A Note to The Guys (from the new guy at the office)

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

For those of you who don’t know, there has actually been a guy hanging out at the Linx offices for the past few months (and that guy happens to be me). For most of the members I’ve met, I seem to be a very welcome addition; as a gay man, I know how men think, and I know what women find attractive. And as a Stanford graduate(twice over, with engineering degrees, no less) who has heteronormative values, I know how difficult it is to be a single person with high standards who is hoping to find someone passionate, compassionate, and compatible who is willing to put in the work required to nurture the kind of relationship that leads to lasting love.

Unlike a lot of gay men I know, I also grew up with (and still have) very close straight male friends, so I really do understand what straight guys find sexy. And that’s why I have to tell you that Amy and I spent last Wednesday interviewing six incredibly different women (ages 24-50), who all really had their act together, and were all – consistently but uniquely – very hot.

In no particular order, we had:

-A petite 50-year-old brunette with a voice for radio but a face for film. A Bay area native, she now spends her time helping people focus their energies on positive outcomes, improved health, and personal growth, and she’s looking to focus her own energy on building a future with one great guy. If you like beautiful women with tight bodies, sultry voices, very little baggage, and a great sense of style, you might want to ask Amy for an introduction.

-A tall 24-year-old blonde with great legs and a surprising maturity. Some people really do have old souls, but hers was certainly still young at heart. She’s not looking to settle, but she would like to settle down, and if you think sweet, 5’9”, fit and easy-going is out of your league, then you should have seen the way that her face lit up when we asked how she’d feel about dating a thirty-something geek.

-An extremely polished 39-year-old mother of three with a gorgeous foreign accent and dangerous curves. Professionally, she is at the top of her game, but she still needs someone to help her celebrate life’s victories. For her, being sexy is about being emotionally aware and present; she doesn’t need your money, but she might like a piece of your heart. In case you’re wondering, this standout blonde has no height requirement, and thinks true love is colorblind.

-A smart and sensual 35-year-old chef and author with an Ivy League education who is deeply curious about the motivations of people, the roots of cultures, and the ties that bind us all together. She had long brown hair, a natural femininity that was complemented by a love of the outdoors, and some considerable… assets. She needs a smart and sensual man with a playful sense of humor who will happily eat her food; granola has never looked so delicious.

-A 27-year-old blonde with Colorado roots but a touch of Southern charm who is as mature as she is feminine. California seems to suit her well, and the ideal suitor for this avid tennis player and occasional marathoner with the face of a one-time supermodel is tall, dark, and handsome, with a good heart, great character, and conservative values that mirror her own. If you don’t already go to church, she’ll gladly take you; she’d be a very good reason to give thanks.

-A stunning 31-year-old scientist with green eyes, a smattering of freckles, and light brown hair whose recent move to the Bay area must have left a void of hotness in at least one part of LA. Tall, shapely, smart, and grounded, this woman was genuinely down to earth, and she’s an exceptional catch for any masculine but emotionally open guy who can appreciate the texture of her blue collar roots and ivory tower education. Secure and confident, she doesn’t need a man to be happy, but we suspect that the one with whom she falls in love will be one very happy (and lucky) guy.

Don’t forget that there are truly thousands of women in the Linx database, so don’t fret if you didn’t find yourself drooling over one of these. In fact, these were just the women that we met in ONE DAY and the office. In just ONE day.

Amy and I conduct interviews all the time, and we are flattered, amazed, and excited by the quality of the people we regularly see at Linx. As the days get longer and the weather continues to heat up, we expect to see more and more exceptional men and women come through the door. For those of you who read the blog but have never actually walked through the door, I have one simple question for you: If we know hundreds of women like these at Linx, what, exactly, have you been waiting for?

We encourage you to reach out to Amy today to learn more about how Linx can match you to the girl of your dreams. These women want to meet you! Most all of these women we interviewed (per the description above) are NOT ONLINE as they are private and place their trust in Linx Dating to match them to good, genuine guys. We are your conduit to a new pool of carefully vetted single women in the Bay Area and beyond. Why wait? Email amy@linxdating.com

Three’s Company

A topic that seems to creep into the happy relationships of many couples is the threesome or ménage à trois . Many guys like to flirt with the idea of engaging their girlfriend in a threesome with another hot chick for a steamy night of wild fun to indulge his longest-standing fantasy.

