Dating Stories

Today’s Match Me To

This just came in anonymously for the Match Me To Wish List…

I would put Ben Rattray at the top of my list! Who wouldn’t want someone like him?! Not only is he cute, he has changed people’s lives for the better. He’s definitely a bright spot in the dark world that we sometimes see on a daily basis. Men like him are rare!” Ben you out there listening? 😉

Today we are grinding through a bunch of new candidate screenings. Yesterday welcomed new intern, Zoe, for the summer. Zoe helped us interview ten new candidates who have submitted information to meet VIPs. Impressive women through and through.

I
t continues to amaze me how everyday I get inquiries coming from the Vanity Fair article. Who would have thought Cougar is so chic and exciting?

I am going to be promoting an invite-only ladies night for complimentary blow-outs, bubbly, mini cupcakes, and conversation soon. Even in hearing that if you want to get on my invite list ping me asap for consideration. Date TBD. August and in Palo Alto. The perfect opportunity to look fab and then head out for girls night or a date.

The Secrets Of Silicon Valley’s Dating Scene

BuzzFeed contacted me to introduce the journalist to a few of our clients who were willing to talk anonymously about the Silicon Valley dating scene. Here is what one young attorney in the Silicon Valley had to say….

There is saying amongst women trying to date in Silicon Valley: The odds are good, but the goods are odd. There are tons of guys, but they tend to be socially awkward, career-obsessed, and prone to a Peter Pan mentality.

What’s it like to try to find love in the Valley? This lawyer, in her early thirties and living in the heart of Silicon Valley, has tried everything: online dating, going to clubs, and even Linx Dating, a high-end Valley matchmaking service. On the condition of anonymity she agreed to tell all.google-520

They call it “Man Jose,” and it is so true.

If you are even an average or above average female, finding a date isn’t an issue. You have a lot of guys you can go on dates with, but what makes it difficult is finding a viable partner. Most of the men went to Ivy League schools, are ambitious, and came out here because it’s the mecca of the tech world. There’s a great mix of guys from all over world, and there are interesting types of people to meet. That said, not a lot of them are viable. And the men that are viable know it.

A lot of them are socially awkward. They are extremely smart and logical and think, “I can apply that to a relationship and be rational and logical and that will work.” They don’t realize that as women, we can be emotional — a lot of guys don’t have tolerance for that.

A lot of people in the Valley have started meeting people through salsa dancing — it’s really big — and so much social awkwardness comes up. I don’t think a lot of guys even interact with women on a consistent basis. You dance with them and some actually shake. They can’t look you in the eye. They act like, “Oh my goodness, there is a woman who I’m touching.” They get super nervous. It makes it difficult to date someone who doesn’t even know how to act in a social context; it’s just frustrating.

I went on a date with a 25-year-old who told me in the beginning, “You are the second person I’ve ever gone on a date with. Ever.”

It was the worst date. It was clear he had never dated. He told me all these things that you wouldn’t ever disclose on a first date. It almost felt like an awkward high school setup; we met at this yogurt place. And that’s another thing — it’s not really typical to go on formal dates. Everyone does coffee for the first date. In other parts of the country, going to dinner is pretty standard; here, when a guy mentions dinner for a first date, it’s like, wow — that is shocking! Most people in the tech industry are very laid-back and don’t have a lot of time. The mentality is, “Am I going to invest in this or do sort of a pre-date?”

On dates, guys wear flip-flops, shorts, and jeans. It’s what they wear to work, so they think it translates to date attire — just wearing their scrubby clothes. I wear dresses when I met these guys. They don’t put in that effort.

Guys who are successful, who dress up, are good-looking, and who aren’t socially awkward are a rare breed. And they know it. They have a ton of choices. They’re the type that’s always looking for a better option. There are some like that in Silicon Valley, but I find a lot in San Francisco. I’ve been on dates with guys you would say are the “whole package,” and while they’re with you they literally look at other women as they walk away.Mark Pincus

Guys in Silicon Valley spend lot of time on their career and don’t have time to devote to relationships. I’m a lawyer and I work a lot too; most tech guys I meet put in as many or more hours as I do. Sometimes when they have a deadline or are pushing out a product, for instance, they put in 90 hours. They typically say they would live at work if they could. A lot of big tech companies, like Google and LinkedIn, make it conducive to these guys spending every minute of their time there, with great perks like food and showers and the like.

