Day: March 17, 2013

Last Week in Perspective

This past week, we completed two intense and inspiring days of individual interviews at our Spring casting in Palo Alto. Meeting after meeting, we met exceptional women and men of all ages coming out to see if they have what it takes to meet some of our current VIP clients. 49_191_popup-1I always learn so much from these candidates. One funny woman shared enthusiastically the Shanghainese tradition of gifting 18 hams to the matchmaker who has successfully matched you. Being Shanghainese, she said “Marry me off and you’ll have 18 hams coming your way! I hope you like ham.”

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So, what are these high caliber, successful single professionals saying? A lot! Here are a few nuggets of wisdom from our meetings we’d like to share with you:

I’ve been on a ton of dates, the men only seem to be interested in their own time table and agenda.

The well for getting set up from friends is shrinking by the minute!

I feel like I need to stop doing online dating. I don’t want to become jaded. I need to take a break, breathe, and get a fresh perspective.

I love flirting! I try to make eye contact in my everyday life and never look at my cell phone as a crutch when walking down the street.  Make eye contact, you just never know.

I am a modern woman who appreciates traditional values. But that means monogamy and a partnership. A relationship where it is one man and one woman. Not multiple partners.

The girl I was really into just did nothing all day and her life revolved around mine. It is so important to have a match who has her own thing going on. She would wait for me to come home, like a puppy dog, and just glum on. It was stifling. She had no life outside of mine.

People need to stop being hot and cold in relationships. Finding someone who is emotionally predictable is important. I hate always feeling like I am walking on eggshells.

It is a gift to put a woman at ease when dating. I love a man who is a gentleman and kindhearted.

My mother recently said just find any husband. As long as he has a pulse, the whole family will be delighted!  😉

The BBD

I was around 28 years old living in San Francisco at the time and was quite taken by this San Francisco bachelor who was pursuing me.  It was a setup from a friend.  On paper he was perfect. Mid 30’s, good looking, stable job in finance,
funny, and athletic. 600-01043220We had had many fun dates together and, up until this point, in my mind, I thought everything was going just fine. I was dating others, I’m pretty sure he was dating others, but it felt good, it felt right.

He invited me out one school night evening to Harry’s Bar on Fillmore Street in the heart of Pacific Heights. Heading into the date, I got my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, he would bring up the exclusivity conversation.  homelogoThe date was really casual. I don’t think we ordered food, just a glass of wine. He seemed pretty distracted that night and more serious than on other dates we had had. My hope of getting serious with Mr. Perfect-On-Paper boy seemed to be slipping away very quickly in watching his behavior that night – mannerisms, verbally, etc. Keep-A-Guy-Interested-Man-Looking-At-Woman-300x222Was my hair out of place, did I wear the wrong dress, did I have something in my teeth? He started looking around the room and looking “over” me, almost as if he were looking for a friend who was meeting him later.

“What are you doing?” I asked him….

“Ahh….(smiling), the BBD” he stated in confidence and almost rehearsed.

“The BB, what-uha?” I inquired, nervously……

“The Bigger Better Deal” he said.

As I started to sink into my chair, shoulders tensing up, heart fluttering, and all dating confidence down the drain, he then had the nerve to explain what it meant. It was the pervasive mentality amongst these perfect-on-paper San Francisco bachelors that they could be out with someone who was great, but in their mind, the grass is almost always greener. There just HAS to be someone skinner, funnier, smarter, happier, more interesting, and goodness knows what else. imagesThat night, it was literally like an episode of ABC’s “The Bachelor” – he said to me that “he has been dating many others” and the chemistry he felt towards me was SO POWERFUL and amazing yet he felt that his connection to one of these other women in his “harem” was more of an intellectual one. Thus, I was “eliminated” from his dating game. Sean-LoweI was no longer one of the girls in his bevy of ladies living up to eagerly go out with him. I had been rejected. Sadly, there was no rose at the end of this
night. I headed home, poured myself into my work further and knew there had to be some silver lining in all of this  dating in San Francisco.

That night was absolutely one of the nuggets of dating wisdom I needed to propel me to give notice for my little studio, get out of dodge, and head back to the Silicon Valley where maybe, just maybe, these “good guys” who had been too busy with work to date wouldn’t have a clue what the BBD was, nor never would.