Mainstream cinema (“Threesome” with Stephen Baldwin, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Josh Charles, “Wild Things” with Neve Campbell, Matt Dillon, and Denise Richards to name two films), the porn industry, and literature fetishize the idea of threesomes from girl girl guy, to girl girl girl action, guy guy girl, and guy guy guy.

Some men even go so far to share with their girlfriend that in order to get really serious about the prospect of marriage, he needs to romp around in the bed as three in order to check that fantasy off his pre-marital bucket list. Sometimes he feels he has leverage because his girlfriend shared she once kissed a girl in college. Seems nearly half of college campuses experiment sexually at some point but that doesn’t mean someone is necessarily “into” other women because of that.

These “bad boy” boyfriends will often slowly work their charm over on their girlfriend. It could be as long as a year in the making of slowly chipping away at this male fantasy of his and how it would be REEEELY fun…just once he promises! I’ll love you SO much more- he might say!

No matter how much this sexual encounter is carefully planned (picking out a friend who consents to this) or spontaneously both picking up a cutie in a bar (after a few too many cocktails on the town), the inevitable is that a threesome brings someone else into the relationship. Three. Not two. Three.

A third person into your relationship that you’ve worked hard to make solid complicates things no matter how you look at it. Jealousy, regret, shame, anger, and sadness can all spin out of a night of consensual fun. There’s no predicting the emotions and feelings that could happen during or afterwards.

Men telling their girlfriend that a threesome will help the relationship, or get them down the aisle, or that they’ll be better for it, are all lines of bullshit. That’s correct- complete crap, ladies. Threesomes can wreck your relationship and take it on a wrong turn down an unknown path laden with downside risks.

A female has less power and mastery of her relationship when she gives into this bucket list item of her boyfriend. She indulges his wishes yet automatically rewinds the clock on their relationship. He might make her think, through his clever manipulation, that there is “progress” now that he got to sleep with someone else right in front of her. Yet, chances are that the mere act of his having sex with another partner is a reason to make her feel emotionally and physically unsafe with what was once sacred between the two. That is a major reason why if you are considering engaging in a threesome with your partner, you need to have ground rules and an open dialogue before you start. Really ask yourself if your relationship can survive a threesome. Beyond that, ask yourself why you’re even considering engaging in this kind of thing.

Not surprisingly, there’s even an app out there called 3nder to help coordinate threesomes between consenting adults. It might be ‘safe, simple, and awesome’ as 3nder’s motto states but surely complicated if you’re in an existing monogamous and loving relationship.

Some people do say a threesome can help strengthen a relationship and the couple actually becomes closer as a result if the encounter is one where the ground rules are set up front and details carefully planned out with the third participant.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer about this other than my stance that if you are in a monogamous relationship with the hopes to get engaged and married in the future, don’t fall for something that is not right for your value system.

There are plenty of good men out there who wouldn’t think of jeopardizing all the good that you have going on just between the two of you! I’m a believer that he’ll put you in his “play” bucket if you go there with him, instead of being only in the more rigid “future Mrs.” bucket. A good man who is marriage-minded certainly has sexual fantasies, and hopefully will include you in some of these sexy dreams of his, but doesn’t necessarily need to act on them.

Date Coaching | The Linx Method to Personal Success

We get inquiries all the time about date coaching from men and women of all ages. This week I coached a early 20-something female who needed a confidence boost around early stage dating. I talked to her about her concerns, gave her insights into the minds of men, and helped shift her perspective from leading with fear (and assuming the worst outcome will happen on her dates!) to feeling much more positive and remembering that dating should be fun! One major point I reinforced with her was to “get out” of her head. Don’t over think things and worry what he is thinking. Also, since she is more introverted I explained that the first date will be inevitably exhausting as she is going to have to give it an extra push to express herself on the date and be perceived by him as someone who is interesting and passionate. Chances are she will get home and feel tired- having given a 150% effort energy wise.

