning your partner’s love language will help you avoid situations that could be especially devastating. For example, if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, non- constructive criticism or failing to express appreciation will be very painful for a partner who is more sensitive to verbal communication.

 

  1. De-prioritizing the relationship.

Complicating factors—work, children, aging parents—can certainly detract focus from the relationship. Situational distractions are inevitable, but letting distractions, and the distance that follows, get out of hand is a dangerous pattern that gets in the way of valuing your partner.

 

What to do: Schedule couple time.

Date night, Skype dates, weekend getaways—whatever you choose is irrelevant. The most important part is that you choose something. Be intentional. The 9-5 autopilot lifestyle can easily suppress passion and spontaneity. The busier you are, the more important it will be for you make room for quality time.

 

Seeking Bay Area Single Women and Men in Tech to Star in a Film Documentary ….

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Linx has been approached about being the centerpiece of a film documentary produced by a leading renowned filmmaker.

 

Designed to be an open, honest, tasteful, and intellectual sociological snapshot of life and love in Silicon Valley, the film will follow the journey of two or three Linx members working in technology (premium or passive clients) as they navigate the often-challenging waters of the local dating scene.

For Linx – and for the lucky participants – the scope and potential of this proposed project is unbelievably exciting.

 

Given the impeccable journalistic standards of the project involved, we are seeking current (or new) members (or those who want to be a member!) who are willing to open their lives to the filmmaker, and who are comfortable being fully identified and filmed for the documentary.

 

This is an incredible invitation to market yourself to the entire world in one fell swoop. Imagine having the world as your stage? Forget swiping through dating apps and cycling through online dating sites; this is much grander and elite in scale.

 

For anyone who has been considering Linx but hasn’t fully committed to being a client, this is truly a once-in-a-lifetime chance to change the course of your journey.

 

Men and women alike will be considered as subjects for this piece, but timing and being in the tech industry is important.

 

It’s both humbling and exciting to receive this sort of recognition as a company that doesn’t advertise or have a PR firm; our reputation and your good word-of-mouth are everything in this business, and it is heartening to continue getting such strong and positive feedback from our clients.

 

We love working with all of you, and feel privileged to be able to help facilitate some of the most lasting and meaningful relationships in your lives. The number of recent exclusive couples, proposals, weddings, and Linx babies en route this coming fall and winter has been absolutely overwhelming, so we must be doing something right. 😉

 

If you or someone you know might be interested in exploring this possibility, please contact me amy@linxdating.com immediately for more information and next step details. Do not let this exceptional opportunity slip away!

 

 

 

The Valley’s Most Eligible Bachelor

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We are very excited to announce a brand new VIP search for one of the Bay Area’s most distinguished and desirable bachelors. Our client is a handsome, gregarious and passionate “50’s something” Caucasian (Italian) man who stands 5’11”, has an athletic build, electric smile, wavy brown/greying hair, and hazel eyes.

 

He is a very personable individual who embodies a unique mix of being a successful self-made man in Silicon Valley originally from the Midwest, a family man committed to his 3 older children lives, and someone who loves to play sports, stay fit and experience all the Bay Area has to offer.

 

Our client has done it all in Silicon Valley over his 35+ year career, a 3-time CEO of public software companies that have all had successful exits. He is the embodiment of leadership, building teams, engaging with customers, Wall Street, and the media having led companies through every phase of hyper growth, IPO, crisis and sale… he has literally seen it all.

 

He enjoys the finer things in life, beautiful mountain home, private air travel, luxury resorts, white sand beaches, snow-capped mountains, fine dining and just plain hanging out having a drink or a glass of wine. He is extremely committed to his three children and regularly spends time with them since they all live out of the area.

 

Our client is right out of central casting and has the full repertoire of being the corporate executive, Board member, father, uncle, great friend and just plain being a guy’s guy, he is very comfortable in almost any setting and in his own skin. He also knows how to enjoy himself and utilize all his experiences such that everyone enjoys themselves.   One of his favorite sayings is “if you have it and can’t share it, why have it?”

 

Our VIPs best suited match is between the ages of 40-50 years old. She is exceptionally feminine, stylish, and appreciates the company of an alpha male like our client. Friends and family would describe him as social, athletic, engaging, energetic, passionate, funny, communicative, intelligent, relaxed, and very FUN!

 

Imagine a weekend where there are no plans and all of a sudden, our VIP says “pack your bags, we’re flying to Maui or Cabo for some R & R or Deer Valley to get some fresh tracks in, amazing meals, the best wines, and utterly luxurious spa treatments.” Finding a match who has an element of spontaneity, curiosity, flexibility, and the TIME for a real, honest, healthy, and loving relationship is critical.