The companies where they work promote a bubble mentality. There is an immaturity level that prevails — like they are trying to promote the idea that they are still in college. At Google they have Nerf gun wars. At work, their food is provided for them and they can, essentially, act like they are still in college. A lot of guys, even in their twenties and early thirties, have roommates even though they are making well over $100,000 a year. It makes it difficult to have a serious relationship.

There are two groups of guys. A lot of them are 23 to 28. They are into their career, and most are quite immature. And then there are a ton of early-forties guys who never married. They have waited and were starting companies and then they hit their forties and realized,”Now I’m ready to get married and have kids.”

These groups are the only two we get hit on by. Where are the early-thirties guys? We can’t figure it out. We don’t know where they hang out or what they do. Especially online, if a guy in his mid-thirties messages me, it’s a rarity. My friends and I are done dating anyone not in their thirties, and we don’t know where these guys are.

I’ve heard that San Francisco is known to be the number one city for gold diggers, but I haven’t observed that at all. It isn’t realistic, because if you live in this area you have to be able to make quite a bit of money — it’s very expensive. It’s actually the other way around: There are definitely very accomplished older professional women here. Older women are just picking up the 28-year-olds because they can. It is totally cougar central, and it’s hilarious.

Everywhere I go, it’s 23- and 24-year-olds. I’ll say, “You’re too young for me. It won’t work,” and they tell me, “I’ve dated older women, and it is so much better.” It’s pretty common. They’ll latch on to us, and they think, she’ll take care of me. They’re being taken care of at work, so why not be in a relationship where they’re taken care of too?

It’s so comical — to the point where when I go out, the first question is, “How old are you?” These younger guys try to persuade you that they really are mature, but they’re not. Some of them just latch on and are very persistent. It’s flattering, sure, but at the same time, it just doesn’t work.

A lot of guys have the mentality that they’ll wait and they’ll find the perfect woman. They don’t realize that relationships aren’t about perfection. At work, it’s all black and white. They say they love their job because it’s about fixing a problem and there is always a solution. They don’t realize that this isn’t how it works in real life.

Written by : Justine Sharrock for BuzzFeed

Follow me on Twitter @linxdating

This Week in Perspective

My head is spinning here. Somehow June is nearly to an end…and July…is right around the corner. How did that happen? Things are incredibly busy at Linx. We are extremely excited to announce a very large VIP celebrity search based in Los Angeles soon (details to follow in subsequent blog post featuring who we are searching for and a bit about our new male VIP) and we just can’t seem to keep up with the extraordinary high demand here in the Silicon Valley and Bay Area at large.

Last week we hosted a very successful two-day event screening tons of impressive men and women who have so graciously submitted their information to meet our clients. We hand selected a few of these great professionals who make a solid match for our current VIPs (and other clients of ours too.) These candidates we selected each possess something unique that stands out, thus contributing to the overall diversity that the Linx network represents. A random sampling of who we thought would be nice fits for Linx are: a confident and “salt of the earth” early 30’s gentleman exec living in Palo Alto, a gorgeous Mixed heritage 20-something Harvard MBA female, and blond late 20’s outdoorsy female exec from San Diego. I also interviewed a new male VIP who’s a truly remarkable great guy. He’s early 50’s, an exec, super affable, handsome, and new to the Bay Area. If you’re a 40-something fun and warmhearted attractive female who would love to meet a true southern gentleman, ping me today.

Last week, I also got to visit with acclaimed author, Justina Chen, who is currently working on her new book. Tina flew down from Seattle to visit me and watch me in action to understand a day in the life of a matchmaker. She’s working on a new novel about a generational family of matchmakers. So exciting! Her latest novel is called Return To Me. It is about the struggles that arise from betrayal, the uncertainty of life for a teenage girl, and the happiness found within the depths of your heart. Tina gave me a couple of her books to enjoy as a parting gift. One is a Survival Guide for the Blindsided and Brokenhearted called “What Now.” This guide helps women get through traumatic break-ups and life after divorce. Never a pleasant subject. For any Linx blog readers that are going through a hard time, I really recommend this guide to help turn your dust into stardust! San Mateo-20130625-01240 http://www.amazon.com/What-Now-Survival-Blindsided-Brokenhearted/dp/0988717409/ref=sr_1_6/175-1703156-1110708?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372197666&sr=1-6