Many older men and women write to Linx asking about help with their online profiles and general assistance with conversation starters and keeping the connection going. We’ve helped countless individuals this way and in fact, are gearing up for a busy next week date coaching a 70-something female and a 30-something guy. She’s a widow who was married for nearly 5 decades and he’s a divorcee who lacks confidence around women. It’s so easy to “assume doom and gloom” when you’ve experienced major loss and heartache in the past. It is especially a different ballgame for the baby boomer generation who dated at 19 and 20 years old, got married, and then are single again 40-plus years later. Modern dating couldn’t be more different for these folks and often, it is described as not for the faint of heart.

Dating is a very mental game and preparation is key. Like you’d outsource a fitness trainer to stay in shape, or an accountant to get your ready for tax season, date coaching can be extremely useful for your personal life. We offer our coaching in the privacy of our offices and welcome friends of Linx and clients with open arms. Our approach is warm, inviting, comfortable, non-judgmental, and often very invigorating. All coaching is customized to exactly the needs of you. Sessions are typically two hours and trust us- the time flies. It is not uncommon for clients to hire us again down the road for a reboot and refresh.

To Love or Not?

Some people have never fallen in love and don’t know what it means to be in love. They ask questions about what it “feels like.” Unlike many people out there who have their first high school love, their serious college love, and maybe one or two real loves post-college, these ‘outliers’ haven’t experienced that yet.

Others fall in love easily. They love a lot. They fall fast and hard. Sometimes their definition of love crosses over from their current boyfriend, to loving their new Kate Spade tote, and loving their Peet’s latte. So, in other words, they love many things from humans to intangible objects. This sort of person can be very emotional as well and constantly express themselves through their outpouring of happiness and love for all things and people in their inner circle.

But what about those who haven’t felt love before? Is it fair to say that someone who has loved many times and experienced the sensation of being in love is a higher evolved human than someone who has yet to experience love?

Have you met someone who was in his/her early 30’s and admitted in a moment of vulnerability that he/she has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend? This happens. I see this in my line of work. When he/she shares that, what do you think? Do you feel sorry? Do you draw the conclusion that something is wrong? Or if you’re both living in the Bay Area, maybe you assume he/she has been 150% on work and hasn’t even come up for air to contemplate dating. Or maybe these folks have just never had their luck in love and the timing hasn’t been right.

There are no right answers for the case of the individual who has loved a lot or never loved at all. To love a lot can raise the question of someone having a less filtered selection process in mate choices and, in some cases, perhaps settling. Some people hate the thought of being alone and would much rather be in a relationship than be by themselves. The thought of being solo for friends’ dinner parties, work functions, or the holidays can make that person spiral into a crazy head space. In this mindset, to be alone and single can feel like being a societal misfit.

Others are inherently private and take cautionary steps towards letting someone into their lives. In a similar vein is the type of individual who has loved hard once and got really burned from a terrible break-up. He/she builds a very strong defense mechanism to self-protect from hurt again and, in the interim, starts to build a very long list of mate requirements. The ideal match list is so long that it hinders he/she from actually finding someone. The list, as a direct result, is a protection from finding love. This person can live their life in a state of fear and would almost rather be single than fall for someone with the risk of getting hurt again.

Where do you fall? Have you loved hard before or are still searching for that special person to feel love and be loved by someone else in a romantic relationship for the first time?

Choices …. To Prenup or Not?

The city is fogged in, Blue Bottle coffee’s brewing, toast browned just how you like it (he even cut the edges off for you just like from the time you were a little girl asking your mom to do that for you), NYT crisp and about to be devoured….it’s a typical Sunday morning. You’re cozy in your sweats and beaus college sweatshirt and life is just plain good until…..he asks you to sit down. The dreaded honey we need to have a talk.

