Day: June 21, 2017

Searching for men ages 28-44 for our 33-year old Dr. bachelorette

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Announcing a new search for a young client. Our client is a half Swedish, half American woman who is intellectual and attractive. At 33-years old, she has a willowy 5’9” frame and long golden red hair that has never been touched by artificial dyes. She is beautiful, bright, friendly and very athletic.

She grew up in Woodside back in the day when it was just a redwood forest, pre-Silicon Valley boom. Athleticism has always been a huge part of her life and in high school and college she was an Academic All-American volleyball player. She headed East for undergrad, studying molecular biology and French literature at Harvard University.

Our bachelorette then moved to NYC at age 21 where she worked as a model and personal trainer before deciding to go to medical school at Columbia University. In medical school she became fascinated by neuroscience and decided to become a psychiatrist. She also found meaning and inspiration in working with people who struggle with mental health.

After graduating, she moved back to the Bay Area to complete her residency training at UCSF where she could be near her family. She is delighted to finally be done with all her training and beginning her dream job as a psychiatrist in a group private practice. In her free time, she likes outdoor yoga classes, hiking the hills of the Bay Area, running marathons and traveling to visit her family in Sweden and France. Most importantly, she loves spending as much time as possible with her family and friends.

Our bachelorette is best suited for men between the ages of 28 and 44, Caucasian or mixed race, and she is most attracted to men who are tall. She would like to find someone who lives primarily in San Francisco or the Bay Area. Her ideal partner is bright, authentic, and full of curiosity. He has high aspirations in his career as well as hopes of having a family.

If you or anyone you know might make a great match for our client, please email our founder Amy at: amy@linxdating.com

Harsh Truths: 6 Reasons Why Your Relationship Fell Apart

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Relationships end for a variety of reasons—some we can control, others we cannot. Before your next relationship, consider asking yourself if any of these issues are sabotaging your efforts at finding a deep, committed relationship.

 

  1. Your ex is STILL coming up

We all have a past, but when the past becomes the fodder of our present, you are creating a rift between you and your partner’s ability to connect. Talk of past relationships not only reveals that you’re not moving forward, it also jeopardizes your chances of a future. If you find yourself beginning sentences with “My ex and I…” or “When I dated X…” consider taking some time away from dating to understand why you’re still telling these stories.

 

  1. You couldn’t trust

It’s no surprise that trust is the crux of all healthy relationships; without the bond of trust, a couple will miss an opportunity to experience true intimacy. Aside from cheating, trust issues can also indicate jealousy, game playing, and possessiveness.

 

If relationships have ended because you couldn’t trust, ask yourself if it was because of actual events (i.e. your partner lied to you, broke promises, hacked into your phone) or if you are feeling unable to trust without cause (i.e. you feel jealous even though your partner has never strayed). Being able to differentiate feelings that stem from actual events versus unsubstantiated paranoia will help you uncover barriers to intimacy.

 

  1. You were Mr./Mrs. Right Now, not Mr./Mrs. Right

The relationship is guaranteed to fail if you find yourself on either side of this equation. Not all relationships are built to last—and that doesn’t make them any less important to our growth—but if you are looking for a life partner, meeting someone who is open to the same is crucial for long-term success.

 

If you are with someone until you land your dream job, move, lose weight, or meet someone better, you are wasting your time and your partner’s time. If your partner is not your priority, you aren’t ready for an enduring long-term relationship. If you’re wondering if you’re the top priority—you’re not.

 

  1. You harbor contempt

Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert on couples’ studies, concluded that the single, best predictor of divorce is contempt. Contempt, a toxic combo of anger, disgust and frustration, stems from a superiority complex. When we are unable to see our partner’s point of view because we believe they are less intelligent, sensitive, or competent than we are, we are making it impossible to communicate about the things that bother us.

 

In addition to contempt, there were three other closely related patterns of toxic communication: criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (shutting down, no eye contact, etc.)

  1. You were emotionally dependent

If you are unable to make yourself happy, you will always seek someone who can distract you from the uncomfortable feelings you have towards yourself. Not only is it unfair to expect your partner to keep you afloat, it’s dangerous to allow someone else to hold the keys to your happiness. Codependent people usually don’t keep high standards when it comes to how others treat them, so it’s more likely that they end up with a partner who doesn’t treat them well. There are many ways to heal from codependency, but they all start with a belief that you—and you alone—can make yourself happy.

 

  1. You stopped appreciating your partner

A lack of appreciation comes in many forms. Perhaps you’ve stopped making an effort—to make fun plans, to keep up your appearance, to remind your partner how special they are. Taking someone for granted is a quick way to kill the romance and up the apathy.

 

When someone is asking what is best for “us”, compromise ensues. If you stop appreciating your partner’s efforts, it’s easy to stop asking “What is best for us?” and replacing it with “What is best for me?”

 

Of course not all reasons our relationships end are because we are at fault. Without the right timing, otherwise compatible people won’t be able to connect for reasons outside of their control. Age, seemingly just a number, will start to matter if he’s 28 finishing grad school and she’s 34 looking forward to starting a family. Life situations can also affect our chances of connection. If he’s ready to move things forward while she’s healing post divorce, the couple will not be able to connect on the same level. Situations can change, broken hearts can heal, and different phases can pass, but if the timing is going to be ‘off’ for more than a few months, it is better to make a clean break and revisit at another time.