 

Deal breakers include: a female who wants children (he already has adult children and isn’t interested in babies at this stage in his life), a female who doesn’t like fine dining or doesn’t drink. Also, someone who isn’t comfortable with her body or doesn’t enjoy the art of femininity. Anyone overly religious or not into spectator sports (to a degree) is not a match.

 

Our VIP is a non-game player and the real deal. He is 100% ready for a serious and monogamous relationship. Are you his match he’s been waiting for? If you or anyone you know if ready to meet this exceptional man, please email our founder and CEO Amy at: amy@linxdating.com. There are NO FEES for qualifying candidates

Would you like to receive a SIX DIGIT bonus this year?

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Would you like to receive a SIX DIGIT bonus this year? Linx Dating has just signed a new international uber VIP who has authorized me to give a generous bonus to anyone who can ultimately connect him to his dream girl!

This guy is serious about finding love. If you are connected to single women who are 24-33 years old, Ivy/Stanford grads only, TALL as in 5’9”+, email me ASAP to learn more about this extremely exciting opportunity.

Read more here about our client: http://www.linxdating.com/featured-vip-2 Also, after reading the description, if you happen to qualify as his type of girl and want to throw your name in the hat as a candidate, by all means! Thank you all! email: amy@linxdating.com

Exciting New VIP Search | Recruiting Women !!

Last minute adjustments before starting his runWe are pleased to announce a new VIP search. We are in the process of seeking single women ages 28-42 years old.

Our self-made Latin bachelor is a youthful 47-year old who has gorgeous dark-hair, an athletic physique, and stands 5’10”. He has a calming and relaxed disposition where very little stresses him out in life. Unlike many successful Silicon Valley executives in tech where ego is front and center, our client has an understated confidence about him which lends to his sex appeal. He’s very family oriented, generous, spirited, social, masculine, and ready to move into the next step of his life. A natural nurturer, he takes tremendous pride in helping those he loves and believes that family is the most important thing in the world.

He is typically drawn to women 28-42 years old, Latin, Caucasian, or Mixed race, petite to athletic, and with a preference for natural feminine beauty. He’s most attracted to women who are down-to-earth, loyal, super genuine, fit and likable. Our bachelor loves a woman who is not afraid to speak up, enjoys a healthy debate, and won’t be timid to challenge her man. She’s a good conversationalist and seeks fulfillment from constantly learning.

Although our bachelor loves the good life (cars, wining, dining, travel, and giving back to the community), an integral part of who he is that he has had to work very hard to get to where he is at. There’s zero entitlement or pretension with him and his dream girl will not only appreciate his work ethic, but share the same core values as he does. In other words, she might like the nice things in life but absolutely is not defined by them. Arab casual couple flirting ready to kiss with love

If you feel like you make a great potential match for our dream VIP, please email Amy ASAP at amy@linxdating.com and tell us why you might have what it takes. There are NO FEES for those candidates who qualify.

THE Summer VIP Search…

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On July 24th and 25th, Linx will be hosting a very special 2-day screening event at a luxury hotel in San Francisco for one of our favorite bachelors. We will be holding private, in-person interviews with interested candidates, where they can ask the Linx team questions about our Silicon Valley based “international man of mystery”, and we can get to know these lovely ladies in the comfort and seclusion of a luxe suite. If you or someone you know might be the girl of his dreams, please contact us immediately. We have a limited number of interview slots available, and we expect to fill them quickly!

Our 40-year-old bachelor is a successful tech entrepreneur who founded a high profile, venture-backed technology company, and truly enjoys his current role as the CEO. When not working he has an active social life, starts every day with a long run, and looks forward to finding a loving and exceptional woman whom he can truly call “his better half.” Our handsome single guy is 6’0″, with a lean athletic body, medium brown hair, warm hazel eyes, and a broad smile. He is well educated, very family-oriented, extremely ambitious, and worldly. A life with him will be full of laughter, adventure, and surprises.

His ideal match is tall, slender, well educated, and between the ages of 24 and 32. He is most attracted to Caucasian, mixed, and Asian women. He tends to be drawn to light hair and eyes, but is more moved by a woman’s natural beauty than he is by any skin, eye, or hair color. A generous, warm-hearted, and social personality is a great complement to his ambitious and driven nature. He appreciates women with strong family ties, a natural grace, and a healthy sense of work/life balance. It is important that any woman he meets has the time, energy, and desire to invest in a deep and committed relationship that could pay lifelong dividends.

If you or someone you know could be the right fit for this dreamy bachelor, please contact Amy immediately at amy@linxdating.com. There are absolutely No FEES associated with this opportunity! What are you waiting for? Contact us to find out more about this amazing man today!