Your heart starts racing. You’ve been exclusive for 6 months now and are basically living out of bags and staying at his pad every night. So far it’s been easy, fun, and the chemistry is ridiculously off-the-charts. You’ve told all your best girlfriends, mom, and sisters that you think he really is “the one.” You’ve had a few squabbles but nothing serious and he seems really happy too.

This Sunday morning, though, he’s particularly serious. What could it be, you’re thinking? You both agreed to get tested together and luckily free and clear, ok….you know he is friends with his ex as they both “share a dog” together and tolerate that as best as you can…he’s not creepin’ around being private w texting or phone calls in the other room…so seriously what could this talk be?

He tells you point blank he’s been thinking a lot about your relationship and whomever he marries will have to sign a prenup. All of a sudden, the coffee tastes repulsive and your stomach turns in wild twists and turns. Your life just went in freeze frame. A prenup, you think in your mind…..really? a prenup? Silence falls heavy in the room. The dog bounces on the bed, bone in mouth – did your beau make the dog sign some sort of agreement when he was rescued?

Sure, your beau been unusually successful with his early investments in some angel deals he finagled his way into. He seems to have that Midas touch in his career. Lucked out on getting into a great hedge fund years ago right out of college and has managed to climb into a cushy role. He does have an ultra modern loft in SOMA (and you checked Trulia – current valuation 2.5MM), he has the mountain cabin in the Sierras and, although he’s never discussed net worth, you calculate including real estate 5MM.

Your situation is really different. You rent your studio in Cow Hollow, lease your BMW, and can barely save enough to contribute to your damn Roth IRA come April 15th each year. But you’re really good to him and you’re certainly not with him because he is wealthy (is that a perk, yes, is that a reason to be in a relationship with him, no.) You’re a traditional girl, a romantic at heart, your favorite author is Jane Austin, you’re optimistic, your parents are still together happily married at 35 years, divorce is not in your vocabulary.

You got so mad when Trey MacDougal in Sex and the City (Season 3, Episode 10) said to Charlotte, “I almost forgot…. Prenuptial agreements. Standard. Everyone in the family has one. You sign on page four. Feel free to have your lawyer look it over. I’ll call you later…” That felt so cold, business-like, and unromantic.

On the plus side you are thrilled he’s visualizing marrying you and getting serious. In fact, it’s only been 6 months of unofficially living together and he’s bringing up sharing a future with you. You stay calm, explain you have a lot more reading to do about it and are supportive of listening to why that is important to him.

Everyone comes with different backgrounds, stories, concerns, professional goals, personal goals in life. You and your partner are two completely different people attempting to merge your lives together. You’ve taken big strides in already learning to compromise and stay at his place more, he’s compromised on any number of things with you. A relationship is really 1 + 1 = 3

My professional advice to this couple is to take things slow and try to understand your partner and what motivates him. The prenup doesn’t have to mean that you are doomed from the outset of planning a future. It can mean smart and intelligent planning. It doesn’t mean he’s vindictive or assuming failure with you. Prenups assume future earnings, not the past, and you both can draft an agreement together that feels right to you. Now keep in mind that little start-up you got into a year ago isn’t such a little start-up anymore. Chances are you could be earning as much, if not more than your partner…so before you go home calling to momma for help, do your research and homework on these. Maybe he should sign your prenup assuming company X goes IPO? This is the Bay Area 2014 after all. We are in a frothy market and relationships are directly affected as a result.

Are You Open to the Possibility of Real Love?

Blog written by: Linx staff member, Michael Norman

If you’re a Linx member, you know that finding true love can be difficult under any circumstance, and especially challenging when trying to navigate work schedules, family obligations, travel commitments, and, of course, personal preferences. At Linx, we always encourage seeing someone at least two times if you feel even a hint of a spark, and to be as open as possible when thinking about the details of what you expect your match to be/do/look like.

While it’s true that our physical type is often something we cannot control (or even influence) it’s also equally true that you can be surprised — and extremely satisfied — by a relationship with someone who doesn’t look like every one of your exes. (Those relationships didn’t work out for a reason, you know.)

Make sure you know the difference between what you need and what you want; you may want tall, dark, and handsome, but do you need all three? You may like natural blondes with small waists and high arches, but is the character of a woman ever really linked to the size of her waist or the shape of her feet?