Tomorrow we have many meetings and interviews at the office. We have a stunning Ivy League graduate who is incredibly classy and poised meeting us and an international male dance champion to name two! We’ll be meeting with a very desirous male CEO end of week who will be our new VIP. With all of these exciting appointments, there is a lot of matchmaking taking place and talking to new candidates. Interestingly, a lot of people are off the market right now. Either people they’ve met on their own or though Linx. Summer is a time to head out of the house and workplace and be more available. Put yourself out there, be you, be confident, and friendly. On a separate note, I really am trying to find a date for a big Link & Drink soiree. August maybe!

This Week in Perspective

Honey child, it continues to be non-stop at Linx in Menlo Park. The demand is simply through the roof. The June and July events screening women who want to meet VIPs are already sold out yet that doesn’t stop the emails from pouring in. I get emails daily from fans who have read the Vanity Fair article and so many people interpret it as though I have a weekly happy hour at Rosewood. Sometimes people apologize to me for missing my happy hour. It is hysterical. I’m just enjoying it all and soaking it in!

I know I haven’t done an event in a long time. I would LOVE your thoughts on a fun summer mixer. Do you want me to to host one at our beloved Rosewood Sand Hill Hotel or do you readers have other ideas? I need your input! I am thinking August or early September for this sizzling fun networking event. I haven’t “blasted” my database in a couple of years and now it is way past 20,000 of you locally who subscribe to events and updates. So with that in mind, this event might be seriously packed and oh so fun!

We’re seeing a lot of young professionals applying for memberships. Tons of guys who are in their early to mid 20’s who happen to be extraordinarily successful and mature. Love it. These guys will dabble with online dating but get burned out by the time sink and lack of quality inventory. It can be extremely difficult to locate the dream girl in a sea of thousands on these various sites who meets all the metrics that he desires from: brains, background, looks, personality, religion, etc.

I‘ve gotten word of another Linx couple who is exclusive! He was reticent to do Linx a couple of years ago. For him the timing was off and he wasn’t ready for this investment. As a matchmaker, as much as I want to work with these great sounding guys, if it is not their time, it is not their time. Fast forward a couple of years, it was “his time” to get serious…the so called cab light was on…very bright! Both are early 30-something professionals, both in tech, and share a common bond of having been married once before. To understand one another on a very deep level as such can be the bond that cements two people together. So happy for this new Linx couple.

Word on the street is that another Linx couple is getting some serious bling designed for the big proposal and another engaged couple just bought their first home together! And there is more…another match that is going very strong live in different places in Northern California. When they see one another the sparks fly in all directions….they have fancy meals together, jet around in cars and boats, and then go about their respective lives. Sometimes being apart allows for introspection while respecting one another’s independence. There is something said about really missing one another and being able to have your alone time, thus reflecting on the good. Richard-Lund-hollywood-sign-at-night

We’re interviewing a lot of new clients this week and having a prospect flying in from Las Vegas to meet us as well. There are a lot of LA prospects contacting our offices- quite a few celebs….these folks are humans too who desire love like anyone of us. Sometimes the idea of meeting someone out of Hollywood is a very attractive aspect for those in the middle of Tinseltown.

I‘ve been doing a ton of matchmaking last week and this week. Lots of hopeful new couples in the mix. In the last week, we’ve already been renewing some contracts with clients who have exhausted their set number of matches and wish to renew as they are still searching. People evolve and it can be a process to find “the one.” 820x421

Ladies are you watching ABC’s The Bachelorette? Who are you rooting for? I am bullish on Brooks, Bryden, and James right now. I like how shy Bryden is! I’m liking Des as the Bachelorette. She definitely can hold her own around these hunky guys and seems super chill and down to earth. Love that!

Have a love or dating related question for me? Email me amy@linxdating.com Follow me on Twitter @linxdating

Love is in the Air

I am off to the airport for a business trip till Friday and look forward to meeting a very successful and eligible gentleman over lunch tomorrow. It’s top secret right now and will remain rather hush hush. It’s to explore potentially working together and seeing if he likes the Linx approach and what we could offer him. I’m super excited! plane+val

This week has been extremely busy per usual. I just wrapped a great date coaching session with a bright and eager young woman. We chatted about artfully preparing for dates and subjects she can discuss with ease and passion. She’s super fascinating- very smart, super well rounded, and very warmhearted. We interviewed a family centric, kind, and super smart 32 year old female yesterday. She splits her time between Manhattan and the Bay Area. Really impressive.

