Meeting the Parents

We get a lot of dating advice questions here at Linx each week. This one sticks out as a real dilemma many of us can relate to on some level. The scenario is you’ve been with your partner in a committed relationship for some time now and he/she is shying away from you meeting his/her family. Maybe he/she is only peeling a few onion layers back with you and anything deemed too serious like meeting family and friends has been a topic he/she has walked away from. At this point, it is starting to make you uncomfortable. What is he/she hiding and why is he/she being so private and reluctant about opening up this important part of his/her past and future?

I’d say anytime from 6-9 months is a pretty natural time to bring up discussions about being introduced to one another’s families. You need to lead with an open and very honest heart. Go in gentle and explain how you feel about him/her and how you are “in like”, “in love”, “in awe” with him/her. He/she means the world to you and even though you have only been together for (insert # of months), you feel that it is serious. As such, it is important for you to meet his/her family. You can express this to your partner without using big commitment terms like “when we get engaged” or “this is important for me before I get married.” If your partner is already uneasy, chances are that will make him/her even more nervous about something so serious.

Be easy and light in your approach but with a firm intention expressing your value system. You want to meet them, understand where he/she came from, and continue getting to know him/her on a deeper level. Study your partners reaction. Is he/she able to react in a positive way at all or has he/she retreated and ‘caved?’ If the later, back off. Chances are your partner has listened and heard you loud and clear. My advice (as sensitive as it is to you and important..and how it has probably been brewing inside your heart for some time now) is to not lash out or criticize.

It is now even more important to truly become a “student” of your relationship. You are seeing first hand how your partner handles conflict. This is clearly something he/she is not liking. Every couple faces crap. It is just a matter of how you effectively communicate it, address it, and tackle it together…as a team! 🙂

In a few days, see if he/she comes back to you with his/her ideas. Maybe no ideas about meeting your wishes of a “meet the parents” but another onion layer pulled back on some level (we hope…yes…no?!) It could very well be it simply is not the right time for your boyfriend/girlfriend to “go there” with you. It will be up to you if you can accept that and you will need to start asking yourself how much longer you are willing to wait.

No one likes timelines but relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. It is about listening to one another’s needs and desires. As painful as these observations and data can be, sometimes that person you are desperately in “like” “awe” “lust” or “love” with is not the long-term for you. The timing could be completely off for him/her and unfortunately he/she needs another few years before going down that road. There are no easy answers to this question but only you know how your heart feels. If something is tugging deep inside you, listen carefully and follow your heart. If your honey meets your request, now you can start packing, planning your perfect look, and making travel reservations.

We welcome your dating and relationship questions anytime. Send me an email to: amy@linxdating.com and I can assure you your question will be kept anonymous.

Create your own Endless Love | Relationship Advice

If you are experiencing a new budding love with someone special, have established exclusivity with your partner, are planning your wedding, or already married, it is essential to place a premium on a regular date night and make a habit of it.

We all live very busy lives- some much more chaotic than others. With hectic commutes, juggling business travel, finding time to exercise, carving out time to see friends and family and keep things happy in your relationship..it can all seem very overwhelming at times. When you add everything up in our lives, it can lead to general “noise.” Putting date night off yet another week can stir up problems later on.

Really ask yourself if you putting the necessary time, devotion, open communication, and support into your relationship. If you haven’t been calendaring date night, ask yourself what brought you both together in the first place? Slow down a little and get to that special place. Sit down with your honey and be proactive to discuss literally calendaring “date night” each week. Take turns planning date night. Keep in mind that date night does not need to be complex or fancy. In fact, too complicated and high-end, might make you both give up on being routine about this.

When planning your weekly date night, simplicity is best but do make a point to look good for your honey. Try a casual new restaurant in town, see a film and go for an ice cream stroll afterwards, cook together and open a great bottle of wine, or drive out to the scenic coastline and breath in the fresh air. My advice would be to *really* look forward to the ritual in this personal couples time each week. It is your special quality time and that with your partner- no one else, no distractions, nada!

According to “The Date Night Opportunity” report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, “couples who manage to devote time specifically to one another at least once a week are markedly more likely to enjoy high-quality relationships and lower divorce rates, compared to couples who do not devote as much couple time to one another.”

The study also shares, “couples who spend more time together also report higher levels of communication, sexual satisfaction and commitment. Weekly couple time also offers both married and unmarried, cohabiting couples a chance to de-stress.”