In my circle of friends, many of the deepest and most fulfilling relationships actually started with a connection that was barely on the warm side of ambivalence. And believe it or not, that can be a good thing. When someone doesn’t fit your preconceived notion of what makes an ideal mate, it’s easier to relax, throw out your expectations and projections, and get to know them. You can find yourself drawn to their inner qualities instead of being mesmerized by their outer attributes. You give them a chance without realizing it, and you can find yourself comfortable and and connected in a way you couldn’t anticipate.

At Linx, we do out best to bring you a match who is ideal on all fronts. But occasionally, we ask that members stretch themselves, and be open to someone younger or older, darker or lighter, shorter or taller than they requested. We do that because we know our members very well, and we often see opportunities where two people make sense together, even if it’s unlikely to be a case of love at first sight.

We also ask people to be open because it’s practical. We have thousands of people in our database of all shapes and colors and sizes, but we don’t always have the match you want in the package you expect. The more narrow you are about your physical type and restrictions, the harder it is to meet someone — and that’s true whether you’re a client of Linx, or not.

Here is a video that breaks down the odds of love for one single 25-year-old woman in New York City. The numbers might surprise you, and when you watch, keep in mind that hair color, eye color, height, body type, shoe size, graduate degrees, minimum salaries, past relationships, and favorite sports team are NOT part of this equation. 😉 We don’t know the odds for the Bay Area, but maybe a quant-minded Linx member would like to provide the answer for us?

Are you really open to the possibility of true love? Or are focusing on a lot of tiny details that stand in the way of having your emotional needs met?

What’s Happening in Silicon Valley?

Are you watching HBO’s “Silicon Valley”- last night was the second episode. It’s comical and entertaining into the lives of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs trying to build the next big thing! According to journalist Evelyn M. Rusli with the Wall Street Journal, it is not exactly accurate in terms of how fundraising in Silicon Valley really works though.

We’ve been so inundated here at Linx lately and there is SO much excitement. I JUST got news of another Linx engagement today…..I am seriously on cloud 9 for them. He proposed 9 months after their very first Linx date! Yeay! Yeay!

I also got word of another couple having a baby together….from a match that was made years ago. There were break-ups involved and now they are seriously back together, happy as clams, and with a baby on the way soon! That’s life for you. It’s uncertain, crazy at times, completely exciting, and fun.

We have a lot of great new clients in the network and it keeps growing by the day. We are in the midst of planning a summer Link & Drink….I know….can you believe it? The demand is huge for the next event. It has been 2.5 years since an actual Linx soiree and this one is going to be huge, fabulous, and THE summer event of the season. Stay tuned.

We are also gearing up for a massive VIP search for one phenomenal Silicon Valley bachelor client of ours. He’s young, he’s a CEO, good looking, and ready for marriage and babies. Bay Area ladies, stay tuned for major updates about this exciting opportunity we will be announcing soon.

On a different note, a lot of people ask me for “the” places to check out in the Valley.

I am contacted by media pretty much weekly to ask me about the Rosewood Sand Hill hotel. My honest opinion is that it still has cache and its best asset is the real estate. On a warm summer night, I will say it is a ton of fun to go there with a carefree attitude and mingle on the deck with a diverse group of men and women of all ages, backgrounds and, of course, agendas! 😉 Thursday nights have shifted a bit. I have gone there and the older female crowd is definitely on the prowl, yet other Thursdays are younger women and older men. Certainly some young techies do go there to see “who” is there and sometimes they rub elbows with an older mature woman. Many younger women go there on the hunt for their future husbands as well.

Why go there? Well, I think the actual restaurant is excellent for “power breakfasts”- VCs, entrepreneurs unite to talk deals and enjoy a beautiful setting for a 60 min breakfast at the hotel. Has a sort of New York feel to it in the sense of being time efficient and a place to bang out ideas/deals over eggs and French pressed coffee. It is very popular for this. Dinners- my personal opinion is the food is lacking for a Michelin star, the prices are way too high, appetizers better than the entrees. Wine list $$$ and worth it? Mixed feelings. So go their for summer cocktails al fresco, power breakfasts to ink a business deal…..