This week the emails have continued to pour in at an astonishing rate. I get hundreds of inquiries day for matchmaking and keeping up with the deluge of requests is a new and fun challenge. The casting we are having in June for females who have submitted information to meet the male VIPs is officially sold out and the casting we are hosting July 11th and 12th is booking up quick.

Next week we have a very handsome VIP male coming on board which I am super jazzed about: CEO, good looking, Ivy educated, and much more. Stay tuned. Do you have have dating or love related questions? Email me at amy@linxdating.com I would love the chance to blog about your question and my response keeping it super anonymous of course.
And please follow me on Twitter @linxdating

Ask Amy | Advice Given

Vanity Fair has given Linx in Menlo Park so much exposure. Lots of you are writing me from around the world wanting to find love through Linx. While we can’t work with many folks as they are out of country or state due to a variety of reasons, I am dishing out a lot of gratis advice to new admirers of Linx. One lovely Harvard educated woman in Chicago asked me where to meet the men in her hometown.

Hi Amy,

Thanks for your response! I am having a really hard time meeting men!  Do you have suggestions about where else I could try?  I am trying not to be picky,
but I can’t help it.  I’ve gone out on tons of dates and men usually really like me when they first meet me, but I haven’t yet felt that special spark.

Amy Says…..

While I am not familiar with the matchmaker scene in Chicago there are lots of ways to increase your dating pipeline. I might consider trying an online site like rightstuffdating http://www.rightstuffdating.com/  Given that they are based on the East Coast, I have a feeling there are some good guys part of it. For those that don’t know, they work with the Ivies and have been around for decades as an online dating option. Sort of an archaic website but a way to increase those odds in being potentially matches to like-minded matches.

I would also consider joining (should you have time) as many coed clubs as you can: meetups around a common interest, coed book club, coed running club, etc. Center yourself in places where the TYPES of guys you would like to meet would be at. Want to really increase those odds, start your own meet-up.

Mid West men are the best! Head out the to burbs too (Lake Forest, etc). Sure many will be married but plant yourself in coffee shops and say HELLO to everyone around you. Open yourself up to new connections and exude an air of confidence and one that is friendly and happy. People want to be around that type of person, thus you never know who you will flirt and rub elbows with.

Now that it is nice weather, get out to the lake every second you can. Run along the lake, read at the lake, go on Craiglist and see if they have activities for singles at the lake. Beach volleyball is a great activity as an example. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaches_in_Chicago

Linx Dating Confidential | Female, 28, in education

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The Dog Days Are Over | Guest blogger, 30 year old female, San Francisco

2012 was a turbulent year. It started with my college best friend getting engaged. Yes, I was insanely happy that my soul sister found what she was looking for in a spouse. But that and the collection of seven other weddings that I was attending over the next twelve months were starting to get to me. I was 29, hopelessly single with a string of dysfunctional casual relationships, and trapped in a job that was not challenging me. I felt like Bridget Jones – except I did not have a hunky version of Hugh Grant or Colin Firth in the picture.

I had never been one to judge myself against others – but I found myself questioning who I was and what I wanted. I didn’t need marriage – but I was starting to believe that happiness and real companionship were unattainable. I wanted more.

For a few months, I cried daily. I tried retail therapy, nights on the town with my girlfriends, marathon dating on eharmony and OKCupid and midnight food fests to distract myself. When I confided in my (married) older sisters – they gave me seemingly canned advice, “be open”. I laughed at them and pushed their words away.

Then I found out that a man that I once dated and still harbored some strong feelings was marrying someone else. I did not cry because of or over him – I cried because the fantasy that I constructed in my head of some planned future was shattered. And that’s when I really hit rock bottom.

But hitting rock bottom also made me find my truest self. My mother once told me that the only person you have to answer to is yourself. I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw.

So the next month, I quit my job, started working out regularly (I wanted to train for half marathons, but kept postponing because of excuses) and spent two months in Europe. I literally took off. I needed to reset.

It worked. I turned 30 with a renewed sense of purpose and happiness. I did not love myself fully before. Like many women, I put up with female friendships and male relationships that were not good for me. It took time for me to recognize and change the negative patterns in my life.

Life is not always fair. The plans we construct in our youth or even in our twenties do not pan out. I’ve learned – through both my chaotic professional life at start-ups and in love – that you have to be open (yes, I hate that phrase but I am using it) to what comes your way.

And enter Amy Andersen….I met Amy during one of her VIP searches in 2011 and she has set me up over the past two years with various clients. Several of the connections were very good – some were lacking chemistry – but I gave all of them a shot.

In late 2012, I met my current boyfriend at one of her Linx events and he has changed my life. I had been toying with a business opportunity for some time – he was a major force behind me pursuing it with full force. My boyfriend has taught me so much about friendship, healthy relationships and what I am capable of. (He is also a year and a half younger than I am – so do not discount the younger man!) We are intellectual peers. Though we are enjoying the connection, we have our share of dating pains and candidly I do not know what the future holds for us. But I am sure that this relationship serves a purpose for me – to teach me respect, self-worth and that I can achieve anything I put my mind to.

This has been the most challenging and rewarding year of my life. I took a risk, changed the direction of my life and started to love myself.

So have faith and good luck on your journey! (And thank you Amy, for being a part of mine:-)

Last Week in Perspective

This past week, we completed two intense and inspiring days of individual interviews at our Spring casting in Palo Alto. Meeting after meeting, we met exceptional women and men of all ages coming out to see if they have what it takes to meet some of our current VIP clients. 49_191_popup-1I always learn so much from these candidates. One funny woman shared enthusiastically the Shanghainese tradition of gifting 18 hams to the matchmaker who has successfully matched you. Being Shanghainese, she said “Marry me off and you’ll have 18 hams coming your way! I hope you like ham.”

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So, what are these high caliber, successful single professionals saying? A lot! Here are a few nuggets of wisdom from our meetings we’d like to share with you:

I’ve been on a ton of dates, the men only seem to be interested in their own time table and agenda.

The well for getting set up from friends is shrinking by the minute!

I feel like I need to stop doing online dating. I don’t want to become jaded. I need to take a break, breathe, and get a fresh perspective.

I love flirting! I try to make eye contact in my everyday life and never look at my cell phone as a crutch when walking down the street.  Make eye contact, you just never know.

I am a modern woman who appreciates traditional values. But that means monogamy and a partnership. A relationship where it is one man and one woman. Not multiple partners.

The girl I was really into just did nothing all day and her life revolved around mine. It is so important to have a match who has her own thing going on. She would wait for me to come home, like a puppy dog, and just glum on. It was stifling. She had no life outside of mine.

People need to stop being hot and cold in relationships. Finding someone who is emotionally predictable is important. I hate always feeling like I am walking on eggshells.

It is a gift to put a woman at ease when dating. I love a man who is a gentleman and kindhearted.

My mother recently said just find any husband. As long as he has a pulse, the whole family will be delighted!  😉

October 5 2012 Ask Amy

QAmy, I am in a relationship right now where I love going out all the time to various galas, dinners, and events in San Francisco yet my boyfriend seems to get more and more introverted by the day and it’s like pulling teeth out to get him to attend these fabulous parties with me. I am so frustrated. All he wants to do is the occasional dinner with one another out and stay home the rest as he is so exhausted all the time for working banking hours. I really like him though.  

A: When boyfriends or husbands flair up, this is why you should have girlfriends. Any woman needs her pack of female friends to call upon to go to these functions with her. It sounds like you are very social and love being out and about. That is not for everyone so I do understand your boyfriends hesitation.

What I suggest is to do a shared social calendar with your beau- Google has an easy one you both could access easily. On the calendar put all your events and indicate if you are attending the movie opening with friend Sara, the restaurant year anniversary with Chloe, and so forth. Then block out five nights a month for just the two of you. Four are going to be dinners just with you two either in-home or out- aka date night and only ONCE a month will be an event with your beau.

Once you get these on the calendar, tell him about it and explain that you love your time with him very much and understand he might not be up for your parties and that is fine. Would he be ok with doing date night once a week with you and simply going to a party once a month, the rest you will do with your girlfriends?! I think you will have a happy boyfriend and have just figured out the perfect solution to your differences. Good luck!