And what about other trendy spots to check out in Silicon Valley? Lure + Till is brand new. I think it is a hot spot for cocktails, fun appetizers, and a trendy afterwork scene that draws a younger crowd. The dinner menu is pretty limited, the service needs some work. A lot of techies go there, so be prepared for a more casual crowd, hoodies and all!

Reposado is definitely a happening spot- packed every night for dinner and the bar scene is hopping. We are very excited for Delfina opening soon…

Let’s not forget about The Four Seasons Palo Alto. It certainly is considered on the “wrong” side of Palo Alto but eclipses the Rosewood in terms of service and I think quality and sophistication of food. The bar scene is great and I’d really like to see a sort of renaissance happen by getting more people there, who remember what a quality experience the Four Seasons is, and how they really bend over backwards to make your experience 5 star (plus)- whether you are enjoying a wonderful glass of wine on a date and their fabulous pizzas or higher-end inside Quattro with an exceptional menu and service.

Find Love There Are No Excuses

In my journey to find my husband, I often wondered if I would ever find true love and sometimes reached a deep level of concern within my conscious soul that I indeed might not. Back then, I did not like that feeling and found it empty, sad, and disconcerting. I needed an exit, an outlet, a way to see the positive from what was a void in my life… I seemed to be caught up in what society was telling me to do. I never really listened to my heart until I had a revelation one day – in wine country, at a pet parade, of all places!

In a moment of clarity, everything hit me. It was as if time and reality were suspended right in front of me – so I listened…

As I listened to my heart, I knew I had to make some changes in my life. Part of those changes for me, personally, meant moving and taking some time off from dating. Certainly I am not saying that everyone should move and take time off from dating. Yet what I am preaching to you today is to listen to your heart and to do what YOU need to do. As Hemingway once wrote, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Take 15 minutes this week to have a moment within yourself. Get away from all of the noise surrounding you and create a sacred quiet place for just you. I know so many people who never spend alone time. Try it. During this time, close your eyes and block out all distractions. You cannot reach the state I am asking you to get to without removing all chaos from around you (roommates stomping around the apartment, dogs barking, cell phone buzzing, music playing…you get it). Get to a place of calm by closing your eyes and breathing deeply into your diaphragm and belly.

Try to reach a state of peace and quiet and once there you might achieve a clear state of heart and mind about what direction you should be heading in your personal life.

If you want to find love, then go find it, there are no really excuses. Finding your soul mate is one of the greatest experiences you will ever have. Do not wallow in your miseries or feel sorry for yourself. Only you can be an agent of change in your life. Why not pave the way for a bright and successful future? Too many people dwell on all of the negative garbage of the past and worry that they will never find anyone. Too many people also create so many lists of “must haves” in their mate that these lists actually become obstacles and block and progress in finding a partner.

This is the present, relish in today. Listen to what your heart tells you.

P.S. If this all sounds a bit contrived and like a meditative yoga class, here might be another way to get to the same place. My husband read this blog entry and really loved the message, but asked if he could add the following for another perspective 😉 :

I certainly agree with Hemingway that most people never listen (rather, they hear but often don’t listen.) But in my experience, at least, you can’t just decide to listen. You need to be ready and in the right place to listen and you can’t control that – you just need to be aware enough to let it happen naturally. I don’t recommend you force it – just be open to it.

Be open to finding big insights about yourself in what might seem like the small routines in life. Maybe rather than creating artificial silence and peace in a chaotic environment and consciously trying to reflect, you should just take time (whenever it just seems to hit you) to think about what really makes you happy. What do you look forward to? What do you not? How can you make it a point to do more things that make you happy? If tradeoffs are involved, how might you reconcile the different competing forces? Grappling with these important questions will likely give you many insights into what could be really important qualities to look for in a soulmate and also ways that you might better put yourself in position to meet that person. Remember, if you are in a good place yourself, you have a much better shot at attracting your perfect match.

Dating Advice for Men and Women

We get many questions surrounding early stage dating and how to successfully get from date one, to date two, and beyond.

Simple advice for men: Keep it simple guys. Remember that chivalry is not dead. Women love when men are confident and have manners. I always tell guys who suffer some pre-date nerves to head to the restaurant ahead of time- this could mean even the day prior to your date to familiarize yourself with the setting, the menu, wine list, and start visualizing success. Here we see a Linx client confidently walking into the restaurant ahead of time to scope it out.

For a lady, chivalry means walking on the outside of the sidewalk, opening doors, paying for her dinner date (especially if the man is the one who asked her out), giving a genuine compliment, and actively listening. This is a perfect example of what a guy should do on a date. Our client is walking on the outside of the sidewalk- he is protecting his date from traffic and making her feel safe. The Linx team also loves how both our client and his date have dressed for the occasion. He looks dapper and well put-together and she is wearing a sexy maxi dress, paired with leather jacket, hair down….effortless and revealing *just* the right amount of skin.

When you sit down for your date, start with a little liquid courage. It’s fun to shake things up and order a cool cocktail instead of a standard glass of wine. If you both are feeling some sparks already, why not suggest your date has a sip of yours and vice versa? Now what to do if your date is a teetotaler? That is unfortunate for you. Kidding! Our advice if you or your date abstains from booze is to not make a big deal about it because that is a personal choice. If you want a glass of wine, order a drink but limit it to 2- especially if your date doesn’t drink. If you don’t drink as a result of sobriety, we have helped a handful of individuals develop techniques to combat anxiety and prepare themselves.

On your date, engage in the senses on your date- specifically touch. Body language is everything- from leaning in towards your date while you are deep in conversation, to even being in the moment and scooting chairs closer together. Our client felt that sitting across from one another would feel too formal and stuffy for this date. He responded quickly to being seated at a table for 4 and instead knew it could increase affinity if seated next to his date (while respecting personal boundaries). Definitely a smart move! Note this is a staged date and she is not a client of Linx. .

This couple also understands good body language and maintaining eye contact.

On the date, focus on your date! Don’t be Mr. “ADD” looking around the room or having shifty “crazy eyes.” Slow down, be in the moment, and block out all distractions around you (including distractions in your head about ‘what to do now’, ‘what to say’, ‘does she think I’m funny’, ‘does she find me attractive’ …) Try to stop that tape running in your mind- at least for now!

This couple is great at using body language to not be stiff…more so an example of her in this particular photo.

Express yourself, use arm gestures, laugh, smile, and most important have fun on your dates. Remember that the goal of the first date is not to get into a relationship. Instead it is to get to date two. Date two is to get to date three. If you apply this way of thinking you will immediately remove pressure on yourself.

Remember that your next date will be unpredictable- as is life! As much as you want the perfect outcome (if perfect really exists) there are inevitably going to be variables out of your control. What do I mean by this? Examples include: the waiter takes forever to take your order, it is noisier than you prefer, your date is not laughing at your jokes, the water you just sipped went down the wrong pipe and now you’re coughing like a maniac, you tripped on the way up the stairs to the table, your credit card just got declined even though there is plenty of cash in the reserve, your date is all of a sudden not hungry, your dish came out cold, you ran into an ex, your boss is seated next to you, your date just insulted you with profanity,…the list is frankly endless of hiccups that can happen and WILL happen!

Gain mastery over dating by being prepared (dating is a skill, repeat that over and over), being natural, being in the moment, and trying not to stress yourself out by the random invariables out of your control. The more you analyze things on your date, the higher probability of short circuiting the entire date!

Don’t be too quick to judge your date (maybe he/she has a bad work day). If you are stressed, you will come across as a stress-case and ‘Serious Sam’ or total ‘Debbie Downer.’

You gotta riff, embrace spontaneity, let the proverbial hair down so to speak, and STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU. If you “let go” and “go with the flow”, chances are you have just increased your chances of a next date. Case in point, our couple snapped on camera locked arm-in-arm leaving Nola’s last night!